Primary Caregivers, part 2

Please accept my sympathies. Take care of yourself and your needs - it is easy to forget ourselves when dealing with everything and everyone around us in these times of grief, confusion, and sad tasks.

I am headed off to a funeral today myself. Multi-day driving trip, the same situation with last minute lodgings being more expensive than usual or necessary and holiday decor and others' joyful activities at odds with my state of mind. I am trying to think only of "one step at a time" to get through the next few days. That has helped me deal with the sense of being overwhelmed by the circumstances.

ORDtraveler--I am sorry you are grieving as well. One step at a time is exactly the advice I need right now, so thank you.

I have to make some hotel and flight bookings for two summer trips, and will need to have my husband check them over so that I don't make a mistake. When I extended the last trip, I accidentally booked my return flight for the wrong week, but thankfully caught it and changed it yet again. Trying to focus and do trip arrangements is difficult.

We’re in that situation now also. My dad is 101 and lives with my sister and BIL about 45 minutes away. He’s in great shape but obviously can’t be left alone. Lucky for us my BIL still works and hates to fly, so they mostly take trips to Florida to visit family. My sister and I coordinate vacations and I just stay at her home. I always let her pick her dates first as a curtesy. She knows that any day she needs a break, we’ll drive out for the day. Usually it’s once a week. We also have decided, and dad knows it too, if either of us are away he will be cremated and the funeral mass will be held when we return. You just do the best you can.

We do have 6 other siblings who live nearby and out of state. But, they are too busy to actually help out. Sure the ones who live within driving distance will come maybe once every 2 or 3 months to say hello and leave. The ones who need to fly will come if there is a reason, like a wedding. Everyone has an excuse. We’ve reconciled ourselves to the situation and will continue to enjoy our dad’s company till the end.

In the meantime, I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

I am very sorry to hear your news. I know this is a difficult time. My heart goes out to you.

Grief is a sneaky monster. It surprises you in often the most unexpected moments and ways. I’ve learned to just go with it. You don’t “get over” the pain of losing a loved one, you just learn how to incorporate that pain and grief into your “new life” and keep on living the best you can.

People find ways to deal with grief that are usually unique to themselves and their needs. If your way is trip planning, don’t hesitate to keep at it.

Mikliz,

My great sympathies to you in your loss. And yes you need to take care of yourself, especially in the busyness of the weeks to come. The time between death and burial is in my opinion a strange one- the initial busyness of setting up arrangements then in most cases the waiting. And yes, I do read that at this point, death hasn't actually happened.
You need to make space and time for yourself.
Today is the 3rd anniversary of me losing my mum, after a last 60 hours after the call from her care home in the early hours of the morning. At least I was in the same town, so got to spend a large part of that 60 hours with her.
In my case I had a brilliant funeral director and crematorium, and it was just 7 days before the funeral, which was an immense help- but that was most unusual.
I agree with Carol NR that grieving is a long process. Today is still a very raw day for me.
As an only child, with no other living relations, it has been and is a long journey.
Maybe I shouldn't be saying that on this forum, in this space. Sorry if I am speaking out of turn.

Mikliz- I am so sorry for your anticipatory loss of your mother. What you and ORDtraveler mention about the contrast between holiday decorations and cheer and the situations you are going through is very poignant.

Sending you both hopes for strength and peace.

Barbara, bless you and your sister for taking care of your father and each other.

Mikliz, I am so sorry. What a hard time for you and your family.

I sympathize with your feelings about traveling when grieving. My brother passed away years ago unexpectedly in his sleep at age 39 (undiagnosed cardiac issues). He was in Georgia, my mom was in Virginia. I wound up flying from Hartford to Savannah to meet up with my mom because my daughter (and our horse) were participating at the fair in Springfield, Massachusetts that weekend. I left the daughter and the horse in care of some wonderful 4-H friends, flew down to help my mom sort things in Savannah for a couple of days, and then flew back to Hartford to trailer the horse home to Vermont.

It was very, very surreal, bouncing back and forth between the fair, the airports with all the business and vacation travelers, and then myself, yes, trying hard not to cry. I remember spending a lot of time in the bathroom stall where at least no one could see me. You are right, the trip will test you.

Thank you for writing this part; it really resonated with me and is such a good reminder for those times when I am frustrated with people around me:

I guess we never really know what is going on in fellow travelers lives. Maybe a good reason to give a bit more grace to people as that could make a difference in their day.

Best wishes to you in this very difficult time. Take care of yourself.

Mikliz, I'm so sorry for your grief. My advice is just to put on sunglasses and power thru what you need to as far as getting to your gate and boarding. Otherwise you don't need to hold anything together unless you feel that is helpful to yourself.

You have probably been grieving since last year when you had to place her in a facility but now everything is gathered together and speeding along faster than you wanted it to go. Your Mom is going to be at peace now and sometimes knowing that can be a comfort.

I'd actually recommend you not do any heavy-duty trip planning right now. Research, yes. Booking things, maybe not yet. Will things at your destination change substantially between now and a month from now when you will be a little more settled in your grief?

Wishing you safe trips and that your trips wind up not being as fraught as you are anticipating.

I extend my sympathies to mikiz97 and everyone else going through difficult times right now with older family members. It is hard I know.

I agree with advice not to do any bookings now and if you have to have someone look them over.

My dad died a month ago. I was in charge of everything so I was helping family in Chicago buy airline tickets. I accidentally purchased a ticket for my niece going to Chicago rather than from Chicago! I think goggle flights automatically populated with my location and in my stress and exhaustion, I did not notice. Anyway, no one else noticed either until day of flight. Let’s say it was a very expensive mistake.

I am so sorry to read of your situation. As many others have said.................you do the best your can under the circumstances.

I received a phone call when my father died. I was in Houston. My parents lived in Brooklyn. The funeral was supposed to be the next day. (Jewish tradition) My daughter was in a different city. I threw together a set of flights for my husband and daughter and myself................but the schedule was pretty awful. Then it turned out my youngest nephew was visiting in Canada and could simply not make it home that day. That bought us an extra day to figure things out.

When my mother died 3 years later, my daughter was still living in that same different city. But mother had been in hospice care, and there was no real surprise here. When I called my daughter with the flight reservations I had made...she told me she had been driving around for 3 days going to and from work with her "funeral suitcase" in the car. My husband was out of town without a funeral suitcase, but that is a different story. I was already in NYC for the second event.

I cried on all the plane flights...............one after the surprise death and one on my way for a farewell visit. If people asked me if I needed help, I gave a brief description of events, and just kept on keeping on.

I was 57 and then 60 at those times.

I remember those days clearly...............but there was real relief (not the right word) in having plans that had to be immediately made. There was a real quality of unreality in that intervening day.

I cannot remember when the reality/finality set in. But these events were 18 and 15 years ago, and I remember so very many specifics that speak to that day...............

This was a moment of memory for me.

I am sending kind thoughts and best wishes.

Em

Mikliz, thank you for sharing. My dad died 26 years ago next week under hospice care, and I still miss him. Mom died suddenly in early 2021 when things were still.shut down, we followed her "prearrangements" almost to the letter and were able to have her funeral three days later because the five grandchildren were blessedly all in the state that week and just dropped everything to be there.

The description of the grand daughter with the funeral suitcase in her car reminds me of my sister who was living 300 miles from my parents when Dad entered hospice. On a visit a month before he died, Sis brought along her good black dress and entrusted it to the local dry cleaner so thst it would be pressed and in the right city when she needed it.

I just got the call. Mom went peacefully. We cannot ask for more than that.

In the morning the process begins. Hoping the church can do the date in late January that we want. Then buy all the airline tickets and hotel rooms. I will call for those so I don’t screw them up😉

Again mikliz, my sympathy and condolences.

I have to keep checking the time of the funeral I am to attend today. I can’t keep the correct timeframe in my head. I keep losing an hour in my mind. I may be there an hour early if not careful.

I understand how easy it would be to buy incorrect plane tickets as some have done. Sometimes we just can’t cope effectively.

Wow, once again so many thoughtful posts.

The travel plans that I have to do for summer cannot be put on hold. It is for my husbands expedition adventure, so limited flights, figure out logistics for the return, etc. I will tackle those this weekend.

I am pretty sure I now need to extend my trip this week. I did see our airbnb is available, so will talk to my brother this morning and do that and then we can change our return flights. Hopefully I don't screw that up this time!

Barbara--That is a mixed bag with so many siblings. Nice that some are helpful. but frustrating that others are not. My brother and I are it, which actually makes it pretty easy.

Carol now retired--that is so true, grief hits us at the oddest time. It is a running joke with a friend that sobbing in the egg section of Central Market is the best spot. I may race through that area next time.

isn31c--I can see what you mean that the in-between time is strange. You are definitely not speaking out of turn, so please do not give that another thought. I am sorry that everything is still so raw for you.

Kim--thank you:)

DebVT--oh my, you really had a lot to deal with. I am thankful that the bathroom stalls in the lounge are totally enclosed. I can sob in there if need be. This is one flight I splurged on first class, but I only did that in anticipation of my knee and when I had no idea how I would be feeling. Thank goodness the knee is great, but the seating will be mentally easier on me.

Pam--Yes, the grieving definitely started last year, which is a blessing because we were able to. chip away at things like selling her car, her condo etc. I am not doing any planning whatsoever for Iceland Amsterdam for February. Flights and hotels are booked, so we can wing the rest. Norway in August I still have a bit of time. It's the last stuff for my husband that is crucial though. I might take that stuff with me this week and work on that in the airbnb if we have any down time.

Beth--I am sorry for your loss, and so recently. Yes, I will be in charge of getting all of the airline tickets for our family, but my brother will take care of his side. My last trip was an expensive mistake as well.

Emily--I did giggle at the funeral suitcase;) Smart though! I am 57, and have no doubt these days will always be etched in. my memory.

doric8--The hospice group we used was recommended by the assisted living. They told us they cannot recommend certain companies over others, but she told us this is he only one we are using;) I love honestly like that. Everyone at both the AL as well as hospice have been nothing short of miraculous. I am actually eager to write letters to the companies including specific names, so they can hopefully be recognized. The AL truly is the gold standard.

I got a whopping 2 hours of sleep last night, before the call. I know today will be numerous phone calls. I need to call my dad and tell him, which will be the most difficult call.

I so appreciate every single word of advice, shared stories, etc and I hope you all know how helpful it is to me. I know a fellow forum member is at her moms funeral today. Sending peace to everyone since we never know what people are dealing with. If you don't hear from me, go to Central Market in Mill Creek and check the egg section;)

Mikliz,
My condolences. Strength and courage to face the days, months and especially the first year. Do not give yourself a timetable. Give yourself grace.

Grief is not the journey we want to book but, unfortunately, we all get a seat. Grief is the journey we don’t want to repeat, but we don’t have a choice. It is the journey without an end. (Take solice that the journey will change from this raw form.) But like any destination of our travels, grief changes us. As travel opens us and we feel the breadth of our human kinship, so does the journey of grief. That’s why so many of us have shed tears over all the posts in this thread (and the link you shared)---even though many of us are fairly new to the forum family.

Cheryl

A friend who lost her adult daughter this summer just posted, on FB, this poem she found:

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of
someone you love.
And you had to push through it
to get to the other side.
But I’m learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.
Gwen Flowers/Word Porn

Mikliz97 sincere sympathies for your loss. CanAmCherie sure nailed it "grief is not the journey we want to book but, unfortunately, we all get a seat." May you find comfort in family, friends, and memories.

My condolences mikliz, I am very sorry for your loss.

This is such a community of caring. We care about traveling but also about real life- the good and sad and the in-betweens. From my own experience, you are so wise to enlist help for checking things like travel dates. Your brain is in a whole other dimension right now and an extra set of eyes could save you from errors. If others in your circle ask if there is anything they can do, let them. If the thought of meal prep is beyond you, let them know that. A kind friend brought a lasagna and we ate it for a week because we just couldn’t wrap our minds around food shopping and prep. I also learned not to rearrange where things were located because a month later I couldn’t remember where I put it.

Special thoughts of comfort for all of you who are going through a tough life event.

Condolences. Watched my father die a couple weeks ago, glad to have been there. It's harder from a distance for sure. Air travel to pop's impending death was less of an ordeal than I'd dreaded - usually I'm a messy crier, but mostly I felt a sort of sad resolve and duty to get to my mom and support her. Maybe you'll be more together than you think. Either way though it is what it is and however you react is fine. Sorry to hear about your loss.

mikliz,

I've been thinking of you and sending empathetic thoughts your way. I will agree with the poster who said not to rearrange things as you will forget where you put them. I put a bottle of holy water I had given my mother "in a safe place" so I could give it to a friend of mine who was a big help to me and who I knew would treasure it. Two weeks later I am still trying to recall where I put it. But I'm sure it's "safe". I try to find some humor in my brain fog. That's good because I sure have a lot of fogginess right now. And be sure to remember self-care is important. You will continue to be in my thoughts as you do what you need to do in the next few weeks.

Traveler Girl

CanAmCherie--Thank you so much for that poem. I just used it with a photo of my brother and I with mom on her birthday this past summer. It was the perfect way to basically let people know that we have not reached out to in person. I also love the sentence that grief is not the journey we want to book, but unfortunately, we all get a seat. You have a beautiful way with words and I so appreciate it.

Kim--thank you;)

Patty--thank you for the advice. It makes so much sense.

Hank--I am so sorry about your dad. I am laughing about being a messy crier though. That is me. It's weird, I cried more before she passed, but now it is such a relief that she is not suffering anymore so it seems better. Temporarily, I am sure.

Traveler Girl--Yes, definitely need all the humor we can find. I have a few funny things about mom, and she would laugh at them too, so it's good. Thank you for your advice as well. Brain fog, oh yes, it crept in already. As for self care, I did do a short walk yesterday by myself to just get fresh air and to just "be". I do need to make time for some self care every day though, so thank you for the reminder. It is so easy to get caught up in everything and to forget to come up for air.

Mikliz,
I'm glad the poem was helpful. I also want to share two writers I discovered on FB:

Becky Hemsley Poetry (I believe she's in the UK) and Donna Ashworth (poems). Both have poems about the journey of grief. I have a facebook page mainly for genealogy groups, but I also follow these writers as some of their poems really resonate with me.

CanAmCherie--Thank you so much, I will check those out. It is weird how even a simple poem can really resonate and make things better for the moment. I truly appreciate it:)

Mikliz, I'm so sorry that your Mom's death has happened and that may take some of the urgency out of getting there.

"It's weird, I cried more before she passed, but now it is such a relief that she is not suffering anymore so it seems better."

As you said up thread...you really started your grief a year ago so you've gone thru a lot over time. Your reaction is one many feel because we've actually "lost" the loved one a good bit of time before the actual event.

Hank, condolences from me as well. I'm sorry about your Dad.

Mikliz,

I had the same reaction as you. I had a 2 1/2 year period when I knew that I was losing Mum, as a matter of time, after she had refused an operation for breast cancer twice. A refusal basically caused by her dementia. That dementia had been 3 1/2 years of loss by increments and the occasional gallop. .
I thought I was prepared. A lot of tears had been shed in that intervening time.
And I got through the funeral part, and then the house clearance, the probate and all the formal stuff relatively well. All that and the scattering of ashes in multiple locations all kept me busy.

But once that was all done that was when it hit me "like a steam train" to use a British turn of phrase. That was when the void came.
And I had something of a breakdown- that was when the profound grief, the tears, the loss really came, months later.

Cutting a long story short I am finally largely emotionally stabilised, and now have a kind of support mechanism in place.

I will admit to having shed tears for you and your mum the last few days. But equally your story has helped me through the last weekend, when circumstances caused my carefully laid plans to mark the anniversary fall like a pack of cards.

I seem to have developed a scatter brain, which I blame on Mum's impishness and keep losing things. Last week I lost my cell phone in 1 of 2 rooms in the house (it has totally vanished, no matter how hard I look), a few weeks before on Remembrance weekend I wanted grandads brother's WW1 war medals. I know exactly where they were stored, but can I find them now. Not on your life. Several other instances like that, totally inexplicable.

My situation this year was I had planned a trip to Italy for May with two longtime girlfriends. Mid-March my Mom calls to say she was diagnosed with cancer, in the blood and bones. I'm long distance, so spent many a call on with doctors. Chemo/radiation would not help at her stage and age, so it was a fatal diagnosis, the question was a matter of when. I went back and forth a thousand times about whether to cancel or postpone the trip. Mom was adamant I go. She never got to travel and wanted to see me go. So I went to visit her for awhile before Italy, and even when I left her from that visit, I was still on the fence. How could I go to Italy when my mother might die while I was there?

But I went to Italy. We printed out a laminated picture of her and took pictures of her along the way. "Here's Mom at Trevi fountain!" "Here's Mom riding a gondola!" She enjoyed seeing those in her last days. We talked or emailed every day. I had one breakdown in public in Italy at the crypt of the Capuchin Monks, at the end of the audio guide where they talk about everlasting life, etc.

She died while I was on the plane headed home. She had friends with her. I do not regret going on the trip. I don't think my postponing it would have been a comfort for her, and she really did enjoy seeing me be able to travel.

MorganMurphy, it sounds like you made the right decision, and you also provided some moments of pleasure for your Mom in her fading days.

Thanks Pam :)

I have been thinking about you after reading your recent post. This is such a hard stage of life as a loving daughter! Sending you a big hug!

During your flights and travel time, be kind to yourself. When the tears come, allow them come. Others will understand, and really that doesn’t matter at all. Try to eat healthy and rest if possible because your body is going through a lot of stress. I’m glad to hear your brother is there in sync with you to be a help to each other.

When I was traveling for my dad’s funeral, it helped me to just take walks in the airport while my husband kept by bag. And crying in the bathroom. During the flights, I just faced away from the aisle and let the tears flow.

My mom actually died on her birthday, so I had flown out there ahead of time. The video I made for her 90th birthday of photos of her throughout her life was shown instead at her memorial service. Seeing those photos really helped a lot afterwards. Maybe looking through some will be a comfort to you , too.

MorganMurphy,

My mom just passed away on October 12, the day after I landed in Bucharest for two weeks in Romania. I had been caregiving every day, 10-12 hours a day for the 3 weeks prior. My mom had had rheumatoid arthritis for 53 years, and was dealing with the long-term effects from that, but her sudden decline and then death was unexpected. She would have been 85 in November. We found out at 8:30am, but had to wait until the next morning to fly out.

My dad (93, healthy and strong) and her both urged me to go. I fretted for the entire three weeks; talked to her doctors, my siblings, my partner. I went; I think, hoping if I did it would mean she was going to recover. But she didn’t. I know she knew I loved her, it was a gift to care for her.

In the end, I regret going, mostly because it was exhausting, and I lost my airfare basically (not worth the $$ for two nights in Bucharest).

I cried the whole way home, and when trying to get new flights home I felt like everyone thought I was lying about my mom’s passing- with the exception of the very stoic but kind man in the Munich airport at the Lufthansa counter.

I am in Netherlands right now, finishing up a trip there and to Belgium. I brought my dad some gifts in my mom’s memory. It’s been ok. But it was a little hard to “get back on the horse“ after last trip- it reminded me of my grief then. I’m glad you had a good time for your mom.

Mikliz, we’ve talked privately. You’re on my mind, still. 🤍 Hope you’re doing okay.

To all of you in this situation, I'm sorry for your loss(es). I think it's even harder when it happens so close to holidays that you are accustomed to sharing with your loved one.

Thank you all. I am reading, but can't reply to all just yet.

Jean, yes, just like the last time I flew home, I faced the window and cried. That time I did not have a seatmate, which was nice, but this time I do.

RocketDog--Thank you. I'm so sorry about your mom as well, and your trip. That would be difficult, but I probably would have gone as well.

Right now most things are lining up, but Neptune Society is not fulfilling their duties and the hospice case manager is having to escalate it. I am fit to be tied over it, but will wait until we have mom's ashes and the death certificates until I file complaints.

will wait until we have mom's ashes and the death certificates until I
file complaints.

These are the two places we ran into static/money hassling with my dad as well. All outside entities in the whole process were highly professional and empathetic except the funeral home. Really smart move getting things settled before getting into it, nice work there. My sisters went after our funeral home right away, and it slowed down necessary processes. It's remarkable how important It is to have death certificates in hand before attempting any financial housekeeping.

Continuing condolences, hope things are moving along as well as can be expected.

Since you have a seat mate this time, write a short note and just hand it to them. Then you don’t have to try to get the words out, and feel self-conscious.

“My mom just passed away, so I will probably be crying a bit. Thanks for just letting me mourn quietly by myself during this flight.”

Jean, that's a great idea.

My heart goes out to the many here who have shared this year's losses. (Forum hugs also to those, like me, whose loved ones left in years past.) May love of family and friends envelope you this season, and may you find moments of peace amongst the moments of pain.

It was 8 years ago that I lost my mom, but Christmas, 3 weeks before, had been the last visit I had with her. She was almost 93, and had outlived my father by decades and my sister by a couple of years. But when you love someone, time together is always too short.

I was a poster on the original primary caregivers forum. I was able to take a trip to Switzerland the end of April-first part of May. I had a good friend, a retired nurse, act as Mom's caregiver while I was away. A few days after my return my Mom told me she had a new problem. At the end of March this problem did not exist (at least not as far as we could tell as she had had a medical appointment at the end of March). It turned out the new problem was cancer. After three months of scans and various medical visits it was determined that at age 89 with co-comorbidities she was not a candidate for surgery, chemo or radiation. She chose to go on a hospice service. The hospice we chose was fantastic. She died peacefully on November 17.

The services for Mom were last Saturday. We showed a video I took of her telling her life story to the residents of her assisted living facility. It was well received. Many family members did readings or prayers during the service. The catered luncheon afterward was delicious.

I have her apartment pretty well cleared out. I am starting to get papers together to settle her estate. So far I've done no decorating for Christmas, but am nearly finished with sending over 100 Christmas cards. I hope to decorate a small Christmas tree yet this week. And I'm hoping for a two or three day getaway this month.

Thank you, isn31c, for your post about everything hitting you after all was settled. I am wondering if this will be my experience. I have been so busy with extra caring for her in her last months (canceling a trip to Bavaria), notifying people of her death, planning a memorial service, cleaning out her apartment, now taking care of her things I brought to my house, starting the process of settling her estate. Friends and family who know I was her caregiver for over 13-1/2 years keep contacting me and calling me to see if I'm okay. I am okay. I have no time to sit and cry. There is work to be done. I am a retired grief support manager for a hospice. I know what I'm in for, But right now I have no time to process my grief. I'm thinking when all is settled I can take the time for me to grieve as I need to.

I was honored to be my Mom's caregiver. It did cut into the years my husband and I thought we would be traveling. We did manage international trips with great effort in getting care for my Mom. We hated to cancel our trip to Bavaria but it was the right thing to do. Due to the good advice and suggestions here we were out only $328 when we canceled. That was the price of the seats. I did not know that seats were not refundable--my fault as it was clear in the printed info. However, we had switched seats at one point and the original seat fee was refunded. People started asking me, even before the funeral when we are going to take our trip to Bavaria. Who knows? We have nothing scheduled. We do have many places we want to go in Europe. First on the list is Bavaria and Ireland. Hopefully, both in 2024. But time will tell.

Thank you to all who posted on this thread and on the first thread. The posts were/are supportive and it felt/feels good to know others are or have been in similar situations.

My condolences to others who have recently lost a loved one. It's tough but we'll get through it.

Traveler Girl

Jean--I love that idea, I will write one out in a few minutes. I am in first class and a window seat, so at least that helps a bit. I know my airport driver pretty well after all the trips this year, so I already let him know because he always asks how mom is doing. That will at least break the ice this morning.

Traveler Girl--You have been through a lot, and I am still thinking of you.

I leave in a few hours. Have I packed? No. I have tried a few times and am just in a fog. Trying to at least take nice looking clothes since we are headed to the church, financial planner etc. As long as I bring enough underwear, I guess I will get by;)

Travel safely, mikliz. Thinking of you as you embark on this physical journey today.

Ok, here is an update with a real twist:)

Somehow I managed to pack what I needed.

I did not sob on the flight, but just kept my head toward the window and just sort of sat in the moment for the entire flight.

The trip itself was good, and not as difficult as we feared. We were super busy and every moment was occupied, so no down time until the evenings, and even then we were still sorting stuff. We got the two services scheduled, which was key, and thankfully both of those the places take care of almost everything. We just need to do flowers and a slideshow for the church and finger foods for the assisted living.

Yesterday was full of laughs and tears. We took a bunch of stuff to UPS to ship home. We almost forgot the dam Neptune box though, so had to run back to UPS for that. The poor guy helping us;) He asked what it was, and we both just said "a box". But he wanted to know what was in the box, and we just said it was a decorative box. He was young, and very polite, but not giving up, and finally I was laughing myself silly and explained it was to hold ashes. Poor guy will never ask that question again, by the look on his face.

At the airport both of our flights were delayed. Normally I wouldn't really care, but it was just a long day and we were beat. We sat at the wine by and had lunch and nibbles. Mindless airport eating. At least it was decent food;) Lots of tears when we hugged each other as we parted ways. Then it all hit me. I managed to keep it together, but once seated on the plane, I was off and on a mess. The lady next to me was very sweet and made small chat, which I don't mind at all and I figured it would take my mind off of everything. Then the totally uncanny happened. She said I looked familiar, but I explained that I am not from CA, but in talking it turns out she knew my mom very well and I had met her before! She owned the salon that mom went to for years! This lady's co owner was mom's stylist, and I remember mom taking me there to meet them! This lady knew so much about mom, as hairdressers often do, so she was very sad when I told her mom passed. BUT, she is coming to the service now! And, her mom was very good friends with my mom as they were the same age.

So, there you go, it isn't always a bad thing to chat with a seat mate. It turned my day around and I got off the plane with a smile on my face and a much needed hug.

Your post lit a candle in the darkness.

Oh my word....I can't believe your seat-mate knew your Mom. I am not religious but am somewhat spiritual and I just have to chalk that up to the Universe knowing what you needed. Very special.

Oh, my. I'm not religious either, but I agree with Pam.

Sounds like a good way to wrap up the trip!

Patty--Thank you:)

Pam--I agree. I still cannot get over it and it all just keeps going through my mind.

CanAmCherie--Yes, definitely the best way to end that trip!