Is it proper to share a meal?

This came up on one of our early European visits (to France), and the waiter kindly explained to us that if two people sit down at a table, both are expected to order. Not to say that you can't share a bite of each other's entree, but each should order an entree. If one person doesn't order, some restaurants look at it that he or she is taking up a seat that could otherwise be occupied by a paying customer. I'm sure this question will generate lots of interesting experiences and opinions.

Why not order an appetizer then, or a salad and a soup. You can always ask for children portions, or order ala carte. On the other hand, if one person orders an entree and both order salads, there shouldn't be a problem with sharing.

Maybe you can check out menus online before you go to a particular restaurant to see if they have any info printed about a "sharing fee" as maybe it would be worth it to just pay a bit extra for the entree. Another option may be to have your daughter order 2 appetizers or a salad and 1 appetizer to be brought out together at the same time as your entrees. Usually, the price for 2 apps is fairly close to an entree, so the restaurant doesn't end up feeling put out by providing you with a table for 3 when you are really only getting 2 dinners. You can then share the entree with her and split the appetizers or salad between the 3 of you. And of course you can always avoid the awkwardness completely by simply not tying up a table and patronizing establishments where you can get 3 seats at the restaurant's bar or in a cocktail lounge area where you can order smaller appetizers for the 2 of you (or split a plate) while the husband gets 1 entree. Ordering etiquette at the bar is usually a bit more relaxed as long as you are drinking.

This question has been discussed in the past with no conclusion. The concept of sharing or splitting a meal is far more accepted in the US than Europe because Am portions can be huge. Our experience over the years with European meals is that the portions are not that large. Some will post that they do it all the time and who cares if you get dirty looks from the waiter. Personally I think we should be sensitive to local customs but for others that is not important. We do split meals but try to be very discrete by splitting what we order. However, some restaurants do serve more family style but that is easily observed by looking around prior to sitting down.

What Frank said.

The question asked is, "Is it considered poor etiquette ... to share a meal ... at a restaurant?" The answer is "Yes, it is considered poor etiquette and tacky to boot." If you are light eaters order something light. A salad? An omelet? Soup and dessert? I am surprised to hear that in Luxembourg portions are very large.

"Is it considered poor ettiquette for her and I to share a meal in the evening at a restaraunt?" I agree with Frank, Ed and Norma. The answer is "Yes."

I agree that it's better to each order an appetizer than share. And I also agree with Frank that in general portions are smaller in Europe than the US. Becky maybe you were going to some American Style restaurants. ; ) Pam

Puddings yes. Other courses no.

Thanks to all of you! That was my own inclination as well, but thought I would ask anyway to see how others felt. In response to the types of resaturants we have eaten in while there, the one we ate at most often was a 4 star French restaurant. We also ate at a very nice Chinese restaurant and another restaurant specializing in wonderful Argentine beef. Even my husband couldn't begin to eat all the food we were served at any of these places. We had expected much smaller portions. We experienced the same in Belgium and Germany as well. I appreciate the input. Becky

I guess it is relative. That is not our experience in Germany or Belgium but we may not eating in the same type of places. I don't think we would even try to split a plate in a 4 star French restaurant. But I am surprise we have not heard from the "do it, who cares" crowd that was so prevalent during the last discussion on this point.

Servings may be smaller in some parts of Europe but in Germany, Austria and Hungary, I've never had a schnitzel that wasn't hanging over the side of the plate. Serving sizes are relative to an individual's size and appetite. I have a friend who can't eat more than a half sandwich. That's a snack to a lot of people. I don't suppose it would hurt to ASK if they would mind if you split an order. I'm sure they will tell you if they do - just like they would in places here where sharing is not allowed.

Becky,, if you normally eat in 4 star type places ,, then I will answer bluntly,, it is most improper to share entrees.. I suggest you do as another suggested, and visit more casual places,, where perhaps its less of a problem. I will say you must be a VERY light eater,, I have never been to any French restaurant( even those here) that serve large portions.. but, that said,, did you normally order ala carte or table d'hote ( set menu of perhaps many courses?) .. that can be filling.

An exception in some places may be dessert. We have eaten in many restaurants where, when my husband ordered dessert and I didn't, the waitstaff automatically brought an extra plate and spoon. Bless 'em.

I'm not a person who can eat huge meals. More often than not, I order two entree meals. That way I get to experience two different dishes, without having to plough through a huge plate of food. Definitely not etiquette to share a main course I would have thought. However, we have found here when dining out, it is perfectly acceptable to share a dessert.

We've done it with the kids, but they're kids. We've never seen a kids' menu at the places we've eaten in Europe, so the servers didn't mind bringing an adult entree for them and an extra plate.

We've been doing it for years all over Europe (Germany and Italy mostly) and never once had a problem or even gotten a second look.

Rik,, in four star places? Really? You have been lucky.

I can only recall one time in a 4 star place and that was in Venice. I would also add that the 4 star type places usually serve very small portions as the emphasis is on quality over quantity. The OP didn't say anything about 4 star places. And, this being Europe, one does not need to go to a 4 star restaurant for a great meal. Your average tourist restaurant doesn't care if you share a dish. In Italy, we just tell them in Italian that we're sharing it. The worst thing that's happened is that the server might look a bit disappointed that he's not making as much money off us as he wants but there's no law that you have to order a minimum amount of food per person (unless it's a buffet of course). It's not uncommon to share meals here.

Rik,, actually , OP did mention eating mostly in a four star french restaurant,, which was surprising to me also that she thought portions were large.

I found entree portion sizes to be big- especially the amount of meat. (We don't eat in 4 star establishments). I finally got smart and ordered an entree like grilled vegetables while my husband ordered the meat and potatoes plate. That way, we shared and both got our portion of meat and vegies!

What's with all of this four-star business? I thought the Michelin Reds only went up to three.

@ Judy from Austrailia (and others)- just to avoid confussion- in America an Entree is the MAIN course. I am aware that in Austrailia and much of Europe Entree is the apatizer or starter. Some readers of this board may get confussed about this.

My wife is a light eater due to procedure complications during a scalene block that took out her gag reflex and her taste. Since we are vegeterians we eat in inexpensive restaurants when traveling throughout europe. My wife will order a salad and I will order the main dish. Thus far have had no problems in the 14 years traveling in europe.

It depends on the place. It's likely not acceptable to split an entrée in a nice restaurant, but who hasn't shared meals in cafes or more casual places? Example: We enjoyed a Thanksgiving Day meal (for us anyway) in a very nice restaurant in Segovia a couple years back...it would have been totally inappropriate to split an entrée there. The next night, we were at a casual vegetarian place in Madrid...shared 2 entrées, a couple of appetizers, and a couple of desserts among 4 of us...no problem. And then, some places are just built for sharing, like tapas bars or pizza places. The only meal sharing I've done in Luxembourg was at a truck stop (bought a couple of sandwiches and shared them in the car), so I can't comment on shared dining there. My guess is that it's the same as what I described above.

Luxembourg shares a border with Germany, so I imagine things might be quite similar. In Germany, because people still tend to eat their major meal at noon, they want a lighter "supper" in the evening. Many restaurants will have smaller, simpler dishes, for a lower price, such as "belegtes Brot" (Open face sandwich) on the menu under "Abendbrot" or "für ein kleines Hunger". But no one comes along and makes you eat everything that the restaurant served you. I think what you are objecting to is not having to eat two large servings but having to pay for two large servings. In that case I would say, find a less expensive restaurant. You don't HAVE to eat at a four star establishment.

Hmm, fine hair splitting there,, lol, but when I go out with my french relatives there is much tasting of each others food,, so we can all talk about it,,the food is always an important subject of conversation at dinners out it seems. What I haven't seen is plate passing,, seems more like if one is able to do so properly( not reaching over someone else) you can just use your fork to take a mouthful off of someone elses plate.

The question has been answered by the man himself in today's Travel News: "Steve Smith and I go to Restaurant L'Epicerie. Steve orders a basic menu and I go top end. As usual, we share." That's all Ricknicks need to know.

@Micheal -I don't think "Steve Smith and I go to Restaurant L'Epicerie. Steve orders a basic menu and I go top end. As usual, we share." is the same as Becky's question. Sounds like Rick and Steve each order a meal and then sample the others. What Becky is asking about is ordering one meal for two people. IMHO two totally different things. I almost always do what Steve and Rick do. I rarely do what Becky is asking about, but that has more to do with my appetite than any concerns for decorum.

Hi, As regards to the portions, expect to see the Schnitzel hanging off the side of the plate and on top of a huge portion of pommes frites especially when you go to non-tourist restaurants in Vienna, those with the menu only in German. That was exactly my experience.

Michael,, I agree with Eds assessment of the meaning of share regarding Ricks visit to the restaurant, they BOTH ordered meals,, and then tasted each others. Perfectly acceptable.

Ah, but did Rick hand his fork to Steve so that Steve could place the taste on the fork and hand it back, or did they break all the rules and just dig right into each other's plates? We're talking etiquette at a nice restaurant here, so it's important to know.

Well, gang, if you find yourselves in Munich and go to the famous Augustiner Brau Haus Restaurant - they have children's and senior portions listed on their menu....

I found that the portions are about the same as they are here in CA. I have traveled a lot and have found that only in Italy and France we have had a problem of sharing a pizza for lunch for example. My husband and I like to eat a smaller lunch such as a bowel of soup each or split a pizza and salad. The pizza's in France and Italy were very large and too much for one person. I think that if you both order something like a salad, pizza and wine/beer/drink then you should be okay to share it. We have never done this at a 4 star or even a three star restaurant.(usually a side walk cafe at lunch time).

Is this closer to what Becky was asking about? "To save money in restaurants, couples can order two side salads and split an entrée". www.ricksteves.com/news/tribune/takeitback.htm, Item #13

Well, I hate to break it to you guys,, but Rick may be a great travel pro,, but he is not an authority on ettiquette,, especially when we are talking about fine restaurants as opposed to cafes or bistros. one should really use some judgement here.. there are different levels of the types of dining available and what is acceptable for one is not acceptable in another..

I know I'm late to the party here, but I see no reference in the OP to 4star. Agree that I have never heard of 4star. I was in Trier a few days ago. Trier is less than 30 km from Luxembourg City, much less to the country border. My wife and I were at a nice understated informal restaurant and I ordered a Schnitzel "Wiener Art" with a great side salad. My wife ordered a cup of tea. The waiter (waitress actually) had no problem with my request for an extra plate and knife and fork. She gave a smile as we conversed and voluntarily brought an extra glass for my carafe of water too. Note, dear readers, that she offered and brought the table water herself. Who said you can't have tap water in Germany without a hassle. My conversation with her, BTW, was in my not-great German.

Nigel, post by OP on page one, tenth one down.. states she has eaten mostly in 4 stars and a few chinese places. Too bad posts aren't numbered here like they are on some sites, makes it a tad easier to refer back.

On a table d'hôte: it is never appropriate to share, and each adult is expected to order its own portions. That doesn't mean an occasional 'let me take a piece of yours to taste' is inappropriate, but otherwise each one should other a set. A là carte: may, or may not, be ok. Still, most restaurants have an expectation that everyone will order something. Bistros/eateries: they are usually more casual.

I am not a great meat eater. I love meat but cannot eat mountains of it, (so eating out in Germany can be a problem). I rarely order a main meal. I order a starter and ask it to be served along with my husbands main meal. I do this all over Europe and have never had a problem. I work part time in our local restaurant, and although half portions are not advertised on the menu, many people, especially the elderly ask for small portions, which is never a problem. In this day and age people are more aware of the moral issues of waste and I believe would rather serve less then throw it away. There is nothing more disheartening for the chef either than plates full of food being returned to the kitchen. Doggy bags are not so frowned upon either in my experience, although quite what you'd do with a pile of cold leftovers in a hotel room I don't know.

@Shoni: Cold leftovers in a hotel room? Well, if you come in a little sozzled, you just use your hands and snarf 'em down! Stops the bed spins, dontcha know. :D

Shoni and Kira - or if you travel with the Rick Steves durable picnic cutlery, you can snarf it down w/o messing up your hands - that way they are clean when you hold onto the bed to keep it from spinning so fast! :-)