Responses to requests

I've often thought the same thing. People in general very often don't say thank you when they should. It's thoughtless, ungrateful and rude.

It is nice when someone acknowledges the responses. However, that doesn't bother me as much as the poster who asks an incomplete question or an obtuse question who will not come back and clarify the question. Responses waste time and effort trying to guess the question or asking for more information.

Oh come now, Joan, not this one again!

For me, this is an unconditional thing that I like to do, in the hopes that someone will get something from what I-and all of you-have to say. A thank you? Sure, that's real nice, but it's just so odd to constantly wonder about why they do or why they don't. People who ask a question are often wrapped up in an information quest, and it is not top of mind to come back and say thanks, or anything. It is neither thoughtlessness nor a lack of gratitude; it's no big deal.

Joan,

It's always nice when an OP returns to say "thanks, the information helped me". In the greater majority of cases that doesn't happen, probably for a variety of reasons. I don't dwell on that, but just prefer to carry on.

I don't know the numbers, but my impression is that many if not most OPs do thank people for their advice -- even when sometimes the advice doesn't seem all that useful. It's politeness, genuine gratitude, and maybe sometimes a way of trying to turn off the faucet when replies get repetitive or off track. Either way, this topic of OP thank-yous has been discussed before and doesn't seem worth discussing much again. (Now let's wait for dozens more to weigh in!)

I'm all for gratitude, but I don't think this is a big deal. The ideal time to say thank you is when all the responses are in. But how do you know when that is? I'm always afraid if I say thank you too soon, people will think I have what I need and stop responding. So I wait a while. I hope I haven't forgotten to say thank you, but it's possible I have on occasion. Another issue is that you never know if the posters you are thanking will see the thank you. Once they respond, they may not go back to the same thread. I really don't think this is a problem.

I often see people post a thank you, including the names of those who helped them, right in the thread. I have also had people thank me with a PM. So, it does happen.

But I agree with Frank. The most annoying is when someone post a vague question, and people ask for a clarification, but the OP never comes back with a clarification.

Agree with those that have said it's probably neither. If I offer something that's helpful, then great. If not, that's fine too. No matter.

What Frank said.
If the OP doesn't come back in a reasonable amount of time to give more information, I just stop posting to the thread. No problem.

My response is the same as the last time you posted this request.

I posted this a second time because new people join this forum every day and I was curious to hear what they thought. Thank you, but there was no need for you to re-post your reply.

Unfortunately. Joan, no new people seem to have responded. No need to thank me.

Good one Norma ;)

Norma--you're absolutely correct, as usual. I was only trying, in my clumsy way, to be polite, but, as often, your rapier-like wit skewered me.
I'll just retreat now and say good-bye.

In our Go,Go world where today is old before it is over and the new meaningless, what can we expect? Why say thanks when help comes fitted out with expert history seconds or less in depth and study. And when we value nothing without a techno tag. So Joan as an "old school" ancient, I can understand your dismay, but expect nothing to change. Just saying. Enjoy travel. Do not expect thanks often, just be grateful when it does come. Keep on traveling!

Joan, maybe I can be the new response you were hoping to get. I have asked questions, and gotten wonderful help from the helpline. I also always say thank you, either several times as answers come in, or as a general thank you to everyone who responded. However, each time I write my thank you it is preceded by asking myself, "Should I be doing this? Am I being silly?" Here's why: to say thank you, I am responding to my own question. I figure that the people who were so kind to respond already saw the question, responded, and now they are done and have moved one. Will they see my thank you, or am I thanking the empty air? I still always say thank you, but wonder if I am wasting everyone's time in doing so, or worse - annoying other readers. It may not be that people are being rude or thoughtless, just that they are wondering if the thank you is appropriate. I virtually never send a thank you as a PM, because I worry that it could feel intrusive to the receiver.

Saying thank you is never inappropriate. You're one of the gracious posters Barbara. I often go back to threads I've responded to to see what others have said... I learn a lot from other answers. And I know many others do as well. I raised my son to always say thank you, I think it's important and says a lot about a person.

I think it's nice for an OP to come back to a thread to post a thank you, but I also think that once you do that it's not necessary to reply with a thank you to each new response post. I also think it's okay to say thank you in advance in your original post, at least it shows that you're appreciative of any responses you get.

If I get really good advice from a poster I would not hesitate to send them a PM thanking them (and have), I don't feel that's intrusive at all.

I have to agree with Frank: I am more irked when a clarification is requested and the OP does not come back and engage. Overall, I feel a thank you is implied, or maybe everyone can start adding "thank you in advance" in their original post. Besides, fishing for thank yous implies that one only assists in order to be thanked.

I don't care about being thanked, and filling up posts with thank yous to every response is a waste of space - not why I come to the Helpline. If people want to do it that's fine though. Also, the OP may send a private message of thanks (I have received them), so perhaps not fair to think people are not being polite or grateful.

Different etiquette guidelines obtain in various media of interaction --
many different ideas of what's going on here in this forum have to, and generally do, get along.
Modern apps for turning SMS into group messaging, where some users may be paying per message,
would assume people are following a bias toward concision.

Comparison might be to a telegram in 1915, or radio communication in a war zone. Thank-you's there would be expensive at least, and dangerous at worst.

Business email etiquette is different from personal or academic -- this often comes up with signatures: business email messages typically have long signatures with full addresses and disclaimers, personal email messages often include personalizations, and internal academic email messages often leave out everything ( and use first names only ). But how many people take the time to use the relevant signature?

If you want to treat this forum like a pen-pals club circa 1960, you would have to say so widely and often.

This topic sticks in my craw because of a small incident from last fall: I was late for a meeting and didn't know which room it was being held in, so as I went through the lobby, I hurried to the front desk and asked directly, "Which room is the X meeting in?"
The person on duty put down their pen, frowned at me, raised his carriage, rolled his eyes, and answered, "Well, good afternoon to you, too, sir." He was chastising me for my rudeness. I didn't think I was being rude, I thought I was trying to get info from the person in the info-giving position so I could get to the meeting I needed to get to, but apparently what I was doing was contributing to the cheapening of civilized society. It's people like me who make the work day and life overall that much less pleasurable with my inconsiderate bossy demands. I'm betting that I was cited as an example of how the world is going to hell in a hand basket and elitism is alive and well in the back room discussion that day. The nerve. I must think the sun shines out of my rear.

I spent several years doing front-counter work. I tried to distinguish visitors interested in a tidy transaction from those interested in engaging in social grooming, and respond accordingly.

For Joan and other super-users of the RS Forum, please let me right now preemptively express my sincere appreciation for your your thoughtful replies to any of my posts, and formally apologize for any slights I have inadvertently engaged in this past half-year or so since I joined in.

I once thanked someone for replying to my question and never received a "you're welcome". I felt it was extremly thoughtless and rude.