Does your travel philosophy differ from your partners?

"One means of sanity is to retain a hold on the natural world, to remain insofar as we can, good animals." Wallace Stegner

Travel keeps me sane.

Nick:

Great topic. My wife and I have had four European vacations over the last 20 years. On our first trip (22 days) it was our honeymoon and the emphasis was just "being in Europe" - we were open minded and we learned tons - about European cultures and lifestyles - about our own expectations about our life together - and of course art and history. We pushed ourselves and covered a lot of territory.

In general our motivations for the journey has grown and developed - we do go back to some places we have been before - but for a different reason - and then we are sure to add on a new place.

Cuisine, wine, culture and European lifestyle are much more important to our travel plans now. Cathedrals and museums make the list but they are seldom the reason for visiting a particular place anymore.

The main area of dispute between my wife and I comes not from the planning - but how our time is spent once we are there. I just figure that I am in Europe for a limited time and I am not going to sleep until 10:00 a.m.! That does not mean I have a go-go itinerary (got over that after the first trip) - but a do want to get to the local market or check out all the restaurants etc. We we have traveled with other couples it is easier in that respect. We can mix and match so that everyone gets to do what they prefer.

Already planning our next trip for 2010 - lots of France - (serious wine time in Burgundy) and then toss in a new adventure (looking at Belgium or Germany). Have fun.

Hi Jon,

I really enjoyed your response. I would say my wife and I are somewhat similar in terms of our pace, however we are venturing into our first Europe trip together and her first trip out of North America. So I am speaking only with anticipation.

One question: how are your disputes "easier" when you're with other couples?

We took our maiden venture to Europe last year and my wife let me plan the entire trip. Her comments at the time were along the lines, that I was the adventurous one, so I really had no input from her leading up to our departure. When we were actually there though, it was if though she were the adventurous one... she relished all the small challenges, making our way through train stations, spotting signs before me and just making the whole trip a wonderful experience. We did learn that we got museumed out and it hit home particularly hard in Florence which is a high point for so many, but we couldn't escape fast enough from the crowds and tour guides. We agree that we like people watching, lazy Sundays in parks, crepes and Gelato.
We are two weeks away from our trip this year, and once again I did all the planning. We'll be doing lots of walking, seeing London for the first time, returning to Paris to explore more. All in all, travel brings us closer together in more ways than I could have imagined.

My husband does not travel at all, and I mean at all! For the past four years I have spent 2-3 months each year in Europe, while he has had his 'holiday' at home on the farm (the love of his life!). Thank goodness he doesn't mind at all my being away, but he absolutely can't understand why I would want to go to a country where I have to speak another language and eat something other than meat and potatoes! One thing he has taught me is that it isn't a crime to speak to strangers, and I have had some wonderful conversations in Europe in English, French, Italian and German over the years. I am also very lucky that I have a travelling companion whom I have known for 40 years and she is interested in all the same things I am - opera, ballet, theatre, museums, art galleries, food, walking, the countryside, new experiences, and the history of Europe, just to name a few. She absolutely does not like the planning process and I love it (all done on the internet after much research) so we get along just fine on that point as well!

Great Question Nick

When it comes to travel, we tend to have a pretty standard routine. For the most part, we have alot of similar travel philosophies, so I think we're lucky in that way. We tend to try to see and do as much as we can. Not to say it means we're always on the go, but we stay busy, and if we need some time-out, we take it.

We like it all - for the many aspects you raise in your question, and others too. I truly can't say there is 1 reason that is bigger than all the rest (sorry).

I'm the planner. I organize to excess. I research to extremes (pretty boring life, huh?)

We're about to embark on our 3rd European trip in 4 years. Various factors have made the location decision for us, so we haven't had to test a location interest issue. I get some input from her, and I go to town doing the research and planning. I report in many times along the way, and I am often modifying portions of the trip based on her feedback.

This is a good question. I'm like Gary, I'm the planner. I got that from my mom, she would organize trips to the T. But I think we'll probably get a lot of answers like this on this board, since the people who frequent this are the ones who come on here regularly to do research or share their research.

My husband and I have traveled well together. I make the plans and do the research, tell him what I've found what what seems like a good plan, and he goes along, maybe making a suggestion or 2.

There's a possibility that we may be traveling with my sister and her family this summer. I'm excited but anxious, too. I love traveling overseas, and am worried about what it's going to be like taking a bunch of "rookies" over there. We're going to have to figure in some times in separate day trips to keep things positive, I think.

I feel so lucky to have a husband that loves travel as much as me. We took our first trip to Europe (23 days) in 2004 with our kids.(19 and 16). My husband planned the whole trip and it was amazing. We have traveled to Europe 4 times since then and I tend to do the planning like Gary and Maureen. My husband and I pick the country or countries and then we both gather information on places of interest. We were told to buy Rick's Travel thru the Backdoor book. We both agree with Rick's travel ideas and have been hooked. I find that I try to do and see everything that I can and my husband likes to have a few down days during our trip. We keep returning to Bavaria and Switzerland our two favorite country's so far. We have a 23 day trip planned for April this year to France and Belgium.

I also am very fortunate to have married a man who loves travel as much as I do! We are very similar in our travel philosophy in that we both enjoy the adventure of going to a new destination and also the fun of exploring new things about a place that we’ve already traveled to. We both like visiting a museum or two but mostly enjoy learning about a new culture (foods, wine, customs, etc.) and interacting with the people that we meet. One difference is in our idea of how long we’d like to stay in one place—my husband likes to move to a new destination every 3-4 days, but I’d like to try “living like a local” in one place for a month or so.

I think that your travel philosophy evolves as a couple and the more you travel together the more “in sync” you become. Over the years, we’ve developed our “travel routine” that’s comfortable and fun. Travel can be stressful as you are constantly having to solve little (and sometimes large) problems (i.e. missing a flight, losing a passport or not being able to find a hotel room when you haven’t booked ahead) but keeping a mutual “go with the flow” attitude makes the trip more fun. My husband and I respect each others point of view and compromise when necessary. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather travel with!

I am single at the moment and I am not sure I could marry someone who saw travel in a totally different way from me (famous last words!). My friend's husband will not even consider travelling outside the UK. He can't see the point of travel. He thinks all foreign food is "muck" and cannot understand why anyone would want to talk to a foreigner with their weird, unnatural ways. I just couldn't marry someone like this because I think your travel philosophy often reflects your life philosophy. I tend to travel alone so I am not sure I have really ever had my travel philosophy challenged too much.

The thing I value most is the chance to see (and hopefully experience) how other people live. I think the thing that exhilarates me is when you realise that you are in a society with completely different ideas about politics, religion, the family, sexuality, whatever and you realise that they are doing just fine. We all have a tendency to be ethnocentric and I love it when travel challenges that.

My wife is as adventurous as I am and has basically the same travel philosophy. We want to soak it all in, we like to drive and so we will on our upcoming trip (in 58 days!)which will be our first to France and Spain. We believe in acting as guests when in another country and want to avoid the stereotyped "ugly American" image. We likie seeing other people and experiencing another culture.

I have the fun part of researching and planning and my wife says I'm her travel agent so have at it! We travel well together and hope to continue many trips together. We've only taken one trip with another couple (in laws, yech!) and would look long and hard at doing that again!

I travel to see historical sites and beautiful scenery, including neat little towns. I think my husband likes to get away to relax and get to know the people, at least the ones that meet with his approval (trendy, liberal types need not apply). We generally enjoy doing the same things though -- lots of walking and hiking and visiting the historical sites and old ruins. We both like small towns more than cities. We occasionally split up and go our separate ways, like when I want to visit an art museum and he wants to nap. He prefers a slower pace than I do, so I have tried to slow down a bit to meet him half way. Thus I have discovered the joy in moving at a slower pace. We are not the type to spend that much time together at home, but on vacations we are very compatible.

We have slightly similar philosophies. I am a planner, he would rather I plan it for him with his little suggestions here and there for things to try. I don't think we differ too much except he might be more interested in medieval weapons, where I might find church artifacts interesting. He is not as open to travel outside of his confort zone, and I will be doing most of my European travel without him. I think that's ok- that's what I have daughters for.

Another place we differ is that he is tactile, and I am visual. He goes someplace and either wants to climb it or ride his bike on it. I want to take pictures.

My husband of 25 years and I have completely different philosophies of travel. I go to Europe and other places. He stays home with the pets. We do like to take road trips together but he prefers the comforts of home with day trips on his motorcycle. We are both history, classical music and geography buffs . . . he prefers the armchair travel kind and I want to experience everything up close and personal. Thank goodness for my daughter and my gfs. To be quite fair, he does have some health problems which makes traveling somewhat difficult for him. He loves living his life through my wanderings.

I like history and culture. I plan to see historical sites and study language, history and current culture as much as I can before I travel. When I arrive I see the important (to me) sites and get to know as many locals as possible.

My wife likes warm beaches and resorts. She doesn't study much ahead of time. She willingly gets dragged to all the sites and enjoys getting to know as many locals as possible but would trade it all for a nice beach to relax on.

It was years before my husband finally capitulated and agreed to go to Europe. He has little patience, so I did all the pre-trip planning, but I do insist that he get involved in the day-by-day activities planning. Luckily for us, we seem to be very in sync in our common interests -- mainly art, history, and sightseeing in general. If it's beautiful, we are interested.
Our biggest challenge may be next month when we will be on a guided tour of Greece, Mykonos & Santorini before we do our own thing in London. I was not ready to deal with the Greek language barrier (written & spoken) in dealing with multiple transportation issues to so many places we wanted to see. My husband does NOT like tours. However, we are going off alone in Santorini so that will help. We have learned that flexibility is paramount to a successful trip, so I'm sure we can handle a tour.
We would love to go to France every year (especially Paris), but I insisted that we go somewhere new this year. We hope to return to France next year. I guess we are lucky in that the list of must-see countries is not too long!

I have been having quite a few chuckles over the difference between my approach to planning and my friends approaches. My wife and I will be visiting two friends in Nice in a week, then will visit another friend in Paris. Keep in mind that these are all close, long-time friends who are also our age (mid-twenties.)

Since I know that none of them are your typical Type-A's, I have not been pounding them with millions of questions. I have had to reiterate a few different times the dates of our trip, but otherwise have tried to keep my conversations light-weight. But I did have a fleeting thought that maybe as we got close to the trip, they might actually be curious to find out more. The most I've gotten from two of them is: "Can't wait" from one and "I'll be here" from the other. The third has actually been quite helpful and even offered to let us stay with her as well as pick us up at the airport.

I realize that not everyone has a desire to plan every last detail before a trip, but I seem to encounter from these two a certain disdain towards "those people that try to plan their trip out."

Have you run into this?

Well...

My partner's travel style is "stay home" So I go and he stays!

I am driven by a desire to see things and expereince stuff. That said I have to force myself to go places besides Paris LOL!

Luckily I often travel to Europe with my Mother and since she "trained" me we have the same style!