Europe Travel Wisdom - part 1

The Sistine Chapel is highly overrated. You could get a sore neck with all that looking up.

Scotland's highland hairy coos must not be missed. You will not find a more attractive cow. Carry apples and carrots while traveling.

Try the haggis in Scotland. It's quite good, somewhat like a savory blood sausage. Avoid reading the list of ingredients.

Hire a local guide to walk the Medina in Fez, Morocco. It's a fascinating labyrinth of shops and personalities, and cannot be done on your own.

Contrary to advertising, no maps are available at Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris. The tour books lie. Get one ahead of your trip.

The simple meal of prosciutto and melon in Tuscany is shockingly good. After my 1st taste, I uttered "oh my god."

English fish and chips should be avoided at all costs. No taste whatsoever. Go for the Shepard's Pie instead.

When in Prague, see if you can link up with the local guide, Jamila. She was a student activist during the Prague Spring of '68 and will offer compelling stories, if asked.

You can get the best ham and cheese sandwich ever at the little stand at the Trocadero in Paris. The mystery sauce was overwhelming.

Don't bother with umbrellas in rural Scotland or Ireland. They will just blow away.

When experiencing the gorgeous tulips at Keukenhof Gardens, don't forget to take in the oh so pleasant odor of the hyacinth.

Walking through Vienna is most difficult. Street names are at least 16 letters long, all ending in ...strasse, and abbreviated mysteriously on the short street signs such that many seem similar. When hopelessly lost, look for an elderly Brazilian woman to graciously help you out.

The deep-fried cod, kibbeling, in Volendam, Netherlands is exceptional, even if you don't like fish.

Italian hotel toilets are complicated. Pressing the button on the wall adjacent to the toilet is useless. The only flushing solution discovered was two open-handed karate chops to the wall button where the first served as a primer and the second was the coup de grace yielding a spectacular effect.

When the Eiffel Tower gypsy girls approach you with a scam to sign a petition and ask if you speak English, just reply "no, I don't speak English, but that Japanese family behind you does." Don't forget to point.

The schwag in Amsterdam cannot be under advertised, just tread carefully.

Lisbon is under reconstruction.

A tour of the Hassan II Mosque in Casablanca is a warm and serene experience.

There's not much to do or see in Bratislava, but try the tasty parsnip soup and pass on the deer steak with raisin sauce (reminds me of mom's bohunk kidneys and rice).

Avoid Ireland's primo tourist trap, kissing the Blarney Stone. 12 euros to enter. Excruciating walk up 120 steps. To gain the gift of enlightenment you must lie on your back, grab two overhead bars to pull yourself over a ledge, then do a pull-up to get your lips to the stone. Think of the wheezing tourists there before you. Instead, try the nearby Blarney Woolen Mills to pick up souvenirs like a Book of Kells silk tie or a Blarney Merino wool serape.

Chocolate croissants from Pierre Hermes, Paris are the best. However, $1400 for a bath towel at Hermes in Paris is ridiculous. The tuxedoed doorman should have been a giveaway.

The much advertised Nine Streets shopping district in Amsterdam is nine streets of boredom, unless you have deep pockets.