No more PM's

I mainly use PM when a particular product comes up on these forums which is offered by my company and many travelers find useful. Yeah, I know that’s vague, but my company has an extremely strict policy about social media. I’d be fired if I went online and posted that I love working at my company. That’s how strict they are.

I'd never ask a question via PM unless it was a follow-up to something specific posted on the forum. For example, James and I had some PM dialogue about Budapest a few years ago, where I was looking for more detail about something he had posted. He helped me find a good book about the 1956 events there. And I've PMed other posters who replied to my own posts, for more detail about the information they'd supplied, or just to thank them.

Seems like initiating a dialogue via PM not only deprives others of its benefit (if any), but also treats the recipient as a sort of public utility, available for all inquiries. Kind of resembles the unsolicited phone calls we get with sales pitches, surveys, or donation requests. Not good etiquette I think.

Almost all PMs I got could have been on the Forum with very few exceptions. If somebody wants me (or other contributor) to react and we don't, well, then send PM and bring it to our attention and the answer still can be on the Forum.

One of my favourite PM's that I've received was....

"You are rude and nasty."

Succinct and direct, just how I like it.

I agree James. I get a lot of PMs with a lot of questions, lots of requests to help them plan their trip. And after spending 30+ min responding with detailed info, often i get no reply. No acknowledgement. I’ve really been considering not responding anymore.

On a few rare occassions there is good cause to keep it private; but
most often not.

With all due respect, let's leave it up to the person initiating the question/ comment to decide whether they want to broadcast it publicly or not - they're in the best position to weigh whether their comment/question serves some public good or their own personal interest (don't they have the right to exercise that choice?). The community guidelines suggest that responses should not be "personalized" to another poster, and yet you see many threads where two or more folks are basically communicating (or arguing) back and forth with no reference to the OP or their question. Yes, sadly, I've done that myself on many occasions (not proud of it). I believe PMs are in many instances appropriate and a better choice than subjecting third parties to side conversations (or virtue signaling) - that's why the option exists in the first place. It's always a balance.

If you get a lot of very broad PMs that are not unique to you or your experience, you can kindly suggest that you think others too would benefit from the public conversation and encourage the person to broadcast it that way. Obviously, this is a public forum and not a free service for folks to contact you off-line with too many questions that you solely have the burden of having to respond to. I get it.

Agnes, which train station connects to Vienna doesn't require a PM

Once I took the question, removed everything personal out of it, posted it myself and then answered it. The person who sent me the PM went wild and reported me to the webmaster who suggested i not do it again.

I really don't mind too much with the PMs i was just curious if it was common or something else was a factor.

I have never asked a question via a PM. But I have received a few PM's from folks asking a follow up question to something I posted. All of them have been very friendly.

Pretty much all the PMs I've sent or received have been of the friendly, follow-up conversation sort. Except for the guy who called me an idiot in all caps for not being able to sleep on a plane. That was nice.

I pm’d a stranger who had written something pretty nasty about me and a post I made on the board. I decided that there was no purpose of discussing this in a public forum. Turns out there wasn’t any purpose in trying to discuss it in a private forum either. My response to an email clarifying my post was another insult and a request never to contact them again. Ok, I can do that......

And I've been called some pretty sweet things too. Of course I generally bring it on myself. And there are a handful of folks that I PM and they PM regularly for side discussions .... and that's great. I was just curious if receiving so many mundane questions by PM was common; and why?

My PM experience on this forum has been more along the lines of Stoutfella's with them being friendly and conversational. Occasionally it will be a side issue to a forum thread and easier to discuss via PM rather than pulling a thread off topic. I've made some very nice connections with people on here whom I now consider friends. In fact, I just sent a PM to a friend asking if they would like me to check out something in a Paris museum next week (based on their response on another thread.)

The PMs I get on Trip Advisor are more ones that should be answered on the forum and I generally direct them back there unless I feel there is a reason for a private response.

No one's obligated to respond to either a forum thread or a PM so if it's annoying no need to answer.

I agree with Agnes that it should be up to the sender to decide if they want their question or comment aired publicly or not. In some cases it's prudent to not put it on the forum. I don't get a lot of questions by PM but I can see where that might get annoying if they are common questions about uncontroversial subjects. In that case I would just respond to all of those PMs with a standard response: "please post this question on the forum so it can be shared with others" and leave it at that. There is no law that says you have to respond to a PM. I have ignored some that I felt did not deserve an answer.

which train station connects to Vienna doesn't require a PM

Technically, such a straightforward question doesn't require a public travel forum post either. Just Google and Google maps.

Once I took the question, removed everything personal out of it,
posted it myself and then answered it. The person who sent me the PM
went wild and reported me to the webmaster who suggested i not do it
again.

That's exactly why I wouldn't second-guess another person's intentions, and try to improve upon them unilaterally. It's possible that some people really are shy and don't want to broadcast publicly - maybe they know their questions are softballs, or maybe they lack the research skills to find the answer easily, and perhaps they intentionally want the anonymity of a PM. Folks who are new to this forum will not conform to old-timers expectations of "cultural norms" because only old-timers share those norms - all traditions and norms take time to solidify. That's why I don't think all the hand wringing about why some people will do this, not do that, will not say thank you, will not acknowledge responses, or post in the wrong forum by mistake is not particularly fruitful. If you contribute to the forum, it's probably better to so so willingly and with no expectations of others, including trying to reshape their behavior. I have gotten very nice PMs (and maybe one or two by mistake), so no issues as far as PMs are concerned. The folks has some follow-up questions in reference to my response.

Agnes, sounds fair. My real curiosity about it has been satisfied. If you want to know, send me a PM.

Of the PMs I receive, they are far more often just friendly follow-up inquiries about something I may have posted. On the rare instance I've sent a PM asking a question of someone, it has also been mostly to get additional input about something they may have posted on another thread and was done so in an effort to not "hijack" someone else's thread.

I see a lot of post hijacking and ongoing side conversations that go on endlessly between just a handful of posters (some of them regulars) where they are no longer addressing the OP and just cluttering up the OP's post with stuff that often stopped pertaining to the original question many posts prior. Wouldn't an ongoing "conversation" taken off the board and conducted via PM be better suited for that purpose, or does that defeat the (suspected) intent by some to inflate their response counts?

You control whether you wish to engage and answer someone's PM or not. No one is holding a gun to your head, so if you don't want to answer privately, ignore.

I see a lot of post hijacking and ongoing side conversations that go
on endlessly between just a handful of posters (some of them regulars)
where they are no longer addressing the OP and just cluttering up the
OP's post with stuff that often stopped pertaining to the original
question many posts prior.

I resemble that remark!

We also have some who reinvent the question so they can complain... All sorts of humanity going on out there. I personally love it. And almost every PM question i get, i gladly answer if i can.

And I keep telling everyone I'm very popular. I don't receive any PM's.

"You are rude and nasty."- Even a comment like that would cheer me up no end.

"Except for the guy who called me an idiot in all caps for not being able to sleep on a plane." Not only do I not sleep on a plane, I drive afterwards for a few hours. I'm pushing for the same response.

Ooops, 2-0 to Germany now (hijacking the post).

and here I thought this would be all about how I didn't have to suffer with any more Prime Ministers!!! oh well... back to the blah

James,

I don't often ask questions using PM's, but I do receive PM's with travel questions on a fairly regular basis. Many of these could probably have been asked on the forum, but I don't mind providing a reply. With many questions, I always encourage people to post these on the forum in order to get a wider range of responses. We have a very well travelled group here and many have been to places I've never visited, so can provide better answers.

I also utilize PM's with a few people on the forum, to discuss travel related items which may not be of interest for a wider audience or things which are of a more private nature.

After reading Pam’s, Nancy’s and Ceidleh’s posts, i am going to start ignoring some PMs that are full of questions and planning help. I just always thought it was unfriendly/rude not to answer, but you guys are right.

I do get lots of wonderful PMs too, and have made many friends through PM conversations (as Pam said). There are lots of great people on this forum.

Susan, the standard line I use on TA is something like "I'd suggest you post your question on the "X" forum where you can also receive input from some of the other knowledgeable regulars." I particularly do this when it's a question of general interest that might be useful to others and also when the person has no history of posts on a forum.

It's unfortunate one cannot turn off the PM feature here. TripAdvisor allows one to do so.

Thank you Pam, that’s a great suggestion.

Maria, if i were able to turn off the PM function, i’d miss the ones i enjoy getting.

@Nigel As usual, you nailed it!

I usually send a PM when I have something to say to a poster that seems too removed from the original post to make it public.

Most of the PM questions I get, that could be posted publicly, are from new posters. I answer as best I can, and like Ken, suggest that they post on the forum to get a wider range of responses. Some seem to feel their questions are answered adequately by my PM responses, and others do end up posting publicly on the forum.

I think it's similar to the way new posters will post their question on an existing thread rather than starting a new one - they just don't yet know how the forum works.

I’ll PM someone if I know they have shown knowledge and wisdom about a particular travel point and I am looking for a specific piece of info. I assume that not only do forum members have busy lives (or may be traveling) and may not have time to go through every post on the forum.

I have no issue with PMs. Usually, they are follow-ups to something posted long ago, or a twist on an issue. Some times, they are simple thank yous. So, far no one has called me on the carpet, but that eventuality may happen.

James, this reminds me we are overdue for a PM chat about Budapest :) I keep hoping our schedules will mesh and allow us to meet there one of these times...

The PMs I generally get are in reference to things I posted about at some point and they want more detailed info, none have ever been bothersome. Sometimes people sense a kindred spirit and need a bit more encouraging than in the public pages, is my best guess.

christa, I would be wonderful to see you.

work has been hell this year. every trip gets canceled. I had one schedule for the last week in April and it just got messed up. BUT, I have one week to kill in mid-april and ..... (see your PM) unfortunately both places are rented that week so I cant go to Budapest......

If we're taking a survey, nobody ever PM's me with random questions.

I can see PM'ing someone to follow up on a thread at times, but I can't imagine just randomly PM'ing someone with a public travel question.

I mostly use PMs to give private thank yous for responses to my questions or to ask for more detail about someone's reply. Pam from Idaho and I share an affinity for packing light and planning, and I'm pretty sure we'd drive people crazy if we had those chats in the forum :)

I also have received PM questions that follow up on my replies to other questions - for example, I recently got a question about the Best of Eastern Europe tour because I had posted a reply on that topic previously. It was a general "any advice?" question which I was happy to answer. I agree with others that you don't need to respond to the PM, just like you don't need to respond to a message on the board.

Nigel, prime minister was also the first thing that popped into my mind. Without one who would be in charge? Queen Elizabeth? Prince Charles?

And RLD, Oklahoma.

"Pam from Idaho and I share an affinity for packing light and planning, and I'm pretty sure we'd drive people crazy if we had those chats in the forum :)"

Oh gosh yes. The forum should probably thank us!

I find it complimentary that a person or few liked something about what I wrote and wanted to explore it further. People can be shy or feel a bit intimated posting on a forum, so I don't mind reasonable PM's.

It's a public forum of course, anyone can read from anywhere. Perhaps some don't want to post certain things or write too much personal stuff.

I'm no expert, I just have fun as much as I can. Since I've been to Rome two years in a row (so far) as a solo, sometimes, women (and some men too) may want to get a handle on something I experienced or suggested.

I write of my experiences giving the OP or another some grounding or comparison. I get PM's asking for suggestions about a restaurant, some other things. Some like my ideas and want further suggestions. Then, it's up to the person to take a little from each and go from there.

Most PMer's thank me, but one or two, I don't hear from again. It goes with the territory.

I also get PM's for friendly conversations from others (newbies and regulars.) A few have extended beyond typical forum conversation. Of course you have to build up a trust. If you get a PM that is out of line or deliberately aggressive, just notify the Webmaster.

Whenever I see a comment (reply to a thread) where I'd like more information, I ask myself whether my question is beneficial to everyone on the thread or relates specifically to myself. If it only relates to myself, I'll PM the person who commented. If it's likely to interest everyone, I'll ask on the thread.

Brad! Exactly right.

If someone hijacked another posters posting with questions of their own & I know the answer, then I will PM that person so the original poster does not have to deal with the reply.

@Nigel — ha!!!

@BigMike — I definitely was trying to figure out what Oklahoma location that question was referring to. I thought I knew most places and could NOT figure out what RLD would be !!