How do I handle the kissy-kissy greeting?

I had it happen to me in England when I first met my husbands parents last April. He is British but didnt warn me about that custom so I was taken aback somewhat...

I just grinned and beared it. Seemed harmless but yes, kind of a bit intruding in personal space with someone I do not know!

Kathleen - When I meet you I want kisses and hugs!!!! lol - Seriously though, it is a tradition and it doesn't hurt!! Let yourself go and enjoy your trip

Ciao, Greg

Kathleen, you would be expected to greet good friends and relatives this way,, otherwise you come across as rude. You do not greet shopkeepers/waiters, neighbors of friends, etc like this, so not a big deal for average tourist,, I mean, if you are just going to be a tourist,, who would you be kissing.. but if you are visiting friends.. well , you should make an effort.

You do not have to actually put your lips on them,, its more of an air kiss thing( unless you have very affectionate and close relationships with your friends) .

It would be rude if they "come in" for a kiss and you pull back.

This is also differet from southern to northern Europe. It is never done in Scandinavia, not very often in Germany as well, but very often in France. You only do this kissy thing with people you know, not strangers!

A year or so ago I visited a friend in Spain for the first time. Before we left the airport he pulled me aside to explain that this is how they greet each other, and to ask if that was OK with me. I'm not a hugger/kisser, either, but I was meeting some of his family, so I said it was fine. He showed me how it was done, so the first time I met someone else I knew what to do. By the time I left, it just seemed natural.

I've been with Spanish friends in their hometown and when I'm introduced to their friends and family I always offer my hand before they can close in for the kiss. They seem to be OK with shaking hands rather than fake-kissing since they know I'm a foreigner. But I'd like to learn the kissy thing sometime because they really DO do it all the time with friends in relatives in Spain and Italy.

As said above, you only do it with people you know, or if a local is introducing you to their friends and family. So if you are just going to be encountering locals who are staff at hotels, restaurants, shops, taxis, etc. you don't have any worries as you aren't expected to kiss with them anyway.

Be glad you're not going to Russia. I've heard they greet there by kissing on the mouth!

In 1998 my wife and I visited The Netherlands. It was a business trip for my wife and I tagged along. The last night of our trip the ladies in the office took us out to eat. It was all ladies ranging in ages from the early 20's to maybe the late 30's. I was the only male. :). After the meal all of my wife's colleagues lined up and one by one said good bye in their custom which is cheek to cheek or air kisses which they do three times instead of two. There were some very attractive Dutch ladies in this group. I kind of liked their custom. I asked if they would line up and do that again but no luck. :(

As stated before, you would only encounter this if you actually know the people. When I visited family in Germany I didn't experience any kissing with them or their relatives.

I also have never experienced this in any other country I have visited.

I'm not sure if it's as prevalent in Germany/Austria. I lived with an Austrian family when I was a student there, and I never saw the family do that to anyone (or each other, for that matter).

My son in law is Lebanese. Cheek kissing is also their custom, but mostly for family. I find it a very pleasant custom. They are some of the most enjoyable people we have ever been around, so the cheek kissing is natural. We now initiate the custom when they come to the US.

This post really made me laugh. I work for the humanities and social science side of a college textbook publisher. This division was well known for its hugs. I will always remember when got a new sales manager who had transfered over from the business and economics side. The new VP told the group, that he loved being with us, but asked us to hold the hugs. ; ) We've not picked up the European cheek kiss, but I expect it's only a matter of time!

I agree that you really only run into this with relatives and close friends. When I met up with my old friends from Holland for my recent walking trip in Scotland I was greeted with the kiss and it never occurred to me to dodge it. The people who were knew to the group didn't greet me in the same manner, but at the end of the trip, when it was time to say good by, I got kisses.

I don't know how Europeans feel about people who dodge the kisses. It might be interesting to post this on Trip Advisor where you have locals responding and see what they say. Post it to the Paris forum and see what happens. Pam

And is it true that handshaking is very important in France? I had always thought that the French were all about the kissy thing, but I have read and heard that kisses are reserved for close friends and family. Apparently, when introduced to someone new or when meeting an acquaintance, you shake hands both upon meeting and also when parting company, even if it's only been a minute or two in between. C'est vrai?

Patrick...what you personally want to do is your business. What I was saying was that as an American, you are not required nor expected to bow.

If you ever watch videos of Americans being introduced to a member of a royal family, they don't bow down. It's not disrespectful at all nor does it have anything to do with the way Americans are seen. Americans get a bad rep because so many of us are loud, obnoxious, yell when someone else doesn't understand English assuming that will help, and expecting everything to be like home.

Now, if people want to grovel, bow down, kiss their feet, that's their choice.

Hand-shaking is extremely important in Germany, especially one that is a bit firm. Nothing is worse then shaking hands with someone who is like a limp fish.

Among friends, a double kiss is very common. Close friends or family will get the triple kiss. Teens are very big on doing this, girls AND boys. Moroccan, Turkish and Arabic peoples do this too, perhaps they got it from the French? All I know is that when people decide you rate, and they begin greeting you this way, one should feel it is an honor.

You would not do any of the kissing thing with business associates or work colleagues of usually, or people you have just met

The easiest is to go to your left, then right. It is really more of an air kiss then anything else, so it isn't that touchy-feely really.

I read something recently that the French government is actually discouraging the kissing greeting because of swine flu. Maybe you could use this as your excuse!

A Swedish politician recently suggested bowing instead of shaking hands to help combat Swine Flu (oops, I mean H1N1…we’re not to refer to it as Swine Flu in Iowa as we don’t wish to harm the pork industry further). Air kissing seems okay, unless the other person decides to go for your ear.

I like the bowing idea. Dignified, respectful. But in the age of H1N1 we don't need to bow toward each other. How about each bending over backward to avoid getting too close.

This all got me to looking into the history of handshaking.

Historians agree that the handshake was most likely developed several hundred years ago in England as a method to communicate that you were empty-handed and unarmed during a meeting.

George Washington decided that shaking hands was for the common people so he bowed when greeting people in public.

Russians tend to shake hands frequently but never while wearing gloves.

A vigorous, pumping handshake is normal for the Chinese.

The French always shake hands in business meetings but all other greetings involve kissing the cheeks.

Residents of India and Pakistan shake hands by grasping your hand in both of their hands and holding your hand briefly. In America I think we call this the "Presidential handshake".

To continue on Patrick's thoughts....one of the reasons we stoppped bowing as a form of greeting was because it was similar to bowing down to royalty. And during the revolution, we weren't bowing down to anyone, let alone the King. After the war, the American upper crust, who continued to greet each other with bows, slowly let it die out and handshakes became common.

To this day Americans are not supposed to, nor are they expected to, bow down to any royalty. Bowing shows that your are a subject of that member of royalty. And since we're not a subject to anyone, we stand tall.

Frank II: "Bowing shows that your are a subject of that member of royalty. And since we're not a subject to anyone, we stand tall."

I guess our American attitude along this line helps keep us seeming aloof, and somehow more special than other peoples. No wonder we're often unpopular overseas.

I wouldn't hesitate to bow as a sign of greeting or respect to foreign royalty or anybody else. If they think that makes me a subject of theirs, just let 'em try to order me around. As a self-employed person, I only take orders from the women in my life...and the IRS.

Kathleen...just stick out your hand for a handshake when you're being introduced, and you'll bypass the kissy-kissy stuff. You'll find kissy-kissy more prevalent in southern Europe than you will farther north.

Frank II....I don't recall any mention of grovelling or the kissing of feet in any earlier posts. In some cultures, bowing is considered a sign of respect or politeness. In others, including the U.S., a slight bow of the head is also considered an acknowledgement of respect, a salutation if you will. Bowing to royalty may be considered a sign of submission....but it all depends on the context.

I’ll admit that I bow out of respect when saying goodbye and thank you to the Japanese-American owner of my favorite sushi bar. In this case, the bowing is mutual.

Okay, I didn’t want to go here, but did President Obama bow down to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia? I don’t think so, but many did at the time.

Michael...I think he was just nodding, "Hey there." ;)

How did my bit of trivia about Americans not having to bow down to ROYALTY....became arguments about nodding hello, or cultures that bow as a greeting.

That has nothing to do with my original comment....Americans are not required to bow down to royalty. We do bow to certain cultures, like the Japanese who use it as a form or greeting, and we will nod to each other as a way of acknowledging each other.

But it has nothing to do with bowing down to Royalty.

FrankII...what does it matter?

It doesn't which is why I wonder why you had to respond and contradict me?

Patrick had posted some tidbits of historical trivia. I though I would add to it...the next thing I know, I'm being attacked.

I have decided that it is now my custom that people should bow down low to me as a greeting. They do not have to kiss my feet, but a little foot massage would be nice.

:)

I believe Frank II was adding some useful information in a historical context. I did want to acknowledge that John Adams bowed to King George according to tradition, formality, and the requirements of the audience when presenting his diplomatic credentials following our successful War for Independence. John Adams was not head of state at the time, and I might assume that Washington would not have done so. Remember when “W” kissed the ring of the Saudi King? I’m not sure any of this means anything (other than we know where our bread is buttered with respect to oil), but it’s fun to know.

Frank II...my apologies....I was just noting that some of the allegations you made about a previous poster were incorrect! I didn't attack any other point you made....I too was just adding some items of "historical interest!" ;)