How Do You Do It?

Simple - don't try to convince him, go without him. I hope you have a great trip.

Tammy, you can easily be a solo traveler on a RS tour! I’ve done it 13 times and it’s always been great. Many times there have been solo women on a tour with a husband who’s had to work or doesn’t travel. You can still go to France and have a great time. The people who sign up for the tours are friendly and inclusive, you don’t have to worry about being lonely or eating alone if you don’t want to. Many times I ate with other tour members on our free evenings. I say-go for it!

I know lots of happily married women who travel with friends b/c their husband doesn’t want to go. Being part of a travel group is a great way to make travel buddy friends, if there’s one you can join. If not, you can start one (like I did). You can also see if any of your friends would like to travel with you.

Don't be afraid to go on your own. My husband is still working and not keen on traveling to some of the places I want to go. I've been retired for 4 years (I'm 66), and I've been going on 2-3 trips a year without him and have been having a wonderful time. It's kind of liberating to go on your own and not have to worry about whether your partner is having a good time or not. I have found it very easy to be a solo traveler on Rick Steves tours as well as other small tour groups and you have great flexibility to see the things that most interest you. Definitely take advantage of the opportunity to go to all the places you want to see - if this past 15 months has taught us anything, it's to not put off the trips we really want to go on. Go while you are in good health and have the time and money to do so. I'm an enthusiastic solo traveler but do enjoy my annual overseas trip with my husband. But my solo trips are also a source of joy, wonderful adventures, lots of learning and exploring, and a chance to meet new and interesting people. Traveling with small group tours as a solo provides lots of opportunities to do things with other people and also to take time for yourself. Take the plunge -- you won't regret it!!

I'm going to agree with my friends here and say go solo! I've no choice, so not the same situation as you are in but I'd encourage you to consider it since money is not an issue.

I've done both Rick Steves tours (7 out of a total of 12 tours on my own) and 12 Road Scholar tours on my own. It's really a wonderful way to go!

As to too much....lol...I got caught up in the frenzy yesterday as well and booked Best of Italy for the Fall. Spring of 2022 I've already got 2 Road Scholar tours booked - Art History in Belgium and Holland and a Britain Garden Tour. Those last ones are back to back so I'll add some time ahead in for Paris and get to London a few days ahead and stay after for some independent time there. I'll add some time in Paris either before or after my Italy tour just because....well, yes Paris is always a good idea, lol!

BTW, the Paris and Heart of France tour is wonderful. I did it in 2015 so they've progressed a lot on Guedelon since then but it was quite interesting!

I also think if 2020 taught those of us who are travelers anything...it was to Carpe Diem. I'm early 70's and lost a year and 3/4 of travel at least. I figure I've got 5-6 years left where I can keep up with a Rick tour!

My hubby won’t travel and I gave up talking to him about it. My 2022 RS tour will probably be my first solo adventure. As a novice traveler I’m a little apprehensive but it is either travel solo or sit home. I’m 70 and time is running out to do the things I want. Money is not unlimited and my aging, high maintenance horse eats a lot of it.

Tammy, I feel your anguish. I want to do 3 trips next year just because we can - both retired. You never know when it will be your last trip. My husband is giving me a slightly hard time, says it’s too early to decide. We are supposed to travel with family in March to Sicily for a genealogy tour (cousins in Law) and I want to add on Malta. I want to visit Japan on a Samurai Tour in May then RS Best of Bulgaria in September while visiting husband’s family in Croatia. He wants to go to Croatia at least once a year and agreed to add some other mini trip. We had cancelled London/Dublin (been there but long time ago) and Paris (never been) in 2020 and have to figure how to get to those cities. Also I am now obsessing over Norway. arg….
I have toyed with the idea of going solo or asking some single friends but not sure how that would go over. Hubby does like to travel, just not as much as I do! Sorry I can’t give you more solid advice, just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your frustrations.

Perhaps you can travel with one or both of your daughters when your husband isn’t interested in a particular trip. Mother/daughter focused trips might be a lot of fun for you to plan and execute independently.

Mine is the same and I agree that you should go without him! Do you have a friend who might want to go with you? I enjoy traveling with hubby but I often have more fun with a friend!
Go for it!

Tammy, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, but in this case my wife is, shall we say, a less enthusiastic traveler than me. She is good for one overseas trip per year, max, while I think about travelling all of the time. Neither of us are big fans of crowds and being jammed into public transportation, and Mary gets worn down after awhile after being jostled around on a subway or bus, and once some sweaty guy bumped into her and she ended up smelling like his stinky sweat all day. Having said that we've been married 38 years and I wouldn't enjoy the experience nearly as much without being able to share it with her. The memories we have of travelling are very important to me, and it's something we can reminisce about forever. When I had to travel alone for business it was not nearly as fun, because I would see or experience something but nobody to really share it with.

So, find some common ground that is within his comfort zone. Maybe one or two overseas trips per year?

I recently watched Bruce Springsteen's "Letter to You" documentary and he often emphasized that as we go older there are a limited number of sunrises, an afternoon thunderstorm, holidays, and other experiences. We think about this more often as we age and that's a good thing. Or from a Pink Floyd song: "And then one day you find 10 years have got behind you."

I was married, but even then, as hubs was in the navy, I did a lot of things independently. So, I don't know the whole 'attached at the hip' routine as well as most married people, but morbid as it is - one day there won't be a hip to be attached to. I encourage men and women to get comfortable traveling alone while still with a partner (and to me that is DIY solo travel); because figuring out how to do everything on your own when there is a permanent severing (usually when older ) it becomes a bigger challenge.
Perhaps a conversation about expectations may give you an idea of how he feels about solo travel for you, and maybe for him. I am thinking guys fishing trips, or solo travel to model train conventions, or just locations the other isn't interested in. Maybe either of you has a hobby the other doesn't embrace but would like to travel and spend time with other enthusiasts.

But to 'convince' your husband? I don't think that ever works. If you do and he glumly mopes along, you will wish you didn't convince him.
Edit - solo business travel does not count :-) It is soooo much different

MariaF, good post! Everyone is different and that's a good thing! We only have so many years left. It's important to remember that on occasion. Yeah, I don't think you can convince someone to do something if their heart isn't into it. I plan our trips with Mary foremost in mind, that's for sure.

Tammy- I am like you..... all I think about it travel and where to go!. Have not been anywhere in two years and I am going crazy! If it was not for my P-T job and watching the grands, I think I would be in the looney bin. We were to take the so England tour in 2020. I had it planned to a tea! I also told my husband that we are going to take multiple trips when it becomes possible to travel. So.... that is what I did for 2022. We have three back to back tours in June with tour guides we know. When the RS tour opened, I had to twist his arm ( not too bad) to go on the Scandinavian tour end of July. We are 62 and 66. Retired early from our big people jobs to be able to travel. 2023... I am planning on multiple tours also.

I will be glad to travel with you!!!!! If our hubs don’t want to go.

I want to go to Portugal but he had no desire. There are about 5 RS tours that are a must for me.

Here’s 🍾🍸🥂🍷🍺 to a successful 2022 travel year and beyond

Kim

Perhaps an alternative solution is to do one itinerary with the reluctant significant other, and then that spouse returns home, and you continue on for a second adventure??

I have also been on RS Tours with solo travelers, and did find the group to be inclusive of the single folks.

Safe travels!

Oh my gosh, I would be delighted to have a partner who wanted to stay home and "take care of things" while I was away! The yard. The mail. The stuff that gets nasty in the fridge. I just got back from a 5 week trip .... so much catching up!

Thank you all for your advice. I think if I tell my husband that I am going on the tour with or without him, that might work! I have traveled a lot in the past without him on my scuba diving trips (he is not a diver).

My friend who wanted to move out of AK after 30 years, told her husband she was moving to Washington state with or without her husband. Yes, she was so unhappy here in AK, that she said she would divorce her husband if he did not move. Well, it worked, and he is moving with her (not sure if she is actually happy with that result, lol). Anyways, I hate ultimatums, but seriously, I would rather travel with him than without, but I could probably find a friend to go with and I would not have a problem going solo, although that would be my least favorite option.
The deposit on the trip stays for now, but I have more work to do!
@Barbara- I have my eye on a Samurai tour in the future as well! We want the three week unguided itinerary they have of Japan with a few modifications.
@CWsocial-oh I have left him many times to travel on my scuba trips. He stayed home with the kids while I went to the Philippines, Indonesia. He is actually very understanding of my wanderlust.

I don’t understand the dilemma. Travel with your husband when he wants to travel and travel solo when he doesn’t. My H is 13 years older than I am. He retired when he was 54 and I retired at 59. You do the math. He had many years with many trips without me due to my work and parenting. Traveling solo is different but liberating, and also tremendous fun. He knows the value of solo travel and encourages me to do so. We still travel together as well, as we are great travel companions. I suggest you embrace all ways of travel and go!

I also agree with the person above who pointed out there were no worries about home with one party there. This too is freeing.

Hi Tammy, I'm the last one to give marital advice (being gay and single), but I wouldn't say, "I'm going with or without you."

The point is you won't be happy if you don't go, and he won't be happy if he is coerced into going.

So how about something like, "This means a lot to me, and it would mean even more if I could enjoy it with you, but if you really don't want to, I would like to go by myself."

And as a gay, single traveler, I'll say that there are so many benefits to solo travel. On tours, I've made lifelong friends with other solo travelers. And even on solo trips, magical relationships can occur anywhere in the world. I just got back from a ten-day road trip to the states of Zacatecas and Aguascalientes, and in Zacatecas city I met someone with whom there was a spark of romance. (Not that I'm recommending that outcome for you!) So I say give it a go!

@Kim-I would totally go to Portugal with you, but I think that is one my husband would like to do. Curious what are your 5 RS must do tours?

Having said that we've been married 38 years and I wouldn't enjoy the
experience nearly as much without being able to share it with her. The
memories we have of travelling are very important to me, and it's
something we can reminisce about forever. When I had to travel alone
for business it was not nearly as fun, because I would see or
experience something but nobody to really share it with.

My favourite comment on the Forum today. I have the same feelings. A business trip hasn't gone by where I hadn't wished she was with me because I saw something that I wanted to share.

If need be, I send post card from Europe.

This is not a problem I have ever had to face. For while if I could I would travel about 1/3 of the year in multiple 2-3 week trips the reality is I have never been in a position to do so from a financial perspective. And I am on hiatus from travel as I fix my finances after spend a couple years tending my ill father and a year tending my mother a few years before that.

Also Being single I cant really give to much advice other then watching my parents who made it to 61 years when my mother passed and my father thought that was tragically short.
So perhaps I am not the right person to advise you.
But my father loved travel while my mother was not big on travel. One vacation type trip a year. Europe no more then every 5 years or so and a few trips in the travel trailer per year, Where she basicly had her home with her.

Once my mother passed and my dad got to the point he could handle her being gone (never did get over it. He cried every time we went to the cemetery) he started traveling more. More trips with me in the trailer, more long weekend trips. More vacations and two trips to Europe in as many years. He was only slowed down by his illness that ultimately took him from us. And even then we had a week long car trip scheduled for the week Covid lockdown started.

So I guess you have to find a compromise. And while going on your own is an option if that works for you and your husband be sure to approach it as an option you are considering vs an ultimatum. I don’t think this RS trip is the hill you want to die on.
The questions to ask yourself though is, do you WANT to travel alone? Some folks are fine traveling solo, some are fine being a single traveler in a group tour such as RS does, Others are uncomfortable being on there own or being in a group or they just need to have a friend or significant other to share the experience with.
And only you can answer that,

These are questions I find myself pondering. My travel companion (my father) recently passed away and I find i ponder the future of my traveling. I am not one to like yo be in a group of strangers i have to stay with for days or weeks (frankly sounds like something out of my nightmares) but that is probably a bit unusual and probably from my being “on the spectrum” as they call it now days so that probably is not a huge issue for most folks. But for me… a multi day tour is just out. But having someone with me yo share the adventure and the excitement was a critical part. So if that is important to you then travel without your husband may not be a satisfactory option.

You could perhaps find a like minded friend to travel with but as many posts on this forum attest to. That has risks at least as large as the potential rewards. And I am looking at that option as a friend of mine and his mother want to go to Europe in a year or two and want me to go with them but… that could be problematic.

So I am afraid there is no perfect answer and while we on this forum will try to help as best we can the truth is you are going to have to find a solution that works for you and your husband. At one end is traveling only where and when he wants, at the other is forcing him to go when and where you want and other options lie in the middle but you will have to work that out yourself,
That being said when you get it figured out don’t forget yo return here and let us know what the solution was for you, Perhaps someone else would benefit from it,

One thing I will tell you that I learned from traveling with my father in his mid to late 80s is Take the trips as soon as you can and as many as you can. Travel does not get easier with age. And Europe (in general) is really bad about assisting those who are mobility challenged. Much much more so then the US in general. You don’t know how long you have to travel so make it count while you can.

My wife and I read this late Sunday evening. Some of the replies made us a little sad. I thought of replying but had a better offer. It is now Monday morning.

So, for a different tilt at how to seduce your husband into going to gay (as in light-hearted, happy, and exhilarating) Pari with you.
Could not imagine spending time in the city of love without engaging in faire l’amour. Passionate love making releases wonderful drugs like dopamine and serotonin. They are free, you make them yourself. Do not need a doctor’s prescription. Better than diazepam. Even if one ends up with an unsatisfactory bed, sleep should come naturally.

Hollywood movies set in France and Paris almost always portray the promise of romance. For our wedding anniversary I always buy a French perfume. Givenchy is my favourite. In the early years of our marriage, I purchased all my wife’s lingerie. French brand, Perele simone was/is my favourite manufacturer. I bought them both for my own selfish pleasure. My wife tells me they are great leg openers.

Tammy you are courageous disclosing your age. A woman in her 50’s, best described as “that certain age”, should be like Africa. Dark and mysterious and only partly explored. With extra effort required to complete the exploration. In Spectre, James Bond, disposes of an assassin in Mexico, returns to Rome for the funeral, saves his widow from 2 hitman, laments that the widow has been neglected and corrects the situation. The actress portraying the widow was 50 at time of filming.

Testosterone is still being produced into our 60’sand 70’s, you just need to use your feminine wiles to remind your husbands what he is going to be missing out on.

To me one of the reasons to vacation, travel is the for my own intrinsic pleasure and enjoyment of those around me. Selfish? So be it. It is the whole package. Visual, education and pleasure rolled into one.

C’mon Tammy, you can convince your husband to go with you. It is Paris!

Regards
Ron

Tammy .... I have been on 7 which are

1) 14 day ireland w/sister 2014
2) Holland belgium with husband ( his 1st trip ever to Europe. He loved it. 2016
3) barcelona/madrid w/husband 2017
4 & 5)heart of Ireland and 10 day Scotland w/husband 2018
6 & 7). 7 day london and 11 day heart of Paris and france 2019

My wish list....

Scandinavian (booked end of July/aug and still waiting on confirmation

So England - that was our trip to be in 2020.

Switzerland, Eastern Europe, GAS or Germany.

I work at my local cross stitch shop and we get a group of ladies ( some spouses) and go on River cruises with amawaterways. Been on two. December is our Christmas market. Next September is the Portugal cruise. If I go I need a roomie. My husband does not want to go. My other two past roomies already have their roomies. I decided kinda last. 🙁. Snooze I lose. Lol

Thank you all for the advice and tips and stories. When I explained to my husband how badly I wanted him to go with me on this tour and for him to be my travel companion, that I would find a friend or go solo if he did not wish to come, well, he hasn’t exactly said ok, but I can tell. He will go. 😜

I'm still struggling with the concept of not wanting to travel when the basics (money and time) are not an issue. But I also try not to travel for less than 3 weeks - 2 weeks is just a hassle to be a way for - and from my part of the world you spend 1/2 the time dealling with jetlag.

My partner gets a bit reluctant when I added up our proposed 2022 trip (2 cruises with Europe in between) - and it turned out to be 4 months away. When I nailed down what the problem was - he was worried about needing some down time - but the cruises are repositioning trip (US-Spain and Spain-Singapore) -so when he added up the sea days he decided he could handle 6 weeks of on the go Europe!

My husband & I are happily married for 40+ years, and we have traveled a lot together. For 2018, I wanted to go back to Italy in September, but my husband wanted to take a year off from going to Europe. I traveled by myself for work in the US and abroad, and he knew I was always very careful. So, I said I really wanted to go, and I went on a 3-week solo trip. That trip was equally one of my best trips for a few reasons. First, it was the year I retired so a great celebration. Since my husband wasn’t going with me, I could focus on activities that interested me instead of sharing or compromising. I went to a classical concert, an opera, two cooking classes, a city bike tour and a jousting festival - an amazing time! Also, I will always have the confidence that I could travel alone and do it well.

The following year, I planned a 3-week itinerary for France. I shared the three general areas I would be traveling with my husband and asked him if he was interested in all of it, some of it, or going to none of it. He chose to meet me in France to travel for the last week, and again, it was a wonderful trip. There’s nothing worse than having someone traveling with you who really doesn’t want to be there, and this honest discussion and both coming to a happy solution worked very well for both of us.

So I don’t see it as a problem. There are solutions where you might just discover new favorite ways to travel!