Forum Etiquette Question Regarding Travel Plans?

I think it is all about how the response is worded. If you say "have you considered ..." vs telling someone they should do something different than what you think. That way it is not insulting to the poster.

I assume the wording was meant well. I have to because I stick my foot in my mouth all of the time. Writing is an art that I havent mastered. But my intent is always with respect.

To the question, no, I love the unsolicited advice. I cant ask should i go to XYZ if I have never heard of XYZ so you did me a favor. Now, I hope my point of view is in the majority, because I am notorious for bringing to light every option I can think of, just in case the OP hadnt thought of it. I hope my comments come across as being respectful. That is the intent at least. Like is said here very often, there is not bad choice.

An example. We had a fine gentleman that posted for directions and information on the train station. I asked where he was staying. The location was not the best choice, should I have kept quiet and just answered his question? I hinted around a bit and it took a few posts before he moved his accommodations. Then, i got something unexpected. Never in more than 10 years on the forum has anyone posted a thread just to say thank you. He has no idea how much i appreciated that; or how much it encouraged me to continue what I had been doing.

I have three days in Germany. How can I see Berlin, Munich and
Cologne?

If it can be done, and its in or around Hungary where I know enough to plan it, I will tell them how. Not saying they will enjoy it or that its a good use of their time, but different folks like different things. I dont judge.

I would also be fine with the unsolicited advice. "In abundance of counselors, there is victory" Prov 11:14

EDITED: And if I don't like the advice, I don't have to take it!

I think it's terrific, because the unsolicited feedback isn't just being read by you. Perhaps your schedule isn't flexible and Regensburg isn't going to happen for you, and you aren't even interested. But, maybe I've never even heard of Regensburg, so I decide to google it, find out I would like to check it out on my next visit to Germany, and I have learned something new!

You can't control what other's write in response to your question. I say take what you need and ignore the rest.

Hmmmm I never thought of it, but I like what KD said.

I still think I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from getting annoyed if it were my question, but I am usually an “observer” and thus happy to learn about other alternatives.

I love it if anyone takes the time to give suggestions that they think might be helpful. Even if it wasn't the exact question I asked, I might learn something. Like any search, each answer may add to my knowledge and I can choose to use the information in the best way for my trip.

A great deal of this really does depend both on the question and the wording of the response. My theory is that many respondents don't really read the question or the previous answers before responding.

The place where I think there is the biggest issue is in terms of pacing. Pacing is such a personal choice and preference that it is sometimes hard to accept a pacing or itinerary that is quite different from one's own preferences without comment. If the comment is kind and thoughtful it is probably okay. Unfortunately, many comments are not kind and thoughtful.

I can't count the number of times I have written a response, paused, and then deleted because I realized the best choice was to simply scroll on by. There were probably more times that I should have done so.

I think it is OK to offer unsolicited advice (with an explanation as to the basis), especially if there is a major flaw in their plan. But be diplomatic, using the “have you considered. . .” tone, rather than “don’t do x, do Y instead”.

I am guilty as charged, actually. A day or 2 ago some one asked whether they should visit Sardinia or Corsica, or both, in March. The first response suggested they go in September for better weather, as March is too early for those islands. And based on that observation with respect to weather, I suggested that if they do want to go in March, they might consider the islands of Malta, which are much further south, and reputed to have very nice weather in March. Plus some fascinating history, which they mentioned as one of their interests. And I included links to some information and photos.

They seemed to take it well and were not offended.

I think that alternative recommendations could offer additional ideas to consider, but can also be dismissed or ignored, if unworkable, unhelpful, or simply ridiculous. As mentioned, how the recommendation is worded can make all the difference. If it’s given nicely, as bonus information, it can be accepted as somebody’s two cents worth, which could be worth a lot more than that, to the OP or others. If it’s clearly unrelated to what’s being asked, then it can, and probably will be disregarded.

If it’s just dismissive or even harsh or nasty, then that’s inappropriate and should be completely ignored. Apparently some such responses even get reported to the Webmaster.

Part of a good or bad answer depends on how the question was worded. The more information, the better the answer. I think some people post for confirmation of their plans without understanding the how's and why's an alternative will work better.

If I ask "what do you thing of..." I expect the answer to reflect others' experience and choices. If I make the question more specific with full information "I already purchased tickets to... "bought train tickets to..." "I need to go to... and be there by ? time..." I hope for an answer that helps solve my dilemma. If there is no workable solution, an answer explaining why is a learning experience.

Changing flights from roundtrip to open jaw after tickets are bought isn't helpful, but if the tickets aren't bought yet, explaining the difference between the two is helpful. Same with when to take the train or rent a car.

Since I started posting in 2017, I have asked a lot of questions, received a lot of help and learned a lot. Most people are extremely helpful. There are a few who's answers/posts I just ignore.

i get angry when the 'experts', scold posters, especially about moving too fast, but also about things like the 'munich vs. regensburg' scenario. i have noticed it's usually the same familiar names with thousands of posts to their credit lecturing people that the 'proper' way to travel is to slow down. who are we to judge someone who has limited time and money, is planning on a trip of a lifetime, hoping to visit sites they may never have the opportunity to experience again? we just don't know what their circumstances are. to paraphrase, 'it's better to have been there than not at all'. i may be privileged enough to take it easy and soak it in but the majority of people i know in the usa can't even take one vacation for years at a time.

i for one ask very specific questions and expect specific answers. when i reply to someone or offer advice i preface my response with, 'depending on your taste...' or similar qualifiers.

To me another component is how experienced the poster might be with traveling. I'm not really one to notice post counts BUT if someone with 2 posts asks a question I might assume them to be new to European travel (unless mentioned in their OP). In that instance they may not really know what they don't know...or the questions to ask to get answers to support their intention.

If someone is a forum regular then I might assume they have researched and have a better handle on what to see/where to go unless they specifically throw out a general "give me ideas" statement on their post.

From a personal standpoint, I don't mind unsolicited feedback at all. I appreciate the interaction and the time people spend answering a post.

There was a question last night- very broad- what's the best way from Porto to Paris/London?

Apart from "best" being in the eye of the beholder there was something about the exact wording that said to me the answer may not be the hugely obvious- to fly.

So I gave rail alternatives, of which there are several, warning that none are at all fast. The OP has reverted to me and confirmed that this was the gist of the question. That OP's aim is to make the travel part of the vacation, so "best" there may not be a 2 hour flight.

But equally my advice could have been construed as unsolicited.

I don't really ask, and wouldn't ask questions on here.

I am here to give answers, which I hope are helpful.

One because my questions would relate to travel to the US (not really or at all the focus of this forum) but secondly because I have already had at least three examples of not understanding my travel aims or my travel style. And I have found those cases pretty bruising. I don't doubt that the questioning was well meaning, but all the same not helpful.

Decisions have been made, whether I throw all caution to the winds and come to the PNW next week or next year or the year after the places to be visited don't fundamentally alter- other than in the context of a 1, 2 or a 5 week visit. and whether I come as a pure tourist or as a religious pilgrim at Christmas, Lent or Easter. The latter being a real possibility.

My decisions do not accord with what 99% of foreign tourists do when they come to WA. But they are my plans, my wishes, and should be respected, not questioned. They are 10 years and more in the planning, the research and the thought. And, because of those cases I won't publish my plans here, for dissection and "correction".

One for instance is that there are 4 very specific movie theatres I would like to go to in WA. They are not chosen on a whim, each for a very specific reason. But they are not very obvious ones, I will grant you that.

I try to ask a very preliminary question when my next itinerary is just in the first draft. At that point I appreciate input that adds a variety of ideas that I might have not considered since it’s still very flexible. Some of those comments have changed my itinerary for the better.

But, I did get tired of the comments to reduce the number of cities many times. That’s the way I love to travel, so I started adding an explanation of what’s off the table for input. That saves people’s time when they might have thought they were helping me by reducing the number of cities & also helps the comments stay focused on the helpful advice that I’m seeking.

I don’t think there’s any point getting upset about somebody having a different opinion to you. We all have opinions. The only thing that bothers me is when a person is rude and obnoxious in the way they respond.

I have learned so much from unsolicited feedback. I'm so many cases, I didn't know what I didn't know. For many places, I still don't know it. If the advice is offered respectfully, I welcome it.

I always appreciate if a thread's opening post is very directly formulated in terms of expected answers and in definitions of quality aspects in a question.

"best" can mean by time, by cost, by travel experience, ... - also to "should I" --> What are context and the criteria for "should"? In winter or summer? Only A to B or any other reason?

The example question is a good example because very often the answer is the typical first sentence of a lawyer's answer: "It depends ...".

And so is my answer to the original question:

When you ask a specific question, do you appreciate getting unsolicited feedback about your travel plans and the deisions you have already made.

It depends.

btw: the answer to questions "should I drive or take the train is nearly always the same (in Germany forum).

I thank all of my fellow posters for your thoughtful and in-depth responses to this post. It would seem that both direct answers and broader suggestions are equally preferred responses. And, that these responses must be conveyed in a tone that is intended to be helpful to the OP, not a lecture on what you deem to be the optimal way to travel.

Again, thank you for your thoughts and thank you for all that all you do for visitors to this board. Keep traveling...

Oh, Stuart, now I'm very curious about those 4 theatres in Washington...

@CanAmCherie- I'll keep this quite tight -
1-The Starlight Room at the Rose Theatre. Port Townsend (for it's sheer uniqueness). If it was a planned, rather than unplanned, visit PT would likely be my first overnight in WA. If unplanned PT is at a later stage in the trip.
2- The SIFF downtown in Seattle- for very obvious reasons, but not least as the only or almost only surviving Cinerama Screen.
3- The Paramount Theatre- Seattle. Yes I know it is primarily a Stage Theatre, but in my case it would be for their Silent Movie season. And yes I would also go to the Theatre Tour on the 1st Saturday of each month. Also hopefully to a Stage production either there or at the Moore or the Neptune.
4-The Roslyn Theatre- a small town theatre in a town with very direct links to Whitehaven (Cumbria) with, of course, their famous popcorn!! In a perfect world (which it isn't) that would be the former Vogue (ex Lane, originally Rose before the great fire) in Cle Elum.

I appreciate all advice given and grateful that someone took the time to respond to my question.

Great question! Sometimes I think responders go too far afield - for example, not only telling someone they should change upcoming plans, but telling them, AFTER they are back in the states, what they should have done instead. In those cases, as in real life, it seems like the commenter isn't really interested in being helpful, they just want to share their own story. And in extreme cases, they seem to be having a bad day and are simply being critical or demeaning.

In other cases, the segues to providing additional information are actually helpful. I guess that's why this is called a Forum rather than Travel Q and A. Back and forth discussions can provide great input we didn't think to ask.

I enjoyed a recent post where someone asked a very specific question along the lines of "should I do A or B?" When someone opined way outside the question, the OP was quick to respond that this was not the question being asked. Loved it!

Hmmm. I am troubled reading isn31c's post. It makes me really sad that he, who is so generous with his expertise and time -- I will never forget the time he was looking up real-time rerouted public transportation for a poster who was about to be stuck somewhere without a connection -- would have found posting a question such a bruising experience that he is no longer comfortable posting his own questions. That is very upsetting. I am grateful that you are still here participating. It seems upside down that we are still benefiting from your advice when response(s) to your own request(s) were not nice. I hope that I wasn't one of those responders.

A very thought-provoking topic, jkh, thank you.

For example, you ask should I drive between Munich and Stuttgart or take the train? And you get you should go to Regensburg instead of Stuttgart.

My personal preference is to answer the actual questions asked.

Kim, I agree with you that I'm saddened that someone who is as helpful as Stuart was treated unkindly. That being said, I try to remember that comments which my regional culture considers brusque and rude are just considered to be direct by those from other regional cultures.

For example, you ask should I drive between Munich and Stuttgart or
take the train? And you get you should go to Regensburg instead of
Stuttgart.

If the poster takes the next step and explains why Regensburg would be better, then I'd find it to be potentially helpful and appreciated. But if that sentence is all there is to it, then I would tend to dismiss the poster as not being helpful (I'm very tempted to say not being credible, but that may be going to far). However comments like that don't annoy me, I just move on with my life and scroll to the next comment.

When I asked where is a good place to eat fish and chips, I got an answer that you shouldn't eat fish and chips but instead you need to spend at least fours nights in Murren or you're wasting your time. While I appreciated the unsolicited advice, I suddenly had an unrequited lust for malt vinegar so, yeah, I sometimes think unsolicited advice should be augmented with some tangy condiments-- that is, if you ask me, which nobody did, so, yeah, never mind.

CarolNR, I identify!

I can't count the number of times I have written a response, paused, and then deleted because I realized the best choice was to simply scroll on by. There were probably more times that I should have done so.

If you look at these threads as starting a conversation with multiple people, then there is room for discussion just like you were talking to friends at a party. Sometimes there's a desire to help someone understand what they dont know, and objectivity and subjectivity get blurred. If you look at it like a classroom, where the first right answer ends discussion, then it's not much different than AI.

It takes some skill in both asking and answering questions, and people use judgment on reading between the lines. As it has been said, it's all in the tone.

Yes, Stan, it is the tone but when reading printed words, the reader sometimes creates a tone that the writer never intended. I remember a woman ‘asking for advice’ on a day trip from Annecy to Colmar and back. I mentioned that although Colmar was a charming town that it was also over an 8+ hour train ride there and back. The woman came unglued and read me the riot act to a point where another poster asked her to maybe not drink so much coffee.

In general I am happy with just about any suggestions that people wish to give me. I consider this only one part of my research and trip planning and try to ensure that I come to the forum with questions that I have done my best to research beforehand. So I am either looking for opinions ( all welcome) or information that i am finding hard to find
I do occasionally see, however, situations where someone does not answer the original question at all, and the thread seems to veer in another direction. For example the next posters suggest Regensburg and trash Stuttgart as well. I think this is a bit discourteous. Once a suggestion is made, subsequent posters need to add information .

So we had a first-time poster who wanted advice on taking their two teenagers to England, Scotland, Spain or Greece.

He has children so its not like he has an option of not summer.

He got hammered with these responses…

Are you aware how dangerously hot it gets in the summer in Greece and
Spain? Can you handle doing tourism in +100 F weather, days on end?
Not to mention how crowded it gets with tourists in the summer. ……

How much time do you spend outside during the day, vs being in an air
conditioned place? Most of what a tourist wants to see in Greece or
Spain is outdoors. ….

The poster responded that he lived in the hottest town in the US, and I suspect I know where, because I use to work there. But, not good enough for the RS crowd who went on with

I agree with XXXX. And even if you live in Texas, do you spend the
majority of every day outside, and surrounded by thousands of other
tourists? …..

Yup, good chance he does spend a lot of time otside cause not much down there other than agriculture. Good chance he either does it now or grew up in it. Judging a stranger doesnt help answer the question.

Not one post that didnt begin with critisim. The first time poster deleted his thread. We wont see him again.

The OP didn't say where in Spain and Greece and a helpful response would have been to point out the cooler regions in each and the less touristed. Would have been a lot less typing for the repondents.

Very shameful.

Not one post that didnt begin with critisim. The first time poster
deleted his thread. We wont see him again.

Mr E, Hence my reason for this tread. Thank you. BTW, I think I was the final post on his tread. I told him his trip was great idea and suggested how he could spend a delightful month in the British Isles.

He deleted it just as I tried to post to help. So I sent him a PM with my answer. Doubt he will read it.

In another thread a few RS types are explaining how courteous RS tourists are ... yea, right.

If anyone wants to explain I have the individuals PM link. Dont know if he will ever come back to read it though.

..... and presumably the people posting those kind of comments had actually been there themselves when those regions were at their hottest, otherwise they would not have been in a position to speak with such authority. I didn't see the thread in question, but it is a fairly safe assumption that they themselves were not saying that they would not go back in high summer.

We have another example today of someone who waited 8 months before posting a very honest hotel review (having been encouraged to do so by RS staff) because of a fear of being attacked. And that is exactly what happened by some respondents, not all.

jkh, notice how this got quiet?

isn31c, truth.

@Mr E,
Yes, quiet now. Have a theory that on busy forums posts that drop down a few positions go silent fairly quickly. Would be an interesting study from a grad student.

I am grateful for any responses that I get to my questions, as long as the replies are civil. I have also benefitted from "unsolicited feedback", most notably during the early planning phase of my UK trip with my husband this September. I had asked a question about Birmingham, and I got some replies suggesting Bristol. At that time Bristol was not on my radar at all, but later as our plans evolved and I realized that with our time constraint, Bristol would be a better choice than Birmingham, I was so happy that Bristol was brought up in the thread - I would not have thought of it otherwise. I believe our trip is going to be much better because of this change.

Sometimes I find some comments a bit terse, but I wonder if it is just because some posters tend to write 1-2 word phrases and not in complete sentences. It doesn't bother me much though. On the whole, most people here are extremely helpful and I am truly grateful for the generous help I have received as a fairly new member of this forum.

jkh, its still going on .....................................

jkh, its still going on .....................................

Mr E, And it will forever.

I'm ALWAYS open to new ideas when traveling, and I think most people are.

For example, my son-in-law recently wanted some information about Norway, where he had never been. I posted a question on the forum for him, and got lots of responses, including those who offered up new places and ideas that he had not even thought of. He followed the advice (thanks, Mark K!) and had an incredible trip because of it. Much better than the itinerary he had originally conceived.

So I hope that everyone here continues to offer unsolicited advice. As others have pointed out, how you phrase it matters, but I think on the whole people are grateful to receive good advice about places they may never have been to.

Yes, as long as it's not rude or overly-dismissive.
"You should consider going to Regensburg instead of Stuttgart" is OK, but "You're a fool to go to Stuttgart," is not.
I can answers like that on Reddit.