There is another way to Krakow from Budapest.
Call the Atlantic Hotel at Népszínház u. 55 exactly 8 days prior to the date you wish to go to Krakow. Tell the reservation clerk that you want the “traveler’s room” for one night, on the date you want to travel to Krakow. She will respond, "Thank you Laszlo" if she says anything else at all, trip is off. Sorry, cant help you.
Otherwise, Take the number 28 tram to the hotel. Be careful you do not get on the 37A tram. It goes in the same direction but you are not permitted to use it.
Check in at the hotel at precisely 2:07. Do not state your name just that you are a “traveler”, you must pay cash (200 euro) and you will be given a key to your room. Go to your room, leave your luggage and make sure the mirror in the bathroom is clean. If there is anything written on the mirror, leave the hotel immediately. Sorry. The trip has been canceled. Please leave quickly and do not get on a tram. Use the sidewalks and move as quickly away as possible. QUICKLY!
Assuming the mirror was clean, now find your way to the Antik-Bazár in District VII at Klauzál u. 1. Walk. Do not take the tram. Understand you are being watched and you must do this correctly or there will be no traveling for you.
Inside the Antik Bazar on the second floor you will find some old MALEV Airline luggage. Find the smallest of the bags and purchase it. The clerk will tell you it is not for sale, but tell him that you are a “traveler” and that you need it for your travel. He will understand and tell you the cost is 6,000 Forints. Hand him instead 250 euro, accept no change and return quickly to your hotel. Again, you must use the 28 Tram line.
Back in your room open the luggage and remove the false bottom. There you will find a piece of paper with four digits on it and a tube of lipstick. Now go to the bathroom and look on the mirror. With luck there will be three digits written on the mirror in the same distinctive lipstick that was in the luggage. If it doesn’t match then leave the hotel immediately. Sorry. The trip has been canceled. Please leave quickly and do not get on a tram. Use the sidewalks and move as quickly away as possible. QUICKLY!
Otherwise, Using the room phone dial the 3 digits followed by the 4 digits. A woman with a heavy Russian accent will answer. Tell her your destination. Nothing else, just your destination “Krakow”. She will respond with a number between 1 and 24. Once you have that number hang up. If there is any other conversation, leave the hotel immediately. Sorry. The trip has been canceled. Please leave quickly and do not get on a tram. Use the sidewalks and move as quickly away as possible. QUICKLY!
The number is the time. 45 minutes prior to the time, leave your room with your luggage (including your new Malev Airline luggage) and walk down Népszínház towards the center of town.
Look on both sides of the street until you spot a black 1976 GAZ M 23 sedan. The car will be parked in front of a coffee shop, restaurant or a bar. Enter at exactly the appointed time.
Look for a beautiful woman wearing lipstick that matches that which you saw on the mirror. If you don’t see her leave immediately. Sorry. The trip has been canceled. Please leave quickly and do not get on a tram. Use the sidewalks and move as quickly away as possible. QUICKLY!
If she is there, approach her, say only “I am the traveler” then kiss her passionately. She will take you across the Czechoslovakian frontier and into Poland; or at least that’s how it worked in 1979 when I did it.
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