How to plan spontaneous, memorable moments?

How to plan spontaneous, memorable moments?

You realize that this question is an oxymoron, right? You can't "plan" serendipity or spontaneity - that's the point. You can "balance" rigid planning with "letting things happen by chance" by letting go of trying to control each day of your schedule to leaving enough space in your schedule for anything to happen - good or bad, and being fine with that. So leave some days and times totally unplanned (it will probably be difficult to determine the share of planned vs. unplanned time) and stick to it. I think this will be a great experiment, and worth trying. I hope you report back after your trip is over.

I say honestly say that my favorite memories of countless trips happened to be the unplanned ones (there are too many to mention - and not all were wonderful either, but definitely memorable) - but one needs to make room for that to happen.

I'm also a tight planner when it comes to lodging and transportation. When it comes to each day's sightseeing though, I tend to plan one must-see (museum, event, sight) either in the morning or afternoon and let the rest of the day just happen. Even when I plan day trips from a central location to another town I will usually leave at least 2-3 or more hours unplanned. I rarely plan for dinners as I'm not a big foodie and don't need fancy places that require reservations, I like to just wander around and stop at places off the beaten tourist track that look interesting.

You can't plan spontaneous moments or they wouldn't be spontaneous; and memorable moments can happen during planned events as well as spur of the moment choices, you can't make them happen.

I am a rigorous planner but not rigid. That means I know what is in a place we might like to do and I always have in mind some optional ideas. Usually we only plan one major site or activity in a day. That leaves some time for spontaneous activities or to explore something that presents itself.

Years ago, on our very first trip to Rome, I had something planned for our last day, a Saturday, and I do not even recall now what that was. But I saw that an exhibit of Van Gogh’s work was at the Vittorio Emanuelle Monument and we decided to ditch our plan and got in line with the Italian crowd to see this wonderful exhibit. We were clearly the only Americans in line with Italian parents, grandparents, and children on a glorious fall day.

Another time in Rome we happened to decide to take a long walk from Villa Borghese to Via del Corso in the early afternoon. Turned out the Rome Marathon had happened that morning (unbeknownst to us) and the streets were blocked; no cars allowed! We walked a considerable distance down the middle of what is normally a crazy-busy street. If we had been tightly scheduled we would have hopped on a bus or in a taxi.

My lesson is to remain flexible and open to meeting people or attending events you might miss if you are too rigidly scheduled.

I used to spend mega hours planning and "traveling in my mind". Then I'd never do what I planned.
First I read about a city on Wikipedia to figure out the city's attractions and "must sees."
Then I get a map online and see where everything is located and how to use mass transit to get from place to place. I then decide where to stay (for a decent price.).
When I hit the ground, I know the lay of the land and know exactly where I'm going. That way, I can be quick and efficient going from place to place and see more attractions.

I'm a planner, but not overly so. Obviously some effort needs to be made to ensure I see/do the things that inspired me to visit in the first place, but I allow plenty of time for happy wandering. I don't plan meals or research restaurants at all, though I do have favorites in cities I've visited more than once.

I've been lamenting recently that the days of buying plane tickets and doing no other planning are probably gone forever. One of my favorite trips, filled with memories, was five days in Normandy. (It was an extension of a two-week UK choir tour for a friend and me.) We took a ferry and prebooked a hotel in Caen for the first night, and had a rental car reserved for the next morning. We knew we wanted to visit Bayeux and Mont-Saint-Michel, but had no reservations anywhere and no plans beyond that. We got to a town and if we liked it we went to the TI and asked them to book us a room. Or we looked at a map and decided "Let's go here tonight" and just went. We found places we'd never have gone to if we'd planned ahead. And we might not have seen every "must-see" on most itineraries in the area, but I wouldn't change a thing (except spending the night in Lisieux... not my kind of town!)

Because it seems necessary to prebook hotels and trains nowadays or risk being stranded or paying through the nose, it would be hard to succeed with that kind of trip today.

My compromise is not to plan my days. Just my nights. I get up in the morning and figure out my plan for the day over breakfast (or sometimes the night before).

I admire, but also feel sorry for, those who pre-plan every activity of each day of their trip, down to the minute. I'm sure it gains a lot in terms of efficiency, but I'd trade all that efficiency for a couple of those spontaneous moments you're hoping for.

Here's a small chance happening I experienced in Amsterdam. I arrived by train and got settled in my airbnb near Vondelpark. I decided to go for a walk and check out the park, and when I got there I found myself in a big festival: live music, barbecued meats, people dancing. It felt like they were throwing a party to welcome me to the city!

So my question is, how do you balance "minute by minute" planning with just letting things happen by chance?

Agnes makes an excellent point:

You can "balance" rigid planning with "letting things happen by chance" by letting go of trying to control each day of your schedule to leaving enough space in your schedule for anything to happen - good or bad, and being fine with that.

My most memorable moments have been the unplanned moments when I wasn’t rushing to get to a, “must see”, such as:

• sitting at an outdoor café, enjoying the world go by.

• admiring a beautiful scenery; a building, a garden, a lake, a sea or mountains, children at play, family and friends talking at the main town square, etc...

• going into a market and walking up & down the isles looking for some wonderfully delicious snacks or new foods to try.

• sitting in a quiet church and admiring the magnificent architecture and art within.

• talking with locals while waiting for the bus or train, then sitting next to them and
  continuing our conversation. {This is more common when traveling solo}

• talking to the many shop owners or street market merchants about their art
  and crafts before buying something from them.

I used to travel with my 80+ mom and I learned to travel at her pace; which became slower and slower with each subsequent trip. I came to the conclusion that I could never see everything I wanted to see, and learned to just enjoy the time being there.

So don’t plan every moment of your trip, give yourself the gift of “il dolce far niente”- the sweetness of doing nothing.

Have a wonderful trip!

Leave time in the day. Plan your big one or two sights each day, then leave space & time for other stuff.

I tend do a bit of reading about what else is in the area, restaurants etc, but make those decisions on the hoof. For example I planned that I would go I to the castle in Lisbon in the morning, but it didn’t take as long as I expected so knowing Alfama was nearby, I went for a walk & got pleasantly lost in the tiny streets, eventually emerging on a little square with bars, near the Fado museum.

I had a wonderful chance happening several years ago on the Best of Ireland tour. The bus driver on the Northern Ireland part of our trip heard about a "session" at one of the pubs in Portrush. Well, I figured I'd go and have a beer, and see if the music was any good. I could always leave after the beer, right? Well, I no longer recall just how many hours I spent enjoying the music. Depending upon my mood, I'm somewhere between 1/4 and 3/4 serious when I say the bards are not gone, because I stumbled on one of their meetings that night! Even the drunk ("I just spent 120 pound on drink today"!!) whose fiancée called off their engagement ("Yet here I stand, a happy mon" as he swayed back and forth) was in a good mood.

It is a balance. I firmly believe that a good plan makes it easier to have spontaneous, memorable moments. Without a plan you may miss things that matter (leaving the art museum you really want to see until your last day, then realizing it is closed that day). You may get into logistical trouble with transit hours, waste hours figuring out details that could have been researched beforehand, or just forget about things until it is too late.

Of course, the plan can't be a to-the-minute one. You need a good plan with a lot of flexibility in the day to day. So if you know that Monday - Wednesday you will be in city A, then pick your absolute must-dos in that city. No more than 1 daytime activity per day (museum, etc) and maybe 1 per night (dinner reservation, theater). The rest of the time leave flexible. Have ideas (I mark mine on an electronic map with note of opening hours). So if your must-do is a museum and you decide to go to that in the AM, then the afternoon is free. The key is to have options in mind so you aren't wildly searching for something to do, but not be stuck on the options so you can pivot and go to something else you may stumble upon. Maybe you are leaving the museum, notice that it is a nice day so decide to go to the botanical gardens you read about. On the way to the garden you hear music coming out of a cafe so you stick your head in and see that there is concert on the patio, so you go to that instead (because going to the garden was just an option, not a must-do). Or, as has happened to me, maybe you get to a city and have your list of things to do. Then the hotel clerk or airbnb host tells you about her favorite places. Are you going to stick to your plan 100% or take the advice of someone who lives there and find something a bit more off the beaten path?

my advice ,go with the flow, and enjoy the moment .you can't plan to be sponteneous but when you get the chance to be spontaneous take it.

On a trip I plan by the day, some days with fewer activities or goals, some days with more, those sites deemed less important I put on the flexibility list. What I planned for, say Tues, I may change/postpone/switch to Wednesday, depending on the circumstances, if any. The memorable moments depend on where, ie site, or seeing the landscape. On a given day I plan whether the site will be visited in the morning or afternoon.

Thank you all for your comments, thoughts, and excellent ideas. I'm starting to see some common threads throughout these posts. One is leaving blocks of time open for just "whatever". I do like the idea of scheduling sights on the morning side of things, and leaving afternoons a bit more open. Another wonderful observation is rubbing elbows with the locals. I appreciated Laurel's comment about ditching their plans and joining Rome locals at an art exhibit. I think one of my real interests in traveling is seeing how people live in other parts of the world. Nit just all the historic sights. Thank you for your comments...I'm still reading them! :)

Like others, we plan our days and ( for the most part ) leave the evenings to just happen. We are not foodies- so we just wander and find a restaurant or pub that suits us.
One way to increase the chance of spontaneous and memorable moments is to be open to changing your plans, and to new adventures that reflect others in your parties interests. It also helps to be friendly and talk to others at your hotel, on a group tour. taking a long walk helps as you tend to bump into things.
Four memorable spontaneous moments;
1) Venice- at breakfast we chatted with a couple that was there with their high school daughters choir group. Later that evening, we passed a group of young women dressed alike and asked " Hi, are you the high school choir". They were- handed us the brochure and we attended their amazing concert in a small church that evening
2) Wandering the streets in the Marais district in Paris- stumbled upon a great street market and also a school which had a small memorial statement about the Jewish schoolchildren who were taken from that school ,
3) Same Paris trip -gave my son the choice of where to go- he chose the Modern Art Museum (Pompador??) i and then took me on a long walk from the Eiffel Tower along the Seine. We passed the memorial to Princess Diana along the way. had a delightful day because I decided that the goal of the day was just to enjoy being in Paris with my 17 yr old.
4) same son at 8 was a total transit buff and expert. surrendered to the moment and took him to London to ride the double Decker bus before they were phased out. Because of his interest, saw the Transit Museum, National Railway Museum in York and parts of London that were reached by the Underground as we had to ride each line to the end. It was great!!!

I think leaving room for spontaneity starts with laying out a basic itinerary that doesn't cram too many destinations into the days available. If you allow yourself only 3 or 4 days for a first visit to a huge city full of attractions (London, Paris, Rome, Barcelona, etc.), you are going to have so many must-do's that there cannot be any free time.

I see people on the forum who have laid out hour-by-hour sightseeing plans, and I cannot imagine doing that. How on earth do you know how much time you'll want to spend at each place? Heck, I don't even know what time I'll want to eat lunch or dinner each day, though I realize that one must make reservations for special meals.

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This moment, when my husband offered to help an older woman on a ladder, led to a personal tour of a 17th century home and a wonderful conversation.

You can control your schedule but you can't control the world. In other words, you don't know what you don't know. You don't know what your going to see on that walk to the metro, what you might smell while on that walking tour, the people you will encounter, the culture...it's all magical moments if you just allow yourself to be in the moment. I am a huge planner, and like most, we plan one "thing' a day. If the place we want to see if open from 10:00am-5:00pm, we get there sometimes between those hours using public transport, I also research the area to see what else we might want to explore so we have some sort of before/after plan. It would be a shame if some awesome place was a 1/2 mile walk away and we failed to know, in that 1/2 mile we could be taking all kind of detours, stop for lunch, pop in a shop, take some pictures, sit on a bench and people watch. Like you, I REALLY enjoy the research, and it really pays off because we usually have very smooth running trips, using our resources and time wisely and placing ourselves in a position to have lots of spontaneous moments, the good, the bad, the ugly and the scary.

You do not have to be together ALL the time.

Maybe some days they will want to wander and you follow your plan, then just have dinner together

You cannot plan spontaneous, anymore than you can have a tub of 300*F water.

When things go "wrong," just flow with it.

Just yesterday, we were driving from Belgium to Luxembourg City, and the GPS in the car was not behaving. So we just went kind of randomly on small roads, and when we crossed the border into Luxembourg, the first town had such a fairy-tale look about it that we gasped with pleasure, stopped the car and explored by foot.

You cannot plan what surprises you and excites you, nor what disappoints or bores you. Just allow it to happen.

I think those moments are lurking waiting to be discovered within your plans. Even though I tend to plan months in advance, once the major parts of the trip are booked, I leave it alone until the day of departure. We also do things that locals do...eat at neighborhood bars/cafes. Pop into the local store. Take the trains & buses during rush hour. Starting conversations with locals (something I rarely do at home as a native NYer). In London, we encountered an elderly couple trying to shelter themselves from the rain. I went over with my umbrella and had a great chat with them. We were on our way to Harrods for tea and they shared their love story...how they met when they both worked at Harrods and had to quit since coworkers weren't allowed to date. We spoke until the rain stopped and it's such a sweet memory from that trip. In Rome, I planned a bike outing that led to a rain-soaked adventure & got a recommendation for a neighborhood restaurant that also gave us the best meal of our trip. Planning for Barcelona I googled local events happening during our stay & came across a rooftop jazz concert at one of Gaudi's buildings. It was magical, the sun was setting over the city and the crowd were locals of all ages. So, even though I "planned" it, it was still an unexpected surprise. After that evening, I always try to include something off the beaten path that can lead to a "happy accident".

If you allow yourself only 3 or 4 days for a first visit to a huge
city full of attractions (London, Paris, Rome, Barcelona, etc.), you
are going to have so many must-do's that there cannot be any free
time.

We learned this lesson some time ago and so plan longer versus shorter stays in locations which offer a lot of interest to us. Sure, we have a rough list of want-to-sees, and pre-book accommodations and tickets (or buy passes if the math works) to attractions which require them to avoid really long lines but that's about it. There's flex time - sometimes entire days of it - built in to just see where our feet take us and/or to arrange sightseeing around the weather.

"Minute by minute" planning also doesn't personally work as we've no idea how long we'll spend at any one attraction. We've ended up investing the lion's share of a day at some which other folks have blown through in a couple of hours, and trotted pretty quickly through others that didn't do it for us.

I am against hyper-planning. I would see traveling with a rigid planner as being overly controlling. Planning hotels and transportation is perfectly fine, but not an hourly activity plan. It turns into a "Great Race" checklist event instead of an experience. It is too easy to underestimate the time you need for getting around and taking care of little things (restroom breaks, snacks, coffee break, etc.)

My planning consists of dutifully reading my guidebooks, having an idea of what are the main things of interest, and loosely plan to see no more than two a day - one in the morning, one in the afternoon. Then being totally flexible as the weather, our energy level, people we meet, and what we see on the ground, impact our daily activities. If we have more time, we add things; want to do something else that sounds better, no problem. Restaurants depend on where we are at meal time, not pre-booked 4 months in advance.

Tours are different. Its a compromise between giving up control, versus convenience and efficiency. I think thats why having free time on tours is important.

Things we've experienced spontaneously: joining a WWII commemoration ceremony in Warsaw - locals only; a performance by a quartet in a church basement in Switzerland (saw a sign while walking by the church); joining a political march in London; talking to protesters at a rally in Paris; finding a street fair in Germany. All those things I remember well. The museums, churches and stained glass windows, commemorative statues, and art masterpieces - they all seem to fade into one blur.

Count us amoung the group above. We plan one sight in the morning or late afternoon (such as a cooking class or night tour) and usually have reservations or tickets booked. I have a list of museums, churches, sights, restaurants, cafes that are nearby and depending on the weather, our energy level etc make suggestions. For example, we were in Kraków this past July and went to Schindler's Factory tour with 9:30 reservations. I knew across the street was a glassblowing factory so we popped in there and saw a nice demonstration, they even let us try blowing the glass. I then had other suggestions for the neighborhood, such as a recommended ice cream shop, a keilbasa stand, etc. I keep my notes by neighborhood and this keeps me organized and keeps us from backtracking. By the way, we travel with another couple often and we never separate. We just seem to mesh with styles. I will admit they are the laid back, let's have coffee in every museum cafe we go to type while my hubby and I were go, go go types. Over several trips together we learned to slow down and we enjoy it so much more.

I actually still use a moleskin book with my travel info and journal. I have two sections. The first section is divided by my days and I put all information I need on each day...reservation numbers, etc. I also put possible items to see or do on each day, and how. I star the ones that I absolutely want to see. If I don't see them on one day, I know they are available for the next day. Often, I don't get beyond my starred item or not even that... Instead, I spend a lot of time just absorbing the atmosphere whether it be from a cafe, on the edge of the water, in parks, etc. I love to just absorb, feel and watch...and this often brings wonderful conversations to me as well. So, my suggested is be detailed on the possibilities, but allow yourself permission to not do anything at all. The fewer people you are traveling with, the more spontaneous other people will be in speaking with you, from my experience. As someone else indicated, you do not have to be with the other couple all.day.long. Divide and conquer, and meet up for dinner to compare notes sometimes. This is a good way to preserve your friendship, as travel can be very hard on friendships. I can't think of another couple I'd travel with...actually, very few people in general...

I will generally have things I must see and things I'm ok with missing if time doesn't allow. Now - if we are spending 3 or more nights in a place, it makes things easier than if you have to try and cram a whole bunch of stuff into one day because you are moving on the next day. But I've def fallen into the less is more category the more we travel.

Usually, I will have my map app, and I'll plan things I want to see - eg - all the towns and villages we wanted to visit in Provence this year. So I'd look at the map and do a grouping - ok, one day is for these towns to the east that are grouped together, another for the group to the north...so we'd just look at the weather and see how we felt for the day and picked that group. Same with sites in a city - I'll group them on the map app I use, then just pick an area to visit for the day and hopefully not miss anything.

I never really have must visit restaurants - the only exceptions being pastry shops I've heard about, or places we've visited and enjoyed a meal at and wanted to go back...a burger place in Paris we enjoyed and returned to on a subsequent visit, a place in Venice that is on my return to list when we go back next year.

So I guess I fall somewhere between rigid and see how things go. I do find at times I have to tell myself to slow down and just relax. Sit on that bench and enjoy the street musicians or that yummy pastry. (Or both, as I did in Aix...lol). People watch for 30 min. Meander without a map in the old towns and just see what you come across.

I'm a pretty rigid planner (not by the hour but I have a couple of sights/activities in mind for each day) but can divert from plan if something else comes up. In London and Paris in particular I like to do London Walks/Paris Walks which lead me thru interesting neighborhoods. I often travel solo and I am not one to just "wander" as some enjoy but this gets me a controlled wander, so to speak, lol! I almost always find something to go back and see!

I've had good luck with church concerts/recitals in big and small towns. I try to look on the church bulletin boards to see if something interesting is going on. Often it's a very reasonable fee for an excellent presentation in a lovely setting. I've run across organ concerts in Bath, Salisbury, Quimper and Trier as well as a Men's Choir from a neighboring town in Betws-y-Coed. I like the ones that are geared to the local congregation! I've always been welcomed.

As a planner, to me the problem with waiting to discover things by chance is if you don't do research you might miss it. The first time I went to Bath I didn't do much research and found I had just missed the Jane Austen Festival. I love books set in this time period and 2 years later made it a point to go at the right time to catch some of the activities. What a hoot! I loved seeing people in Regency costume strolling thru Bath. Yes, I was in a fantasy space.

@momtoeandb, I love the Instagram photo posted above! I'm sure the ladies are still talking about that nice young American man! How cool to get a house tour afterward!

Bart, this is a very interesting thread topic!

I do a lot of research for my trips. I write down and rank attractions noting hours and days of the week. Beyond that I’m fairly flexible. I do not do a fixed daily itinerary unless I have advance purchase tickets or if the timing of something is fairly fixed. I get up each day, look at the weather and how I feel and then start with one activity and fill the rest of the day as I go depending on how much time I find I need at the first place and then the weather and perhaps something interesting I come upon. I stop for any outdoor markets. When we were in Basel and on our way out of town, we went past the marketplatz and the town hall, we had already visited but that morning we noted a spectacular market in front of the Rathaus with vibrant colors that enhanced Rathaus even more. We stopped and lingered for a while and had a sausage sharing a table with a very interesting 90+ year old man. He talked about living and hunting in the Black Forest and how much he loves Switzerland.

I was trying to think of some unexpected things that happened that we enjoyed - I know there are more than a few, but this came to mind...

If you are in a church, look for a docent - they LOVE to tell you all about the church. Our first experience was in Portsmouth at the Royal Garrison church - my sis lives in Portsmouth and she took us there on our first visit. One docent spoke to me and my sister, the other to my husband and bro-in-law...we were there for almost an hour. The docent handed us a wooden statue of Jesus, I believe it was, to hold - then proceeded to tell us it was hundreds of years old! No - take it back ASAP - I don't want to be the one to drop it. And last year when we went to St Bavo/Grote Kerk in Haarlem, a docent approached me and my hubby and proceeded to spend about 30-40 minutes pointing out things we would have missed, and taking us into otherwise roped off spots in the church - including an up close look at the (forgive me for not knowing the proper term) carved wooden dais that I believe the ministers preach from.

And when we couchsurfed more, we had lots of unplanned moments with our hosts - the wonderful couple in Bern who took us I don't know where - it was a ski area, and we took our first ever ski lift ride to the top, had an amazing meal, then hiked down (it was early Oct, beautiful autumn weather). Not something we would have done on our own. Or the hostess in Augsburg that was such a great guide to her city, that we stayed way past our planned departure time of before lunch and stayed until early evening. Our hosts in a tiny village in France who took us round to some of the Canadian war sights and cemeteries. I know couchsurfing experiences are a different beast, but we've had some great unplanned moments.

Years ago I went to Okinawa with a friend and our wives. We hired a taxi driver to show us around. He showed us all the stuff single Marines would probably be interested in but nothing I was really interested in. When I got home, I saw there was a 1500s Shogun's palace in Okinawa that would have been first on my must see list. Later on the same trip our hotel owner (in Korea) invited us to his daughter's wedding. It was quite an experience, particularly the food at the reception.

Now I plan like crazy to ensure I'm aware of every sight option. I rate them as "must see", "nice to see if I have time" and "not interesting for me". I don't plan every second, hour or even day of my trip. Instead, I decide what I'm most interested in seeing, from my list, that day. I don't expect to see everything on my list but I like knowing what I'm skipping in favor of the sights I decide to see.

I generally try to see one major sight in the morning and one in the afternoon, with lunch between. That leaves evenings open for whatever. If a sight doesn't take long, I'll look at my list or just wander - whichever I feel like.

I prefer going without reservations, for lodging and transportation (lately I usually have a rental car), to the maximum extent possible. That way, if I like a place I can stay longer. If I'm done, I can move on.

Regarding meals, I ask a local for a recommendation. Since I prefer to eat what the locals eat, I always add "nothing fancy" so they don't assume I want fine dining at a gourmet restaurant.

By all means, do make a plan, but remember Eisenhower's words and be prepared to change it.

That means that you need to be aware which items on the plan are rigid (e.g. "leave for airport"), which can be moved (e.g. "Stroll though Hyde Park"), and which are optional (e.g. "Visit British Museum").

And as someone mentioned above, you don't need to be together all the time. My wife and I have traveled with my sister and we enjoy company, but when she goes shopping, we go hiking.

I strongly second (third? fourth?) the idea of spending some time on your own. I travel with my husband and kids, but we are sure to spend time apart. Sometimes those spontaneous interactions are easier when alone. If you are focused on your travel partner you might be less interactive with strangers so miss out.

Also you probably have a few different interests. I like food tours, my husband can take or leave them. So to save money I’ll go on the tour alone. Then another time in the trip he does something he prefers on his own. I’m a morning person, I will happily get up at 6 and go for a photo walk alone. I’m not going to try to drag everyone else out of bed so early, and I don’t want to sit around pouting that they are asleep while I’m ready to go. So I go, and those early mornings are the best. Coffee with locals heading to work, empty squares, great light for photos...

How to Up the Spontaneity Quotient on Your Next Trip
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/14/travel/how-to-make-travel-less-predictable.html

Predictable vacations are so, well, predictable. Here are five tips on how to increase your chances of unexpected encounters and surprising moments.
Nothing against relaxing on beachfront daybeds or doing the cathedral-monument-museum circuit, but for travelers like me (and, I’m guessing, like some of you) the ideal vacation is one that combines relaxation and sightseeing with unexpected finds down narrow streets, lively conversations with surprising locals and wrong exits leading to hidden treasures.
Alas, such experiences are not sold online. It takes good fortune to stumble across the Montana farm stand with the juiciest peaches imaginable, a Swedish farmer who invites you to his Beatles-loving friend’s home for music and whiskey, or the Albanian seaside restaurant owner who dares you to come back at 6 a.m. to fish for the next day’s catch.

The most memorable moments tend to be interactions with people we meet. You can make yourself more open to meeting people by knowing some simple phrases in the local language along with observing local etiquette. Being outgoing and friendly will also increase your chances of spontaneous interactions. Staring at your phone will probably decrease spontaneous moments.

My question for the OP would be "Have you ever traveled with this couple before?" To me, pairing up a couple who describe themselves as "rigid planners" with another couple that likes to just happen upon things by chance doesn't seem like the best travel pairing. Rigid planners usually want to control every single thing going on around them every single moment of the day - they overplan, run themselves ragged and end up getting snippy with each other and others around them as soon as they realize they aren't having a vacation that is "jam packed with tons of amazing moments and memories" like they planned months for.

It's very hard for rigid planners to just "let go" and roll with the punches - they need to actively make a decision to just see where the day takes you regardless of what happens. If seeking balance on this upcoming trip I'd say take a look at your current "must sees"/minute-by-minute planned itinerary, figure out what the top 25% of your daily list is that are "absolute must sees", then select another 25% you classify as "like to see" (meaning, if you get there great, if not, there's always the next trip). Do those things with your partner and let the other couple go do their own thing. Plan absolutely nothing else for the remainder of the day. Then get together later on in the day with the other couple and wing it. Be open to talking to people around you - don't just talk to each other - whether they are local or also traveling, they may have some info to share that leads to your next stop, or next meal. Don't always get fixated on street maps - just walk around - it doesn't really matter if you get lost - it's not permanent and you just might come across something really amazing you would never have seen or experienced normally.

Kevin, interesting tale but why did you include a link to the place you say you bought the ring? Not of particular interest and leads to suspicions.

This is a great topic! My style has definitely evolved. On my first trip to Europe years ago, I tried to cram too many cities in to too few days. To compound matters, we didn't do much research so discovered, for example, that Westminster Abbey was closed the day we went. However, that did lead to a spontaneous visit to the Churchill War Rooms, a site not otherwise on my radar.

Now, I try to plan days but as others have said, be flexible. I think having done the research enables one to have more options. The year before last, my mom and I were in Paris (my 3rd time). Thanks to my research, I knew that the Louvre and D'orsay were open late on certain nights. After an early dinner, my mom was ready to relax back at the hotel, and I was able to enjoy very sparse crowds at both museums. Those images of selfies in front of the Mona Lisa had deterred me from visiting on my prior two trips, but this time (late January), it was just Mona and me.

This past summer illustrates the beauty of unplanned memorable experiences. I was in Munich for the opera festival. Most of the operas were sold out, and I happened to have an extra ticket for one of them. A friend of an orchestra member was thrilled to have it. At the performance, he brought some treats for the interval (crackers, cheese, salami, wine), and I met many of the players in the opera's orchestra. I encountered these musicians repeatedly over the next several days, and was invited to parties and even a dress rehearsal in Bayreuth. All because I had an extra ticket! It was a wonderful trip.

Todd

I went to Eastern Canada in 2015. I had only read lists of major museums and sites on the internet. In 2016 I went to England. Before my trip, I read a guidebook and made a list of sites I wanted to see. In 2017 I went to Italy. I got more sophisticated. I wrote myself a day-by-day itinerary including listing the places I made reservations to or bought advanced tickets to and the places I was sleeping in. I followed my itinerary closely. I went to Greece. For that trip I had a day by day itinerary, listing two major places or sites, followed by “if time” [names or one or more other sites or museums]; also sometimes I wrote “walk past various monuments”. In greece I deviated from my itinerary perhaps by 25% due to museums being closed due to a strike, and various random reasons.

I don’t try predicting how many hours and minutes I expect to spend in any specific museums or sites. Some people might write an itinerary listing the exact times of the day they will see various sites. Most travelers including myself probably do not do this. On past trips I did plan to areive at my first site by about 9am or when it opened.

Activities don’t just happen. You have to make them happen. I have some doubt about whether I will see enough sites or be entertained enough on a trip if I don’t committ myself to doing specific activities in advance.

Can you write yourself a day-by-day itinerary, similar to what wrote for myself, but for each day or for some days, write meet [the names of your travel companions] at [name of a place you all agree on] at [a time of the day you all agree on]? At the last minute - if they prefer picking what they will do only a few minutes or hours before they do it - your 3 travel companions can decide whether they will stay with you or just separate and meet up at the places you guys planned to meet.