Traveling without your spouse

This is very common among my friends. Especially when you are waiting for the other person to retire. It works when you enjoy different actiivities such as golf where most people compete with the same gender. I was a Naval Reservist until I retired and it gave me and my husband time to experience different places and people for a couple of weeks a year, Often he would fly to wherever I was to continue to visit that different part of the country; When we were 1st married he didn't think Europe was his thing...but we took time off for month long vacations while we could still drive and climb mountains. We both became fascinated with Art & Antiques, so we loved us some Great Estates, Castles and Museums. We loved driving so we could come and go as we pleased. Probably can't do that anymore. I am pretty happy where we live so we really don't need to fly away anymore to visit great places. Don't worry about enjoying your self with your pals as long as you let the other do their thing, too.

"I also have the guilt about leaving them behind with responsibilities like the dog and the household."

Anne, you should feel guilty indeed. I'm suprised you are considering such a trip with your friends, leaving your poor husband to fend for himself like that. If you do decide on leaving him for a couple of tough weeks then the very minimum you should do is hire a sitter for the dog, and a maid to keep the house spic and span. A food delivery service isn't a bad idea. Is your husband able to tie his own shoelaces?

I traveled without my husband with my kids a fair amount when they were growing up. Sometimes it was a 5 day trip during teacher conventions, other times he would stay back with a kid or two while I traveled with the remaining kids. My husband's opinion was that he wanted his kids to see the sights in the U.S. and he rarely likes to go to the same place more than once.

When the kids were in college, I traveled with them to Europe twice without my husband, mostly because I had the time and he didn't. When we started to travel to Europe together, I often stayed longer than he did. I once did an Icelandic layover on my own. Maybe because I had traveled by myself with kids for so long, the idea that I'd travel on my own occasionally didn't phase either one of us.

Now with one of my kids in grad school in Honolulu and another in Seattle with his family, I occasionally travel to see the kids on my own. My husband and I both have responsibilities with our parents so we don't always have the same availability. Also, I have the need to see my kids more often than he does.

My husband does photography/camping trips twice a year. He goes alone, and given what he does, I'm not sure I'd enjoy going. I also think he needs his alone time and be able to schedule his day any way he wants. I do "hold down the fort" as he does when I'm gone. When he is gone, I tend to set up get togethers with friends and other activities. I think we both enjoy some alone time at home. Perhaps, you and your husband will end up feeling the same way.

There are times my husband and I do not have the same vacation time. Even when we do, we might want to do different things. I typically go to Europe on my own and I’ve done so since my first full time position after graduating college. I did a great deal of traveling in that position and began my decades’ long accrual of frequent flyer miles and take advantage of them during my vacation time which is in the autumn & spring. Anyway, solo travel is some thing I’ve always loved. There is no guilt; there never has been.

Thanks for your replies, everyone. I taught at an international school, living abroad by myself for two years with her at home (kids are grown), so I know my wife is perfectly capable of taking care of everything while I'm gone. In fact, she's better than I am at all the "house" stuff. I'm the one who calls a professional; she's the DIY one. We just always enjoy traveling together. She has five weeks a year of vacation and we use those down to the very last hour. Guess I just feel bad leaving her behind, working. But perhaps, once I'm on board the plane, I'll feel better...:D

I retired 7 years ago and my husband just retired this past winter. So while he and I took a trip together each year using his available vacations, I also went on anywhere from 2 to 3 trips a year on my own, mostly to Europe but also 6 weeks in Australia and New Zealand with friends. I went to all the places he wasn't all that interested in going to, and my Europe trips consisted of a 1-2 week small group tour and then additional days on my own before and after the tours. These were wonderful trips and we would keep in touch via wifi calling. He got to do the things he wanted and enjoy having the house to himself, and I got to explore, meet new people, have adventures, and I think it strengthened our relationship. Do not let a sense of guilt keep you from going on these trips - he will probably find that he enjoys his "me time". I just made sure I paid all the bills before I left, left a basket for him to toss all the mail into (so it didn't get lost around the house if it got dropped in misc places), and called him every day or two. You will get comments from other people about "how can you leave him", but big deal - enjoy yourself and you won't regret wasting those years waiting for him to retire. I would not trade those trips of mine for anything!

My hubby won’t travel. He’s not interested, not even a road trip. So last year I gave up asking him. I went on my first solo trip to France and beyond. This year was my second solo. Next year will be my third, to Italy. One major trip a year fits our budget.

There’s no guilt. While I would love to travel with a friend, it isn’t going to happen. Some friends can’t afford to go to Europe, some aren’t interested, some have health issues, and some I know would not be compatible travel mates.

I also “threatened” my hubby, if I had to stay home, I’d buy another horse. Care for the last one was the same cost as a trip to Europe per year. It’s part of the choices we make. I played with horses for many years. He plays with collector cars.

Well, I understand what you are saying - but I have a whole group of people who travel with me WITHOUT their husbands (and a list of people who wish I would take them) and apparently don’t feel guilty. 🤣 Maybe I am a bad influence….

Seriously, though, every role in life has tasks and in a partnership, friendship, or job, sometimes someone helps carry our responsibilities. It’s the way life works. If it is just you feeling the guilt, you can take steps to learn a healthier way give yourself permission to enjoy life. If your spouse instigates the guilt, you have a whole different issue.

We have our own business, so one of us always has to stay at home to take care of that. Husband is not that interested in travel, but I am, so he stays here all of the time. He seems happy to let me go off galavanting through Spain, etc. I need to get away, and he doesn't. Have never felt guilty about it.

We have traveled apart many times during 40 plus years of marriage. Many of his trips were work re!ated and many 6-8 weeks. New Zealand, Australia, Africa, and many fishing trips. I have childhood friends that I can go on trips with and he has fishing friends. Most of our big trips these days are the two of us, but I still wouldn't hesitate for a longer trip with friends.

I am happy that one of us will be home to take care of things when the other is away. And I honestly think he is happy when I am gone so he can get a burger or onion rings at Burgerville and no one asks him what he had for lunch as opposed to "why didn't you eat the !eftovers in the fridge?"

Last year there was a class and in Bologna that I wanted to take and my husband didn’t want to go. I ended up going for three weeks and loved it. This year, I really wanted to go see the Vermeer exhibit. I went for a week and left my husband at home with the dog. As a previous poster said sometimes it’s nice for them to have their own space while we are away. It does make me appreciate him even more and all the things he does for me and vice versa. Go enjoy and have fun exploring.

I have a bit of a djifferent perspective on this as a widow. Part of me says that it is good to be able to travel and do activities independently because someday that may be the only choice. The other part of me says to treasure all the time you have with your spouse and not take it for granted.

Anne, have you talked to your wife about this? You may find that she would be happy for you to travel on your own and also might relish some alone time. And it might give her some time to plan trips for when you are both retired! You could also discuss the trips you want to take as a couple, and make sure that those are saved for vacation time and after she is retired.

Since she is a DIY person, she might enjoy working on some projects while you're gone. It could be a win-win situation for you both for the next few years. :) You'll just have to make sure you bring back a wonderful souvenir for her! 😊

I will start out saying I am single so dont have this concern.

That being said the one concern i would have if i did have a spouse would he to make sure that the spouse’s travel do not limit our future travels, Either because the spouse went somewhere i wanted to go or because of money issues.

I would he disappointed if i always wanted to go someplace and my spouse went without me. Even if they were willing uo go back when i had time it would not be the same as the enjoyment of that shared first time seeing something or going someplace would mot be there if my spouse had been there a year or two back.
But as long as this issue is avoided I dont see an issue with it.

My husband and I do all the international trips together, as well as many bigger domestic trips. I am the outdoors person, however, so I will do backpacking trips without him--either with friends or outdoor outfitters/guide services/organizations. He is more apt to go on his own to visit friends or relatives. It is hard at times though juggling our jobs and dog care when one of us leaves on a trip and the other stays home with all the responsibilities. I feel like it is a something that we have to continually negotiate.

I travel all the time without my husband. I have a small group of friends that are either widowed or travel without their husbands and it works out well for all of us. I have several people that want to join the group, but I am selective. A long time ago I sold my horses and decided my hobby was now travel. Retirement makes it much easier to travel out of season. I did Greece this year and am heading back to the UK and Scotland in two more weeks. As long as I pay the bills before I go and I don't go crazy with my vacation money, my husband is fine staying home with the cat and dog.

My husband-type is older than I am and he retired when he was 54 years old. I worked for 17 more years as I am younger than he is. We traveled together when I had vacation time, but I encouraged him to travel while I worked. He'd never done anything like that on his own. I had traveled solo since the age of 20. He loved solo travel. We agreed I'd have my time when he was at a point he no longer wanted to travel. Even when he would travel with me, there were a few trips he wasn't interested in, so I went on my own. Now, I'm traveling and he is home. There's a lot to be said for one person at home. It lightens the burden of what to do with the yard, or the pets or whatever. I have loved my solo trips. It works out best if both people understand how nice solo travel is and that it is not a sign of a poor relationship, but rather the opposite, IMO. As he is 82 now, I do have the worry of what might happen while I'm gone...but I have that worry with everyone I love...as if I could stop the inevitable. LOL And I do know that after two weeks, he's getting a little bored without me. So I will still take solo trips, but they are only about 16 days, which is my preferred length anyway. While I have a little guilt knowing he misses me, he set the precedent so I will likely continue traveling.

I have to travel without my spouse on business. I DO NOT like it.

Why? I miss doing you-know-what after a few days.

Plus, in the military, I had several lengthy separations from Mary. We will be separated soon enough at death for eternity, so why exactly would I want more time away from her now? I like being with her. That's why we're married.

I've never "needed a break" or "alone time" from Mary in our 40+ years together.

Maybe a hybrid trip is the solution.

In 2019, I went to France for three weeks. My husband joined me for the last week. This year I went to England, Wales, Slovenia & Croatia for a month. My husband came for the England & Wales part of the trip.

Every couple is different. Perhaps have a conversation with your spouse to see if she minds if you travel without her. She can express her true feelings. If she says "Go and have fun." you are relieved of any guilt feelings that would spoil your vacation.

I have not yet traveled without my husband, but someday I will, because there are places he has no desire to go, such as Paris. Many single, divorced or widowed women on this forum go on the Rick Steves tours, so you would have plenty to keep you company if you went with a RS tour.

Some couples spend every minute of every day together. My husband and I are like that, both retired. But we have friends who say that would drive them nuts. They often take short trips individually.
There's no right or wrong way....just what you and your spouse agree on.

As has been recommended several times, have this discussion with your wife. Perhaps this will give you the permission you need to travel solo and guilt free. DH and I never felt the need to ask permission. We have our together travels, and we have our separate travels when one wants to see or do something the other doesn't really want to do. My daughter and her husband are the same. In fact she is now on a girls trip with her BF while he's at home with the cat. In 2 weeks he'll be off on his yearly guys only trip while she is at home.

My husband and I are spending 2 weeks together at a lake in Texas as I write this. We have spent the day boating, swimming, playing with our almost 2 year old new rescue Lab. Just don’t ask what the temperature is because then you’d know we are certifiable 😁. Next month we will take off for 2 -3 weeks camping in New Mexico and Colorado. But come mid Oct I will take off solo for Prague, Budapest and Vienna. I’ve added days on both ends of the RS PrBud tour. He’ll do a lot of stuff at the deer hunting property he/we own while I’m gone and we’ll text several times every day.

We are still best buddies after 52 years but I love Europe and art and history museums and he loves managing his land and we give each other the space to do what we want with no guilt. I understand people not wanting to be separated ever but I also know having parts of your lives that vary isn’t a bad thing.

@ Big Mike. 40 years? I agree, Mary is a saint and a keeper.

Oh, Anne, it looks like I have a bit of scrambled egg on my face.

"I miss doing you-know-what after a few days." - Big Mike, it's admirable that you are so keen on doing the laundry and ironing. Your Mary is a lucky woman.

Carol, yes, my better half is an apt description.

Not to be morbid, but the fact of the matter is we're in our 60s and the end of our togetherness is fast approaching. Father Time is undefeated and untied. It's worth keeping in mind when we consider needing space from our spouse. We'll get an eternity of "me time" very soon relatively speaking.

Anne, please talk to your wife and find out how she feels about this.

I was wracked by guilt leaving my husband to take care of the household while I went on a trip by myself last year purely for fun (past few solo trips had been for work or family obligations). I also felt bad spending money on something only for myself. My husband was very supportive and urged me to take the trip. I ended up enjoying it so much, I do plan to take more trips on my own. Especially as my husband does not enjoy traveling much.

In my case, my wife will only do limited travel by herself, mainly to visit kids in the US. Myself, I have managed a few trips to Europe without her, some business with extended personal time when she had less vacation, but some guy trips that focus on beer, usually with my son and brother.

She mopes about my trips a little bit, and the trips we take together, I let her set the priorities, but I do find some solo travel refreshing. I can focus on the things I want that would bore her to death, she can do the same in her travels. When together, we still do some things apart (Thank goodness for Google location sharing) for a few hours each day.

I travel without my husband all the time. I do not feel guilty, though I used to...less about leaving him, and more that he was going to have to manage all the stuff at home that I normally manage. Which was irrational. I work and manage all that stuff, he should be able to as well.

I tend to take shorter international trips, which I enjoy because at heart I'm a homebody. My husband doesn't want to go anywhere for less than a week. I get paid by the hour; he does not. If I'm not working, I'm not getting paid, so a 5-6 day trip works best for me.

We also have a senior dog at home. I love our dog too, but my husband really hates being away from him for long, so he stays home with him while I travel. We were signed up for the RS Istanbul seven day tour last October. Late last spring we were getting close to the deadline to cancel and get our deposit back. At the time there was still a negative Covid test requirement to return to the US. When my husband realized that a positive Covid test might mean being away from the dog for an additional week-ten days, he wouldn't even consider going on the tour, so we cancelled.

My husband also does a good many "guy weekends" camping, playing poker, etc. with his friends while I stay at home. And he and our son travel to go to concerts and music festivals.

So, we both travel separately, and happily. Until the dog crosses the rainbow bridge, I imagine it will stay that way.

Yes--it is difficult being away from a companion animal. Between the two dogs we have had over the past 23 years, the longest we ever went away from home was 9 days. Most of our trips were much shorter or were dog trips in the PNW. This spring our 16 year old lab died, which was of course a very difficult emotional time. Right now we are waiting a year before we get another dog, and we are doing some traveling and quick getaways that we normally wouldn't be able to. Still nothing huge or weeks-long because our jobs/vacation time won't allow it.

I went to Israel in March without my wife. She was glad I went.

She'd been bedridden most of the last year after terrible back surgery, and she wasn't in any shape to go.

But she got her trip to London, Athens and a cruise around the Greek Islands ending in Rome last June. With a personal power scooter, she travels very well. She walks okay, but just not far.

There may be a point in time where my wife cannot travel. Hopefully I'll be able to take some short trips without her--at her request.