Living in Europe

The school systems in the UK and Ireland are much different than in the U.S.

Many ex-pats living overseas send their kids to American style schools located in many countries. These are private schools that follow an American style education. It's not just American kids who go. You'll find the kids of wealthier parents who live in countries where the school systems are not great and want their kids to get a great education.

You might even get your husband's employer to pay for it as a condition of moving. I know in my old field, if you were transferred overseas, the company paid for your kids schooling.

These are the schools U.S. diplomats based in foreign countries usually send their kids.

Office of Overseas Schools

If your kids go to school in Ireland, I think they'll have to learn Gaelic. They're trying to revive (or preserve) the language. Not as useful, I'd imagine, than learning French, Spanish, or German. But Irish schools may teach those as well.

Do the schools in Europe do a better job at teaching languages and at earlier ages than over here? That is my impression, but I could be wrong.

I wish I was in your shoes! I would have loved to give my children the opportunity of an education in the UK or Ireland. (I don't like France) I wouldn't worry about accents causing problems! Think of the advantanges. And in the UK and Ireland, you won't have to worry about learning another language. I am certain that you will be able to arrange visits with family- maybe in both directions. And think of the culture they will LEARN- not what they will miss. With the internet, email, etc. they will be able to stay in touch with friends and family. Give this idea a real chance.

I currently live in Europe and really enjoy it. People have been very welcoming (perhaps partly because I try to be respectful of their customs and language). I don't have young children with me now, but I know others who do. I think kids have a fabulous opportunity to learn about other places and cultures here. We keep in touch with family by trips, e-mail, webcam, phone, letters, etc. There is always a lot to talk about because we have seen and done so much here. I highly recommend taking the opportunity, but that is a decision that each family must make. You know your kids. But I suspect that they will be excited and interested as long as you are.

Kathleen, there's a good chance that your kids will lose their American accent if you're in an English speaking country overseas - not that I believe for one minute that an American accent is a handicap in Europe. It sounds like you're in no way ready to live overseas and would have a much harder time than your children. Kids are adaptable but they do take their cues from their parents. Adults will have to compromise and keep an open mind. (I, for one, missed my American style washer and dryer more than anything else.) There is always a period of adjustment until you feel comfortable in a new town, be it here or in Europe. Also, and I may get stoned for this, I believe that in several European countries kids get a better all-round education in high school than in this country. There's always home schooling, too. If you do move, you may be surprised by how many relatives show up for a visit and a free bed. If the grandparents download Skype on their computer, they can call 34 or so countries overseas for about ten dollars a month and talk as long as they want. Yes, a move to a foreign country is a big adjustment for everyone but in my opinion the opportunities for broadening your horizon far outweigh the disadvantages.

My ex-sister-in-law had the opportunity at 16 to spend a year with her parents in italy. She whined so much that they sent her home to live with her older sister in Illinois. I met her about 6-8 years later when I was about 24 and we all thought she had been out of her mind to have complained. My two sisters, my brother and I would have been ecstatic if we'd had that opportunity. Patty has never been back since and hasn't wandered much further than Wisconsin and Minnesota. So, it could be that her nature is to be a home-body. I guess the lesson is that if you have children are explorers then they'll do fine. If they have made friends here, bet that the children will make friends faster than you do there because they have school.

Have you looked for the Culture Shock books? They are about living in the country. Pam

Kathleen, I took a bike tour this summer in Paris. It was a daytrip to Giverny. I met two American families who lived and worked in Europe. Met and talked with them all day,, and their kids. The kids were amazing.. well spoken , comfortable with adults, they enjoyed telling me about their schools, they ( both families, one living in Amsterdam the other in Germany)all attended "American" schools, and as noted, kids from all over were in these schools,, kids from Japan, Korea, States, Canada, etc etc. Kids seemed so accepting of other cultures. There were two teen girls about 14 and 16,, they had lived in Amsterdam for last 3 years. I spoke the most with them. They enjoyed some things alot( they did not like Dutch food, but loved the French food) ,, and some things not so much,, ( longer school hours) ,, but I really think their parents had great attitudes and the kids picked up on that, and really seemed to benefit from the experiences. They also LOVED that they could jump in the car for long weekend visits to many Europeon cities.. .kids had been everywhere. Schools took them on great field trips too.

The American accent is a non issue,, but preconcieved ideas and narrow mindedness may get you crucified.

Both families were very happy with their choices. They did not miss families much,, families loved having a free place to stay in Europe so visited alot!

Your 4 yr old will have NO problems, he/she will be bilingual in a wink and do fine. Your 14 yr old is 14 ,, so who knows,, you could just stay at home and miss this great chance.. nah,, don't do that.

Try it ,, but do consider your attitude.. as pointed out, negativity is picked up from parents easily.

PS my older sister had to go live in France at age 8,, for almost three years.. she is bilingual to this day,,which is always an advantage in life.

We did the reverse. Came to Canada and left Brothers, Sisters & Grandparents at home in Scotland. Yes, it was an edjustment, yes, our parents missed their grandchildren, however, when they did see them, it was for extended periods of time, either at our home in Canada or their home in Scotland. Language obviously not a problem or advantage, culture was, however, and even after 33 years we still come across differences we find either strange or awkward.

Neighbours of our daughter came from US to Canada and the girl was "not going to learn the money because we are not staying forever"!! Last week they left for "home' in the US - all of them in tears and wanting to know when they were coming back.

Children adapt, but if parents are unhappy, they will sense it and be unhappy also.

As for learning Gaelic in Ireland, I doubt it. Yes they are trying to revive the language, but in certain parts where there is a predominance of it, mainly parts of the west.

Having lived in Germany now for almost 23 years, I think I can present a few points for you.

1. Living in the U.K. or Ireland will be a lot different then living in France, so that might be a huge deciding factor

2. Not sure what expat websites you were on, but I have never heard of an American accent causing problems. My daughter was born here and my son was only 3 when we came here. They have American accents believe it or not. Now, if they were growing up in the UK somewhere, that might be different, but usually kids speak like their parents. Losing your American accent is almost impossible, unless you are Madonna and think you sound posh speaking with a British accent.

3. The International schools are quite expensive unless your firm is paying for them. They follow a certain curriculem so that for families going from country to country, their children will not have a hard time switching schools. This curriculem combines the British and the American systems so that the students will have a correct dipoloma for whatever country they will be attending university in.

4. Yes, leaving family behind can be tough, but with computers, webcams, etc. it is not near as hard as it used to be to stay in touch.

5. Living overseas will be a plus for your children. I would go for it.

Kathleen,

I was about 14 when my mother moved to Samoa (where they had the horrible tsunami last week)to live with her new husband. I lived with them on and off for several years. I spent the beginning of my first extended stay being miserable and whining, but somewhere along the way I fell in love with the place and hated to leave. Part of my problem at the beginning was just plain culture shock, and part of it was being 14:-) Once I got the melodrama out of my system, I enjoyed being "exotic". It's not often that a girl from Oklahoma elicits so much curiosity. During my next stay, I attended school for a semester. It wasn't always easy; school was set up on the British model where you have a different schedule every day and I never knew where I was supposed to go:-)I didn't really understand "houses" and "house games". (When I read Harry Potter, I finally got it!)At school, I never felt like I fit in, but I didn't feel invisible either which is how I felt in Oklahoma. Whatever difficulties I had,it was always an adventure, not just routine. Personally, I wouldn't trade a moment of my time there. But, I was always shy, didn't have many friends here and so didn't have that much to give up. If your 14 year old is really involved in school and has lots of friends, it might be very different.

And now for something completely different...Regarding the prospect of living in France, there's a wonderful book by collumnist Adam Gopnik. "Paris to the Moon", about living in Paris with his family, is not really a memoir, more a collection of observations about France and Paris with his personal experiences as a context.It's funny and very insightful.

What Jo said!
I've been living in Vienna for 6 years now. When we arrived my kids were in first grade and pre-school. It has been a fantastic experience for them. They are both bilingual now, which I still find remarkable. They speak German with a perfect native accent and they speak English with an American accent. My job pays for an international school, so they go to school with kids from all over the world (literally). Their best friends are Austrians, Brits, Aussies, Koreans, Russians, Mexicans, Greeks and Americans. The quality of education is very high. Beyond that, on school breaks we are constantly traveling all over Europe and my kids have an outlook and sense of place and history that I think is amazing. We have never had a run-in with blatant anti-Americanism. The accent thing is a non-issue in my book. In fact, when people hear an American accent they often think "friendly and open". So in my view, it is often a cultural "plus". Having kids also makes it easier to meet the locals, etc. My kids have come to love the seasonal foods and the little festivals in our neighborhood. The hardest part is being away from relatives... But we Skype with Grandma weekly and Grandma comes and spends every other summer with us (we actually see more of her now than we used to!) Anyway, jumping into the unknown is always scary. But, on balance, I highly recommend the Expat life. Once experienced, many people find it hard to give it up!

If you go for it, just be prepared for a huge wave of homesickness at about the 6 month mark. This is normal (my sister lived in France for 18 months and I have friends who moved here from Germany and all went through this) and if you know to expect it, will handle it better. As for the kids, the 14 year old might be unhappy at first, but probably won't want to leave when it is time to come back to the US for good. Also, if your family is anything like mine, they will be finding excuses to come visit you so don't worry about missing them too much, LOL! As soon as we knew my sister was going to be living in France, the entire family planned to visit at Christmas. It was the first time in 20 years our entire family was together on Christmas day.

Nancy T.

I think it would be a huge privilege for any child to experience living in another country. Yes, they will be away from friends and family, but with Skype and web cams you can chat face to face with loved ones at any time.

I think you are worrying too much about the American accent. Accents can be a bonus! I worked in America for a few months as a teenager. Whilst I did come up against the occasional anti-British person most people made a big thing about me because of my "cute" accent. As other people have said you can make sure you send them to a school where an accent won't be much of an issue. I went to a school in London and I think we had kids from almost every country/religion/ethnic group in the school!

What are your kids like? I think the 4 year old won't have any problems at all, but what are the older ones like? Friendly? Curious? Enjoy meeting new people? If they are I'm sure they will have a ball even if they do have a few teething troubles at the beginning. Have you actually asked them what they think?

In the Gopnik book I remember that the author moved his family back home when his young son became school age. My impression was that he did not want his child to have to go thru the French system which he felt was too rigorous. By that age the boy was completely fluent in French and had become embarassed by his father's accent.

The advantage of European education is that University takes only three years. I don't know how they do that, but it must be a money-saver.

Kathleen, Being "global nomads" was the best thing that ever happened to my family. I was 3 years old when we left the US so I can't really compare overseas life to growing up in the US but it certainly gives one a different perspective on life and the world. My education was "choppy" because my school years were interrupted but it was a great education in spite of it. I didn't attend an American school until the last 2 years of high school and was more impressed with the quality of the international schools.

Just another thought - does the name "Obama" ring any bells?

What a fantastic opportunity for your family. Sounds to me that you are the one having trouble with the thought of living in Europe. Your children would adjust and probably would love it. If you don't take this opportunity then your children might ask why you didn't when they are older. I would suggest you think about this long and hard, I would hate to see you pass this up. I would jump at the chance of living overseas especially in the UK.

Many teens have a very difficult time leaving their friends and making new ones. The teen years are the most difficult in general and the time when very close peer relationships are formed. You will be uprooting your kids twice. You don't say how many years, but even 2 or 3 can easily mean that your kids will be "new kids at school/on the block" again when you get back.

This comes up a great deal in Israel, because many families with children consider moving here, albeit usually permanently. The general consensus is that families should move before their kids finish middle school or after they complete high school. There are many families who successfully ignore this advice, but there are also many failures.

If it were me, I'd consult a child psychologist, not a travel forum.

Best of luck if you decide to go, but don't have regrets if you stay at home!

Having an American accent can be a problem in the UK, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was. We were very unpopular for a while. (Regardless of your politics, Bush was not popular in England.) A lot of that's disappeared though.

But for every part you meet who gives you a bad time about it, you'll meet 10 times more who think it's cool to know an American. Check out www.americanexpats.co.uk, and take some time to get to know the people there. They will give you an honest assessment. It was an invaluable source when I was moving, and nice folks.

Another similar resource is UK-Yankee, this also has the advantage of not requiring a registration fee.

It's probably worth taking both these site with a pinch of salt as the overall tone can be quite negative. Bear in mind the main demographics of the posters and the fact that people who are unhappy living in the UK are much more likely to spend all their time posting online than people who are out happily living their lives.

Hi Kathleen - you are so fortunate! I have many family members and friends who through military or State Dept. assignments have lived abroad and loved it! We have been fortunate to visit them everywhere from Egypt, to Brussels, to Italy, to England and their families (kids from toddlers to teenagers) have really enjoyed the experiences. All of the kids made friends and though had some homesick times, really adapted well. As was pointed out in the other post, your children won't be the only ones with an accent. Typically you will find other foreigners living abroad as well. Keep your close ties at home in the U.S. writing emails, skyping, etc., and make an effort to have family and friends over to visit. Enjoy - life is too short for stress!