Good faith recommendations for accommodations

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Jules, I'm sorry this happened. You shared your experiences in the warm spirit of friendship in travel. I'm sure you have helped dozens of folks. Sadly, the poor behavior we are all seeing more of in the world sometimes spills over onto this site. Please continue to be active on the Forum. Safe Travels!

I take—and give—hotel recommendations with a grain of salt. I have my own set of expectations and needs wherever I choose to stay and while I might be enticed by the experience of others I will always investigate on my own before deciding to stay anywhere. Likewise with giving details of my own stays—hopefully people will glean something from it to help them decide if it’s a place that will suit them. But to chastise any of the generous people on this forum who offer suggestions, that’s just shameful!

I have had this experience, once. It was on TripAdvisor forums, not here. I recommended a book entitled “Switzerland Mountain Inns” to someone who was looking for an “off the beaten path” hiking experience in that country. I had used the book for planning some great trips. The book had been published in 1998,, and this was 10 years later. The woman came back with a negative trip report and was really resentful; she blamed me for their bad experience. The mountain inns were more rustic than they expected (doh) and the prices were higher than the book said. ???? Didn’t they check the current prices? And the mountain inns are pretty clear about what the rooms are like and what services are provided.

Now I am more careful about making recommendations, I only suggest the really special places to people I believe will appreciate them.

I’m sorry this happened. It does seem like more and more folks are coming on these kinds of forums not to learn from more experienced travelers, but for a free planned vacation with no work on their part.

I have learned so much from others here, but we all have different expectations, preferences, budgets, risk tolerances, physical limitations, etc. I take recommendations, then do my own research to see how places fit in with my own vision of what I hope for. Sometimes people just aren’t willing to take any accountability for creating their own reality.

So very sorry for your experience. Definitely report this to the Webmaster. Unfortunately people think they can say what hurtful things they want. They could have had the courage to respond on the regular forum instead of hiding behind a private message. Please do not give up..keep on posting and helping others. That is what most of us are here for.

I have begun to include lodging in my trip reports and feel like people can do their own research from there.

I do hate “making recommendations” if it isn’t to someone I am more familiar with, because I usually look for a place that catches my attention with an interesting or offbeat attribute. I have trouble imagining that other people could like some of the places I do. 🤣

I do have people occasionally ask me for recommendations via PM - and I usually start off by telling them all the “bad” before telling them my reasons for liking a place. But ultimately it is the responsibility of the traveler to make and accept their own decisions.

Hopefully all they did was list the things they didn’t like - and weren’t mean to you. If so, maybe they thought they were just “filling you in” and didn’t realize how it would make you feel.

How rude.

This hasn't happened to me, fortunately, and I'm sorry it happened to you.

In the end, everyone is responsible to filter any suggestions they get through their own needs and preferences. You aren't their travel agent.

And imagine being upset because people in Europe didn't speak English! Sigh.

That's rotten. My preferred hotel standard is distinctly below jules m's, so I seldom mention places I've stayed. Some people seem to expect lodging miracles--space, charm and amenities in a really good location at a modest price. That's very unlikely to happen.

Please just give that PM the attention it deserves, which is none.

Hi Jules, I’m also sad to hear that this happened to you.

I’m always hesitant to recommend restaurants for that same reason. People’s opinions vary widely, and I’m not a fancy eater. I would think your lodging recommendation would be a starting point for them to look at it themselves on TripAdvisor to see the photos of it, etc. and check out the neighborhood.

Expectations for hotels can be so much beyond the means! I see they wanted a moderate price in a major tourist area; just those two criteria together can be at odds. For instance, I saw recommendations for a hotel a couple adored on the Trip Advisor travel forum for Palermo. When I looked up more details on-line, some said it felt like they were back in a college dorm, and there were vending machines in the lobby to purchase shampoo for your room! I’m sure your recommendation was much better. : )

I agree with BB. A few of the recent questions on the forum have definitely changed tone as if we’re being paid by them to respond to anything they need. Thankfully, there’s still many who are courteous!

that is just what the Webmaster would like to know about

Jules I am sorry that someone reacted to you and treated you this way when you had kindly shared your experience at somewhere you recommend.

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say that stinks !!!

It would be very unpleasant to read a private message like that. Basic civility is not practiced by everyone, which is unfortunate. Please don’t let it hurt your feelings. The person who sent you the message is rude and I’ll-mannered and not someone whose opinion should matter to you.

I (mostly) enjoy my interactions on this forum. I think that the people are interested in sharing their experiences, (mostly good and sometimes not). I find this valuable.
I’m sorry that the message you received upset you. I’d choose to believe that the author was just trying to give you feedback for future recommendations and simply chose their words poorly. We’ve all seen the posts where humor or irony was mistaken for snark.
You’re probably right that the author was venting at you. It seems that some people always need someone to blame. I’d just choose to believe it was meant to be positive.
Safe travels!

Message boards where lpeople can hide behind made up names do not bring out the best i. some people. Honestly, the best thing to do is just ignore it. Realize that they’re showing their toddler act and if they can’t be adults that’s really not your responsibility

But I have been known to call them out publicly by posting on a public message or what they said to me in private. If you are not proud enough to say it in public, you shouldn’t be trashing me in private.😂

I’m sorry for your experience. I hope you have reported this message to the Webmaster.

Your experience is exactly why I don’t reply to (most) PM’s and why I don’t recommend specific hotels on this forum, unless it’s for a short 1 night stay. I’m more than happy to explain the pros and cons of certain neighborhoods, but that’s it. Only when I know someone really well, like a friend or family member, do I feel comfortable recommending a specific hotel. Different people like different things and expect different things from a hotel.

Not specifically because of this happening, but this is why as a generality I am loath to recommend hotels or restaurants.

Everyone is different, managements change, my experience this week at the same establishment (good or bad) may not be what the next person experiences next week, for all sorts of reasons.

And my priorities on location or price may be different to the next persons. I will suggest, maybe strongly suggest, but not really recommend.

I take—and give—hotel recommendations with a grain of salt.

Bingo!

Answering a post, giving advice, a thought or an opinion does not relieve anyone of taking responsibility for themselves and doing their own due diligence. I have a different comfort level, my own expectations and never consider that my interests matches someone else's.

I too would be upset if I woke up and saw an unpleasant message. I would just ignore it, although I definitely understand the hurt.

Hi Jules,

I’m so sorry for your experience. Although I don’t post often, I have been coming to this forum almost daily for over 20 years now (started back in the Helpline days) and have gleaned so much useful information over the years. Because of that, I have a good sense of those who have similar accommodation criteria to me.

I will make recommendations when I have had a particularly great experience, but expect the OP to use the recommendations as a starting point for their own research, the same as I do. I truly appreciate others’ recommendations, but ultimately, it is my responsibility to then further research those properties to ascertain whether they meet my personal needs and wants.

I agree with the others that you should report this person, but please do not stop making recommendations. Everyone is responsible for doing their own due diligence. Everyone here is a volunteer and not paid travel agent.

I'm sorry this happened to you. So many people on this forum put forth so much kind effort to be helpful friends and provide in depth information. Would these people say this in person to a friend who had recommended a place they didn't like? A recommendation is just part of the due diligence research we should take into account when making our own travel plans.

jules, I agree with acraven. That PM does not deserve any attention or worries from you. Obviously they have a different approach to recommendations, but that's their problem, not yours.

They are obviously the exception to the "good travelers" we have on this forum. And I hope you will continue to recommend places, as I believe they are a valuable attribute of this forum. I've found some wonderful places to eat and sleep here, and would never dream of chastising another forum member if the place did not measure up to the rec. My standards are different than many people's, things change, places have bad days, and I always take that into account.

So please don't let it ruin your day. Just ignore it and move on. 😊 Did you get any snow this morning? We have about an inch on the ground.

Hopefully all these messages of support will take some of the sting out of that unpleasant start to your day. Putting thoughts into recommendations take time and 99% of us on the forum appreciate the time and effort. People should not try to shift their own responsibility on to someone else. I hope the rest of your day is stellar.

Jules - just chiming in to say that sucks. Please don't let it stop you from offering your opinion, you have much to offer from your experience. There are likely many (many!) people who happily benefitted from your suggestions, they just didn't tell you the result so pointedly. Move along and don't let the negative nelly live rent free in your head, the troll isn't worth feeding.

Jean said:

I agree with BB. A few of the recent questions on the forum have definitely changed tone as if we’re being paid by them to respond to anything they need . . .

Maybe this is another case where the poster thinks that responses here come with the authority of RSE behind them. Many people can't understand the limitations behind any recommendation.

Now I'm curious as to what was exactly written. I'm not going to suggest it wasn't rude, but I often wonder after I've written something if it could be taken the wrong way. I may be out of line, but I'm hoping you cut and paste the message to this thread.

I am sometimes nervous to recommend a hotel because it's such an important part of a trip. I remember recommending the hotel we stayed at in Edinburgh to someone on this forum and that person did book it. But later on the person read some other reviews about a noisy pub that was across the street and decided against the hotel. I didn't mention the pub because it wasn't an issue for us. It's important to take a recommendation and then research it yourself, and thankfully the person I made the recommendation to did that. I do try to say why I liked the hotel, but after that, the person is on their own to determine if it is right for them.

That was pretty rude, and I hope you reported it.

I don't like it when I make a good faith recommendation on the Forum, and someone else just has to post that [in their unbiased and humble opinion], my suggestion was a terrible idea - even with absolutely no personal knowledge.

Allan, wasn't it you who recommended the Mocenigo to us? And we loved it. We also followed the recommendation of a Forum poster for the Conviv'hotes in Chartres; another winner. BUT... we looked the places up and communicated with the staff or owners before we booked.

I try to stress in my trip reports and reviews that our favorite places are definitely not for everybody. We like the smaller places, and don't care about a/c, tv, or "pillow menus" whatever the heck those are.

I agree that jules m should report the message to the webmaster.

Jules, nothing much for me to say except to fall in behind the rest in saying I'm so sorry this happened to you.

To me it doesn't really sound like a "reportable" situation, just a rude and unfriendly poster. I hope they feel some shame when they read this thread!

This is precisely why I rarely give hotel, even restaurant recommendations.

In the early years of this forum, I would, but over the years, the mix of people on here has changed. It seems what is a good budget hotel (clean, quiet, maybe a bit worn, short on amenities) is simply not good enough for the majority of people seeking help, unless it just happens to be a 5 star place at 1 star prices.

I get that everyone's standards vary, but it seems that the majority of people are just looking for much, much more in a hotel room than what I typically do.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I was thinking along the same lines as Stan. Perhaps this person thought that you were a RSE representative. That doesn’t excuse rude behavior but could explain the laundry list of complaints.

A few years ago a friend, who was new to the forum, was telling me about all the great help she was getting on the forum planning her trip to Italy — directly from a nice man from RSE. Directly? I knew that Laura used to chime in back in the olden days but, I thought - hmmmm.

My friend named the individual she believed to be an employee. I looked up her post and I saw that it was a very prolific, recognizable poster. I told my friend that this person was not a RSE employee, as she believed, that he was just a community member like her. She furrowed her brow and looked at me with some skepticism. Really? Really. “Oh,” she said, “I was pretty sure he worked for Rick Steves.”

Oh goodness. Spooky season indeed.

Like all the others, I'm so sorry you experienced this, Juli. As a new member, I am so so grateful to everyone (including you!) for sharing their personal experiences. It's been so incredibly helpful in personalizing my own research.

I always receive people's opinions as offered in good faith and I hope to one day be able to pay it forward. I very much hope you'll continue to share your recommendations, though I also totally get it if you need to step back from it a bit or entirely.

Honestly, the nerve of some people, blaming someone who was helping them! People with such a poor attitude create their own bad experiences wherever they go. I can tell that there is always a minority of such persons when I read otherwise positive restaurant and travel reviews, and I also encounter them in my volunteer work. I wonder if they ever notice that most other people had a great experience with something? Anyway, do try not to let the negative, criticizing few discourage you.

I appreciate the comments. Sometimes my responses to an OP require some effort. In this case, I had to figure out what year we traveled and then find the itinerary in my word documents. The OP had seemed frustrated that so many of the places she was finding were pricey and I wanted to help.

I wouldn’t call the message offensive, just rude and not appreciative that I took the time to respond. I’m not going to include the message just as I revised my post to take out anything that would have allowed folks to identify her from her original post.

I showed my husband (who doesn’t get bent out of shape about much) and his comment was that it was unnecessary to list the gripes and that she didn’t appear to do much work on her own. For example, she said she didn’t know if she should go uphill or downhill from the train station. I would have and did have an idea where the property was located, I had asked questions and knew there was a small grocery store across the street in this mostly residential area. I also knew the intersection because I wanted to know distances to places we wanted to see. In any case, my husband’s response was “just don’t help her again”.

You all are right, we all have different criteria. Any place we stay needs to be clean/sanitary and close to city center. We also have a strong preference for small, family run property and breakfast is everything to my husband. We don’t care if a place is a bit worn or dated. Or has nice toiletries. We don’t spend much time in our room other than sleep. If we are going to relax some in a location, (most recently, Mosel) we might pick a place with a kitchenette/living area. We’ve stayed in quite a few quirky places, and that, for us, is part of the experience. We stayed in a perfect place in Girona, Spain, but the bathroom was a kitchen where a toilet and shower were added and the rest stayed pretty much the same. Whatever, it had everything we needed. Don’t get me wrong, if I can land a really special property at a price I want to pay, I go for it. A frequent contributor suggested a parador in Portugal. It was reasonable because of time of year so it was a treat for us.

We stayed at a very charming agritoursmo in Sicily. We ate dinner with the family which was so fun. But, it was a quirky place, and old. It had been in her family for generations. The owner told me that she doesn’t get “posh” people and that’s fine with her.

I really hope the original OP’s vacation improves and is more to her liking. I hate to think I ruined someone’s vacation. Going, forward, I’m going to be quite careful with whom I recommend accommodations to.

I had some inexperienced friends travel to Italy recently, so I had given them a lot of location, activity & hotel locations after first asking them a lot of open-ended questions. Even then, I felt a sigh of relief when they came back and said they had a fantastic time.

Some of my husband’s & my lodging has purposely been very quirky which we love. But, oh, I can imagine the horror messages I would have received, Jules, if I recommended those to the typical US tourist! LOL!

Please keep being yourself! We’re glad you’re on the forum!

Allan, wasn't it you who recommended the Mocenigo to us? And we loved
it.

Yes I did, and I was a bit nervous because it's is one of a few hotels that I will highly recommendand go overboard about, but you never know what other people think is important. I was relieved in your trip report that you liked it. Thank goodness there was no scathing PM from you ;).

Allan, if you ever get a scathing PM from me, check with somebody who has my contact info, because it would mean something is wrong! Webmaster has my email.

My first thought about your post is, "what is wrong with people??"

You most definitely did not ruin anyone's vacation. I'm positive they did that to themselves...

Sorry for the unpleasant message juli. I certainly was glad we were able to communicate before our trips to Belgium and the Netherlands. I know first-hand your kindness and willingness to share. So, I feel sorry you were not treated kindly in return. I think you’ll feel better after a few days. There have been times when I have been so bothered by things on the forum that I am ready to close my account. But, after a few days, I feel better.

I remember recommending the hotel we stayed at in Edinburgh to someone
on this forum and that person did book it. But later on the person
read some other reviews about a noisy pub that was across the street
and decided against the hotel.

I also booked this Edinburgh hotel based on forum recommendations, but changed to another hotel after I noticed declining reviews on Booking.com related to cleanliness and staffing issues. But if I had stayed here and was unhappy, I would certainly not blame anyone on the forum. Well, maybe I’d blame allan. 😊

I have come to learn that my hotel standards are a little higher than most on the forum. So, I know most recommendations won’t work for me. But, I still find the recommendations helpful as they often include info. on the surrounding area.

Some of the hotel recommendations that I see for London I think “are those even in London.” 😊

I always check multiple sources before booking and even after booking I will continue to monitor the reviews. And even then, it’s always possible to have a bad experience even at the best of hotels.

”I always check multiple sources before booking and even after booking I will continue to monitor the reviews.”

Carrie, good advice! I had to switch two hotels for England last year a few weeks before our trip when monitoring reviews. One had declining reviews the last month and the other one changed names and suddenly had reservations that weren’t being honored - whew!

Well, maybe I’d blame allan. 😊

Carrie, hahaha!!! Allan can be the forum scapegoat and get blamed for everything! 🤣

I’m so sorry. I have asked for recommendations on here and given them. Please don’t stop just because someone was a jerk. I don’t know what has happened but we seem to be in a period where some people feel the need to be purposely rude to others. Not long ago we received a horrible text from a tour mate couple because they didn’t like what we posted about our tour. You just need to shrug it off. Loads of people support you on here.

"No good deed goes unpunished." - Oscar Wilde

Glad you put this out here for everyone. You didn't deserve this. There are so many takeaways for everyone in this rudeness.

 I hate to think I ruined someone’s vacation. 

Why would you take blame for ruining someone else's vacation?

Going, forward, I’m going to be quite careful with whom I recommend accommodations to.

Why moderate yourself and limit your recommendations?

There has always been the sort of people who are happy to be told what to do, where to stay or where to go. That does not change or remove one's responsibility to themselves and it should never be cause for anyone to moderate their own advice to anyone when it's sought.

As travelers it's our own responsibility to do our own research, to know ourselves well enough to be able to validate the advice given to make sure it works or ourselves.

Jules, you are a valued member of this forum. I’m sorry you got an unpleasant PM. Keep on posting!

Accommodations are such a personal choice, its is why I only recommend areas of the city to look, but rarely a specific accommodation. And my favorite place I keep a secret all for me.

“Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.”

Sorry you had the person blame you for their own lack of planning.
Did they even thank you for helping?

I thought I should make clear that I wasn’t hurt that she didn’t like my recommendation, it was how rude it was and that I was responsible.

I’m over it. I’m so busy with stuff that got backed up with my recent trip and subsequent COVID, I almost wish I could back off the forum. But, alas, I’m addicted to travel. At least I only “hang” at this forum, haven’t gotten involved in any others.

@Mardee, we got about 2 inches. It’s all gone except in shady areas. At least here, in the Twin Cities, we are warming up so we get a bit of a reprieve as we head into my most disliked month. November, cold and brown. . .

It's about the same here, jules. Our chickens are very confused as it was their first snow and they're wondering what this white stuff is on the ground. Most of it is gone now, like yours. And yes, this November will be drab--at least we have Thanksgiving to break it up! 😊