Is the "meet the locals" hype overrated?

Excellent topic, Andre L. - thanks! My take on this is that actually meeting local people isn't overrated - it is just very unlikely to happen, as eloquently discussed by the previous posters. When I was younger, I found that I met local people by the simple expedient of hanging out in bars and pubs and parks and at concerts and talking to kids my age. I was trying my French or Danish or Spanish, and they were practicing their English. We were also usually drunk, or getting there, and flirting. I've gone to parties, gone to dinner and had too much home made black current cordial, hitchhiked and been taken under the wing of a German truck driver (who introduced me to weiss beer with a shot of fruit syrup for breakfast!), and just generally hung out. (Also have done lots of NON-alcohol-related things!) Now I'm grown up and part of a couple, I notice the "self contained unit" thing comes into play. We've picked up the trick of going to British ex-pat pubs when we can, where it's normal to meet folks who are "local" by dint of living abroad, and while we haven't been invited to dinner yet, we have FB friends we keep in touch with, have gotten awesome restaurant recommendations, and have been put in touch with "local" and "off the tourist track" resources - like the fantastic wine shop in the Marais that was having a "friends and family" opening night that we were invited to crash. But no, I would never expect to meet anyone in a tourist spot, or have some random family invite me over for a meal after a brief meeting in the street. As everyone has intelligentlly pointed out, the Europeans you meet are NOT on vacation. To them, we are strangers and a potential source of income. Anything else is lagniappe.

I think some people do have unrealistic expectations. Before we moved to Spain several years ago we travelled every few years to Europe for 6 - 7 weeks. I would never expect to be invited to someone's home or meet their family etc. I was sometimes disappointed we didn't speak to people more often in pubs for example but a couple looks like a self sufficient unit I guess. In smaller pubs and in smaller towns we did, but often they were tourists as well! In most of Europe the language was a barrier. I also think most people are really not that interested in talking to strangers - people have busy lives, are out with their family and/or friends etc. We generally rent houses or apartments, which gives the feeling of more 'living like a local' but of course that is largely an illusion. Part of our motivation for living in Europe was to 'meet the locals' and of course now we do, but I think to expect this on a short holiday is rather unrealistic. It is also much easier to meet and talk to people, especially when we travel in Spain, once they realise we live there and we can speak the language. To many of the locals, tourists are viewed as an income earner.

While we don't travel to Europe every summer to "meet the locals" we DO house exchange for a month in Europe every summer. Because we have spent months corresponding with the family we exchange with we form a trusting bond with them. Exchange families usually prepare booklets describing their favorite local eateries and daytrip destinations. They always leave a list of friends or neighbors who can help if there is a question or problem with the house/car. Many times, but not all, we've been invited to dinner at a family's home. They have all been enlightening, enjoyable experiences. Sometimes we don't meet a single "local" for any in depth conversation and that is OK too because we are there to relax and familiarize ourselves with a region. BTW, the same thing is happening with the families who come to our house. Our neighbors have favorites and tell us about the bbqs and events they invited our exchange family to. Popping into a European city and hunting down "locals" seems crass. Strolling through a neighborhood and happening upon a non-touristy neighborhood scene or event, that you don't foist yourself onto, is an ah-ha moment. We have driven into little towns in Germany to find ourselves in the middle of a town fest and participated for a few hours. We have strolled through neighborhoods in Venice to find laundry hung out from building to building over the canal and discretely taken pictures of it. (We were renting an apartment for the week so we did it too)!

There will always be people without a clue or just plain rude. I've always had great experiences meeting people, even if it's just a short conversation or chatting with shop clerks. And the more you travel outside the normal large cities, the more you'll meet people curious about you. Part of that is trying to speak a little of their language, that opens the door a lot. Mostly though it is knowing someone: distant relative, friend-of-a-friend or someone you met years ago. I have constantly been overwhelmed by the generousity and kindness of Europeans for someone they barely know. But i always let them guide how much they want to share - I never invite myself to their house for dinner...

Personally i do think the live like a local or meet locals thing is overrated Disneylandish fantasys.. My relatives in France do not go out of their way to meet or socailize with tourists,, they may say hello to you, or briefly chat, but they are no more likely to invite you over to dinner then you are to invite some Japanese tourists you meet while out and about during your day in your hometown. Have you ever done that ?? Now, with a home exchange I can see some differences,,friends may be asked to "keep an eye" on you and the house , so some socailizing may occur,, but sorry not for regular tourists. As for the "live like a local",, baloney,, you are on holiday, they are going to work, taking their kids to the dentist,, meeting their co workers for lunch, getting a plumber to come fix their toilets,, all things we do not have do to.. we are sightseeing, eating out, and ooooh,,, maybe buying some bread and cheese for the apartment.. hardly everyday life and why should it be ,, holidays are holidays. Only if one has an extended stay ( over a month at least) can one really pretend to live like a local. Anyways,, if thats what you think ,, practice what you preach,, go down to your towns tourist hub,, befriend some family from Brazil or Germany,, and take them home,, lol ,, bet you won't.

Definitely overrated if you think you're going to have some high-brow conversation with "locals" in a pub or bar. The people that hang out in the neighborhood pubs over here are just as unhealthy and sad looking as you would see in the US. At least the music isn't as loud. EDIT: My perception of British pubs is a little more positive, but that might just be my memory playing tricks on me again.

Andre L., I've never considered this question as it's not something I would ever do, but it's certainly an interesting topic. Perhaps some people have misconceptions about Europeans after watching the Clark W. Griswold European Vacation movie too many times? One of my favourite parts of the movies is when Clark is trying to be "local" by ordering his meal in a French restaurant - the comments by the French waiter always make me laugh (there's a video clip on YouTube if you're interested). Perhaps some don't think past the stereotypes and realize that the "social rules" of European culture are often much different than "at home"? As others have mentioned here, many Europeans are busy with their daily lives, which sometimes involves working in tourist-related businesses. They simply don't have the time or energy to invite someone they barely know in for dinner, as they have to spend some time with their families and then get up for another day of work in the morning (sometimes very early). I like to visit with the "locals" informally when possible, and learn something about their country, culture and lives. However, I certainly DON'T expect to be invited home for dinner! IMO, it's ignorant and insensitive to travel to another country and a different culture, and expect this type of interaction from "the locals". BTW, I visited Belgium & Netherlands on my trip this year (RS tour), and had a great time! If you're interested, have a look at the "Tours" page for details on the cities that I visited. Cheers!

I agree with those who say that meeting locals is not over-hyped, but the likelihood is. It's not easy meet people anywhere. How many of us move to new cities and struggle to find friends? On the other hand, I remember how easily I met people when I was student and traveling in Europe. It wasn't just the other students in the hostel, but you met people in the pubs and bars and other places that you meet people at home when you're in your 20's and are fearless. ; ) I still want to meet new people, so I sign up for tours. If you pick tours that are frequented by non Americans. It works. I've made long lasting friends from Holland, England, Scotland, Germany, Switzerland and Belgium. To meet local people you really have to go outside the tourist sites and venture into new places new types of past times. Pam

I agree with Douglas about some people just being rude or clueless. I don't think most reasonable people actually expect to be taken in as one of the family or become BFF's with all the locals. I think the idea of "meeting the locals" is just about getting outside the tourist bubble.

Rick Steves is obviously an extroverted person, and he writes about getting invited (or inviting himself) into restaurant kitchens to talk to the chef and other such occurences. I have wondered how many times people have found him overbearing and crass (that is, people who didn't realize he could be their ticket to easy street by getting their establishment into his book).

Andre, that's just wrong for people to assume you'll be their personal and free city guide just because you gave them some advice on a travel board. I also find it obnoxious they hounded you to take them someplace where they thought they would have better viewing opportunities of the Italians as if they are zoo animals to be gawked at & photographed. I think the "live like a local" line comes up here way more often than "meet the locals", and it does make me laugh sometimes. Because of family, years ago I was able to live and work in Europe for a number of months. The novelty wears off pretty quick if you aren't spending days touring museums or scenic areas. It takes a long time before the real locals stop referring to you as "The American"... much longer than the 1-2 week vacation most people here have for a vacation! The upside to truly living like a local for many months while working in Europe is you learn to actually appreciate a lot more about what makes living in the US so good when you stop the grass is always greener on the other side mentality.

One thing that we might consider is, what is behind the idea of "live like a local" or "meet locals." The reason behind these statements is to encourage tourists to get beyond the tourist sites. They suggest that you take time to explore Paris beyond the museums. Or, that you move off the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. That you find a pub or gasthof that is frequented by people who live in the town rather than tourists. That you do this so that you can meet new people and learn more about a different culture and place. You may find that you are more alike than different. So, is the idea of this over hyped, I still don't think so. It's just hard to do and expectations are often unrealistic. Pam

I have been fortunate enough to meet and stay with 'locals' in England, Germany and Italy... and it was great. However, I did not pick them up on a street corner and have them take me home. It was through friends or a chance meeting at a photography seminar. So, I agree the 'meet the locals' can be little more than going to a place a few streets from the tourist sites and just hanging out. One of my favorite things to do is go to the larger grocery/department store (like Meijers) in various countries. It is really seeing how different products are offered and gives me a different insight. I usually end up hanging out in the CD section and wait for someone to come along and help me choose local music. I have gotten some great music as well as some I left in the hotel room as soon as I played it. If I only wanted to do a checklist of sights I would rather stay home... I need to meet people too.

Meeting 'the locals' can't be a contrived thing. Sometimes it just happens naturally. I got chatting to a lovely lady in Howth when we there in 2008. I was standing in the street waiting for my husband and she was waiting for hers. She kindly asked us to her house for lunch! What a beautiful gesture. Many years ago when our kids were young we went down to our local port to show them over a US war ship. We got talking to one of the sailors on board. We invited him to our house for dinner. The kids loved the experience and so did we. He had a family back in the states and enjoyed the family time. If any forumers every found themselves in Adelaide, I would be delighted to take a day to show them around.
We spent a very interesting few hours with Jo in Fankfurt, who kindly played tourist guide to us. It was great to meet her

"I have been fortunate enough to meet and stay with 'locals' in England, Germany and Italy... and it was great. However, I did not pick them up on a street corner and have them take me home. " Well, this guy does exactly that. He even makes a living out of it. http://www.jiraidormirchezvous.com

@Paul... novel idea... think I'll pass on this one and leave it to some of the others here to try it out!

I have never come across anything offensive like what Andre is writing about. That said, I like meeting people from this forum when they come through Frankfurt and we go walk around, have coffee or a meal and I show them the city. Some of them I would invite to my house if I knew my house was cleaned up. :-)) My understanding of the whole "local thing" is to go places where the residents go, not just the tourist attractions. Neighborhood street fairs, flea markets at churches or kindergartens, small soccer games, go bowling perhaps, attend a church service in a small church, go to the neighborhood restaurant or pub. This lets you see life in the country you are visiting. If someone came to your hometown, wouldn't you take them to such local things too, so they could see what everyday life was like there and what the residents are really like. A baseball game, homecoming, a block party, the neighborhood pool, and your favorite pizza place?

Jo - I think you are right. But for the vast majority of tourists, the ideal doesn't work with the reality. For people visiting, say Paris in 3 days, they don't even have time to see the main sites much less little out of the way places, flea markets, local churches during organ practice or a pick-up game of soccer by some local kids. I love those sorts of things and try to do them when I have the time and definitely when I meet locals who can show me those things. And knowing how generous Europeans have been to me on many of my visits, I have the same attitude for practical strangers coming here. I go out of my way to show them around Chicago, often showing them some things they wouldn't normally see. I would also add that despite some people being overly rude or pushy to meet locals, it's still a really good thing for people to be curious about other people and other cultures. I think that is a lot of what travel should be about and makes the world a lot smaller.

Couchsurfing? I am new to RS so this may be taboo to suggest, but I love couchsurfing because it allows me to have a "friend" in every destination. We host travelers at our house and we stay at people's homes while we travel. It makes for a much richer more fulfilling (and off the path) experience. Every so often we mix it up and stay in a hotel for some "private time" and to not feel like a guest for a night. Couchsurfing.com is a great community of you don't know about it. I love my CS buddies and have not met a bad one yet.

@Chris - did you check out the website Paul posted? I did, and I am FASCIANTED and obsessed, now. (Thanks, Paul!) http://www.jiraidormirchezvous.com I have couchsurfed... but now that I am married, it is impractical. We would need to take over the spare room. And that is now my goal for a trip very soon!

I think you can meet people and get to know them well, but you're not going to do it when you're scurrying around at the tourist spots and try to force yourself on them. A couple of examples: Somehow I met a baker in Paris years ago and used to bang on the back door early in the morning and we'd bat the breeze while he did his work. Years later he was like a godfather to my daughter when she was getting set up to study at the Sorbonne. The guy has since croaked, but I still bang on the back door of the bakery every chance I get and bat the breeze with his son who took over the business. Last year I was spending the night in some suburb to the north of Aachen and walked in to eat at a small pub-type place just as the members of the town council walked in after their meeting. It was a friendly group and I now know a heck of a lot about the problems they face. In Beirut a cart knocked out the support to an awning in the souk. I was in the right place to catch the mess before it went to the ground. The shopkeeper crawled up my back to hook things back together. One thing led to another and he took me home to supper with his wife and kids. I've seen him a couple of times since. His son spent a week with us a couple of years back. In a small inn in Brittany they had flan on the menu. I love the stuff but can't find it too much. The gal that ran the place said I'd like creme brulee better (never heard of it). After a hell of an argument she brought both. She, her husband, and I sat up until midnight - - when I stumbled offf to bed, I felt I almost knew enough to run an inn for a few days. In the far beyonds of China with my grandson this summer, the five year old bugger found us a ride on the back of a truck when I couldn't figure out how to catch a bus. We stayed with that family for two nights, sleeping on the floor. You want to know how hard it is to run a small farm in China?

Essentially, you have to have something to bring to the table. I'm a freak for small harbors and any kind of boat. I tend to get into conversations with watermen. I don't know squat about fishing, but I can argue hull form and marine hardware with the best of them. I don't know how many times I've been invited (and usually accepted) to go out with them the next morning. I had no idea how to handle the fishing equipment, but I chipped in with the boat handling, learned a few tricks, and had a grand time. Nobody wants to put up with some idiot's banal damn conversation about nothing just so they can practice a non-mastered language. I can't imagine what 'living like a local' means. I ain't about to cut some Spanish guy's grass or fix some Brit's damn leaky sink. I live in a pretty big tourist area - - people that come here to vacation live like tourists, as well they should. Getting an apartment so I can cook, mop the floors, and make my own bed when I'm wandering around trying to see stuff just ain't my idea of fun.

Good post Ed. I agree. Especially with last paragraph.

Ed, you always make me laugh. I remember my son getting annoyed with me cause I liked chatting with all the people we met in Morocco, especially the camel guy. My answer: I never knew anything before about raising camels, what they cost, and so on and chatting with this guy added into my font of interesting, though probably useless information in my brain. That is what makes life and travel fun. I like chatting with servers and then finding out they did training in Frankfurt, the woman doing henna designs on the beach, the taxi driver who we found to drive us all around town and who took us to some fantastic spots we would have never found on our own. This happened cause I chat with every taxi driver I ride with, even here in Frankfurt. Might be a bad habit, but it leads to interesting conversations. Talking to strangers and asking people about their lives is what opens doors to some wonderful experiences.

I like Jo & Ed's comments. I often wonder about the people who fantasize about meeting someone and being invited to a wedding in Italy if they make the same effort to meet the locals in Pensacola or Columbus. My husband and I chat with people as part of our daily living, so maybe it comes more naturally. A lot of our vacation memories involve the people we've met here in the US. OK, so, often that's because they were weird, but that's what we like. I met a number of nice people on my recent trip to Paris. All of them were fellow tourists. None of them were Parisian, although next time I'll try banging on the back door of a bakery.

I think everything depends on the situation. While I don't consider myself forward, I try to be friendly and open to conversation (sometimes I can even be interesting) tempered with being polite and knowing at least the basics of the local language. That sometimes leads to great conversations and opportunities for experiences I would never have anticipated. And yes, I'm no different at home.

Some insights here remind me of a recurrent doubt/question on RS helpline: <i>'where can I found an agriturismo that is a real working farm? I don't want a hotel that looks a farm, I want a farm where I'll have breakfast with the farmer on their table</i>' I myself have answered couple of these posts on RS. Apparently, few a traveler want to have its Big Brother moment in Italian farms. Only the "I want to help the farmer's kids with their English homework" is missing.

Wha...?!? I always assumed I'd stay with you people - Andre, Jo, Pat, Thomas, Nigel, Karen - bein' a Fellow Helpliner and all...you're tellin' me it's not cool to invite myself?!? Many years ago on a tour of Israel we stopped at a Bedouin tent to See A Real Bedouin Family!!! While interesting, my main memory is one of extreme discomfort; it felt like we were being shown how 'they' (The 'Different/Freak' People) lived in their 'different' (read:crude, prehistoric, sideshow) way. (shudders) So Andre, this means you really won't be meeting me at the airport in your wooden shoes and showing me the inner workings of your windmill? ;-) Guess I'll have to set my sights on James or Corinna...;-) To Ed (who may yet let me stay with him and 'show me' some locals (!) - thanks for 'batting' the breeze; I've grown up 'shooting' the breeze ;-)

I tend to agree with most of the comments on this thread about the difficulty of getting an insider's view of the lives of "locals." They are busy living their lives and are not there to entertain tourists. That said, I just have to relate an amazing experience I had decades ago when I was in my early twenties. I was a first time solo traveler in Euope (had been there all of one day) while traveling by train with two other young Americans I had met on the flight to Europe. The three of us were sharing a train compartment with a lone 50-something German woman whom we mostly ignored as we bantered among ourselves in English. This woman never said a word but I noticed that she occasionally smiled to herself as we talked. When we all got off the train at Strasbourg this woman approached us and said she was on her way back to her farm just outside of Stuttgart and she wanted to invite us to come with her to stay at her home. We were flabbergasted but she seemed like such a nice woman that we immediately accepted. It later ensued that she was the mother of seven young people who were also traveling the world and she hoped that other people would take her children in. We had an hour to kill before catching the train to Stuttgart and while we were in Strasbourg this woman gave us a guided tour of the art and architecture of the Strasbourg cathedral. Long story short, we went to her home in Germany, she gave us beds, meals, and tours of her town for four days! A year later when I returned to Europe I visited her again and she invited me to spend the upcoming Christmas holidays with her family! Obviously this was a special woman and this was a very unusual experience but it has colored my experience of Europe for all time.

I think the ability to "meet the locals" is an over-rated or over-stated expectation. However, if you suceed in "meeting the locals" I can think of no better experience. My fondest memories of European travel involve meeting and spending time (even staying in their homes!) with locals.

I don't think it's overrated but I imagine it's a bit difficult for the average traveler to really see or experience. For those that do, it can be amazing. Often we have friends or family visit us here and usually I'll show them the "touristy" stuff and I always try to arrange a dinner with our neighbors so they can get the full Italian experience. When most people leave they always say that Rome, Cinque Terra, Venice or whatever was their favorite place but that the dinner with our neighbors was their favorite part of their entire trip. My step mother grew up in an Italian neighborhood on Long Island and has wanted to see Italy her entire life. When she and my dad visitied a couple years ago, she didn't care for Venice, Verona or any of the other places I took them to; for her, the most enjoyable thing was experiencing the everyday mundane lifestyle we enjoy here. Things such as walking my son to the Scuola Materna in the morning and then stopping by the paninoteca for some fresh bread on the way home.

Interesting question and discussion. I wouldn't presume what others might be thinking but for us when we travel, some of our best times are chats with everyday people about things going on locally and in the world. Taxi drivers and shop owners are great for that. We would not expect chats with shop owners or anyone to continue on to anything more than the moment though. This applies to wherever we travel by the way, either near home or far away. Having a relationship with someone in the place you are going that has built up is a different matter, even then we would never want to overstay a visit with that person and would also be very hesitant to interfere with their time and what might be going on in their day to day routine.