traveling with kids in poorer/second or third world countries

I have not been to Nicaraugua but I have traveled a few times to Guatemala, and have thought I should take one of my grandkids (age10) next time I go. While you can definitely make it a mission trip there are also plenty of places that are not totally poverty ridden areas. In Guatemala there are the places that the locals go on vacation with plenty of wonderful restaurants, hotels, shops, etc. These places include Antigua, Lake Atitilan. While there is plenty of poverty all around the whole country I think the benefits to the kids is priceless.... So, while I have made my travels to poor areas of Mexico and Guatemala, they have been to try and learn some Spanish, or simply vacation. I am a photographer and while I sometimes feel a bit shallow when I meet some of the other Americans who are doing incredible work there (missionaries, doctors, Habitat for Humanity) I do what I can to contribute to the economy and buy as much 'stuff I need' from the street vendors. You sound as though you will make thoughtful choice for your child...to see the world as a 'lucky American' yet realize there are many who do not have the benefits we do.

I started traveling a lot when I was 4 with my parents. I saw a lot of poverty at a young age. It did not traumatize me, it taught me empathy for others and appreciation for what I was lucky to have (we were not rich). You sound like good parents and that gives your child a good foundation to handle what she/he may see.

Of course, no one here knows your child, so how can we say. Interesting your husband asks: this is supposed to be a vacation and not a mission trip. (pretty good question). I saw real poverty among the locals, growing up in US Foreign Service enclaves in Asia and Europe after the War. Seeing real poverty didn't give me any superior insight or sensitivity. You end up at 9 wondering why I have all this and they don't, and maybe I'll lose everything I have. It may be that there are some things in this world that an affluent child, under a certain age, does not really need to have their nose rubbed in. There will be plenty of time for them to come to grips with the poverty and suffering in this world, when they're older.

Wow, Kent. Wasn't expecting folks to examine what I was posting so closely, but you are very insightful. So, "Why Nicaragua and why now?" 1) For over 20 years my husband and I traveled to Europe (other than USA), with the exception of 1 trip to Mexico. Then we 'ventured out' to Turkey in 2010 & loved it. So we're interested in going to a region of the world that we've not been, such as Central America. 2) Our daughter has been studying Spanish in school for 4 years & we'd like to travel to a country where she can stretch her language muscles (neither my husband nor I speak any Spanish). I think she's ready to ask for a table in a restaurant, etc. & she'd enjoy 'taking the lead' in speaking a foreign language. (I'm having trouble posting, so I'm going to try and do this in two posts)

3) We are a transracial family - Caucasian parents with an African American child. It's important that my child experience the world in which the European culture does not constantly dominate, & where people of color are in positions of power & authority. 4) We are not interested in 'sheltered' travel. We don't stay in gated compounds, we don't do bus tours & cruise ships. Granada, Nicaragua sounded like a base where could travel on our own. 5) Frankly, we can afford a trip to Nicaragua in 2012 & can't afford to go other places out of the US. Travel is important to us & we like to travel out of the country at least every other year, if not every year. I've been dreaming of 2 weeks in Sicily & I know our daughter would love to see Paris, but that's not feasible for 2012. Plus, we do need to keep considering the other 4 points listed above. I am hesitating, but I'm leaning strongly towards going. My child is keenly observant & extremely empathetic. I think she will grow in those two weeks in so many ways that just would not be possible with any U.S. trip. I was hoping that other parents would be able to give me some language & reasoning that they used with their kids in this type of situation, since this is virgin territory for us.

Darlene,, your post is interesting,, but I hope you are posting something like this on a few other forums,, I strongly recommend posting on Lonely Planets Thorntree forum and tripadvisor.com Nicaragua forums,, I think you may get a greater diversity of travellers on those forums who will be more likely to offer first hand experience and advice.This is a great forum,, but it is as you realize mostly aimed at Europeon travel,, and frankly, less adventurous travellers( although that is not to say there ARE some posters here who definately qualify as experienced travellers and can help you out also) I will point out there are in fact many countries your daughter can stretch her Spanish language skills.

Costa Rica would give you the same multi-cultural experience and inexpensive price in a more politically stable and more tourism-oriented setting. Rainforests, volcanoes, beautiful beaches, lots and lots of animals, etc. There is so much to see and do in Costa Rica! It would be much more a "vacation" setting than Nicaragua. One little bonus - they use the same 110v power and plugs that we do, so no need for adapters for your electronics.

Nancy I had thought of Costa Rica too,, so glad you posted it though,, seems like a happy medium !

I do not get the sense that you wish to do a more expensive version of "let's drive the kids through the poor part of town." That type of exposure does not really foster empathy. We are a tribal species, and often tend to see "the other" as having faults that lead to their misfortune. Initially, I liked the idea of Central America for your transracial family, because there are a lot of different colors. However, you may want to research more. I don't know this for sure, but if the whites of Spanish descent are the ones at the top of the ladder, and the Indian and African descendants are at the bottom, that may not be a message you want enforced in your daughter. You don't want to hit her in the face with abject poverty, and leave her with despair and angst. Perhaps a day spent with Habitat or another mission might give a sense of hope and purpose. Give her plenty of opportunities to just interact with kids her age. It shouldn't all be "let's help out the poor." While I respect Kent's insights, I do want to point out that sometimes the communication can be suddenly stopped or suspended during adolescence. You may wait a few years to find she won't talk to you at all.

James, you are right about the Nicaraguan migrant workers. We were told in CR that most of the people employed in coffee picking, banana plantations, etc., were Nicaraguan workers. In Costa Rica, though, the employer must sponsor them and provide health insurance.

It all depends on the trip. Going to a resort and the likes should be hassle-free. I wouldn't take children, if I had then, to have much contact with poverty. I myself was partially raised in a Third-World country following my parents that were living there and working there. It was a traumatizing experience and I don't want, EVER, my children to become in contact with abject poverty realities. It is not good for youngsters. But that it just my opinion. I don't want them to feel guilty or risk becoming deranged later in life (not my case fortunately) for comparing how people can live with much less.

My two cents' worth: I think it would depend on your child's personality. Is she relatively up-beat and cheerful and resilient? Or is she soft-hearted, sensitive, and easily troubled? I remember my first trip to Mexico when I was 15. I am one of those ultra-sensitive, sob-at-sad-movies types, and at 15, the poverty in Mexico City dang near laid me out. Seriously, I spent an entire day CRYING, and was depressed and anxious for weeks after I got home. So if your child is sensitive, I don't recommend a trip to some place that just might traumatize her.

Don't most parents think their child is "more sensitive"? (She's mine, how could she be anything else than special?) But in truth, only a few tourists to "3rd world countries" even see the true depths of suffering, because they're on guided tours that are sanitized itineraries to "approved" venues that won't freak out the pampered Americanos. The danger of not doing a guided tour, as you say you want to do, is that you may get more than you thought. If you end up in the hell holes where the doctors and missionaries are doing Christ's real work, you may see that the doctors aren't bringing their kids on vacations to these places. Whose agenda is being pushed: the parent's, or what your child would want?

I think you need to put things into perspective - I doubt very much that you are going to be spending much time in the 'abject poverty' areas of Nicaragua. In fact you seem to just be heading to Granada which from my research is the most touristy town in Nicaragua. Yes, your kid will see people that don't have all the luxuries that we have in the US - but it isn't like every nook and cranny of the country is downtrodden - if so, I doubt you would be headed there. Only you can tell if your child will be traumatized by being exposed to a different culture - my guess is that they will just take things in stride given that he/she has already been exposed to other countries. I speak from experience since I have taken my 13 year old to almost 70 countries including places like Guatemala, Ecuador, Colombia, Uruguay, Armenia, India, Sri Lanka Laos and many others. It doesn't matter how untouristy an area we are in - he goes with the flow and has his usual complaints of 'are we there yet', or I'm hungry (30 mins after having a full meal). My recommendation is not to switch to a more touristy destination such as CR but stick with Nicaragua. Go and have fun and don't be too concerned.

I am finding these responses so interesting... and I think as the mother you are the only one who can say if you think this will harm your child... but at what age do we open our eyes to how a lot of people live? One of the things she might learn is how happy some of the poorest children appear to be... without the ipods and cell phones and tvs. etc.... Just might be a lesson in there. You certainly don't want her traumatized but without empathy (which I firmly believe is learned at an early age) where will we be....
Costa Rica has plenty of poverty as well till you get to the big resorts... just head out of the airport in San Jose. In Central America and Mexico you cannot avoid it.

" a world in which the European culture does not constantly dominate, & where people of color are in positions of power & authority." I don't mean to be obtuse, but surely your daughter can experience that right here in the US? I applaud this life lesson you want to teach your child. I think it's important that we raise our children to understand the vast disparities that exist in this world. I had one child who, like Kira, would have been brought to her knees by such an experience, while her brother wouldn't have have looked up from his Gameboy long enough to even notice. As others have said, I think only you, as her mother, can determine if she is really ready for this dose of reality.

Lots of interesting advice/points above. I'll just add this bit: you (and your child) should definitely learn a bit about the history of the region (Central America) before heading there. I'd say that would be particularly important if you do choose Nicaragua as a destination. In a region that has had a such a sad history at the hands of the US, Nicaragua's is particularly difficult (and unflattering to the US). Charging off to Managua as if it were Orlando and knowing nothing about events there, you're probably not going to have a great trip and you're likely to completely misread the country. I'm not looking to start a political argument here, just hoping to point out that the history of the US in Nicaragua is not something to be proud of, and any American contemplating a vacation there ought to know a little about it. I agree that Costa Rica might be a better fit for many folks who have not previously traveled much to Latin America. Lots of things to see and do there (and much less historical "baggage"). Have a nice trip wherever you decide to go.

I think a lot of people have a knee-jerk reaction to Nicaragua because of the violence there in the 80s, but everything I've read says that it's the safest country in Central America, which admittedly might not seem like a great reference point, particularly on this board where people are biased towards the comfort of European travel. Your daughter sounds smart and aware, and it's not like the entire country is teeming with unfathomable poverty, particularly not where you're planning on going. I'd say take the trip. I'm envious - I had just started to explore Central America before I moved to Europe and am dying to go to Nicaragua myself.

My son (12) is pretty "worldly". We traveled to Peru in April and while it was an eye opener he had no issue "handling it". For us it is a vacation, not a mission trip. He has also been to many less affluent countries in Europe, sees homeless regularly in NYC and just a stones throw from our idyllic town of Maplewood, NJ is Newark. While not third world - Newark is eye opening. On the other side of the scale - we just flew in from Vegas last night where he was privileged enough to sit front row and see Elton John. I guess for us it is all about vacation - we love to travel. Love to explore. We saw poverty in Peru which blew my mind but we spent money there and enjoyed the experience.

Darlene, Reading your posting, you mention you are hesitating. I think you should follow your gut, and if hesitation is the feeling you have........then don't do it. As Elaine mentioned, there is opportunity for your daughter to see role-model black leaders in the US....a trip to DC is what first comes to my mind....leader of the free world. Perhaps you've already been to the U.S.Virgin Islands......but there she will be able to see black island leaders, wealth as well as a fair shake of many less fortunate (and the potential for violent gang activity, as I would guess is the case in most struggling countries, as well as struggling areas of our country). I recall my very first time to Mexico, going inland just a mile or so from the high-end resorts.........the poverty and multiple children spilling out of shacks is an image stuck in my mind forever. I came home with even stronger conviction that birth control really does need to be taught (and practiced) to help stop the spirals of poverty. (Raised, but am now an ex, Catholic.) BUT, similar poverty, with children whom parents cannot afford, followed by more of the same, can be found in America. (As an aside, we put our money where our mouth is on this effort.) Your daughter may find her passion from a similar experience. But for vacation, select a pleasant place for an enjoyable, totally upbeat vacation. For a separate mission trip, carefully select a place in which your child can gently do good for others....and that place can easily be here in America. There are so many in need in our homeland.

By March, Daniel Ortega should be president again, so that might add an interesting wrinkle to your big adventure. You should probably read up on current events and the political unrest there before making a decision to vacation in Nicaragua with your young child. And those Nicaraguan immigrants in Costa Rica are not accepted as filling the menial jobs Costa Ricans won't do (which is true) but are vilified as dangerous criminals who need to be deported. Sounds a lot like how we portray Mexican immigrants here. Don't you think it's possible for your daughter to grow in ways you state she can't in the U.S. by spending a week or two working with an Appalachian service project or on a Native American/First Nations reservation in the U.S. or Canada? Your chances of being robbed at gunpoint in your taxi (again...read up) wouldn't be as high as they would be in Nicaragua, but my take is that the growth opportunity you're seeking would be just as rewarding. BTW, I know kids learn languages at a faster clip than adults, but how much language stretching can your daughter really do at age 9? Even after 4 years of study, will she really be able to communicate with native speakers?

Darlene, I amend my previous post to say: DON'T. Now I will be able to live with myself should I later see your family on the international news. Michael's posting made me realize that you may not have read the US State Department's Travel Advisories. This is something I routinely do for ANY country for which I am considering travel. But, you may not be aware of this great resource. It kept me from making a bad timing decision on Egypt last January (thank goodness). But, after Michael got me to wondering..........I clicked on it: http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_985.html If after you read all this, you still feel it is a safe place to travel for yourself (much less with a young child), you will sincerely be in my prayers. I'm sure there will be some who will now post that NO WHERE is completely safe (that is one of my favorite sayings); but there is another favorite saying of Don't Go Looking for Trouble. Be warned. Wishing you may happy, fulfilling and safe travels.

This is not another country but have you been to Puerto Rico? You can see a rainforest, go for a few days to Vieques and swim in a a beautiful bay at night that I won't even try to spell where the water shimmers like gold, we did it at night and it was magical, and yes you can see some poverty but also will be very safe. Rent a car and tour all over the island, just a thought. If you go to Vieques you can take your car over on the ferry which is a good experience also. My son was about 10 our first time and enjoyed ordering a cervaca (horrible spelling) mucho freo (cold beer) that my father taught him. Just a thought.

I'm in general agreement with Michael with a couple elaborations. The whole of Central America is a hell-hole right now. The crime rate is maybe worse than Mexico, it just doesn't make the news. Even in Costa Rica you have to watch where you go. El Salvador is probably the only real exception. I can't address Belize since I haven't been there in years. You're not talking about poverty, you're talking about squalor - - open sewers, putrid water, rampant disease, etc. You won't take the kid into the shanty towns because you'll be afraid to go in yourself. Really afraid, not revolted or sorry, plain out scared. I don't read the State Department stuff. If I did, I'd probably be afraid to go to my own grocery store, but whatever they have to say can't be as bad as it actually is. What nobody's mentioned is the fact that all of the countries that bump both coasts are thoroughfares for the land-movement of drugs coming up from South America. I have a couple of friends in the middle-management level of the anti-drug business and the tonnage/dollar value of the junk being moved defies imagination, according to what they've told me.

I can't agree with Michael about the language business. I just burned the better part of a month taking my wife's grandson on a guys-only trip so he could improve his language skills (his idea when dumb me asked him what he wanted for his birthday). I'd started goofing around with him in Chineses at about the time he was learning to talk. Somehow he got really interested in it and we'd spend a couple afternoons and evenings a week doing kid stuff, but not speaking English. Anyway, off we went to the far beyond of western China. He wanted to take care of all the business himself. He squawked when I held him up to the window to get train tickets, and started knocking on doors to the place, march in, state our needs, and hand over the wampum with the explanation that the couldn't subtract big numbers and he hoped he'd receive the correct change. He'd get into long discussions with the people in the food stalls. After explaining that he did not like peanut butter and probably would not care to eat snakes, he'd make some kind of decision and always add the polite afterthought: 'Please get something for my grandfather as well. He's not a picky eater, but he's a very nice man.' I lost the little bugger at a railroad station in southern Qinghai while I was trying to figure out how to find a bus or hire a car to get him to the Yellow River. He came tooling back around the corner with a couple of new friends whose father had a farm truck and would be happy to take us to everwhat village we were trying to get to. I'd call that interacting with the native speakers. He'll be nine in four more years.

For a life's lesson I don't think Nicaragua is a good call. I have only been to Honduras(a long time ago) but the political situation in the area hasn't gotten any better. Daniel Ortega isn't a role model and I don't think you'll get the lesson you are looking for. I don't think there is anything in the U.S. that would prepare you for the poverty you would see there. While interesting and educational it is also somewhat depressing.

GREAT post Ed! Your wife's grandson sounds amazing. And just like my son :)

I saw poverty at an early age both in Mexico and at Indian Reservations in the United States. The thing that stuck with me seeing large families living in deplorable conditions - the families were happy and smiling (moreso than most of the families I lived around). Kids played the same as we did, just without shoes or expensive toys. I realized then that money/material things aren't what make you happy; friends and family are much more important. I think it's a good thing to learn, whether as a child or adult.

Probably "I realized then that money/material things aren't what make you happy; friends and family are much more important. I think it's a good thing to learn, whether as a child or adult." is a good thing to learn. The question asked here was whether a 9 year old learns it on a short trip. I don't know the answer, but there's a question there.

I do mission work all over Central America; will be in back in El Salvador and Colombia (yes, So. Am) in a few weeks. There is one issue you haven't considered. There are very dim views of adoption in most C. A. countries. Your family's racial mix might cause problems you have never thought of. I would suggest you contact the embassy/consulate of the country you decide to visit to make sure that you bring any additional proof that your daughter is your daughter that you might need in addition to passports.

Jo, thanks for sharing your personal knowledge on an issue no one here brought up. We haven't heard from Darlene in awhile, I hope she sees your post.

Kent notes that we haven't heard from Darlene in a while, which prompts me ask, why do some people post long messages asking for advice on seemingly urgent and important matters, and then never return to acknowledge the thoughtful replies? One wonders if the replies and comments didn't suit them or if they were even read.

I'm hear folks, reading replies daily and thinking thoughtfully on what is being said. Interesting to me that this topic has spurred on so much discussion. I plan to respond more later on some of the other comments and questions, but for now I will say that as an obviously adoptive family, we always take a copy of our daughter's adoption finalization paperwork with us whenever we travel out of the country. Also, we have been surprised at how many transracial families we have seen all over the world when we travel and thankfully have never felt stares or given inappropriate comments. In Turkey last year, one gentleman went out of his way to say what a beautiful family we have and tell us about others in his family that have adopted. The only time we get inappropriate comments or stares is here in the good old USA, usually in suburban or rural communities.

Oh, while I'm thinking about it since this came up several times, we have traveled here in the US, a lot. Went to Wash. DC just last January for a week. We've been to Arizona and New Mexico (and the reservations) often (we have family there). Now that our daughter will be 9 soon, we plan to visit more big cities - Chicago, Philly, NYC and New Orleans are on our list and we'll probably get to all 4 of those within the next 2 - 3 years. In Canada, we spent 5 days in Toronto last June. However, even in cities with a significant Af-Am/Latino population, and as wonderful as it is for my African American daughter to see many folks of color, both in positions of power and not, it is not the same as visiting a place in which Europeans or those of European descent do not dominate. There is a whole big world out there in which being white is not the majority. And honestly, my kid hasn't experienced much of that. A trip to the African or Asian continent is out for the near future, so that's why I'm exploring the idea of Central and South America. Yep, also thinking of Ecuador since friends just went and had a wonderful time there.

Hubby and I went to Ecuador last year. It is a beautiful country - scenery wise and people wise. We travelled by public bus to some really out of the way places and experienced physical (high elevation hiking) and emotional challenges. Got to see a developing nation for the first time and came back with a better defined sense of what is really important in life! By carefully planning your travelling experiences, you could expose yourself and your daughter to the level of poverty/living conditions you feel would be appropriate. Seeing the rural countryside from a bus window or interacting and staying in a small village would be quite different.

Arnold from Denver: "I think you need to put things into perspective - I doubt very much that you are going to be spending much time in the 'abject poverty' areas of Nicaragua. In fact you seem to just be heading to Granada which from my research is the most touristy town in Nicaragua. Yes, your kid will see people that don't have all the luxuries that we have in the US - but it isn't like every nook and cranny of the country is downtrodden - if so, I doubt you would be headed there. Only you can tell if your child will be traumatized by being exposed to a different culture - my guess is that they will just take things in stride given that he/she has already been exposed to other countries....
My recommendation is not to switch to a more touristy destination such as CR but stick with Nicaragua. Go and have fun and don't be too concerned." Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies. I think Arnold from Denver really said it best for us. We plan on continuing to monitor the world situation, probably waiting until after the Nov. 6 elections in Nicaragua to purchase plane tickets for March of 2012. I read the travel advisories and they are important but not sole consideration for us, keeping in mind that it's government to government talk, and often not reflective of what's happening 'on the ground.' But we will take prayers and traveling mercies every time they are offered. Also big thanks to Pat in Victoria. I was not aware of the Lonely Planet helpline. I'll post again once we return from Nicaragua to fill you in on the trip. Many thanks again.