What to do with an incompatible travel companion??

My dilemma is that she may want to accompany me on my next trip in the
spring or fall of 2018

Don't you have to invite her first? Or is it already assumed that she's welcome to come? I would think that, if the first trip went not-so-well, both parties would realize the second trip is probably not a great idea. Or, alternatively, make some changes/compromises to improve the prospects of the second trip. But now you're talking about the third trip. Is there any way you can telegraph wanting to do the next trip alone without hurting feelings or creating bad will? If that doesn't work, then talk to her directly about how to make sure both your needs are met next time (and check with her if she wants to go to a spa..who knows, she may rather not). I think the key is to be as delicate as possible because feelings can get hurt.

Hmmm...what destination did you have in mind? Did you want to go to Venice again? Or did you have some place else in mind?

First, I think you need to be up front with her and tell her you did not think the last vacation worked very well. Be clear that there were lots of things you wanted to do that weren't possible when the 2 of you travel together and that your travel styles are radically different. I don't know your family dynamic so this may be difficult but I think you need to do this. Not having the same travel style as a family member doesn't mean you love them less.

Second, not knowing your finances or amount of time off, perhaps you could do a week with her with a trip structured around her abilities and then have her go back home while you have a week or more on your own. Is she able to travel thru airports on her own (with perhaps wheelchair assistance)?

Third - if you do decide to travel with her again, you may just have to accept that this is not YOUR trip, it's hers.

Agnes, prior to the last trip, where she joined me mid-stream, I did talk to her about my need to be able to go out on my own and my own pace. She agreed but then I discovered how directionally challenged she was. Mind you, we are both in our 60s and I had no clue she couldn't find her way out of a paper bag. Venice was not the best place to find that out!
So my hope is that I can find somewhere that will meet both our needs (to be together and share experiences) but that will allow me to do what I want to do as well while being mindful of her physical limitations. Does that make sense?
One other area I thought about was Baden-Baden. She likes to gamble, me not so much.

I have a sister that sounds similar to yours. It's no secret to her that she's unlikely to be able to keep up with me in Europe. I keep my vacations with her limited to U.S. destinations where there will specifically not be much physical activity - beach or lake houses mostly. As for a European trip with your sister... are you already confirmed you have to go back to Italy, specifically, Venice again??

What about going somewhere where you sightsee primarily with a car but you can maybe fit in a few smaller cities that are easily walkable? Ireland might be a good trip for the 2 of you. You just need to rent a car and plot out a route - like maybe base yourself in Galway and do some day trips from there (Cliffs, Aran Islands, Burren, Connemara).

As for sleeping arrangements, if she wants to tag along she can either pay for her own hotel room, split the cost of a 2 bedroom apartment with you (unless one of you is willing to sleep on a sofabed in a 1BR), or get herself a good pair of earplugs. You could also look at seeing what some of the hostels have in terms of single occupancy rooms so you each get your own spot.

You'll have to come to grips with her being "Directionally-Challenged" - either rely on GPS or read maps yourself. But you should not feel compelled to have to stay attached at the hip to her all day for fear she'll get lost and not be able to find her way back. She's a grown up. Have her put the hotel's business card in her pocket each morning so if she does go off on her own and get lost, at least she can hand the card to any taxi driver to find her way back.

Have you considered bringing along a third person who shares your sister's physical challenges and travel style? She basically just needs some company while you go off and do your own thing. You should probably sleep in separate rooms, as well. If you truly enjoy your sister's company, and believe that traveling together brings you closer together rather than moving you further apart, you might need to make some changes. Good luck!

This is exactly why I chose to be an only child!

Pam, my goal would be design a trip that would meet both our needs/desires. We have had the discussion about travel styles. We definitely need two bedrooms! The biggest issue is her mobility. She just can't spend hour(s) walking, driving, or training. She has serious knee and foot issues. Airports are not an issue. That is why I was considering a spa location where mobility would be less of an issue for her and would allow her some activities while I am out and about.
That's why I thought of the Italian lake district, Lido and more recently, Baden-Baden or other centrally located area. I would either have arrived in the location to meet her or moved on by myself after she leaves.

Hey cbrochu30
i feel for you. last year had a trip scheduled for four of us, and i had a torn meniscus 2 weeks before trip. i told them go on their own and i did things myself. Some times my friend would stay with me, which i felt a burden but worked out in end. we were in walking cities (amsterdam florence and venice) i took a cab when needed for me. I have a great friend to travel with, though some issues, but that's the hardest thing to find someone to travel with. I'm in better health now and we are set to travel again with 2 adults never been to europe and us two friends have been 5 times plus. we have planned everything, all main stuff paid for, and hope to have a great time in venice paris and amsterdam in 2 weeks. venice we are staying in ground floor apt thru booking.com (la levantina), you can also check ca badaoer dei barbacani with an attic apt and elevator, lots to see and do in venice. took vaporetto to burano and the lido. you can check the lakes, we stayed at hotel nettuno on lake garda, pool, right on the lake, others can jump in about the other lakes, maybe san remo or savona on the coast with beach access. Don't want to see any huhu with your sister, always look for separate rooms, apts. Hope all works out for you and your adventures. happy travels
aloha princess pupule

I think it's great that you want to do something that you will both enjoy. The lakes of Italy would be good because if you take ferries among the towns, she can vary walking or sitting while in transit.

I travel for 10-14 days each year with friends, and we have different styles but similar interests. You already have a plan for some travel on your own (I do, too) before or after meeting up with her. Part of your time together will be your surrendering to her needs, but that would be true for any travel pair.

Separate rooms are a must.

I have a sister who would love to travel with me, but luckily can't afford it. I think you should be honest with your sister. If you can work out a way to travel together and both be happy that's great, but if not - you are spending a lot of money on a trip you may not enjoy!

Several years ago I told my sister I didn't think I could travel with her as we have different travel styles and it about crushed her, but it really was the truth. We've gone on a couple of very short (1 or 2 night) trips and it was rough. It wouldn't have done either one of us any good if I had not been honest.

Good luck! It's a tough situation.

I think smaller towns are the way to go during your shared time. Places like Ravenna and Vicenza are lovely and have modest-sized historic districts where you don't need to walk a lot.

Several of our posters who are knowledgeable about Germany have said Baden Baden isn't special, so I'd do some research before including it in my itinerary.

Instead of thinking about your sister not coming, can you turn that into "I want to do this trip solo"?

"she may want to accompany me "

a lot of things may come to be.

Plan the trip for yourself, doing what you want to do, if this is not suitable for her don't worry, you are planning it for yourself not her. It is not the same as planning things specifically because she wouldn't like them or couldn't do them. There is nothing to stop her planning her own trip apart from herself.

If the plan you work out just happens to be suitable for her and she asks to come along then say only with seperate rooms!
If the plan isn't suitable for her, that's unfortunate for her but it was supposed to be your trip. Since when have you become her tour agent?
If she demands you alter your trip to suit her, trade her in for a new sister......

This is pretty easy; I don't see what the problem is. To answer your title question, I never travel with an 'incompatible companion".

Recommendation? When she asks to join you, say no.

You would hate saying "no" to your sister? It sounds like you prefer being a martyr. If that's the case, plan to be miserable. Some people are afraid of saying no to anybody because they fear being disliked, hated, being viewed as selfish, whatever.

If you prefer being the martyr as some do, then cater your trips to her wants. But don't complain to anyone about it. That's your choice.

This is exactly what my wife and I talk about frequently. River cruises. Take a cruise. She can stay on the boat, you can go to the town for a tour. If she wants to go to the town, get her on a tour for physically limited persons.

I also learned this last trip that she has absolutely no sense of direction!
...
My dilemma is that she may want to accompany me on my next trip in the spring or fall of 2018.

Perhaps she knows her limitations, and is grateful for your help. How about let her join a tour group for part of the next trip?

Cruises don't seem to be good advice for someone who is active and likes to walk a lot. It sounds like a river cruise would satisfy the sister or someone less mobile, but not someone like the OP (unless I'm reading him/her wrong which is of course totally possible). Plus river cruises like Viking are quite expensive.

I don't think any age is too late/old to learn navigational skills, it just depends on someone's will and desire to get better at it. The people I know who have no sense of direction are the ones who have little practice, don't care to learn, or always relied on someone else (or the GPS dot) to lead them around.

My husband and I are well matched for mobility, but he likes to "go" a lot less than I do. He'll do one tourist activity a day, and I want several. He wants a long afternoon nap, and I want 20 minutes. He does like to mosey around the neighborhood at a slow pace, as do I. A good day for both of us means that I get up and have breakfast and a walk or a nearby sight, and he drinks coffee. Then together we go to a museum or something, have lunch, and back to the hotel. After my short nap, I do something, and then we meet up for dinner.

I'd suggest you pay very close attention to the hotel area. Your sister may not want to go as much as you do, but that doesn't mean she wants to stay at the hotel. Make sure there are interesting shops and plenty of restaurants/cafes nearby. No steep inclines or long flights of stairs. Easy public transportation nearby is a plus.

Your personal schedules- If she's slow to get going in the morning, but you're an early riser, knock out some stuff in the morning and go back for the afternoon. Or if she takes it easy before dinner, out you go.

Save her energy for when it counts. It may only be a 15 minute walk back to the hotel, but take a cab or a bus. That time on her feet all adds up.

Above all, be sympathetic. Re-read Emma's post above. You yourself may only be a meniscus tear or a broken foot away from the same situation. Good health is a blessing, not a virtue.

Would Nice, France work for you two? I would worry that a small town might be dull after a bit.

I'm all for travel companions going their own separate ways, and I wouldn't travel twice with someone who complains all the time or couldn't be left alone. But it sounds like you would like to travel with her some, you just need to work it out so that you both are happy. Can you plan two trips, one with her, and one alone? A sister trip, and a solo trip.

I would make my travel plans without the input of the sister. Next, I would go over these plans only if she asks about my vacation plans, which is when I would go over them with her in detail, regardless if she likes them or not. The intention here is to let her decide for herself whether tagging along with you is a good idea given her limitations. Maybe you could change a little detail here and ther just to accommodate or placate her, but still it is your plan. Let her decide on what you onviously plan on doing in the trip.

If the person could be "incompatible" as a travel companion, I would go without this person, especially guys. I have absolutely no patience with guys, my age or somewhat younger, as travel companions who are high maintenance, obviously barring any health issues. If they are high maintence by nature or habit, forget it. They either put up with my arbitrary ways, or we rendez-vous later in the day, ie, no tag along travel companion guys, or they can go solo, if they are desperate enough, as I am, which I doubt they are. . .

I just love Keith's comment. And I think Jill makes a lot of sense. Why get almost worked up for this "she MAY" want to travel with me in 2018? You need to address the situation and decide 1) if you are willing to make compromised to your vision so you can travel together (if she even wants to!) OR 2) go on your own.

Family is family. Make it conditional (honestly and gently): "you can come with me, as long as ........." . Then if she can't keep up, don't feel guilty about heading out on your own. But don't skip the things you want to do just to accommodate her. Snoring is not something you can control, contrary to what non-snorers believe -earplugs.

I feel like the last few posts have been unduly harsh on the OP, or perhaps I just empathize because I have traveled extensively with both my family and my in-laws, both of whom have moderate to severe mobility issues. (Let's just say I have a keen understanding of which metros stations/tube stations have working elevators/escalators). In addition they are not always, shall we say, the most emotionally appealing travel companions.

The thing is, I don't think talking to a poor traveler (and I'm not saying that your sister's mobility issues make her a poor traveler, but her complaints about sharing a room/lack of direction/general unhappiness while traveling, if that's case) works very well. My in-laws first trip to Europe was disastrous, but we chalked that up to our being brand new to European traveling (I did all the planning) and not taking their physical issues into account. Their second trip, years later, I thought I really had it sorted - but it was still pretty much a disaster. The problem wasn't us or our planning or traveling skills - the problem is they are simply bad travelers.

I don't know if your sister fits in that category but if she is, you should tell her you have decided to I don't know, go meditate on a mountain in solitude or whatever it takes to let her know she's not invited but it's not her, it's you (even when it is her). I've traveled with groups of friends, family, etc and there are some people who I am simply incompatible to travel with no matter how much I try to accommodate them. If that's your sister, leave her behind.

If you think she's fundamentally a decent traveler with some restrictions, then work with her while being honest. "I'm going to want to do X and Y. That seems like a bit too much walking for you. Will you be OK doing X but not Y? Or hanging out at a cafe and reading while I do X and Y?" Set the expectations beforehand.

I think the idea of bringing a 3rd traveler who is more like your sister into the mix is an EXCELLENT idea if such a person exists.

I normally don't recommend Baden-Baden but it's not a bad choice for your needs, at least for a few days. Are you willing to rent a car? Driving has made a huge impact for both my parents and my in-laws. We did Bavaria and Alsace with a car and that minimized the walking they had to do compared to our usual way of traveling via planes, trains, and public transit.

LOL Keith for the kidney comment.

I also wanted to mention about hotel location. If you are in a good central area - either walkable to the sights you are interested in or a short distance via metro or tram or bus, then I don't see any reason why you couldn't go out together, then when she gets overwhelmed/tired...go back to the room, drop her off and then head back out.

I have a husband who most definitely is NOT a morning person - if he could get out of the room by 10am, I consider it a good day. I, on the other hand...love going out at 6:30-7am so I can get photos of the sights without huge crowds of people. So - for example...when we were in Rome, we were a block from the Colosseum. I was also lucky on that trip in that my mom was with us and apparently I get my morning person persona from her - so she and I would be up at 6:30, head out for an hour or 90 min, then walk back to the room, have breakfast and get hubby moving. Ditto Venice - possible because we were close to everything (and...well, Venice is really walkable). This year we went to Amsterdam and I was up at 6:30 to go over to the Rijksmuseum (5 min tram ride away) to get some photos of the IAmsterdam sign with nary a soul around, while hubby slept soundly in bed instead of having me tapping my foot and getting annoyed because he was moving so darn slow!!!.

So if you do end up bringing her with you (I'd love to have my mom on a trip with me again so we could go out wandering really early) maybe look at very central hotels - or at least one very close to the public transport that even someone directionally challenged could easily find.

(As for snoring - I snored so horribly on our trip this year - I had a really sore throat/cold which I think contributed...along with really thin flat pillows in most of our airbnb's - I need more pillow volume/head inclined. I think my husband was ready to smother me when we were in Ghent - I actually woke MYSELF up a few times...hubby tried ear plugs, but without much luck...one fell out...I think I'm going to have to start taking a thin cheap pillow to give me the extra height and maybe just leave it behind when we come home if I need the room. That poor man).

I have always thought the goal of traveling is to make great memories. If you CAN travel together and make great memories, that is a wonderful way to not only sustain but also enhance your relationship with your sister. However, if your travels together result in bad memories, you've not only ruined a vacation but have damaged (even if just a little) your relationship. Open communication is key.

Does your sister have a strong desire to travel or is she looking at this as a convenient opportunity to "just do something"? You indicated that you are both in your 60s. Are you both retired and have few (if any) time constraints? How big of a factor is money? Are you only able to do one trip a year, or could you do two (one solo with lots of activity and one together with mixed activity levels)?

If she really would like to travel, I'd suggest you both create a "Bucket List" of places you'd like to travel and things you'd like to do. On your list, make sure you include the activities you want to do. The two of you can have many great dinners together (or phone conversations) sharing, refining and ranking your individual lists. She will gain a sense of just how much walking/hiking you envision. You will gain a sense of just how important specific destinations are to her. You haven't committed to anything yet...you're just dreaming at this point! You can then help her explore opportunities to see places she would like in which you have no interest (for example, request a catalog for a tour geared for people with limited mobility). You could even develop a list of books you could get each other for holidays. If you are including books on hiking the Alps or biking through the wine country of France, she'll get the picture! You could send her links to articles/videos on PLACES she has on her list (again, just dreaming at the point). You could also send her links to articles/videos of ACTIVITIES on your list.

You can use this information to research (on your own) some trip options. Are there destinations on both of your lists that lend themselves to mixed activity levels and you can plan a trip together? (Again, do some research before you mention it to her as an option.) Hopefully you will find some trips you can plan together. You can also mention, "I'm going to have to do __________ on my own so I can __________." Since you are actively talking about a trip you are planning on doing together, hopefully she'll be receptive to the idea that there will be some trips you want to do on your own. You can always say, "Look I love you, but we both recognize that when we travel together we need separate bedrooms. We also need to recognize that not every trip is going to lend itself to accommodating mixed activity levels."

Hopefully she will see that you don't have to do everything together. And, you might find that there is a trip you want to do FOR HER. if there is destination or two at the top of her bucket list that does not lend itself to mixed activity levels (and time & money are not huge obsticles), and you know she'll never do them on her own, perhaps you could consider doing a week with her (doing things she loves) just to make some great memories together and then extend your stay and do something on your bucket list. (She'll be tired and want to get home anyway!)

I agree with Sarah that some of the comments here have seemed a bit harsh, but that's OK. I can deal with it. I would like to know how many of you have told a sibling "No, sorry you can't come with me." I can't do that. We HAVE had the discussions about style and my need to be on my own but I am looking for the location that allows me to do that while offering her something to do while I am out and about. No I'm not trying to be a martyr, just trying to introduce her to parts of Europe she may enjoy.

I always plan my trips as solo trips and will continue to do so for my upcoming trip. But at a certain point in the next planning process I have to know if she will be coming along due to hotel rooms (double vs single or apt.). She doesn't care where she goes as long as there is water of some kind. That's why I was thinking Lido. She can stay on the beach to her heart's content ( I get bored after an hour) while I go into Venice proper. I'm sure there are other locations that might fit the bill. Just looking for recommendations for a location. I have thought of a river cruise but I like to stay in one place for 4-5 days. I've also thought of renting a car. Thank you for the Nice suggestion. I'll check it out.

Yesterday was Fathers Day here in Australia. Our family gathered at one of my sisters, on a lovely spring day, with time spent on the beach. Ironically BOTH of my sisters took delight in presenting slide shows of their respective trips earlier in the year to France and Italy. 'Stay at home' David kept a focus on preparing lunch. So, in a converse way, I feel some of your pain.

What comes to mind for me ...
•Compromising your plans can mean spoiling the integrity of what YOU have been dreaming of.
•Incompatible travel styles can point to neither of you having a good experience.
•Given that degree of incompatibility, you then have to question the value for $$$ spent.
•Anticipating issues BEFORE you set out pretty much guarantees that obstacles will pop up on the road.
•Save the relationship with your sister, noting that friends are more difficult to negotiate than family, and sit down for an honest chat.
•Suffering in silence is a disaster in the making.

If she must go with you and she wants to be near water, then maybe the Italian Riviera? Rapallo is a lovely town, small enough (but not too small) where she maybe could hang out during the day while you took day trips via ferry or train. Santa Margherita and Portovenere are nearby.... she could go to these places with you but stay near the sea in each location while you do your own thing. The Cinque Terre is close by as well. Or Genoa, a big city that you could visit while she stays behind.

Tough call. I travel solo so would tell her no, you can't come along, but I don't have a sister, so easy for me to say.....

Telling a sibling that would be very difficult. I have told a guy friend on going to London, let alone Berlin or Vienna, something similar. I said, "I am not taking you with me because you're high maintenance." Well, he didn't deny it.

I do like the idea someone suggested of Nice. In part because part of the beauty of being there is taking the bus along the corniche to the various sites outside of the city - and on the bus you have beautiful views while not having to walk. There's the old town in Nice, where you can go walk to your heart's content, and she can sit at a seaside café table, and when she feels up to it, you can go for example visit Villa Ephrussi or something. You can take a cab to the Matisse museum and only walk at the museum. The weather is more likely to be pleasant than in Germany (not that it's a guarantee of course). See if you can read some information about Nice and its surrounding area here on Rick's site or in one of his books, as well as here on the Forum, and see if you think it would help you achieve your goals.

You can even take the train further afield for the day to Cannes or Antibes etc. or even Marseille. And Nice has reliable bus service from the airport to get into town (i.e. you don't have to pay for an expensive cab). Give it a thought!

My brother and I traveled together for the first time the so summer and we too have somewhat incompatible travel styles. It was an adjustment for me, since I like to pack a decent amount into the day and he enjoyed hanging out at the hotel a lot...

I'm wondering if your sister acknowledges her mobility issues, or does she pretend they don't exist? If she acknowledges them, I think it may be much easier to broach this subject with her. Just say, "last time in Venice, you got tired on XXX day and so we had to change or plans. This time, what can we plan ahead of time if this happens? I would like to wander. While you go back to the hotel. Then, ask her to help you plan the trip. There's no reason that you have to plan her day. She can help find the hotels, etc. Good Luck!

Slightly off topic-

BTW, being single, I often worry about dating someone who is NOT " Rick Steves" compatible. I keep hoping to find someone on a tour, but I digress......

;)

Gretchen: perhaps a new forum is needed?!

So, bookstores are fewer than ever and the bar scene is dicey, how about RS's devotees crowdsource a Panera Bread for Gretchen in Andover?

I travel with my sister and it works for us because we make the time and effort to make it work. She snores, I wear ear plugs. She like to take rest days and I go off on my own those days. She inspects and rejects restaurants frequently and I just follow along even though I wouldn't do so on my own. Eventually we always eat.

She would probably have a list that is much longer of irritants that come from traveling with her sister! However, none of these irritants is so great that we don't enjoy our times together and have great trips.

I think I probably have better trips because I am forced to think about what interests her instead of just my own interests. I see and experience things I might have missed otherwise. I think activity level alone doesn't mean you are incompatible. It is also ok to have days apart during the journey.

The only basis for successful travel with a companion is open communication and mutual compromise. If you feel you can't do those two things then you shouldn't travel together. If you can, everything else can be worked out.

Gretchen--I am trying to date and find that men in my age range (I'm 53) fall into roughly 3 groups--they either say they love to travel (then you discover that means taking their RV somewhere to camp or lolling on a beach in Hawaii, neither are my thing), have been busy raising kids so had no time or money to travel beyond Disneyland, or have actually been to Europe and seem suitably adventurous. I love my solo trips and really fear meeting someone who might be wonderful in many ways but not the right travel companion.

To the OP--as many others have said, a frank conversation with your sister is my recommendation. Trips to Europe aren't cheap and you both deserve to get the vacation experience you want, need and are capable of handling. Or let her know you will be going solo and perhaps plan a trip in the US with her. My aunt would love to travel with me to Budapest but she also has physical limitations (besides my uncle who won't "let" her go to scary Europe, ugh) and I've told her if she can ever make it work I'd be glad to take her--I've been there 3 times now so a trip spent showing her the sights at her pace wouldn't ruin it for me, it would just be a different sort of trip.

cbrochu, I apologize if comments were taken as harsh. I read your initial post, using the pretty harsh word of "incompatible", as wanting advice on how to get out of going with her. Now I see you meant, how do you cope with her if she wants to go. But I think the advice is still good as far as making expectations known in advance. Yes, I have traveled with family (family is family - normal rules don't apply) and know that the burden for compromising usually falls on the one in the lead.

At this point in my life, I am all about having open discussions while still staying cordial. I have no time or energy for drama or passive aggressiveness.

I would have a conversation with her.. Does she want to go with you? If so, where does she want to go? How do you make arrangements that will suit everyone e.g. getting 2 rooms, doing some things on your own, compromising on pace etc.

I see no point in you worrying about this if it turns out that she does not want to go with you.

Perhaps trying to develop her navigation skills will make her a more independent traveler? And hence a more suitable travel partner?

It may not be easy but navigation skills are invaluable and should be developed. Maybe you can help her to build the requisite knowledge. The best way may be to work (in person or via video call) on how to read maps, orient yourself using one and determine your route to the desired destination. If she makes sufficient progress on this it may be worthwhile to take a long weekend trip to someplace (Boston? Since you're in Vermont). Have your sister lead the way in navigating from place to place. Work with her to refine her ability. Use multiple transit options such as bus, subways and trams. Allow her to make minor mistakes and then suggest ways that they could have been averted. For instance, I've just climbed out of an underground subway stop in a city. From reading a map I know that my destination is to the northeast. If the shadows cast by the sun are 90 degrees to the left then my desired route should be half way between straight and to the right.

Hopefully that was all sufficiently clear. And note this is probably a longer term project.

Good luck.

Take a bus guided tour of Venice, Verona, etc. it may cost more but u will have options to venture out with grp,while she may decide to stay in bus sometimes.
No perfect answer, unfortunately.
Also give her a set of earplugs.

Take a bus guided tour of Venice

There are no bus tours of Venice, coz' there are no roads for them to drive on, just canals!
Venice is one place where map reading and sense of direction are important. It is a maze of alleys. But, getting lost is fun!

You can overcome some of your issues if you are willing to spend some extra money. Stay in the center of town close to attractions, it usually costs more but means less walking. Also you should book suites that have a separate room so everyone can sleep. Hotels that have a restaurant to limit the need to go out for every meal. Those are some strategies to minimize the impact of your travel differences. Making expectations clear ahead of time is the key. It seems you are resigned to travel together so look to minimize impact and find a travel groove that suites both of you. It's a Zen thing for sure.

In some ways it reminds me of traveling with my mom. She was in good shape and did really well until she hit her wall early in the afternoon. Once she got there, the only thing to do was take a cab back to our hotel, make sure she got dinner and rest until breakfast the next morning. After she was safely back at the hotel, I'd head out and see more sights on my own. Maybe you can plan an activity each morning, have lunch together then get her back to the hotel for downtime while you do your wandering?

Lido is a good idea and she can ride the vaparatto while you wander.

Lake Garda could also provide beach for her and exploring options for you. You can take a boat ride on the lake which should accommodate her mobility issues.

I've not been to Barcelona but I think it would provide options for both of you.

Another option is sometimes she has a rest day while you take a day trip alone.

If she is truly unable to navigate alone, just pick lodging with a square or beach right outside and a restaurant on the premises. But this may add significant cost and you should discuss that, if your budget is stressed maybe you don't split 50:50 but have her chip in more for the added amenities you don't need.

Good luck, if there's part of the day you enjoy her company you can make it work.

I think you would be better off exploring small towns (and not hill towns) by car. The smaller the town, the easier for you to navigate with the car and the easier for her to navigate on foot. Ireland was mentioned earlier and fits the bill, I think. In a small coastal town like Dingle, she would be unlikely to get lost and you have several scenic side trips available, most of which don't require hill climbing. You should usually be able to drive right up to your lodging in Ireland. See this thread that was also about mobility issues there.

On Lake Como, to cite another example, while you can easily get between the mid-lake towns by ferry, and there is a lake-level walking path along the western side of the lake, but towns like Bellagio and Varenna both require hill or stair-climbing to get beyond the waterfront. In Venice, the Lido is pretty far from the sightseeing.

I have one person in my family with whom I match perfectly. But we are both (he more than I) developing mobility issues. Our last 2 trips we made sure that accomodations were close to public transport and or there were taxis. Some afternoons , dad took cab back to hotel while I wandered. We also take the hop on hop off buses. Dad has a golf cane- it has a small seat on it that is ideal as it gives him a place to perch. We also have done some bus tours that work well as they return you to hotel and then I can go out.
the other person is a total mismatch, my son. late riser, lets-go-with the flow person. So we chose one thing we are going to accomplish or 2 in a day. ( it helps that our trip was to Washington DC twice). I make sure there is a pool to sit by in the morning or a balcony.
For both people, , but esp my son, I remind myself that my goal is spending time with someone I love first , seeing the city second.
I think the Italian lakes are a great idea. Interlaken, Wengen are and Lucern Switzerland are also great places. We took the Golden Pass train to Montrose- beautiful, then boat to castle Chilthorn and bus back to train. Lots of nice cafes along the Lake.

Thanks everyone. I picked up some helpful suggestions. An update: Yes, she does want to come. The "where" TBD. We have had the mobility issues and style issues discussion. She acknowledges the issues. We'll continue to discuss as the travel time draws closer. I anticipate that we will have a great vacation.

It sounds like you're on a positive roll, that's great...best of luck in your future planning!

Indeed. Now you can explore how to make that happen.

Let us know what you decide. Sounds like it will be great.
I'm sensing a new category for the forum - Places good for people with mobiltiy/sensory issues .

Have you considered bringing along a third person who shares your sister's physical challenges and travel style?

I give you another thought but a bit harsher. She is your sister. Do it and accommodate her regardless of her limitations and be thankful that you don't have the same limitations.

My younger brother and I always talked about a Christmas in Germany. He loved the lights and the old villages. But he had some limitations that would have make it difficult but not impossible but I put it off till next year and next year maybe thinking he would be better - I don't know. Just didn't do it. He suddenly died a year ago. Now as the second Christmas approaches I am very, very sad that I did not make the effort to fulfill our plan. Go for it. Life is unexpected. You will not regret it.

Would you consider a river cruise or a small ship cruise?

The advantages: There are typically several choices for day excursions, and you and your sister could each select a different one, based on physical ability (or you could even explore on your own, knowing she is safe with a slower-moving group and a guide).

There are various providers of river cruises and small ship cruises, among some of the nicest (and all inclusive, are Tauck), and very close to all-inclusive for small ship: Silversea (sometimes with free air included and sometimes with shore excursions included, always bar tab/tips included).

Less expensive providers are AMA, Viking, Grand Circle.

Costco Travel sometimes has some very good specials.

We've been on one river cruise, and several small-ship cruises. It's nice to see multi-generations, grandma celebrating her 90th birthday, with her adult children/spouses, grandchildren, etc. Each generation choosing tours (sometimes less active simply enjoy the views from port), and then they meet up for dinner on board, etc.

National Geographic also provides some fabulous small ship journeys, but they typically attract very active travelers, but I recall two very elderly passengers who never left the ship in Antarctica, but had the time of their lives enjoying the scenery from the ship (and it was fabulous).

Lots of options.

Private drivers (which really are often not that expensive; sometimes surprisingly reasonable) can provide some opportunities....dropping you both at the top of a steep hill vs. having to hike up, etc. and avoiding a really long walk from a parking lot, etc. or allowing your sister to enjoy a bench in the shade while you sprint around the castle grounds, etc.

Everyone gets lost in Venice. So go someplace simpler. Spend more time in small but interesting places such as Avignon and less in big crowded Paris. Take separate rooms. Insist she do more planning herself in advance. And, key question, does she get on by herself at home? If yes, look for places where the fundamentals resemble what she is familiar with.

Frank, I'm sorry for your loss. Don't let the regrets overwhelm your good memories, sometimes easier said than done. I lost my brother to breast cancer 12 years ago (yes, men do get breast cancer). It took walking 60 miles in the Susan Komen 3-Day Walk two years later with a crying binge on the second day to deal with the pain of loss. Now I dwell on the good memories not the regrets of not truly knowing my brother as an adult.
Kathy

I don't have specific suggestions, but more like some broad ideas.

I would consider a road trip, avoiding major cities. Driving through a region with lots of smaller towns to explore would be an option - depending on the town you could park near a train or bus station and get a cab or bus into town. Visit the sights you both want, then perhaps she could sit and enjoy a coffee or just people- watch in the square, or find another sight she wants and you don't care about, while you wander a bit.

If she doesn't like "wandering" because it doesn't feel productive then maybe on wandering times she could create memories for the trip - draw, photograph, write, read about the area. I have a relative who hates being "unproductive" but when she looks at slower times as opportunities to do something then she likes wandering. Of course, it would need to be a compromise - some wandering, some more scheduled times.

As for sense of direction - does she use a smart phone? An offline map app with real-time GPS can be a lifesaver. I believe google maps does this, as well as citymaps2go and others. You have to download the map of the area you want, after that no data is required. You can mark places of interest, like hotels and sights, on it, then follow your progress on the map. It's not perfect (occasionally there isn't a good signal) but it's much easier than a paper map for people with poor senses of direction.

Also, see if Uber or Lyft is available in the city you are visiting. It would be very easy to order one, have it drive her directly to a sight she wants to see, then you can meet her there in a few hours, or she could order another uber to get back to the hotel and meet you there. This applies to cabs, as well, but in many cities you can't just hail them so would need to find a stand or call, with language difficulties. Not all cities allow uber, and smaller towns often just don't have it, regardless of laws. But where it is available it is SUPER helpful. It's all on an app so you do need internet service.

Finally, YES - apartments. Get a 2 bedroom. Or at least a 1 bedroom and a living room with a bed. That way you have space apart, you both can sleep, she has a larger area to hang out in if she needs rest, and you have a kitchen. You don't need to "cook", but having a table so you can bring back cheese and wine from a market and have a nice afternoon snack, saving the leftovers in the fridge, is very nice. If you are a morning (or late night) person and she's not you can go out wandering while she's asleep without disturbing her. Just get dressed in your own room and go fairly quietly, she won't hear in her own room but if you tried that in a hotel you'd probably wake her up and cause issues. Sleep schedules are one of the hardest things for me to coordinate with others, so I love this. Two rooms in a hotel would work as well, but is often more expensive than sharing a 2 bedroom apartment, plus its nice to have a shared space to hang out together

Every one has been so nice here.

There is a point when people need to go and stay in one location like an apartment and soak up all that city has to offer. Pick an interesting place, like a ground floor apartment in Budapest.
OR, they need to suck it up and pay the price of a river cruise where they're royally taken care of.
Guided bus tours also do okay with the mobility challenged.

My wife has come down with mid foot arthritis and can now barely wear shoes. I can see driving vacations in our future wherever we go. Thankfully we have been just about everywhere we wanted to see in the world. And I am thankful I am capable of navigating European roads drivng.
If Sis gets to be a royal pain to travel with, it will be time for you to go solo. And should understand.

David so sorry about your wife's foot problem. Hoping she can find a good doctor who knows how to help.

if you can work out a way to travel together and both be happy that's great, but if not - you are spending a lot of money on a trip you may not enjoy