Senior traveling alone? My situation and do I dare?

Pat,

Thank you for risking being so open with total strangers about what has happened to you. I'm so sorry to learn about your losing the man who was both your life partner and your travel partner.

I'm glad that, even with being out of a job, you still are seriously thinking about going to Italy. I agree with Frank II that a tour might be a good choice.

However, I'll be bold enough to ask why you don't think you could take your granddaughter with you. Is it because you feel you should pay her way--and now you can't afford it? If so, could you ask her parents to chip in? Or is it because you were counting on your husband to help look after her and you think it might be too hard to do it by yourself? How old is she?

Since you are an experienced traveler in Europe, you would have no trouble taking the train from Rome to Florence and on to Venice. And train travel in Italy is relatively inexpensive, particularly if you take slower regional trains rather than high-speed trains.

As for your lodging costs, you could start by going to the library and reading about recommended places to stay in all three cities. The prices in the books might not be up to date, but you'd get a general idea of what you would need to pay.

Best wishes!

I doubt any of us here could really give you advice regarding your emotional or financial situation. That's something you need to talk about with people close to you.

As far as traveling, it's definitely doable. (You don't give your age and senior can mean a lot of things.)

Traveling between these cities is easy via train. Planning the rest of the trip is easy too.

I'm going to suggest something that others may disagree with. I'm concerned that you might get lonely on this trip and if you rent an apartment may spend the entire week in it thinking about what could have been. You need to be around people. And that's why I'm going to suggest a tour. You'll be busy all the time and around like minded people exploring a wonderful country. Almost all the planning is done for you.

If you are physically in good shape, can walk a decent amount, and handle your own suitcase, then a Rick Steves tour such as "Heart of Italy" or "Venice, Florence and Rome in 10 days" might be the thing. If not, there are plenty of others.

Most people who go to Italy want to go back. While you might go the first time by yourself, the next time you'll be an expert and can show your granddaughter a wonderful time.

Well said Frank. Good luck Pat!

Hard to say it better than Frank II did. I agree with his every point. All the best to you, Pat.

A tough one Pat. As far as going by yourself there are seniors who have done it and some on the RS forum and you could definitely do it.

The matter about whether or not you could afford it is entirely your call. You should know how much you have available to spend. You then would have to do some research on lodging, transportation and food expenses as a starter. There are ways to cut your expenses.

The toughest part for me if I were in your shoes would be traveling without my spouse. I cannot imagine going on a trip if she were not with me to share the experiences. There are others who do go without their spouse and have a wonderful time. Hopefully some will weigh in and give you some advice. I would say give it a go and you might find out that you will want to continue traveling in the future and you will find out how comfortable you are with it. Maybe you can work it out to take your granddaughter. I just read Frank's post and agree that he offers excellent advice about the tour. Good advice.

Ah !!! Pat, you rise one of my greatest fear. Personally I don't think I would do well by myself. Too much time to think of what could have been or should have been. Maybe in a couple of years. I think Frank II suggestion of a tour group is dead on. A tour would give very good control of expenses. A group you should consider would be the Elderhostal program. Rates are little more reasonable. We have never done a Elderhostal program but it is high on our list now that we are retired. When I was a Dean at the university, we hosted EH in the summer and I was always impressed by the energy and zest for life that the participants had. I think they would be the kind of people you would like to associate with at this time. Goggle Elderhostal.

To those who are being so kind to comment, let me add that I am 67 and in good physical shape. I would have no trouble keeping up with a tour. I do, however believe in being independant. I wonder if a tour would be too structured for me. I will be reading up on options. The reason I fear taking my granddaughter is because I am afraid. If something happened to me, she would be helpless, she is only 10. I am afraid because of what happened to my husband. His death was just 3 weeks after our return from France. What would happen if something like that happened to me?

Part of the great enjoyment in going to Europe is sharing the joy of seeing and doing all those things that we cannot do at home. I don't think we were ever disappointed on our trips. Some places were more interesting or more exciting than others and that is expected. We had fun. Maybe I would not like to go alone. Don't know yet.

My thinking about this has just started. Through the upcoming winter, I will be doing my reading and trying to cost this out. The RS 9 day tour is $2900.00 plus airfare. I will be searching room rates, passes and all the tour conveniences against a go-it-alone trip and see if I can figure out if I can put it together. Even if I can't, the reading is fun.

Pat, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with Frank, though, that a group tour would be perfect for you. Some tours offer plenty of free time to do your own exploring, or you can skip a planned activity and go your own way. The companionship of a group, though, will help ease the aloneness. It would certainly be a lot less stressful for you, as far as planning and transportation. A tour of that type, though, might not be as enjoyable for your granddaughter because of her age. My daughter and I took a tour last December where she was the youngest in the group (at 24) and I was the next youngest. Everyone else was retired. My guess is that you do have the courage to do this, and you would most certainly have a good time. If you can afford it, go for it!

Hi Pat from the North Shore (I grew up in Hamilton). I am so sorry about your husband - I do think you should continue to travel and find a way to Italy. Maybe there is a friend/neighbor/aquaintance/someone at your church who would appreciate a travel companion? Or go alone - I have always had a dream about travelling alone through Europe - I don't mind eating and exploring alone but yes, i am sure I would be nervous too.

Read your second post ... 10 year olds make good travel companions - at least mine is a good one.

dear pat, i'm 54 and just finished a year of breast cancer treatment--double mastectomy, four months of chemo, two months of radiation. the main lesson i learned from my experience is never postpone joy. i decided, the day treatment ended, that i was going back to paris, where i went to college and met my ex-husband years ago. my oldest son and i went to paris together in 2001 and kept saying we'd go back every year, but our schedules never meshed. well, the minute i told him i was going back to paris after treatment, he was available, because we've both learned our lesson about grasping the moment. i started reading travelers' helpful and the graffiti wall and rick's books, plus looked at other websites, and saved money and we went to paris two weeks ago and had a marvelous time. the most important thing we brought back with us are memories--invaluable. you sound like you're a very young 67. i say save up and go and don't think twice about it!! have fun!

Hi Pat,

Evelyn makes an excellent point!

Possibly to simplify your trip, just chose one city, rent an apartment, and spend a week or so there. You could take some day trips. For example, if you stayed in Florence you could visit Siena and another town or two in Tuscany.

I think that you'd enjoy traveling with your granddaughter and you'd both have a wonderful adventure planning and sharing the trip!

Best wishes!

Pat: Your courage in posting as you did would indictae to me that you are well qualified to pursue your travels. My wife was recently diagnosed with cancer and I dread the thought of her not being there to enjoy future trips together, but I have seen others do it. Two ladies in our Church who were widowed, but hardly knew each other, decided to do a bus tour of Europe. They are now firm friends and have taken otehr trips, together and separately. It can be done and as a previous poster implied, can imbue a new joy of life.

May you find a way to fulfil your dream and have an enjoyable trip, whichever way you decide to do it.

Dear Pat,
I don't post on here often, but do enjoy all of the advice that I have received in the past. The reason that I wanted to respond to your post is, that I am the same age as you. I traveled to Italy in 2007 with my daughter and it was a nice trip. I belive that when we are "seniors" and in good health, we have worked all of our lives, and now should enjoy what we want, and when. I was very compelled to travel to Italy again this past July. By "accident" and life long friend wanted to go along, so I spend about a year planning the trip, Rome, Naples Pompeii, Assisi, Florence, Ostia Antica, then to Volterra to see Andrea Bocelli Preform in his home town. Needless to say, it was to be a dream come true. I never drempt of doing this alone, but after this trip with my friend (she and I had been friends for 40 years) I know now that I can do it. She made the trip miserable as she had never been out of the states. The story is to long to put here, but I felt like I was alone most of the time, so now I am planning to go next July again. I know that it is hot then, but I already have tickets for the Bocelli concert in Lajatico, so everything else will be planned around that. So, I say go for it, think of the positive side, and it will give you something positive to focus on. I am going to Rome, then to Orvieto for a night, Assisi for 2 nights, then Florence for 7 nights, and Volterra for 5 nights. Trains and Buses all of the way. Go for it Girlfriend!

First,, I am very sorry you lost your hubby, and it was so sudden, so of course in a way that makes is worse,,, the wondering etc. But,, I do want to encourage you,, when YOU feel strong enough,, to do Europe on your own. You still have YOUR health, and its a great time to make some incredible memories with your granddaughter..

I know you had kind of mulled and passed over the idea of a tour, but, I think you should look at taking a Rick Steves Family tour with your grand daughter. She will have a ball ( my 12 yr old dd loved having all the kids around), we still had a fair amount of time on our own,, and I had no serious logisitics to worry about( I did 12 days on our own before and after trip,, but I like travelling solo so it was no sweat for me) . The RS tour does do more then Italy, but of the 14 days,, I think at least 6 of them are in Italy( Rome, Venice and Florence). It IS costly ,, but I have to say I really felt we got our moneys worth,, no nickel and diming you .

If you decide to go on your own( and thats a good plan too!!!) then I agree it would be easiest to just pick one place( Rome) and maybe sign up for a daytrip or two out of the city.

Good luck,, and you could take grandaughter in a year or two. I found my 12 yr old was a big help most of the time!

You could think of a tour as if you'd had an injury, and just started to splash around in the shallow end of the pool before you started back swimming laps. It may not be as free and easy as it was before, but at least you're back in the water.

About 6 months after my father-in-law died, my mil seemed to suddenly brighten up. We asked her about it, and she said she'd realized that this is what her life is now, so she should make the best of it. It didn't stop her grieving, but she had decided to face forward for the rest of her life.

The earlier poster (maybe Naomi?) had a good point. Don't settle for a poor travel companion because you're hesitant to do it on your own. Best of luck to you.

I'm going to add my 2 cents about taking a RS tour. I did my first one this fall & loved it. I signed up because I was tired of traveling by myself (which I'd done for the past 25 yrs). After signing up, I started to dread the idea of being with a bunch of strangers for 2 weeks. By the time I left the US, I'd decided just to put on my happy face & make the best of it. The tour turned out to be one of the best trips I've ever done mostly because of the other people on the tour. Everyone was sooooo nice & a pleasure to be with. It was always easy to find someone to be with IF I wanted, but also easy to find time alone when I needed it. I think it would be a really good way for you to go to Italy (or anywhere else). One other thing, I was 1 of only 3 people who had never been on a RS tour. Several had been 7-8 times. That alone tells you how great the tours are.

I think a trip with your dear granddaughter would be a great and irreplaceable bonding experience for you both. That is such a special age--old enough to understand what they are seeing but not at that adolescent stage where they can be moody, sarcastic, or just plain sullen. (Maybe I'm just talking about mine...:-) )

The odds of anything going wrong on a trip with just the two of you are very small, and you can plan for that tiny eventuality by having a highly detailed set of emergency instructions with you both (and with her parents, too) that you "practice" with her.

The suggestion of a Rick Steves tour is one I would endorse, too. There is enough downtime/ alone time built into the schedule so that you have some independence, but enough group time so that you aren't alone with your thoughts constantly. A nice balance, as others have suggested.

Whatever you decide to do, let me suggest that, if you decide to travel with your granddaughter in a tour or solo, that you involve her in planning. Kids her age can navigate the internet well and can be assigned tasks--look up museums in Florence and make a list of the ones that seem interesting; find out all the different kinds of pasta there are and see which ones we should look out for to try there; see what information she can find about what life was like for kids in ancient Rome, etc. My niece just loves that kind of thing and it makes the planning part of the trip fun (and educational) for her. Then when you see or do things that she helped plan, you can remind her about how helpful her planning was. ("Hey, this pasta on the menu is one you found on the Internet! Let's try it!")

I can understand your hesitation about a tour - my husband and I aren't tour people either. As an alternative, what about staying in a place like a B&B? That way, you'll have people to talk to, but will also have your own space, and can make your own plans.

I would also suggest that you still consider taking your granddaughter. We took our 10yo daughter to Italy recently, and she had a wonderful time. The chances of something happening to you while you're over there are quite low. And, as pointed out, you can keep detailed emergency instructions for her or others to use "just in case."

Pat, I'm so sorry for your loss. My father died 3 years ago - in the middle of a road trip with Mom - and when she got home she put a note on her mirror: Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. She has found that very comforting over the past 3 years. Dad was a big planner, and had started planning a month-long river cruise the following summer from Amsterdam to the Black Sea, on which my teen daughter and I would join them for 2 weeks. Well, after a few months Mom said, "let's go ahead, the 3 of us, and do the trip." We really enjoyed it and I'm so glad she was willing to try. I'm not recommending this particular company [Grand Circle Travel] for you, because I don't think the 10-yr-old would enjoy it and there were very few singletons on the trip; I do second [or third, or fourth] the many recommendations you have gotten for an RS tour. My husband, daughter, and I did the Germany-Austria-Switz trip in July a few years ago; it was not a family tour but nonetheless there were 3 other teens on the trip, and the schedule offered a very nice mix of planned activities and time to wander on your own. Or, as others have said, do an RS tour by yourself now- you'll meet lots of wonderful people- and do something with your granddaughter in a few years. Good luck, and best wishes-

Pat,

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope you have lots of support at this difficult time.

It's hard to add much to the eloquent replies you've received so far from Frank II and the others. I also fit the "senior" category and travel solo most of the time, although lately I've been combining a RS tour with time on my own. I have a few questions & thoughts on your situation, listed in "point form" below:

Do you feel that your husband might have wanted you to take the trip that the two of you planned?

With the loss of your job, will you still be able to take the trip without too much financial hardship? Will you have to pay all of the costs for both you and your granddaughter, or will her parents be able to help to some extent?

You mentioned "I fear taking my granddaughter is because I am afraid. If something happened to me, she would be helpless, she is only 10". I can certainly appreciate why you would have that fear. If you do decide to take your granddaughter, a tour would probably be a better choice as the lead Guide would certainly be able to help (at least in the short term) if you were incapacitated in some way.

With the destinations you listed, the 10-day RS Venice, Florence & Rome tour would be a good choice. While the tours are structured to some extent, they also provide a fair amount of free time so you'd be able to see sights that are of interest to you and your granddaughter. If there's a particular group activity or dinner that you aren't interested in, you could certainly opt out. Since the tours take care of all the transport, lodgings and some meals, it might be a somewhat easier travel experience for both of you.

You might find that you enjoy the experience of touring with a small group. I've found that the people on RS tours are great to travel with, and everyone gets along. However, you'll have to consider the "attention span" of a 10-year old.

Good luck!

Pat, like the others I am so very sorry for your loss. Although you didn't plan it, you have started a new chapter in your life. If you find that you can afford it, go. If you decide to take your granddaughter, I'd choose a tour to ease your mind. If you decide to go alone, pick an area and go on your own. You'll love the independence and freedom. I'd recommend Florence for a solo trip for many reasons - it's smaller than Rome, you can walk all over the city, it's beautiful, the museums are wonderful, the food is spectacular (especially if you go off the beaten path)and it's my favorite city in the world. I'm a senior who travels alone, too, although due to divorce, and love it. Don't stay in big hotels but rather pick small places. The staffs are usually friendlier and the smaller breakfast rooms give you the chance to start your day conversing with other people. I've always stayed in the San Lorenzo market area - again, giving you the chance for conversation. Since the market is open later in the evening, you can look and shop keeping you out among people. I spoke to the same guy every day while I was there last time (he was trying to sell me a red leather coat)and I looked forward to our daily joke. Day trips are very easy from Florence and since you'll probably fly into Rome, a stop in a hill town on the way to Florence is easy. Every day say "I miss you honey but aren't you proud of me", have a little cry (2 minute limit) and enjoy life. Hope to see you there!

Pat, I am 64 and have taken 3 RS tours in Italy during the last 2 years. I love them as I too do not have a travel companion. Until last year I had always traveled independently. I find the RS tours to be the best of both worlds. I meet compatible folks and there is plenty of free time to do my own thing. I usually either arrive a couple days before the tour or stay a couple days after (or both) and do some extra things on my own, too. I have already signed up for the Venice/Florence/Rome tour in June-hope to see you then!

Pat,

I'm sorry for your loss. I do have a friend who's father died, and her mother said the same as you-she didn't think she could enjoy traveling without him. I think it took her a couple years to take the plunge, but she's been to Costa Rica and Vietnam and who knows where else with friends, and loved it all! You'll always think what could have been, that's human nature, and while you won't have the same kind of good time as you would have with your husband, you'll learn how to have a new kind of "good time".

Bless you for sharing your story. I can't add much to the great advice so far, other than to relate a story about my RS tour experience. I took the 17 day Italy tour as a solo traveler, and as you may know, they pair you with other solo travelers as roommates. My roomie was on the trip was a very recent widow (6 months prior). We got along just fine, but she struggled sharing space with a stranger, particularly in the evening when she missed her husband the most. She needed privacy and time to let her emotions out. Our guide was quite accommodating and ended up helping her purchase her own room about half way through the trip (we had a small group). If you decide to take a RS tour on your own, consider paying the extra for the single supplement they now offer on some tours. The group of tour mates will be amazing, supportive, and interesting, but you will likely be glad for some of your own space. Best of luck.