Leisure travel when someone back home could pass

I just kept going. I made sure that I had an international phone plan so that anyone could call my regular number and still get me without difficulty. My 2 siblings and I made sure that at least one of us was available to our parents at all times. I made sure that the financial issues of needing to cut short a trip would be covered through insurance. I held the power of attorney, but the document allowed for my siblings to take my place if I was unavailable.

My sister was so worried about our father, that she chose to cut short a European trip and return home. He did not pass away at that time, but just the anxiety surrounding his health was enough to keep her from enjoying her trip. She then decided not to travel for awhile.

This is a very difficult and personal situation for every person. Only you can know which decision is best for you, keep traveling or hold off for awhile. There isn't a "right or wrong" here, just what you can feel comfortable with.

The loss of a loved one is a painful experience as is the anticipation of that event. Sending lots of empathy your way.

Thankfully, I've never been in that situation, but check your travel insurance. Most policies won't cover you for expenses to get home or for trip cancelation if the person who passes, had a pre-existing condition.

Pre-existing conditions in a policy apply to the person travelling, not to people back home.

Thanks all for corroborating my original perspective and instincts on how to handle this. Thankfully the least of my worry is the expense of flying back. Someone that had days to weeks to months (according to medical professionals) has been dying for a couple of years.

Life has no guarantees, anyone can pass at any time for any number of reasons. So, if I’m on a trip and someone might pass I will check in perhaps or try more to speak to them. Stay in touch as I can. Otherwise I keep insured and carry on.

So, if I’m on a trip and someone might pass I will check in perhaps or try more to speak to them.

It is difficult to do this when Alzheimer's factors in this case.

Dear OP, my father had dementia and my heart goes out to you. You are painfully experiencing your loved one’s loss day after day, month after month. God Bless You.

We booked all our accommodation on a refundable basis and made sure our travel insurance would cover us if we had to get home.

Yeah, this is a tough one with no easy answers. My mom passed in 2012 and my dad in 2021, and both were in declining health for years. Other family members are aging and, well, you never know. We've simply been fortunate that no emergencies have happened during our travels, but that's pure luck. Our trips are in the 7-10 day range, so we're not gone that long. I guess if something happened we'd just have to bite the bullet and fly back home as soon as possible.

Carol, that's a really good point about worry and anxiety interfering with a vacation.

periscope, yes, if death is imminent it's not worth traveling. The thing is with older parents is, well, you never know. Both my grandfather and dad died shortly after falling, so that's entirely unpredictable. Grandpa cracked his skull and never woke up, and dad fell in the kitchen, breaking his hip. It was an awful decline until he passed 10 or so weeks later.

Every family has a different dynamic. My parents have always said don't cancel a trip, or come home early, because "we will still be dead". My sister and I have agreed if one of us is away when it happens, then the other does the immediate heavy lifting. Of course that's easy for her to say since she's already retired and is away far more than I will ever be. Odds are on her side.

It all sounds so reasonable, doesnt it, until it happens. Reality is different.

My younger brother was found dead in his home when we were in Vienna. Thanks to TMobile, communications with my family were easy, and at no extra cost - although cost doesn't matter at those times. We were scheduled to fly home in a couple of days, and everyone agreed there was no reason to change our plans.

We were so distracted by this news that I forgot about a small-group tour scheduled for the next day. The guide called us from the meet-up place, and agreed to pick us up at our hotel, delaying the start of the trip for the other 3 couples. The American couple on the tour closest to our age really gave us the stink eye when we got into the van. The 2 younger couples were more understanding. That experience changed my attitude about latecomers - you really have no idea what is going on in someone else's life - cut'em some slack.

Reminds me of a situation I heard about. Extended neighbors (we do not personally know them) had a big family ski trip planned. A grandfather died, and I heard they went ahead with their plans and told the funeral home to "put grandpa on ice" until they returned. They took their trip, since he would still be dead when they returned. It is all a matter, as the previous poster stated, of "family dynamics" and what works in each situation. The circumstances of the death likely also play into the decision.....long, drawn-out situation or shockingly unexpected with a surviving spouse and/or young children.

Pre-existing conditions in a policy apply to the person travelling,
not to people back home.

According to the terms of my CC insurance coverage, Trip Interruption insurance does not cover me for expenses if an immediate family member back home passes from a a pre-existing condition-such as cancer.

I had a similar situation to the one Maggie relates. My Mom was in a nursing facility and had dementia among other things. My brother, SIL, their adult kids and I were planning a trip to Italy. Mom was a big traveler and we told her what we were going to do. She was thrilled we were going to Italy (her favorite country!) and her exact words were - "Just tell them to put me on ice until you get home. Don't come back if something happens.". It turned out she died before we left so she took care of things for us.

Honestly, if someone has dementia and they do not know you, I'd go. I would make all arrangements ahead of time, be in touch with the facility social worker, nursing staff and the funeral home. Make all arrangements for what they will do if you are not there. Have an international data plan so they can all contact you if the person dies and arrange to sign any releases ahead of time if needed.

I'll also say this depends on you and what you are comfortable with. IF you choose to go and they do die, you should not feel any guilt over not being there. Absolutely none.

I was in that position a few years ago. It wasn't the concern about our not being there for the funeral, it was that person's fear of being alone when the time comes. We managed by coordinating with siblings, but there were some tense discussions. Travel is not a frivolous indulgence, it is a necessity for your mental health if you're a caregiver.

Alzheimer's is one of those diseases that you just never know what will happen physically. My father had Alzheimer's and eventually died of complications from it, but lived for a good 7-8 years after his initial diagnosis. During the later progression of his illness, my siblings and I decided that we would not stop living our lives because of this. We traveled and planned events, all the while spending as much time with him as possible.

But as Carol said, it is a very personal decision and only you can decide whether travel is right for you at this time. If you have siblings, though, it might be a good idea to talk to them and make plans just in case something does happen. Make it as easy as possible to contact you, and keep in touch by emails and texts.

Practical or callous?

Practical.

We also have an agreement. Don’t tell the person traveling and just wait for them to return. My dad just turned 100 and he is in good shape, lives with my sister. But, realistically, he is 100 and could not wake up any morning. We coordinate vacations so someone is always with him. We visit him once a week and never leave on a trip without stopping by to say hello or maybe good-bye.

"According to the terms of my CC insurance coverage, Trip Interruption insurance does not cover me for expenses if an immediate family member back home passes from a a pre-existing condition-such as cancer."

Sorry Allan, I wasn't aware of this. It's not mentioned in any policies I've taken out (none through a CC).

This is definitely not a fun topic, but a good one.

We just had to move mom to assisted living a month ago, as her cognition is not good and she falls. We went to Iceland a couple weeks ago, and my brother told me to go and to not worry about stuff o the mom front while we were away. It was nice knowing that he wanted us to enjoy our vacation and I knew he could handle things if anything came up. I am going away again next week, and he is on duty again. It never crossed my mind to cancel, as I knew she had a lot of people looking out for her. Honestly, the travel has helped me deal with all of this as it is a great stress relief. My brother and I had been flying to moms every single week since the first of September when her medical emergency led to all of this. So a break for us helped me to better deal with the daily stuff.

"Our family agrees that people abroad will not be contacted concerning illness or death in an elderly person, that the person will be cremated, and the service will wait for all family members to return from overseas.

Practical or callous?"

Practical and realistic. It shows that as a family you've discussed the possibilities and made some decisions that will work for your situation.

"So a break for us helped me to better deal with the daily stuff."

Yes, this, underlined! I retired to provide care for my parents and then wound up moving in to provide 24 hour care. I was so glad to be able to do that but thank goodness for my brother who would take time off here and there for me to head to my bolt-hole (Yellowstone) for a few days of clearing my mind. It made me a better caregiver!

That experience changed my attitude about latecomers - you really have no idea what is going on in someone else's life - cut'em some slack.

THIS. While traveling or at home. Or on the forum.

I faced the cancel or not situation last year twice. It was compounded by the fact that if I cancelled and stayed home, it would also cancel someone else’s trip. The choice wasn’t easy still, but made far easier by my mom’s attitude of “go!” (and ability to communicate that), siblings with the same attitude and willingness to cover, and great communication from/with all. Family dynamics play a huge role in these kinds of choices. No simple answers.

Pam--We moved mom into a wonderful assisted living place last month. The residents are mostly vibrant and engaging, so quite different from all the other places we toured before deciding. That said, it is still an assisted living and they, and mom, are there for a reason. Mom is still adjusting of course, which is tough on all of us. I am having to learn patience;) We booked the Iceland trip before moms episode, and I cannot express just how perfect of a trip it was for me. Same with our trip next week, it will be a much needed break. After both trips, it was/is one day home before flying to moms again. I am only human, and have to take care of me so that I can take care of her. It's a fine line, and that line moves every day.

We are dealing with this right now. We are in the middle of a 28 day cruise, and at times we're days away from any port. DHs brother is seriously ill. But his motto is to live every day to its fullest, and we are in daily contact via emails and messaging. And thankfully there are other family members who are with him. He doesn't want us to cut our trip short if he should pass away before we get home. He knows our prayers are with him.