French Culture Question

Hi Kerry

in response to your questions:

1) a small gift from home would be appreciated, especially something typical of where you are from that would not be available in France. Otherwise a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine would be fine (generally wine brought by guests is not consumed at the same dinner).

2) dinner in France is generally at around 8 pm. It is likely that it will be apéritif followed by 3 or 4 courses i.e. starter, main course, cheese, dessert + coffee, maybe a digestif. I doubt that they will see it as being trouble, au contraire. In fact there is a very popular TV show in France right now that involves people inviting each other round and awarding each other points for their meals. Food is an important aspect of French culture and they will want to share that with you.

As for paying for an airport car service, that's really up to you to decide. If you want to return the favour it would be best to find a way to do so in kind (not easy if you won't be there I know).

Thank you Ian,

Yes it would be impossible for me to pick them up since I won't be here. And since they are a family of 6, no one I know has a car large enough to do it.

I just have to figure out what to bring from here that they do not have there. I live in NJ. What would someone in France want from NJ? A store that I love here has wonderful gift type items, but everything is from around the world, that's why I like it. The only thing NJ is known for is NJ tomatoes, NJ corn, salt water taffy and fudge. I thought about baseball (Yankee baseball caps) for the dad and two boys in the family and maybe (Jersey Girl caps) for the two daughter's. They could wear them when they come here. Anyone from the East Coast of the US have any idea's. There's hardly anything manufactured in the US anymore!

Kerry,

Why NOT some salt-water taffy? I know that is something the Jersey shore is known for.

Actually, about paying for an airport car service, tread warily with this as it could be construed as being a bit insulting. Maybe you can do something else like leave some museum tickets for them. Having said that you seem to have covered the welcoming side perfectly from what I see in your original post.

I think some salt water taffy is a good idea,, and I think flowers are very much a traditional hostess gift when going to dinner.

I would not bother with the hats.

Ian-
Since you seem to be the only poster from France, I'm nervous about my children offending our hosts if they refuse to try any of the food that is served? While my husband and I are extremely adventurous about food, the more exotic the better - my kids are not. I just got my 11 year old son to eat baked chicken and pork! I'm working on beef. He does not love vegetables or fruit either. My daughter is much better. What is the culture in France with regard to children's eating habits. In the US, every restaurant has a children's menu with what most kids like: chicken nuggets, french fries, burgers, pasta with sauce, macaroni & cheese. Not exactly a gourmet menu! Do I tell my kids to eat everything or else!!!

Kerry...bring flowers. It's a universal gift that will liven up any dinner table and appreciated the world round.

Salt water taffy is a good idea but I wouldn't bring it. Leave it at your house with a note saying this is a local sweet treat made in NJ and you thought they might like some....

And as someone who lost a filling to salt water taffy, you might also want to leave the name and number of a good dentist....:)

I would speak to your children before hand about being polite and eating what they are served. I have 2 10 year olds, one who will eat anything, one from the chx nuggets school. Both of them know however, when we are guests we eat (at least a little) of whatever is served. I usually give the picky eater a decent snack before going so she can truthfully say she is not very hungry.

When I was in Paris I was told by a local that flowers are the traditional thing to bring when having dinner at someone's home. The problem with wine is that the host(ess) has probably already chosen a wine to go with the meal. If you bring a bottle they may feel obligated to serve that wine and it may not compliment the food. Flowers are always a safe choice. It is easy to find places to buy them too.

Kerry, I am French, born there , although not raised there. I was sent to spent summers with my french family, first time I was 10.

The attitude towards food is that French kids are exposed to many foods from a young age,, and are rarely catered to the way some North American kids are. Frankly,, your son sounds VERY picky,, which may be tough, I would encourage you to encourage him to try a few more things then he norally does. . Normally it is understood that kids may not want to eat SOME things,, but really picky kids are rather unusual in France.

He will NOT have to eat frogs legs and escargots,, but he will not find "chicken chunks" available everywhere either. ( but there are McDonalds if he just wants something familar)

Many restaurants do offer a pasta dish he may like, and there are always cafes and bistros with pizza and fries available. In a private home,, well, lets just say it would be best on working with you son on ways of discreetly just saying no thanks, or pushing food around on plate to look like he has eaten something.

Kerry, don't worry about your kids being a little picky, French people are very family-orientated and know that kids will be kids; especially as you mention that this family in particular has several children so I'm sure that they will have seen it all before and won't be offended.

As for childrens' menu's in restaurants, there are often specific dishes tailored for kids, i.e. beefburger steak & fries, pasta dishes etc.

We had a bag of honeynut cheerios for our 10 year old,a month was a long time without. He ate everything in France and has become quite the gourmet, especially with cheese! He did eat the whole bag of cheerios for a taste of home.

With the kids, perhaps practice some role playing, some sentences to use if they try something they do not like. There is nothing worse than a person making a big deal about something they do not like. I see adults do this too, but kids especially, like to make horrid faces, repeat way too many comments about how yucky the food is, and so on. Come up with some polite things to say and perhaps you can even do some tasting of different things before you go. Make it an adventure.

Yeah, the taffy is not the best idea. It isn't one of my favorite things to eat that's for sure. There has to be some beautiful things from your state, especially hand-made things.

Ann, they do have many American cereals now,, many of our hotels had frosted or corn flakes,, very common. I do agree its a good idea though to bring "one safe " food you know your kids love, but it is much easier now then when I was a kid,, just trying to find ketchup a few decades ago was impossible, now its easy.

Thanks for all your feedback.

As for the flowers, since most everyone agrees it is the perfect thing to bring to dinner...

I will be with the host from the time he picks my family up at the train in Paris straight thru to dinner time.

I would have to ask him to bring me to a flower shop or can I arrange to have the flowers delivered. Does anyone know an on-line florist (like we have FTD here in the US) where I can make the arrangements to have the flowers delivered the day of the dinner. I would prefer the latter.

As for my son, I will absolutely be encouraging him to try more food before we leave(he has recently begun to); he will understand what to say/what NOT to say to our hosts; I will feed him a snack beforehand; I will tell him to try a little of everything and NOT to make yucky faces and most certainly no YUCKY comments; I will tell him to move food if necessary around on his plate; I will also tell him to smile, be polite, answer questions, AND not rest his head on his elbows and not look bored for three hours.

It should be a very interesting time! Ha Ha

While you're teaching your son how to behave at table in France be sure to teach him to keep his hands on the table at all times, not in his lap.

By the way this goes for the rest of the family, too! NO hands in the lap in France!

Kerry, one more thing, and this may help adults too,, when ordering beef, unless you like it rare,, ask for medium to well done. My worst experiemces in eating out as a child involved having to eat meat undercooked( to my mind),, and once when my grandmother did agree to send the steak back to be cooked more( I was usaully expected to eat it if it was anything more then med rare) ,they did in fact recook meat,, BUT sent it back on same plate,, that still had the "blood"( meat juices) still on it and my fries were all PINK from that,, I thought I was going to throw up!( I now would eat that, but when one is 13,, LOL )
This goes for eggs too,, they do not overcook eggs( obviously hard boiled is different) ,,but tend to serve eggs soft or runny( moist),, as a kid I did not like the "liquidyness" inside my omelettes,,

My grandmother wrote my parents that I spent two months eating nothing but bread, soup, ham and candies one year...LOL.. (bread was "safe",soup did not contain entrails as a rule(at least that I could see!( my fears), and ham was one of the first french words I could read on a menu ...

Kerry: for a gift from home, perhaps a veriation on what I use for a hostess gift when we travel. I put together "a taste of NY". We have a nearby specialty grocery with many items made in NY...maple syrup, honey, herb dips, etc. You live in the Garden State and I should think you could find interesting items like corn relish, tomato preserves...corn and tomatoes being some of the best of NJ products. I think those kinds of things would be interesting.
You would have to consider small sizes to pack in your check thru luggage.
When we travel I always hunt for gifts for neighbors in the local supermarkets. Locally made products are great. (I found the most fantastic pickles from a small town in Indiana!)
Just a thought that might be helpful.

"honeynut cheerios"

...that you can find in any French supermarket :D