I've never flown before, so . . .

Is it just media hype, or will security really take away my shotgun? What is the cheapest airfare to Europe? (Ill be going in 2014) I can't decide between a seat in coach or one of those big seats in the front that makes into a bed. Also, is there any price difference? I've heard of jet lag, but never had it. Is it a European disease? (If so, where do I get the shots?) Which airline will let you smoke, if you open a window? Will we be dining with the captain, like you do on a cruise ship? If so, is there assigned seating in the dining room? Will yhey be showing a movie I haven't seen before? How any bags of hot, buttered popcorn are we allowed? And does the concession stand sell Milk Duds? (my favorite!) Is there always enough hot water for everyone to take a shower? I'm a little worried about checking a bag. Someone told me that a bag got lost last year. I've heard that flights often depart late. Would it be OK to arrive at 11:15 for my 10:00 flight? How do I reserve my electric blanket? Why are the planes from Europe to America so much faster than the planes from America to Europe? According to my itinerary, I leave Texas at 12:30 PM and don't arrive in Paris until the NEXT day at 8:15 AM. Coming home, I leave Paris at 10 AM and arrive in San Antonio at 5 PM the same day. Weird!