How Do You Say "No"...

No is exactly the right answer. Offer to send them a postcard instead.

It just depends on what the request is. Small items - candy, etc., - generally no problems. Have a local cousin who likes a certain choc so a couple bars is not a problem. An antique side cabinet would be a problem.

Its funny my exterminator ask me to bring a coffee mug back from Spain and when I did he acted like he did not really mean for me to do it. Sometimes it is just small talk. I find people enjoy more the gifts that are surprises and not requested and the photos you send like a postcard in real time while you are away.

Otherwise I just say "nah, not gonna happen."

Hi Zoe,

I think you handled it very graciously.

I'd probably feel dumbfounded too if a coworker were to ask me to bring her something.

There's no need for you to feel guilty....You didn't do anything wrong! ;-)

Enjoy your trip!

My biggest problem is the people who say "Oh - take me with you"!

My wife once jokingly asked the owner of our local sushi restaurant if his mom would bring us back a sushi clock from her upcoming visit to Japan. Well, she did, and he told us it was $50. We felt bad so we had to pay although I bet it cost more like $10. It sits proudly on our laundry room wall to this day.

In the "old days", family members going back to Spain would always be asked to bring things back and forth.I remember the stacks of Llardo fiqurines.
I am rarely asked to bring anything back from my trips _ I usually answer that I really dont shop on my trips.
We usually bring back Christmas ornaments or candy.

When I was planning to go to the Netherlands in 2012, a co-worker asked me to bring something from the Anne Frank museum gift shop for her high-school aged daughter. So I got her a book and a postcard. I am still waiting for my thank you -- verbal or written.

Shoot. Guess I'm SOL for the hunky eye-talian dude I was going to ask you for.

I had that happen once with a coworker and just didn't take it too seriously. I've had it more often though the other way-when visiting friends in Europe they ask me to bring things. I always want to try to accommodate them, but sometimes it has been things that were a little heavy. It's not too bad if I am seeing that person early in the trip and can unload the weight, but not so much fun when I have to lug the thing around before I see them. I now try to help myself by offering early on saying, "I have a little room left in my bag, so is there anything light I can bring you?"

And once you have said "No" the next one is easier. My feeling is that if someone really wants an item, it's probably available here/by mail for a price -- my middle name is not Amazon. But then, we don't even buy stuff for our daughters ... well, unless it's something that just screams out their name. Any candy we bring home is likely eaten on the plane.

The first time we went to England I brought home a bag of 2 pence coins and handed out to my staff (about 45 people). So I spent a pound and had 50 coins to hand out---folks thought it was so cool since we don't have a 2 cent coin in the US and they are bigger than our quarters. We are going to Ireland in 2 weeks and I hope to bring back some low denomination coins with the celtic harp to hand out when we get back!

In the past when I traveled with a medium size suitcase, I brought back "gifts" for close friends...detailed maps of Berlin, historical postcards of Berlin prior to 1930, historical postcards from museums; for one friend...small pocket size bi-lingual dictionaries....German-Polish, German-French, German-Spanish, French-Polish, These were compact, handy and useful.

Using a spinner now, I can bring back more myself or friends...French or German coffee, books from museums, maps, music CDs.

I have had a few ask, but mostly it was for stuff that was either too hard to find or too expensive. One asked me to buy a set of DVDs for a popular BBC TV show since they were going for around $50 a disk here in the US. Turned out they were £50 a disk in London. So didn't do it. A few other things were just too difficult to find. And besides, I am not a shopper. .

I used to bring back trinkets for most of my friends and coworkers from my various journeys. I stopped and no one complained. After all, most simply sit around and collect dust (the trinkets, not the friends ;-)

I have had a few ask, but mostly it was for stuff that was either too hard to find or too expensive. One asked me to buy a set of DVDs for a popular BBC TV show since they were going for around $50 a disk here in the US. Turned out they were £50 a disk in London. So didn't do it. A few other things were just too difficult to find. And besides, I am not a shopper. .

I used to bring back trinkets for most of my friends and coworkers from my various journeys. I stopped and no one complained. After all, most simply sit around and collect dust (the trinkets, not the friends ;-)

Carrying something not-tiny around for more than one hotel change is a big pain, so I try to focus any shopping I want to do for myself at my last stop or two. (Didn't work well when I visited Bulgaria; just too many inexpensive things I couldn't resist.) But I'm a casual shopper who generally just stumbles upon something and buys it. I find it stressful to feel that I must find something for someone, however specific, vague or apparently easy-to-satisfy the request might be.

I collect coins myself and also bring back extras for young relatives and the children of friends who've expressed an interest. Those suckers are heavy, but at least they are compact and non-breakable. At this point I think I've accumulated most of the euro coins currently circulating in western Europe, but I'm hitting the UK on this year's trip, so that will be a whole new set to deal with.

Tough crowd. Why not take a snap of your coworker, print at 4" x 6" or smaller, and send her a couple pics of herself "at" some beautiful site? Lots of people ask this because they think they'll never go themselves. I have a coworker-no asking necessary-who every time she travels she brings back a few little trinkets for others in the office, or just a box of candy to share around. She's sharing her experience with us, very kind indeed.

Zoe, I think your answer was perfect!

Before I retired the office Sec. was a fridge magnet collector so I used to bring her back a magnet altho that was before I started international travel. And I always wondered why she would want magnets from some place she had never been?

This trip I may bring back something for my nephew's fiancee. I have not mentioned it to him or her, will just see if anything evolves. At most it would be a scarf or very small piece of jewelry.

I also don't buy souvenirs for myself - cured of that when we had to clean out and sell Mom and Dad's home. They traveled internationally for 25 years and were both big shoppers and there was so much stuff that meant something to them, but nothing to the rest of us.

Dave, I do that on every trip, bring back some things for friends (always consumable) and chocolates for the office, but this would have involved a shopping list! The amount of money she wanted to give me to spend for her was quite a bit.

Selfishly, one reason I travel alone is not to be tied to someone else's wish list, so I would really find it intrusive on my time and energy to shop for someone else.

Well done, Zoe, I think you handled it perfectly.
Telling someone you can't, because you travel light, is the ideal excuse.
I think a person has a lot of nerve asking you to bring back something for them.
They don't seem to consider that you may need the room to bring back a small gift of your choosing for a close relative or friend. Or souvenirs for yourself.
Inconsiderate to ask. Fine to say "No".

I don't remember which trip it was...maybe Turkey, but my husband's aunt seriously asked if we could find a certain color, shape, cut of stone to match one on her ring (she had apparently lost one of the stones). I think it was amber from Russia or turquoise from Turkey...don't remember. . I was dumbfounded when she made the request by phone (she lives 9-10 hours away).

I looked on line and found several stones on Ebay, and forwarded the links to her. Also expressed concern that unless we had the ring with us, I would be afraid we might not be able to perfectly match the other stone AND that I would not feel comfortable traveling with such a valuable piece of jewelry.

Topic got dropped.

Another friend asked us to bring back a bottle of rose water, and we did that (it was easy, inexpensive) and we actually had fun finding it. Who knew they sell it in the equivalent of our pharmacies in Turkey? But, it did mean that we had to check a suitcase on the return flight (but okay, since it was a very kind friend).

It is like pulling teeth to get my husband to go shopping when we travel. First words out of his mouth are: You can shop when you are at home!! So, I also share that.

Instead of material gifts, it is our tradition to gather those who have helped us (house sitting, pet feeding, mail/newspaper collection, tenant emergencies, plant watering, airport drop off, etc.) while on vacation, for a big meal that includes the traditional foods of the country(ies) we have just visited. And, we try to serve the food in the same manner it is served in those countries and with wines from those countries.....a little printed menu at each place setting, etc. . A nice tradition. We also share (just) our top 25 photos from the trip (passed around the table without commentary).

But, yes, Zoe, I think you handled the request beautifully. And, we are also known for packing amazingly light (which helps to avoid shopping requests).

Oh my, Maggie! What a terrific idea. May I borrow it? Not only would it be much appreciated by the recipients but I bet you have a lot of fun in the "making" of the gift. Thanks for sharing!

My biggest problem is my sister in law. She believes that we have to exchange gifts every time we get together. I used to stop and visit them before I flew to Europe but I would always wind up with items I didn't need and have to carry them my entire trip. I asked my brother to speak to her but it was useless. The last time I asked them to hold on to them since I would see them when I return.

Then I have to bring them a gift but have no idea what to get them. Last time I brought them expensive hand made chocolates. They scoffed the box in less than five minutes and weren't impress. (They preferred Hershey's.)

They don't drink but are impressed with 'named" items. I think I'll stop at Harrod's duty free just before I fly back and buy something with the Harrod's name on it.

@Frank, I had a similar problem when I first got married -- didn't want to exchange gifts with my sister that neither of us could afford nor like each other's taste (plus having to carry back on an airplane) so we announced that we would be giving Christmas gifts to NO ONE and didn't want anyone to give us anything. Worked fine, probably because we nipped it in the bud. You may have hit on the solution, buy something light in a Harrods box ;-)

Kathy, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

My go to gifts are Christmas ornaments for family and bookmarks for friends.

Kathy, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Girl, you are hysterical. I'm sure there's a great story there but I won't ask.
At least YOU got the t-shirt. sniff

Christi,
I too have a lot of people that ask if they can come with me. It may seem sort of weird but my trips overseas are selfishly for me and I don't want any travel buddy. I enjoy the tour set up. I like to be social and share meals and bus conversation etc. , however, I don't need to provide anything to these folks but respect and kindness. When you travel with someone you know, choices are compromised. I am a caretaker in my day to day life and everyone I know is used to me taking care of everything. I want a vacation from that.
Before my last trip my husband was assigned the task to announce to his family that no one was allowed to ask to join me. And..he did a great job.

Doesn't it really depend on the person asking? If it's a best friend or a close family member, maybe. Of course, those are the people that probably won't ask. If the person knows your luggage limitations they won't ask. Hopefully. A few years ago I started packing very light and really have no room to carry extra stuff, not even for my kids. If they're lucky they'll get a piece of jewelry or a scarf, after I've bought it and used it during my trip. I really think most people say they want something just to say it, and to express interest/envy in the trip.

I think your answer was very appropriate, especially as you offered to email photos. That was a very kind response. Maybe all this person wanted was the opportunity to live vicariously through your adventures. Many people just don't have the available funds to travel, and some people who could find the money don't yet have the mindset that travel is an option for them.

When we travel, we bring back a couple of small items for the immediate family who will expect something. They never seem impressed, but they also can't say I wasn't thinking of them. I also make a point of mailing a postcard to my niece who has just turned seven and thinks that it's cool to receive real mail. I also bring back for her at least one coin or something tiny and unique to that country, because I hope one day she will also want to travel the world.

But those are all relatives. I have brought back a box of candy (usually purchased at the airport so that I don't have to lug it around with me) for coworkers, just so they know I was thinking of them. Otherwise, it would have to be a really special request from an extremely good friend to prompt me to pick up something that they specifically requested.

I usually pick up a few easily packable, locally made items while traveling that I give as Christmas presents (as opposed to "I just got back from Paris; here's a pink Eiffel Tower keychain") or "thank you for looking after my desk for two weeks" gifts. Otherwise, the thing my family and some friends like best is my travel blog. That way they know what I'm up to, can travel with me vicariously, and see pictures too. This seems to be more appreciated than any of the souvenirs I brought back in my earlier travels.

I've only twice had people ask me to pick something up in Europe for them. The first time, it was my dad, and I couldn't refuse. But last year it was someone who found out I was going to Scotland and asked -- quite seriously -- if he gave me a list, would I bring back some bottles of whisky for him. My response was a bright smile and "Absolutely not!"

A lady at our church found out we were going to Rome a few years ago and asked us to bring her back a magnet because she collects them. That was pretty easy & took up little space so it was no problem. But to spend X amount of $s for someone for souvenirs, I would have also came up with a reason why I couldn't do it. That is just too much to ask. No need to feel guilty at all.

Just to be clear, my co-worker named a $$ amount that she would give me to shop for her, so no expenditure on my part.

It seems this type of request happens more often than I thought.

As for people who say they want to travel with me, that's another topic.

I will admit that I asked a friend to bring back REAL herbes de provence for us, after we bought some last summer and used it up way too fast. What is the deal with all the herbes de provence in the US having lavender in it? Sacrilege! I suppose I could whip up a batch myself, but what's the fun in that?

I don't think I've ever had anyone ask for a souvenir before. I do bring back "thoughts" for close friends and family - tea towels, herbes de provence (without lavender, lol), chocolates, maybe jewelry for my stepdaughter or mother. We pack light, too, but take an extra small bag for bringing home a few things. If some random co-worked asked? "No, we only carry on, no room, sorry!" And I wouldn't feel bad about it one bit.

I do get the "I want to go" or "take me." I tell them, "it's a matter of priorities, you just have to decide to do it and make it happen."

I've asked a friend to me to bring a specific item back, but it's just candy that can be bought at the airport. I also bring back candy to share with my co-workers.

I have also had friends ask me if there is anything I would like if they know they will be in a certain area.

It really depends on who is asking and what they want.

Don't ever go to your kids' garage sales: you'll see the gifts you lugged back from overseas (as well as birthday and Christmas gifts). Lesson learned.

Oh, Bets, that's awful!

I used to bring back gifts for family. They would vary from a woolen blanket from Scotland to a toothbrush that looked like a Scottish Guard in a bear hat--the brush was the hat. The blanket can still be seen in my sister's living room and my mom recently moved the toothbrush from Rockford Illinois to her retirement home in Rochester NY! But I guess I'm lucky in that nobody has asked me to bring back any specific item. But I would have no trouble saying no and I am a bit baffled by the angst over this to be honest. When I was a little girl my dad used to bring back a present for one of us--we were three--after each of his business trips. He stopped doing this when we reached our teen years. So, maybe that experience taught me that it's wonderful to bring gifts, but you don't get one every trip!

As for those who say, "Take me with you!" I just laugh and say something like, and you take me on your next trip to Hawaii! I don't think that I have heard this phrase in anything other than a joking context.

I find it's as simple as ...
"I travel so light, and my bag is so small, that I don't even have space for any shopping of my own".

I travel really light too. I'm down from a normal carry on to about half that in a shoulder bag. I think you said it well Zoe.

You are very gracious and packing light is the perfect excuse! As David in Brisbane said, I hardly have room to bring home stuff I want for myself!

Oops, I was planning to ask a friend who's going to Spain to bring me back some saffron. (I would pay up front.) Maybe I'll pass on that.

Jane, it depends on the relationship - and saffron is pretty easy to carry. Will it get through customs? You may be able to find it online.

It will pass customs; I brought some back from Spain a few years ago. It's so affordable in Spain!

As someone who over the years hauled variously sized auto parts, a titanium bicycle frame, numerous judo gis, Swiss watches, briefcase-sized high-precision medical instruments, cartons of PopTarts, and jars and jars and jars of peanut butter at friends' and friends of friends' request on transatlantic and European flights, I find this thread very entertaining.

But yes, I should probably try that "But I travel so light" line they next time they ask :-)

We carried 3 jars of peanut butter to a friend in Germany, who knew it was so coveted.

So... this peanut butter thing is news to me. I just read a Huffington Post article that stated that there is basically no peanut butter in Sweden or Denmark. I am wondering if taking a six pack of those individual serving size Jiff containers to give out to guides or host/hostesses might be an idea.

What do you think?

Peanut butter is an acquired taste -- I sent some to my daughter when she did an AFS year in Finland and she shared with another exchange student from Australia, who shared her own goodie from home, marmite. Both found the experience ... interesting. (I.e., they hated it.)

Vandabrud,

about this: I am wondering if taking a six pack of those individual serving size Jiff containers to give out to guides or host/hostesses might be an idea.

Jiff isn't peanut butter! it's peanut food! (Yeah, IMHO...like CheeseWiz is cheese food) Take a true 'peanuts only' PB...one that does not have to be refrigerated, of course.

Please.

Thanks for the saffron gift idea!

You're welcome. I couldn't believe how cheap saffron was in Spain. That's what I brought back for everyone - well, except those who I knew would prefer chocolate.

One of my best friends asked me if I would buy her a Louie Vuitton purse (she's a collector- our joke is she would be buried with her purses abd I will be buried with just my memories) and I had no problem saying no to that. Another friend offered me $100 to buy her an LV- said no to that, too. I just say no when asked and that I only use a carry on suitcase and can't even shop for myself!