Unfriendliest and Friendliest Cities

Well my main experience with West Virginia has been the toll takers there who didn’t like me paying cash. Illinois has front license plates so I think it wouldn’t be a shock that I didn’t have a West Virginia toll pass.

But, I agree you can’t judge a state by the toll takers and at least I didn’t pull out a $100 bill.

A pity NYC can’t keep the ignorant Hayseed American tourist poll responders who are glued to their car/truck and their white bread existence away from New York as it welcomes international tourists who embrace actual diversity and aren’t so utterly stupid to perceive a multicultural city as an example of unfriendliness but rather as an extraordinary melting pot of global cultures living in one fabulous city.

Happy Hanukkah & Merry Christmas!

Couldn’t agree more about Bend, Oregon. Not that we need to make anymore positive lists! It’s pretty much paradise.

Shouldn't this be posted in 'rest of the world'?

I have been to 78 foreign countries and lived for a total of 9 years in the Middle East and Europe.

Friendly is a broad term that probably doesn't explain how people deal with others visiting their country.

Culture is where you start with this discussion. Yes, stereotyping people based on location is problematic, but speaking in terms of generalities, I have found some places are more "friendly" than others.

As a young college student in the late 60s and early 70s, I worked as a desk clerk in a Holiday Inn, in Athens, Georgia. I had traveled with my parents and grandparents to places outside the South, such as New York and Washington, DC. However, I had never really been exposed to large numbers of people from outside the South.

Quite frankly, I developed a negative opinion of people from places like New York City and the northeast US. The culture in the South calls for meeting new people in a positive way. If you want something in the South you use sugar instead of confrontation. The open friendly manner of most Southerners doesn't mean they actually like you, but the culture is to treat you nice and if you upset them, they will try to find a non-confrontational way to screw you.

For example, when I was the desk clerk, I saved one of our rooms by the swimming pool on the first floor (it was next to a noisy ice machine). There were always people from NYC that would come in and immediately pound there fist on the desk and demand a room on the first floor by the pool. When such an obnoxious person did this, I would nicely say, yes, sir, got a room for you. Even though the hotel only had four such rooms, I had saved that one room by the ice machine for them. Sometimes, I would later get a call just before my 11pm shift ended, complaining about the noisy ice machine. I would nicely say, yes, sir, we have no more rooms and didn't you want that room by the pool.

I know several good friends that came from NYC, Boston and Philly and know that good people, friendly people live there, but that doesn't change the fact that when we visit those places, there is defiantly a more confrontational nature to dealing with the locals.

We lived in Germany for four years and loved the country. Germans can be abrupt and a bit rude in public, but once you make friends they are wonderful. The culture in Germany is different from Spain or Italy. Are Germans less friendly than Italians. That is a tough one, because Italians may be more friendly initially, but in the long term, there really is no difference.

My favorite countries for friendly culture are Great Britain, Ireland, Portugal, Scandanavia, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Peru. Also, I love Israel in its own way. The Middle East is complicated since the culture and religion is so different from Western culture. Still, hospitality is huge in the Middle East.

Yes, probably the "rest of the world." I didn't notice that option. Maybe I should pay attention? Sorry about that.

These stories pop up in the States every so often and it's interesting to see how they evolve, with some places always being on the list, and others popping up while others disappear, only to reappear again.

I was not surprised to see so many Latin American countries on the list. Ireland, too.

The best part for me is reading comments from the locals, with some scoffing at the idea, others agreeing with a caveat, and some deflecting elsewhere. It makes for entertaining fodder on some of the news/entertainments shows, with most people keeping a sense of humor about it.

Dale, whenever I go through a manned (personned?) toll booth I think that it must be a tough, extraordinarily tedious job. They're going to deal with a wide range of people, especially the clueless and unpleasant.

I had some friendly encounters with toll booth operators in Ireland as they gave me a good natured ribbing about what I was doing there. One guy said it was 120 miles to some castle, but as I left he said, "You can drop the zero." That sort of thing.

Spent 9 days in NYC a few years back and had a wonderful time. I didn't notice that people there were much different than they are at home (Mpls area). Anyway, I've think I've posted this poem before but yet anther friendly/unfriendly thread begs for a repeat?

THE RIGHT KIND OF PEOPLE

Gone is the city, gone the day,
Yet still the story and the meaning stay:
Once where a prophet in the palm shade basked
A traveler chanced at noon to rest his miles.
“What sort of people may they be,” he asked,
“In this proud city on the plains o’erspread?”
“Well, friend, what sort of people whence you came?”
“What sort?” the packman scowled; “why, knaves and fools.”
“You’ll find the people here are the same,” the wise man said.

Another stranger in the dusk grew near,
And pausing, cried “What sort of people here
In your bright city where yon towers arise?”
“Well, friend, what sort of people whence you came?”
“What sort?” the pilgrm smiled,
“Good, true and wise.”
“You’ll find the people here the same,”
The wise man said.

–Edwin Markham

What is friendliness? What is the long term measure of friendship? How do you measure it in real terms? How do you extract superficiality from the measure? My perspective (old liberal white guy who's been everywhere) will not line up with my house-sitters...he's a young black single father. What do my neighbors think about him? How will he "feel" when he walks into a downtown Dallas bar on a Wednesday afternoon ? Will his experience be different than mine? What will be his experience vs. mine in Bratislava or Cork? Have you ever felt like you were the a minority and does that influence your measure of friendliness?
NYC rude??? Really...certainly no one who has ever spent any time there would agree.
You make the space you occupy what it is with the perspective that you bring to it but your own reality will not translate to anyone else.

Thank you Mack!

Reading the story about the hotel checkin reminds me of working for a rental car company. At that time, we took reservations for far more of the cheapest economy cars than we’d ever have on the lot. We’d rather have the business and it was no big deal to give someone the Chevy Cavalier or Pontiac rather than the tiny Geo Metro they’d reserved.

But we always had one or two on the lot and we’d save them for the travel agents, especially for the agencies that we knew were basically a scam to get industry rates. Those people would come in like they were nobled aristocrats right before the French Revolution and think the world owed them everything. It was even sweeter if it was a hot day, the AC in those tiny Geos sucked.

In my travel experience, it would be difficult to imagine a place with more friendly people than Bali, Indonesia, with its very gentle, artistic, helpful people. Their caring extends to their own fighting roosters, but not to the other guy’s.

Having traveled widely we have found that people everywhere are helpful and generous with their time when you need it. They do this even when they don’t speak English. We got this kind of help when studying a map pulling suitcases in Ankara turkey and Trier Germany and A hotel person invited us in to have tea when it started to rain In Izmir Turkey. We weren’t staying at his hotel. We had two other interactions in Izmir initiated by locals. The key was we were staying in a local area not the tourist part of town.
Local people have more interest in you when you are away from tourist center. The friendliest country was New Zealand. People are helpful every where but not necessarily friendly. It takes time to be friendly.

Mack, what a good, thoughtful response. Thank you.

It interests me that Americans seem to concentrate so much on the perceived "friendliness" of a place, and equate its opposite with rudeness. Yet I've never seen this friendliness defined, nor seen any consideration for cultural variations and norms. In many places "friendliness" is reserved for friends ( and family - those people with whom one has formed a relationship). What is valued in interacting with others is courtesy and respect. What many Americans seem to demand as "friendliness" can be seen as an inappropriate familiarity and a sign of disrespect (ie: rudeness). I've rarely experienced rudeness from locals in my travels, and when I've witnessed it in interactions between others, generally people have gotten what they've given.

Agreeing with Mack and CJean. Universal instant familiarity is an American expectation. I much prefer polite and respectful than "friendly". The Conde Nast article is just another puff piece to promote tourism to places that need a (sponsored?) boost. Next year there'll be another list.
New Yorkers seem to me to not suffer fools gladly. That's an admirable trait, different from rudeness.

The only place I have visited where I would consider the locals to be rude and unfriendly was NYC. I was there 9/11 which didn’t help, but I had that view before the attacks. I have been in London during terrorist attacks and the attitude was very different.

I would not define friendliness as some vacuous smile or gesture of insincerity, nor some perception of rude familiarity. It's more a certain pleasantness and warmth in a human sense. Many people are courteously friendly, and perhaps more common in certain regions, imo, without knowing you. I find this sort of warmth more respectful, actually. It seems almost overwhelmingly common in some towns and cities.

A very pertinent and valid question here

Rudest in the USA....Boston wins hands down. I have yet to go to New York city, one reason is the simple lack of interest in seeing this place relative to London, Berlin, Paris, Warsaw, Budapest, Vienna, Weimar, Fontainbleau, Lüneburg, Frankfurt, etc, etc

No doubt NY would live up to its reputation, if you don't allow yourself to be put off by them. I have the rest of France, Germany, etc to explore before venturing to New York.

Friendliest (or most hospitable, approachable ) cities in the USA and Canada....New Orleans, Memphis, San Antonio, and Quebec City....would go back to that city in an instant outside of winter, ie in the summer. I had friendlier experience in Montgomery, AL in 1991 that I did in Boston in 2018.

Germans would tell you bluntly (unverblümt) in German which city they perceive as the rudest in Germany...all very interesting in discussing sort of exchange with and among them.

The friendliest city/capital over-all is London.

We spent a week in NYC this year and didn’t find anyone to be unfriendly, even taking the metro, etc. And we have very seldom experienced anyone being unfriendly during our years of vacation travel to Europe when we attempted to speak their language.

We recently moved to the Coeur d’Alene area, and we have been so pleased at how friendly everyone has been to us! Several neighbors stopped by our new home to welcome us to the neighborhood, and clerks at stores have been genuinely nice.

What many Americans seem to demand as "friendliness" can be seen as an inappropriate familiarity and a sign of disrespect (ie: rudeness).<<

I will second that thought. I really, really dislike it when people I don't know call me "sweetheart" or "honey." I will feel much more comfortable in a place where I am treated in a hands off, respectful fashion.

As with so many other cultural matters, it comes down to your expectations and what you are used to.

I would certainly not go out of my way to visit "friendly" vs "unfriendly" places.

Being from the South, I prefer to use the descriptions "formal" and "direct" rather than "rude". Generally speaking, in the US, the further north you go and the larger the community, the more formal and direct people are. I find being called "honey" in a supermarket or restaurant welcoming, not offensive.

In Europe, as far as cities, I have been repeatedly struck by the kindness I have encountered in London. Lovely people. On the rudeness scale, St. Petersburg stands out. Russia is the only country in Europe that I vowed never to return to.

Emma, as one who visits England annually and has British friends, I am disappointed to read that you encountered anti-British attitudes in Boston. In the southern US you would treated as an honored guest. Come visit Tennessee!

The only European location I've felt not welcome is Venice where I felt I was
tolerated at best by locals in some of the neighborhoods we visited. I've always felt welcome in New York with people always willing to help. The sunny tourism spots in the US is where I put my vote for least friendly; places like Phoenix and Orlando.

The friendliest city/capital over-all is London.

Overwhelmingly agree. Never been to a major city where I've been treated better. One example; I don't belive there was ever a time on the Tube that someone didn't jump up and offer my wife and mother-in-law there seat. Compare that to a place like Paris where while I don't feel the residents were rude, I did find them indifferent.

No doubt Boston as I pointed out is the most unfriendly city I've come across in the US but that's only on a personal level, which one may regard as important or irrelevant. The main question is whether I would go back having encountered this sort of initiate reception. The answer is yes, since culturally and historically Boston is well worth it. Likewise with the food.

I very much enjoy and appreciate reading everyone's responses. Thank you.

We're heading Down South tomorrow for a week to include Charleston, Savannah, Hilton Head, Fayetteville, and Augusta. There is something a bit more dignified or refined in the warmth or "friendliness" of those areas relative to West Virginia. There is a difference and I'm having difficulty in articulating it. There were openly friendly people in Liverpool but different somehow. I have already mentioned the the hotel staffer singing "Country Roads" after finding out where I was from. That's a lifelong memory, my friends!

edit: I've been the guy at the subway/underground ticket machine or turnstile that didn't quite know what he was doing, listening to exasperated people behind me. When we get a flood of people visiting Skyline Drive in the Fall, unsure at times where they are going in town, I try to remember "that's me" when I visit an unfamiliar area.

Emma,
Could you expand a bit on Russian vs. US LEOs please? Are we talking detectives/investigators or beat cops?
Thanks!

I'm a native New Yorker and I'd just like to add a bit of explanation. Anyone who has been here will immediately notice the remarkable energy and the very fast pace that is probably the most distinguishing feature of the New York culture. Almost everyone is in a hurry and tourists (who I'm sure are perfectly nice people) often do things that irritate locals because they either hold up lines or obstruct foot traffic. In New York you are expected to know what you want before you reach the front of the line, not make everyone wait while you hold a conversation with the clerk. I'm sure many tourists come from places where this chit chat is considered "being friendly" but in New York holding up a line is quite rude. Being direct and coming to your point promptly is a cultural value here, while it may be perceived as being abrupt or even rude in less crowded areas. Another example would be tourists who form a group of 4 to 10 and stand in the middle of the sidewalk making it difficult for the crowd flowing around them to get past. There are also those who walk slowly 3 abreast and wonder why they are getting bumped and frowned at by all the rude people. On escalators it is a common courtesy here that, if you want to stand still, you stand to the right so that people can move past you on the left. What I'm trying to explain is that people are likely to be perceived as rude whenever they are going against the grain of the local culture. I'm going down to Charleston next week where I try to make a conscious effort to slow down and stop being overly "direct". I may even go crazy and miss a bus because I was engaged in a pleasant conversation. The old adage "when in Rome" applies to a lot of this!

I couldn’t agree more with the above. ‘When in Rome’ definitely applies to those visiting USA big cities especially during the peak of tourist season. And, I do understand that it’s a bit of a culture shock for someone coming to a Chicago/D.C./NYC from other parts of the country. A few other things to mention, let the people off the train before you try to get on it, no one wants a double stroller shoved into their knees. The same goes for elevators. I realize people in suburbia don’t use trains or high rise elevators very often, but it’s easy to learn.

The food lines mentioned above are another good point. While you may be on vacation and have all the time in the world, you’ve got office workers behind you that need to get back to their desk. It’s pretty hard to get delivery to a high rise office building at lunch time unless you’re ordering a substantial amount of food, so most of us have to go out to get something to go if we didn’t bring our lunch.

If you ask me a direct question, I’ll answer it. ‘Which stop is Wrigley Field?’ I can say Addison and you’ve got your answer. Just never ask someone if you can ask them a question. I immediately think it’s going to be a long sob story about how they lost their wallet or their kid needs an asthma inhaler or whatever.

I have family in South Carolina and I do try to follow
my When in Rome rules. I remembered to smile when I was in a grocery store check out lane and the person in front of me and the cashier were having a discussion about how their flower gardens were doing that year.

I lived and worked in both the suburbs and in Boston for 45 years and am floored that a British citizen felt they were treated poorly for being British. On the contrary in fact, as in we felt an affinity with the British (past history being past history while being quite prevalent in the Boston area). I have to wonder if it was multiple attempts at humor? Perhaps not executed in a recognizable way thereby not achieving the intent? Bostonian humor can be quite dry. A reason why I thought I understood and had appreciation for a British professor’s humor I once worked with. If I had this sense of the British perhaps those you who encountered did as well? As in the Bostonians thinking you would understand their humor?

I've never felt any city I've visited is rude or unfriendly. There might be cities I feel more comfortable in than others, but that has to do with me, my background, personality, whatever. I find if I'm nice, I get nice back. I would never label a city rude. I suggest you all return and chill in Boston for a while and you will likely find a different Boston. However, we are not falsely friendly, but rather we are the nicest people to know, if you bother.

As far as being a tourist in Boston, I regularly help tourists. We fairly recently invited a Boston tourist from Switzerland to join us on a day trip to Newport, RI as he was spending a few weeks in Boston and wanted to get out of the city. I am not the exception in this. However, if you expect us to not have our usual sense of humor or to be falsely saccharin, that's not going to happen.

My son in law is British. He is not shunned or treated badly. In fact, he is most enjoyed because of his heritage so I find the anti-British discussion ridiculous, especially considering a certain segment of our population being so nuts about their monarchy (not my SIL, LOL). Sometimes perceived rudeness or unfriendliness is due to a person having a bad day, being exhausted (or jet lagged) or having just received horrible news. Of course, if you are touring the Colonial Boston sights, then you will have the Colonial Boston perspective of the British, which was not complementary, of course, but most of the time this is attempted to be addressed with humor. If you don't want history from that period then find something else to do in Boston as there is much from which to choose.

Hi all,

Some posts were removed... and then people posted about that, clearly not understanding the problem. As a reminder, our #1 guideline is to stay on topic. It's not respectful to the OP or others discussing the topic to hijack a thread about friendly/rude cities to discuss a political group. The first mention of that group was originally fine, but -- to keep the thread on topic -- was later removed after the side topic was seized upon by others. Thanks for your understanding and for keeping this discussion on topic from here forward.

Thank you in advance for not responding to this post. Back to the friendliest (or rudest) cities...

Long ago I was sent to NYC on business. I’d heard the horror stories and was dreading the trip. I tried to keep an open mind, realizing a big yankee city isn’t like a small southern town. I found the folks of NYC to be matter of fact but not rude. I was even gifted a ticket to see Doc Severinson at Carnegie Hall by a complete stranger!

I firmly believe you find what you expect. Knowing the culture of the country helps. I love both cats and dogs, but I use different techniques when making a new friend. Generally, I find Italians more like dogs - boisterous and friendly. The French are more like cats - a little more reticent but just as nice if you approach them on their terms.

It is exactly the guarantee of being deleted that curbs one's desire to write his/her real opinions and views of a city, such as Boston or New York. No use expressing such disagreeable views, even civilly, only to have them removed. The real view still remains.

I was on a site with members from different places in the World. It came up in the discussion that the US was the only country people had seen (or had seen people overseas with that behavior) that would openly smile at people they met on the street. One gentleman from Scandinavia said that "only nutters do that there". And another one from a Eastern European country said when she had an American friend visit her she had to tell him not to do that on the street or she would have to pretend not to know him.

It came up in response to an article on a tourist ship trip to Antarctica where the crew was Russian and the passengers were mostly Western. It came up as an item in the article about how the "Russians never smiled" and the writer of the article had to explain (he was Slavic) about the differences.

And interesting difference for what it's worth.