First Time Having a Co-planner and I Need Help!

You and your husband have to set some ground rules between the two of you who have travelled together about expectations of his closet friend. Different people have different travel styles and may need some extra space. I think the wild card and his brother should make some firm suggestions in the next few weeks with the aim of having a solid game plan (although not necessarily a concrete itinerary) by December 1. As you said "a feel of what they wanted." Have some free days. With 12 days you can have some firm plans and some more flexible ones. Also consider some hotels as well as apartments with free cancellation as a form of "trip insurance."

If you've got a so-called "co-planner" have him give you a list of the "little towns, charming and interesting places" he has in mind. Otherwise you're an unpaid travel agent, guessing at what your client might like and liable to bear the brunt of criticism if you don't deliver. And to boot an agent personally escorting the tour so you'll be there to fix any shortcomings on the spot...

Maybe he doesn’t want to have a plan. Is it possible that he wants to “wing it”?

He has no apparent interest in Naples or Salerno.

Is he the only person on this trip? You're responsible somehow for making HIS requirements come true & for scheduling things his way? Sounds like 'wild card' has a list of what he wants but isn't doing any of the work?? Ut oh. Can you speak with your H first about all this so you're in agreement about how to handle him? Have a call the 3 of you. I would tell WC, (gosh what a perfect acronym!) either you make the bookings, he gets to relax & enjoy your hard work OR HE SHOULD do some of the work. Within a week. Or suggest to H, get his buy in, tell WC you'll meet him in Barletta a few days / week later because you're sure he wants time with his brother, so you can go to Naples?? Just a thought....Oh man.... I'm so sorry.

TWO bedrooms, always. Days off from each other... maybe longer! Good luck! And I really hope it works out, the more you can agree up front about expectations, the better.

Thanks John and NickB.
The different complexities of consulting with another person for trip planning is something I've yet to experience. My husband and kids just packed a bag and showed up with all the enthusiasm you could imagine.
Are there any stops between Roma-Barletta you can suggest either there or on the way back that are must sees for those interested in small, local village life?

Are you planning to drive from Rome, or will you take the train over to the east coast and pick up a car there? If you're driving, there must surely be some attractive small towns/villages not too far of your route, but unfortunately I don't know what they are. I imagine we have at least one or two people who will have suggestions for you.

Would he like to see some trulli? (Trulli entry in Wikipedia) They're well south of Barletta, in and around Alberobello, Locorotondo, Martina Franca, and other towns in that area. Alberobello, in particular, is very touristy.

Hi Jenny, oh dear, I know how you feel. After a couple of experiences of travelling with friends who during the planning stage refused to offer any opinions, left me guessing to what they wanted and then complained for most of the trip I decided never again, only me and my husband.
Anyway driving from Rome to Barletta there are two main routes:
1. Head East through the mountains E80/SR5 towards Pescara and then straight down the Adriatica coast to Barletta. In that case an overnight in Vasto or Termoli might fit the description
2. Head south on the autostrada A1/E45 as far as Caserta, then cross Italy on A16/E842 directly to Barletta. This offers more. Have a look at Anagni, Caserta for the Reggia di Caserta and Caserta Vecchia. Or once you are in Puglia but before arriving in Barletta, with small detours Sant'Agata di Puglia, Deliceto, Accadia (see link below for a feel of the places) and Venosa just into Basilicata are as "little towns, charming and interesting places" off the beaten track as you can get.
Once in Barletta: Trani, Molfetta, Giovinazzo, Bisceglie, all fit the bill or anywhere in Valle d'Itria as mentioned above
But I wouldn't let 'wild card' off the hook. Give him the options, tell him you''re happy wither way and get him to share some responsibility!
https://slowtravelitalyspain.blogspot.com/2021/12/puglia-daunia-in-september-rione-fossi.html

Traveling with others you need to compromise so everyone is happy.

I am the travel planner my wife and I have done several trips with others, mostly family members.

We have done an African Safari, Tour of Iceland and some cruises (ocean and river) with family members. This makes it very easy since the tours or cruises set the basic framework of the trip.

My Son likes five star hotels, while we like BnBs, but on a tour, that is set for you, no issues there.

If you are doing it on your own, I suggest that one person take the point and seek guidance from the group. After the guidance is inputed, then make preliminary plans (no bookings yet), send out for approval, if everyone is happy, book it.

I have been to Italy several times and love it. However, never been to Barietta. Based on guide books that I have, Marietta would NOT be on my travel plans. The Naples, Pompeii, Sorrento, Capri, Amalfi Coast is MUCH more significant than the Barietta/Bari area.

Well, if its his brother he has to visit in Barletta, then it should be his responsibility (with help from his brother) to identify charming and interesting places to visit on that part of the trip. It's your trip too, so dont be treated like a tour guide or travel agent. If the other person hasn't traveled over there before, then he just doesn't know how much effort it takes to plan a foreign trip.

Make sure you and husband are on the same page here.

I have been the designated planner for many trips which included friends and/or family. The first thing I always do is advise everyone that I am making decisions based on my experience and personal preferences which may be different from theirs. I will not be offended if they make their own plans or opt out of some group activities. As the primary planner, I may seek input from others but I make the final decisions.

Hi Jenny, this could all work out fine or have some drama, depending on personalities. Here’s my 2 cents worth of advice.

As you’re working through this, come up with at least two separate itineraries. Hand those itineraries to both of the guys and have them choose which one they want. That will take the responsibility off of you if they don’t like a city - they chose it. Do the same for each lodging - do they want to stay at choice A, B, or C?

I would recommend booking two hotel rooms instead of apartments. I think all you will appreciate some of your own space at the end of each day. And this helps with people having different times they like to wake up or go to sleep. Probably it would be good to say you’ll all meet up after breakfast. Don’t plan to have all of your meals together, too. Plan some time ahead of time for your husband & you together for dinners & activities.

Have your own list of ideas & activities for each location, so if the guys want to do something that you’re not interested in seeing, you have some fun plans of what you might like to do. That way, you won’t feel upset since you have been the planner on previous trips. Personally, my husband & I have done a few separate activities on trips, and we love sharing them over dinner afterwards.

Discuss ahead of time how you’re dividing any expenses. You don’t want to make assumptions ahead of time. The Splitwise app worked very well for my adult daughter & me.

I’m taking the train from Rome to the Puglia region next year, and I’m stopping at Caserta overnight, so I can see the amazing palace & gardens. I won’t be seeing the Vecchia portion of Caserta, etc. but it looks like there’s some interesting places to see near Caserta, also.

Down beyond Barletta, there’s Trani, Alberobello, Martina Franca, Polignano a Mare, Ostuni, Lecce, etc. You might want to just take the train to Barletta and then explore that area with a rental car instead of trying to find a lot in between Rome & Barletta.

Hope that helps!

You have gotten some good advice already. I’ll just add a couple of points. First of all, do you and your husband have any interest in Barletta? If not, the friend should go see his brother while you do something else.

I hated Naples, but I would go just to see the Archaeological Museum, which has most of the objects excavated from Pompeii. And, I would see Pompeii, itself.
I would try to get WC to define what “interesting” and “charming ” mean to him. Salerno is actually interesting and attractive, and it makes a decent base for visiting the Amalfi Coast towns, several of which are famous for being charming. In fact, Italy is so loaded with attractive small towns that there is an official list of them. (Perhaps Roberto will chime in here with a link.)
Lotsa luck.

People have different “time to plan” points. I tend to be one extreme, planning far in advance. My son and wife are more like “the trip is next week, we better start planning.” We meet in the middle somewhere. I might choose 2-3 days in a location and the lodging far in advance, but unless advance reservations are required for activities leave the rest of the planning for those last minute decisions. I’ve learned it is really important for everyone on a trip to have a voice in the planning.

To me the WC sounds more like an extra client added to a tour than a co-planner, as he doesn’t seem to be interested in planning much!

If his brother lives in Barletta, can he not help the WC with some planning?
If I were you, I’d see if brother in Italy has some useful suggestions.

Has WC travelled internationally before?
Is he your friend as well as your husband’s?

I think hotels are a better idea too.
Apartments gives you no opportunity for space if things get tense, and I hope they don’t.

Another Forum member had a trip with brother in law added in, with some “moments”….I think it was Carrie?
Not trying to scare you but prepare you.
If all participants in the trip don’t participate, well…….

If his brother lives in Barletta, can he not help the WC with some planning?
If I were you, I’d see if brother in Italy has some useful suggestions.

S J has a very good idea. If the WC doesn't participate in the planning, then he needs to agree to accept what you plan. And not gripe about it. Those two things, and other ground rules should be made clear to him and dear hubby. An ounce of clarity now will prevent a pound of conflict later.

Are there any stops between Roma-Barletta you can suggest either there or on the way back that are must sees for those interested in small, local village life?

There may be some, but I'd take the fast train that gets you Rome to Barletta in about 3.5 hours and plan this trip around visiting Puglia. Fly into Rome and spend a nite so you're not worried about matching flight arrival to train out, take the fast train out the next morning. Instead of Barletta you might get off at Foggia if it has better car rental options. Not a lot of guidebooks to Puglia but "Lonely Planet Puglia & Basilicata" gives a guide to the towns.

Come to an agreement with WC on how many days he plans on visiting his brother and if he'll spend entire days alone with brother, or if it's just meet brother for dinner each nite, or a mix. If you want a historical city center and a nice harbor then I'd much rather stay in Trani less than 10 miles away, instead of Barletta which I remember as having much less to see. Depending on how conversation with WC goes maybe you drop him off with his brother for a few days and go get him for daytrips once or twice.

You could next head north and stay in Vieste and the Gargano Peninsula region which includes hiking opportunities. You could also/instead head south and use Lecce as a base for visiting the southern reaches of Puglia. The same fast train runs from Lecce to Rome (although from Lecce I think it's about 5 hours). Depending on how the planning works out you might want to take days from Rome and add them to Puglia, staying in Rome just the nite before flying home.

I wonder if WC has been to Europe or Italy? Although I've never been to Salerno it sounds like what people are looking for when they talk about "small, local village life". Furthermore is WC aware that in rural Italy like Puglia shops tend to close around 1pm and stay closed until 4pm or so? Or will it be your fault when there's nothing to do in the afternoon?

This blog has many of the small towns in Puglia. Wealth of information. Send it to WC. With instructions to pick 3 location per day.

You and husband also pick. Hopefully things will line up for all of you

https://www.neverendingvoyage.com/8-towns-not-to-miss-in-puglia/

Have been in your shoes 2 times out of 15 trips. This usually works or someone drops out.

You only have two weeks. Although of course there are all sorts of interesting places along a drive from Rome to Barletta, I think you'd be better off taking the train from Rome to either Foggia (which we've done) or Bari, and then renting a car and staying in two or three different bases. You could also fly straight from the Rome airport to Bari or Brindisi, and rent a car (we've done the reverse, Bari to Rome, and also flown Rome to Brindisi). Do day trips from these bases without a car full of luggage. So much easier and more comfortable and will give you more piece of mind than trying to visit places on the way.

Which three bases? I'd pick Trani, Lecce, and a rented trullo or a B&B with trulli somewhere in the area that's full of trulli. We loved staying in Ostuni for a week, but the parking is less easy and it's downhill from the tiny historic center on the top of the hill. Speaking of that, focus on the size and charm of these historic centers, rather than on the actual size of the city or town. See this: https://community.ricksteves.com/travel-forum/italy/puglia-itinerary-ideas

On my first trip to Italy with family, we drove from Venice to Palermo, stopping at various places people wanted to see, but at least we stayed in each of those places for a night or two. We have never made such a trip again! Bases with day trips are what we've done ever since.

Since you'll be at the airport, have you considered flying from FCO-Bari?
2 flights a day on Ryan air. 1H05m. Price around $30.

After reading the string of comments I have ended up focusing on one of your later comments: "My husband and kids just packed a bag and showed up..." It gives me the impression that your husband may not realize how much work actually is required for the trips you have planned in the past. He is not meaning to be ignorant, but he is also not really clued in to the task either. Adding a friend may not seem like much of a heavy lift to him, but realistically it does make it more complicated for all of you. Again you and your husband need to rethink what you both want, and how you wish to achieve it in the time allotted. Two cancellable hotel rooms in each place you plan to visit.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful responses!
I hope I didn’t set the tone that I was complaining about our friend going. We are very excited to go to to Barletta and surrounding areas with him for the first time.
The planning process is actually one of my favorite parts of travel, so when I say my husband and kids just pack a bag leave me to it is because they know how much I love planning.
The friend also knows this, so he is slowly giving me destinations to check out, as is the brother. It’s slowly coming together nicely.
Any more out of the way places you know of along the way are definitely welcomed.