Funny and or stupid comments anyone else?

Two weeks ago in Fussen , Germany , in a small , traditional, German restaurant , in the old town , a customer attempting to order a drink , " You mean you don't know what a Margarita is ? "

The frustrated American lady trying to check out in the buffet line of a Parisian lunch counter, to my friend standing behind her: "I don't know why they can't speak English. If it was good enough for Jesus Christ, it ought to be good enough for them."

10 minutes ago in Denver, checking in for the final leg of my trip, the agent asked where I was going. I said Denver. She said "great you're here!"

Sitting inside St. Mark's in Venice one year, when a weary tourist sat down next to me with her husband and asked him
"What city are we in now?"

Also in Venice; started talking to a couple at the next table in an outdoor café; and she was complaining about people not being able to speak English at every stop on the cruise they had just completed.

CWsocial, i love it!! And boy, can i relate.

In Florence I overheard a young woman ask her male companion why The David had that strap over his shoulder. And Americans are supposed to be Bible readers.

This is the other way round. 30 odd years ago a Northern English conductor complained to us that Americans asked what the next stop was just after he had announced it. Having failed to understand half of the last two hours of announcements, we thought that was funny. We had long since given up on relying on English announcements spoken over train PA systems and were using the line guide instead. These days the visual announcement on the car screen is understandable by every English speaker (and most non English speakers as well) and I haven't seen a line guide in years.

Speaking of 30 years ago, at that time the UK, especially England, Scotland and Wales emphatically did not consider itself European. Suggesting you were in Europe when in Edinburgh would have been the fopaux.

The Utah tourist demanding lemon pepper for her salad. So a very accommodating waiter brought half a lemon wrapped in a white cheese cloth tied with a small red ribbon and a pepper mill. She exploded. Claimed this was unacceptable. She couldn't eat her salad without lemon pepper and shoved it to the center of the table.

This one was eons ago -- It was a seafood buffet featuring live lobster cooked to order on a Sunday. You walked down the line picking up salad and side dish items. At the end of the line was a large bin of live lobsters on ice, your would point to one and the "chef??" would use tongs to pick up your lobster and drop it in the huge vat of boiling water. You preceded to your table and a few minutes later the lobster was delivered. A woman was chatting with her friends front and back, come to lobster bin, reach into the bin and grabbed one of the lobsters and put it on her plate. There was a glass barrier in front but the side was open to the buffet line. The chef leaned over and said, "Madam, would you prefer me to cook it or do you just want it raw?" She was not paying attention, was confused by his remarks, looked at him questioningly, he used his tongs to point to the lobster on her plate, she looked down, the lobster waved back with one of his rubber banded claws, she shrieked, and collapsed on the floor taking her tray and the lobster with her. I think that was the last week of the live lobster buffet. Too bad it was kind of fun.

“And Americans are supposed to be Bible readers.“

Really? Not all Americans are christians. And not all Americans care to know, or believe, what’s written in the bible.

Jmauldinuu that is excellent!!!

I can remember as callous youth (university-aged) visiting the then-USSR in 1988 and we were all teasing each other on the bus and someone yelled, “Oh yeah?! I can say what I want to, it’s a free country!”

We all realized immediately that in fact that was not the case given our locale!! Something that was so automatic, so reflexively said, couldn’t be uttered as our bus drove down some prospekt in Moscow.

Had just arrived in in Delft from Germany, at the train station, and wanted to buy our next tickets while we were there. Walked up to the ticket counter and proudly asked "Sprechen sie englisch?" The man working the counter looked at me and said--in perfect English--"Well, that's German, but yes I speak English."

To follow on Susan's comments -- not all Americans are readers, Bible or not. Which may be why they (we) make so many dumb comments.

Young boy about 10 years old, looking VERY tired and bored on his vacation, looked up to his parents and whined:

"Why did they make the Grand Canyon anyway?"

I was trying to arrange a day tour to the Amalfi Coast from Naples and I was emailing back and forth with a tour operator whose price was considerably less than another that I was looking at. I started questioning what was included to find out why the price was so much lower and I'd ask if such and such was included, on and on we went and the tour operator kept on saying it was. Finally the person must have had enough of my questions and wrote back that everything was included....unless it's not.

A friend of mine was flying to Hawaii from Los Angeles when her girl friend looked out the window and saw water. She shouted out: “Is that water? Do we fly over water to get to Hawaii?” She said it so loud, everyone around her heard her. My friend wanted to go and hide.

To add to the amusing tales of geographically challenged Americans. I was on a flight from Los Angeles to London, when about half-way through the person in front of me was looking at the interactive map, I assumed American because of the accent, said quite loudly "oh so that's where England is, I always thought it was next to Russia!" ugh... 🤔.

Decades ago, I overheard a woman at Windsor Castle exclaim to her companion, “ Ooh, it’s just like Disneyland,”
And then there was the poster on this site who, after several postings of questions about Italy, asked if there were anywhere in Rome where she could attend church on Sunday. I thought she was a troll, but the webmaster, giving her the benefit of doubt, opined she might just be naive.

Or what they say at Disney Epcot: "Why bother going to Europe, when it's all here at Epcot". Or possibly that may be a Disney Epcot ad. Disney is not known for modesty in claims.

At a hotel reception in Geneva an American tourist asked: „What country am I in?“ I told him that he was in Switzerland. „But then why do people speak French?“
Another dumb question I got. several times while on exchange in the US: „Say something in Swiss😏“.

Whilst at a supermarket checkout in Florida the young lad asked me if we had money in England, it blew his mind when I showed him a £20 note I had in my wallet.

Also in Florida whilst attempting to buy some sunglasses for my quietly spoken young niece the assistant said to her, "Honey, if you learned to speak English better we might understand you better". I just looked at her in bemusement and went elsewhere.

I remember being in the bell tower of San Giorgio Maggiore in Venice once, and a woman asked her husband if the bells in the tower rang. The bell started ringing almost as soon as she asked. The timing was perfect.

A friend here was working as a cruise boat greeter at the harbour an an America visitor asked her if the sea went all the way round the island?????
Have also twice had to pull up google earth to show cb passengers where in the world they are......

Frank , my wife and I are hysterical with laughter right now . One of the best lobster tales ( pun intended ) I have ever heard . As a Maine resident would have thought , she was " from away " , not a down easter .

JC , this reminds me of Henry Higgins' comment about English usage, that " In America , they haven't used it for years "

First time in Rome - doing a Colosseum tour. After exiting the Colosseum the group had about 20 min before moving on to the Forum. So we're sitting beside a woman (who was from Ohio) and she asked where we were from...

Canada

Her reply - oh, ya'all speak English up there?

She instantly realized what she said and was a bit embarrassed.

Actually, on that same holiday we were in Cinque Terre. Hubs got talking to some folks from Ontario who thought he was from Scotland. Now come on, our Nova Scotia accent isn't that strong!!

Wife and I took my mother to Florence with us. In her hotel room she changed the TV menu to English but complained to us that the shows were still in Italian.

Like Nicole P, I was somewhere (not Europe) and they were surprised I spoke English - it was clearly a tourist location popular with Francophone population.

reupsgt - that would be unbelievable if it hadn't happened to me. My brother in law came into our apartment in Campania, complaining there was "something wrong with the TV" - on investigation it turned out that "Something iss wrong with the sound on Spongebob" - he was absolutely incredulous when I explained that it was Italian.

In Bacharach, overheard a group at the next table, "How do you say Beer in German?"

I did an exchange with the German Air Force. They asked why I hadn't brought my wife. I told them her idea of a vacation was a warm beach. They said, "In Germany you can get warm or you can get a beach, but you can't get them both at the same time."

Years ago I took my kids around Mexico, buying pt. to pt. bus tickets. My oldest son was 12 at the time. He just turned 30. I asked what he remembered from the trip? "You eating tacos from those taco stands covered with flies."

Staying at a hostel in St. Goar. I got up early to take a shower. I knew the bathrooms were co-ed, toilets and showers were private, but I could have sworn I opened the wrong door when I walked in and there was a room full of half dressed college age women. I was going to let the door close then slink to another bathroom but they insisted a shower was open so in I went. The showers had two curtains, with a changing area between the two. Some lady with white hair kept peeking through (I'm thinking she wasn't German).

Years ago, a friend of my father went on his first trip on an airplane. Telling my father about it, he said, "I don't know where we were flying, but I saw a lot of snow on the ground everywhere". We figured out later (since it was summer) that he meant clouds.

Many years ago my girlfriend and I were on a tour of Westminster Cathedral. The guide, a young English woman, spoke English with, what was to us, a slightly upper class accent. The two women in front of us (from Texas judging from their accents) said....”well, the next we take a tour we need a guide who speaks American”!

In Edinburgh a cannon is fired everyday from the castle at 1pm: called "The One o'clock Gun."
Lots of tourists ask what time the One o'clock Gun will be fired.
People walking the streets always check their watches to see if the firing time is correct.

Fun thread! We were waiting for our flight at Deadman's Cay Airport, Long Island, Bahama's. The name itself is funny. The airport building was "shack-like" and we were the only tourists. Looking around it had a feel of an episode of Twin Peaks. ;) We were a little uncomfortable because people kept staring at us. Finally a couple of people came up to us and said to my husband, " You're the fisherman from the tv show." My husband said, "No, I am not." The local said, "Yes you are." This went back and forth several times. We never convinced them. Unfortunately our flight was delayed and we missed our connection home. The good thing was that they put us up in Nassau for the night.

Am glad I started this post it has been so much fun to read. So far the best i think is the second or third one. Christ spoke English!!!

Gail,

Thanks for starting this thread. It's been very entertaining to read! Unfortunately I can't think of any examples to add. A couple of comments.....

"I don't know why they can't speak English. If it was good enough for Jesus Christ, it ought to be good enough for them."

The ignorance of that statement is almost beyond belief. Hopefully that individual has learned a few things since then.

Nicole P.,

"Now come on, our Nova Scotia accent isn't that strong!!"

It's a good thing you weren't Newfoundlanders, as the language would have put the person you were speaking with into "brain lock"! They'd need six months of intensive therapy with Dr. Phil ;-)

...If it was good enough for Jesus Christ, it ought to be good enough for them."... Unfortunately I have heard that more than once. In the same vein, overhead a couple of women discussion one of the more famous paintings of Christ. "Why is he so dark skinned? He was white." The other responded, "He must had been painted from a bad photograph because I am sure he wasn't alive when this was painted." At least she was half right.

At the end of a trip, my friend and I were taking a night train from Venice to Milan in order to catch our early morning flight back to the USA.

At one point my friend was sleeping and I was awake. As we pulled into a station somewhere en route, my friend suddenly woke up and said, "Where are we?" in a panicky voice, afraid we might have missed our station. Then she looked out the window and said, "Oh, we're in Binario."

My husband and I were near San Marco’s in Venice, when we met an elderly American lady whose husband was struggling with two very large suitcases. Pointing at the Grand Canal, she asked me where the roads for cars were.

I was taking the Eurostar from Brussels to London. They announced that we were about to enter the channel tunnel and reminded people that the time was an hour earlier in the UK. Before we entered the tunnel, it was quite dark as clouds were blocking the sun. When we emerged 20 minutes later, the sun was shining through the clouds. One of the women seated behind me said, ”It’s so much brighter here.” Her travel companion said, ”That’s because it is an hour earlier.”

On my first flight in a jet, I looked out the window after we had reached cruising altitude and saw things below just crawling by. I turned to the guy sitting next to me and asked, "When are we going to start going fast?" He replied, "We are going 600 MPH! How fast do you want to go?"

When on a tour of Jordan our tour guide stated that a previous tour member asked him, "Why did the Romans build all of these ruins?"

At one point my friend was sleeping and I was awake. As we pulled into a station somewhere en route, my friend suddenly woke up and said, "Where are we?" in a panicky voice, afraid we might have missed our station. Then she looked out the window and said, "Oh, we're in Binario

This reminds me of a time we were taking a night flight out of Atlanta.
After pushing back from the gate it took 45 minutes before we were in take off position, As the engines roared to life and the plane began rolling down the runway, my wife woke up and asked " are were there " ?

The "one o'clock gun' question is asked by the folks who inquire 'who is buried in Grants Tomb' and "What time is midnight Mass"

When I was in Atlantis 2 weeks ago the hotel manager was highly offended when I asked why the hotel did not have sprinklers. Do they not have building codes?

I asked my cousin, at her wedding reception, where they were going on their honeymoon. She said they were going to New England but couldn't tell me where specifically because she couldn't remember the capital of New England.

Back in my backpacking days, I was travelling trough the Balkans with my brother. A young American guy we had met tagged along with us to Belgrade and on the taxi ride from the train station to our hostel, the taxi driver pointed at some ruined buildings (I think it was the former ministry of defence, bombes during the Kosovo conflict) and said “bomba, bomba”.
When we got to the hostel the American guy asked if it was terrorist or something that had bombed those buildings. I told him: “well it depends on who you ask, it was the USA Airforce.”

Ken - even I have trouble understanding the Newfoundlanders - lol. I will say my sister moved to the UK, she works in a grocery store and at the start (and maybe still) a lot of people thought she was either Irish or Scottish.

Years ago I was walking through St Pancras station on my way to work and couldn't help overhearing a conversation between an American tourist and one of the station staff. The American started it by asking "So where's St Pancras airport?" The staff member initially thought that he was mixed up with Gatwick or Luton airports (both direct trains from St Pancras) but then he pulled out a travel agent itinerary and said "Look here, [some US airline] flight to London Heathrow, city transportation to London St Pancras, then Eurostar flight from London St Pancras to Paris Nord." The station person then explained to him that Eurostar was a train company and not an airline, at which he was very confused and asked how he got across the Channel.

This was at least fifteen years after the Channel Tunnel opened.

A history of the "Good enough for Jesus" quote.

"When is midnight mass" is actually a good question. Just because that is what it is called doesn't mean it is scheduled at that time. I found that out myself when I assumed (never assume because … you know why) services started at midnight. They actually started at 11:30 ish with caroling for an hour before that. I got there just in time to get the final blessing. :-)

While shopping in Bellingham Washington during the month of June a couple years ago a very sweet young woman working at the mall asked me where I was from.

Victoria, I answered.

Canada? She questioned.

Yes I replied.

She asked me how much snow we had.

I replied: You mean right now? None - in fact we didn't have any last winter at all.
She wasn't buying it. Don't you live in Canada where it snows all year?

Victoria is about 80 km as the crow flies from Bellingham, and it's farther south.

I let her know that our weather is identical to her weather, and that she should come for a visit one day!

I was living in Rennes, France at the time of the 2004 presidential election. My french accent at the time was routinely good enough to fool the locals that I was a local too. One evening, a few days after the election, a local guy on the street asked me for a cigarette. Not quite having the vocabulary for the answer I wanted, I slowly fumbled my response. He then turned away, dismissing me with a slur about being retarded. I quickly replied (all in French) that I wasn't what he called me and that I was a foreigner from the US. He spun back around with an immediate response in mediocre English: "Well why didn't you say so?!"

...

The Bellingham comment reminded me of a trip I took on the Alaska State Ferry to Juneau and back. It was off-season and there were many locals on board, pointing out wildlife, amusing us tourists with local lore and a few frequent tourist questions. Can I use American dollars in the stores? (note: the state ferry does not make any stops in Canada). On arrival in Juneau (with the majestic mountains in the background) - what's the altitude here?

OK - just thought of one from our recent trip - when we landed in Montreal to connect to Halifax, as we were waiting to deplane, we were talking to the FA, who was a really nice guy - with apparently no grasp of Canadian geography. (He had a French accent so I'm assuming he was from Quebec).

He asked where we were heading and we said connecting to Halifax. He asked if we'd been to Montreal before...blah blah...yes, we took the train up once.

And he was like...train?

Uh - yeah...why?

Don't you have to take a ferry?

No - we're connected to Canada...by land...no ferry necessary. !scratches head!

OK, between Quebec and NS is New Brunswick - we are separated by one whole province.

So I'll guess that he had a brain fart and thought NS was either PEI or Nfld.

Two years ago went with husband and 2 friends to Scotland in July. Now keep in mind that Northern California typical winter weather is mild (50-70s), overcast, sometimes rainy. One day I said, "It's nice here, but we should come back in the summer." All 3 stared at me until I said, "Oh...yeah...it's July."

I've enjoyed those who "told on themselves" more than those that poked fun of others. I think we are all guilty of these types of things once in awhile.

From somebody very close to me - "I'd always believed that Harlem would be predominantly black people"

We had cycled there, along a canal, and were standing in front of a windmill.

(Yes, I know the spelling is different)

Two incidents from my first trip to London many, many years ago.

On the flight over had a nice chat with a young lady who sat across the aisle from me. She was from the U.K. She wanted to know if the U.S. was still part of the Commonwealth. I had to explain about this little spat we had in 1776.

A few days later, as I was walking to the British Museum, an older British couple, dressed as if from the Victorian era, approached me.

"Pardon me, " the man asked, "do you know the way to Tottenham Court Station?"
"Sorry," I said, "I don't"
"Another bloody tourist" he said scowling.
"True," I said. "But I'm not the one who's lost."

Overheard in restaurant in Paris.
Waiter: Que-ce-que vous désirez boire?
American Guests: What's he say?
Me (leaning across to help them): He asked you what you would like to drink.
American Guests to Waiter: Gimme two cokes. [note no 'please']
Waiter to me in an undertone with a grimace: Ah American Champagne!

Overheard near the Eiffel Tower - a conversation between a young American couple: Isn't it odd that the Eiffel tower has the same name as the guy who built it?

We sat down to our first restaurant in Italy and in my jetlagged brain I was astonished that the familiar looking menu was in English! My husband laughingly pointed out that the names of the pasta dishes I recognized were in fact Italian....just like they are at Italian restaurants in the States.

Having spent some time explaining to a young American who to buy tickets from the machine a tram stop in Basel, I finished by asking: So, any questions? "Yes, where can I put the American money in?"

A number of years ago my wife and I were each enjoying a stall-bought hotdog on the streets of London. A young American lady was standing close to us. Her boyfriend/husband brings her a hotdog and suggests that she should reciprocate by providing a favour once they get back to their hotel room.

"Get lost, Donny. Is that all you think I'm worth?" the young lady says as she storms off in a huff.

"Come on, Stormy," the man looks heartbroken. "Quid pro Quo".

I think the kerfuffle had something to do with the exchange rate of the British pound.

oooooh, I'm glad I read all the way to the end. Love the cheekiness, Gundersen

Gundersen, I almost sprayed my computer screen with the wine I'm drinking. Thanks for the laugh!

hey hey gunderson
LOL OMG thank god i was not in horsewoofie's predictament. does she need mobile computer repair? or were paper towels enough
aloha

Gunderson wins the day!

Tour guide friends in Berlin report being asked this question about Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp - "Is there good camping there?" And - "Do they do WW2 re-enactments there?"

While on the Normandy beaches, a group of teens walked past and we overheard one of them ask, "are we going to see anything cool here?"

Standing in front of a digital reconstruction "photo" of the Roman outpost in Frankfurt, overheard a woman ask if it was a real photo. Yes, that is right. Those famous Roman cameras of 200 AD.

Spotted some people pushing their rental car out of a parking space in Normandy. Asked if they needed a hand in French. They were American so switched to English. "The rental company gave us a car with no reverse gear". Showed them that the gear stick had a collar on it that needed to be lifted to engage reverse. Cue - red faced tourists, who had been pushing their car out of spaces for nearly two weeks.

I need to post not funny joke or what?

On a recent domestic flight there was a family behind me, and the 10 yr old boy had never flown before. The grandma was explaining in detail what would happen, and he was so excited. Giggly. Bouncing in his seat. Very cute. The plane taxied and lined up. The engines revved. Grandma was still talking and he was having the best time. The plane speeds up. And lifts off. He panics! He went from giggling to wanting to jump out. Grandma was laughing and explaining and talked him out of his fear. It helped that we had gotten higher so it looked less real. But those first few 1000 feet were hard on the poor guy. His sister was cracking up and so was Grandpa. OK, and me. A few minutes later, he said, "I used to think I wanted to go skydiving." That set all of us off laughing again. He was fine by then, so he laughed too.

This one was actually a faux pas that I made many years ago , when our children were little - We were on holiday in Keene , New Hampshire , when one night we went into a local , casual place that sold Italian and Greek food ( very good , as I recall ) . Trying to order , the young lady at the counter was thoroughly confused , when I asked for " Chicken Parm Wedges " I spent about five minutes trying to explain what this was , until , quite embarrassed , I realized that the term " wedge " is only used in Westchester County , NY to describe what the rest of the country calls a grinder , sub , or hoagie . One other recent experience - Several weeks ago , in Nuremberg , I asked at the hotel desk for public transit route to the courthouse ( Nuremberg Tribunal site ) After a few moments , it became apparent that the young man at the desk was not unfamiliar with the site , but the appropriate term was " Palace of Justice " .

First plane ride back to the States from Rome, forty-eight years ago, I looked out the window and decided the wing was on fire. But as I told my college roommate/travel companion, I didn't want to say anything and upset the crew. It was the port-side red light.

@Bets, your wing story brought back memories when my mother took her first flight over 50 years ago. We were flying from Seattle to New York. She was sitting in an aisle seat, and looked out the window. She remarked, "I think the wing is falling off!" Myself and the gentleman sitting by the window reassured her that the wing flaps were retracting during the flight.

Your mom's my kind of flyer

Oh my gosh, not saying anything for fear of upsetting the crew. That is excellent.

Jacqui — bless you for helping those American tourists know to engage the collar on the stick shift for reverse. I once had a Slovenian farmer have to show me that same thing once I had rolled up on some hay that was in a nicely inclined wedge in his courtyard, where I had rolled right in and had NO IDEA how to back out.

The look on his children’s faces still makes me laugh — I guess that’s been probably 17 or 18 years ago now.

I've spent enough time in Germany to retain a little of the language, and that can come in handy even in the States. The town of Forks, WA is near where the Twilight movies were shot, and they still get a number of tourists into the whole Vampire/Werewolf thing. A couple years ago I was getting lunch and had to help the family ahead of me with their order as they couldn't understand the guy behind the counters questions. When they had finished and gone to sit down the young man looked at me and asked, "Where are they from?" I explained they were German and his response was classic; "You'd think if they could learn "hamburger" and "beer" they'd understand "onion" too."

Here's a couple of recent ones:

Two Canadian teenagers at Windsor Castle: "Why did the Queen decide to build this under the flightpath to Heathrow"?

On the HEX platform at LHR. Train comes in to platform. Young American man asks me if the train always goes this slowly. "Well," I replied, "boarding it would be difficult if it carried on at 80 mph"