tigerbull1986, where have you been living? At one time there was a cottage industry of frankincense and myrrh jokes doing the comedy club circuit. The prolific and very smart Uncle John dedicated one of his bathroom readers to the very topic. Most of the jokes are too long for a single post but I can provide you with a short example:
Some time ago, on a hot afternoon in Holland Park, London, an Australian, a South African, an American and a Canadian walk into a hoity-toity store smelling of potpourri and black rum. The proprietor is a ruddy faced old gent in green tweed and crimson bow tie, his silver whiskers coiled like those of a circus strongman.
Shopkeeper: “Good afternoon gentlemen. Are we looking for anything in particular?”
Australian: “G’day mate. Got any bloomin’ frankincense and myrrh?”
Shopkeeper: “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, sir. You are in search of a blooming…..?”
South African: “Frankincense and myrrh, brother.”
Shopkeeper: “Frank is incensed with whose brother? Is this a family issue?”
American: “Now you listen up, pal, don’t be such a wiseguy. We’re lookin’ for frankincense and myrrh.”
Shopkeeper: “There’s no need to take that tone with me, young man. I was in The King’s own Hussars, I’ll let you know. I sincerely hope you find whoever you are looking for but I can’t possibly be of any assistance to you.”
Canadian: “I apologise if we’ve upset you in any way, sir. My colleagues are looking to buy small quantities of frankincense and myrrh, that’s all. We’ve looked all over.”
Shopkeeper (visibly in a better mood): “Frankincense and myrrh? Then why on earth didn’t they say so? Of course, I have a plentiful supply of both but I’m afraid they don’t come cheaply. Are your colleagues in the midst of rehearsing a nativity play perchance, they appear to be an eccentric bunch?”
Canadian: “Actors, you know what they can be like: a little self important but not such a bad lot once you get to know them. They’re actually making a movie, a high end production with real camels, donkeys and all that. The desert scenes are being filmed on the dunes in Norfolk.”
Shopkeeper: “Aah, I see, I see. Jolly good then. Is it a British production?”
Canadian: “Yes, though the director is Norwegian.”
Shopkeeper: “Oh dear, that could be a problem.”
Canadian: “He’s a bit of a stickler for detail, hence the frankincense and myrrh.”
Shopkeeper: “Well, you’ve come to the right place. I take it your friends are playing the parts of the Wise Men?” (he points to the three with raised eyebrows).
Canadian: “You wouldn't know it but they really look the part in their robes and bronzing lotions.”
Shopkeeper: “And do they speak much English?”
Canadian: “They give it their best.”
Shopkeeper: “If they don’t mind me saying, they are a hundred years too late by the sounds of it. They should have performed in silent films.”
