Does the pressure to choose the “right” trip ever hold you back?

"Because those trips were so meaningful, I think I’m subconsciously trying to recreate that feeling..."

Then that's the solution. Deliberately don't recreate that feeling. Do a trip where it's more low-key. Wander around and relax where you can.

And if your first reaction is:

"No no, that'd be a waste!"

Then there's your problem.

"How nice it is to do nothing, then rest"

edit: An example new trip might be the RS Italy small villages tour. Haven't taken it myself, just going by descriptions of other members here.

Are you saying that you can't decide where to go next because there are so many places that interest you? Or are you saying that you worry that you won't be able to duplicate the same feeling about a new destination, that you are afraid you will be disappointed in your new destination because it won't compare to your previous trip?

Luckily, I have never had those kinds of concerns/issues. Honestly, the only thing that would hold me back from visiting a place is safety concerns. Otherwise, I can easily choose a new destination for our next trip, and I somehow just know that we will enjoy the new destination, and that we won't have any regrets.

When you are looking for the "right place", just keep an open mind and realize that no place or trip will be perfect. There might be a few disappointments, or logistics going wrong, such as a delayed flight, cancelled flight, etc. but that's ok. That's a part of travel. When we visited Italy last May, our very first train trip was cancelled at the last minute due to a strike. The trains were cancelled from 9am to sometime during the evening. Luckily, we were able to find a train that departed before 9am. So it all worked out, and we had more time at the next destination than originally planned. While in New Zealand, there was a road closure due to landslides, so we had to completely change our itinerary (cancel a hotel, find a new hotel in a new place, take a different route), but we don't let those things bother us.

If you simply can't decide between several destinations, you could make your decision based on cost, flight schedules, weather, etc. Make a list of the sightseeing you are interested in to determine which country/city has the most sights that you are interested in. Consider the food, too. What cuisines interest you the most?

Have confidence that you have made the right decision. I know this is easier said than done but make your decision and don't look back. Then you can put your second-choice trip on your list for the following year. You need to commit, as you say, and not only trust the process, but trust yourself. And a trip that feels different than your previous trip is a good thing, a wonderful and new learning experience. For example, in September we traveled to Romania and Budapest. One reason we chose Romania is because I knew it would be very different from Western European countries, and that is what we were looking for in that trip. And less crowded, too.

I hope this helps!

Yes, the pressure of choosing the “right” trip keeps me from going. Before Putin became president of Russia, I wanted to take a Rick Steves tour there, however, it didn’t go to Moscow. I don’t regret not going because it wasn’t meant to be. Besides, there are too many other places to travel to that are safer and we don't miss something we never experienced.

I think it doesn’t really matter how often you travel - there are always more wonderful places to go. So deciding what you are going to choose THIS time can be hard.

Practically speaking, I have an ongoing list of places I would like to go at some point. With that list, I include how long I might have and how long I think that location might take me. I also include time of year that I think might be optimal. Sometimes I have to pivot and completely change a destination (like I have had to do this summer) but I already have an idea of what works. And since I want to go so many places, they are all destinations I want to visit.

Something else that helps me are trip reports. I love reading about other people’s experiences - yes, in some ways it might make deciding harder, but it also opens my mind up to places I might not have thought of.

The key for me is that I am committed to the plan to travel. Destination is secondary. So when you come home from one trip, you already know the next one is happening even if you don’t yet know where. I hope that makes sense.

Given what you enjoy, i suspect with a little optimism you will find it where ever you go.

It is quite fortunate to have the "problem" of deciding where to travel. Not every trip is going to be the same kind of amazing, but you cannot let perfection become the enemy of the good. If you have many ideas that sound equally interesting, put them on slips of paper and pull one from a hat. Then give the focus and energy to the selection that it deserves. Second guessing the choice harms the trip you're planning. The other choices will likely still be there (absent war, conflict, or natural disaster) and you can give them their attention another day.

This is an excellent question! It sounds like you have “analysis paralysis” which I totally understand. It’s good you have identified what you like, and maybe don’t like? in travel destinations. I never thought I would be a “tour person” but have found that I am very happy with RS tours after going on two and I have another one scheduled for May. I only am able to travel internationally once a year as well. For me all 3 tours have been/will be completely different from each other. But I also know what I like and don’t like as far as travel destinations, and all three, although quite different, hit the mark in various ways. I like to read through trip reports and itineraries and reviews before deciding where to go. I really try to visualize what the trip might be like. I think about how much I really want to go to a certain place someday, and also ask myself if I really care if I never actually could go somewhere and then prioritize from there. Obviously you won’t be able to recreate your past trips, but if you stay true to what you like and what your priorities are, it sounds like no matter where you choose will be great for you. And then it’s time to just “jump in!”

I read about travel destinations all the time. There are just so many places I want to go. This would seem to be a recipe for indecision, but for some reason each year I just have a feeling about where to go. I think my subconscious must mull things over while I go about my day to day activities. That said, there are times when I have a couple of good choices and I have trouble picking one. However, I don’t sweat it because I know either will make for a great trip.

Now, when I’m trying to decide where to stay and for how long on each trip…that I find more difficult. However, the more I travel, the less I agonize. My philosophy is enjoy what you see and don’t worry about what you can’t see. I should point out it took me many years to get to this point. I guess there are some benefits to being old!

I've stopped going places because I think I "should". I only go places I want to go. This spring I'm spending 3 weeks in Paris because that is what will make me happy, hahaha! There is so much to see in France BUT I want Paris.

What would happen if you "picked the wrong place"? Would you have a terrible time? OR would you find interesting things to do and realize there probably are not really any wrong places? OR would you change your plan in midstream and head off for somewhere that might suit you more?

It seems to me that you are telling yourself if you don't have the same feeling as you had on your last trip it will be ruined.

Wow. What pressure. You'll never decide. Your fear of not getting a guaranteed Nirvana will. as stated, give you "analysis paralysis."

No one can guarantee that you will get a certain feeling. I'm not looking for feelings ahead of time. I'm looking to go to places that seem interesting to me. That seem fun. That seem the type of place I'll enjoy. I know what I like and I know what I don't like. As long as I stick to the things I like the odds of me enjoying my trip are much better than follow the "shoulds."

jonlawtonb,
Deep history, lived-in feel, architecture, food, some rough edges....Well, just about every place in Europe can satisfy those desires (except EuroDisney). Please, please don't compare any new trips to a past one. Each place will create its own fabulous feelings and memories. The suggestion to have a list of places that interest you is a good one. I have a handful of places to go on our next trip and will probably decide based on various factors...airfare, value, ease of getting around, time of year when I can go, length of time I have for that trip. Sometimes it is serendipitous.
All that being said, I was finally able to get to my life long #1 bucket list place in 2019....Egypt. So since there are so many other places on my list, I will be happy with whichever one pops up as the most convenient and easy for the place and time. As someone said, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good". I am curious as to whose opinion of the "perfect" trip you are concerned about. Is it your own? Is it those of others on this or another forum? Is it some comments in a magazine or newspaper article? There is no perfect trip, but there are wonderful ones. Try to give yourself some grace to relax and not judge one trip against another. (Yes, of course you will, we all do somewhat, but don't be rigid about it. Apples and oranges.)
I hope your indecision and worry will fly away and your next trip will be a joyful one!

I think Rick's advice to assume you will return takes off a lot of pressure:

Assume you will return. This "General MacArthur" approach is a key to
touristic happiness. You can't cover all of Europe in one trip — don't
even try. Enjoy what you're seeing. Forget what you won't get to on
this trip. If you worry about things that are just out of reach, you
won't appreciate what's in your hand. I've taken dozens of European
trips, and I still need more time. I'm happy about what I can't get
to. It's a blessing that Europe offers offers an undepletable trove of
fascinating experiences.

Source: https://www.ricksteves.com/travel-tips/trip-planning/itinerary-tips

If so, how did you move past it?

Not to be flippant, but someone once said "It's better to regret taking a particular trip than to regret not taking a particular trip." Just trust your instincts and go enjoy wherever you wind up.

I always figure my next trip is just one of the trips I'll be able to take before I'm too decrepit to go to Europe, so I don't feel pressure to get to any specific places on that next trip. I do try to make my itineraries logical from the standpoints of logistics, weather, etc., so I get a lot of enjoyment per day and per dollar. That is enough of a problem without trying to make every single stop on the trip a homerun.

When I run into a decision-making problem in other arenas as a result of too many good options and insufficient resources (limited time, money, etc.), I find it sometimes helps to ask myself a negative question: How would I feel if I didn't get to see Play X? My reaction to that sort of question can help separate the most highly valued choices from the other good choices.

the pressure to “pick the right place” has actually caused me to delay choosing any place

Yes! I was just going through this for a trip this year, weighing multiple options against each other and weighing those against prior trips that I loved. I considered going back to a favorite destination, but decided that wasn't the solution.

I had to remind myself of a few things: any trip I take is better than the one I don't take; I usually do a pretty good job of planning my own trips, so there's a good chance I'm going to enjoy the result. And, a big part of the equation is "me." I can usually find something to do and something to love about any destination.

Then, I found myself searching for one of the options, but not the others - which told me something. So when I came across a great flight, that clinched my decision.

My problem is that I always come back thinking the last trip I was on was the best ever and I want to do it again. My wife has to force me to pick new places. But there is no indecision when we make plans. We just do it and head there full of optimism that it will be the best trip ever... and it is!

”Every suggestion feels like a great option…”

I have a few thoughts. First, don’t listen to suggestions. : ). Travel planning & research is a huge hobby of mine. What makes a destination exciting for me is picking a country & doing the research myself - finding some obscure site where I am drawn by its beauty, art, or unique history & can’t wait to be there in person! There’s something very true about having the type of experience you were anticipating upfront. If I am especially looking forward to a city, no surprise; I have a fantastic time there. Menton was one of those in France, and now I have a beautiful enlarged canvas photo I took there displayed in my home office. Angers, France; Frigiliana, Spain; Stresa, Italy - all canvas photos, and they were all researched gems.

I would encourage you to just pick a country & do a cursory TripAdvisor “things to do” for some of the main cities. Then go a layer deeper into some of the smaller towns. You like history. Any desire to attend some historical festivals? As an example, I attended the Asti Palio last year, and it was fantastic and rich in history! You could look at dates of festivals in a country.

I’m not into “must do’s”, feeling like wherever I am visiting, make the most of just enjoying being able to be there. Is your pressure self-induced or partially from your spouse? If so, talk together about what might make a trip extra special. Sometimes selecting a unique lodging in a few locations can make your trip more exciting & memorable, too. We stayed in a traboule in Lyon & a manor home in the UK, and I’ve stayed in a cave in Matera, Italy & a trullo in Alberobello, Italy. Those make history come alive with tangible memories!

I do post my tentative itinerary on this forum - early & still flexible enough to make a few changes if something fun pops up from the replies. The forum is a wealth of knowledge, but it could be overwhelming if you don’t have your own starting point.

Good luck! Hope you’re writing a trip report this year, telling us about how much you enjoyed your next trip!

No, I can’t relate to this at all. There are more places than I’ll ever be able to see. Many of them are quite similar, so it’s not difficult to plan a similar trip. Even being able to travel once a year is such a privilege. Imagine all the people who never even leave their town or village—if that does out some perspective on it, nothing will. I think motivation issues are often related to depression and anxiety.

Yes, depressed people often have low motivation and anxious people often have difficulty with decision making, but being indecisive in a situation like this does not mean the individual has depression or anxiety. It just sounds like they get so far, feel overwhelmed with choices, and then get stuck and have a hard time moving forward with plans.

I don't understand. What is this pressure? Why do you feel pressure and where does it come from?

I'm not feeling pressure. I go to those places that fit my interests and pay little mind to someone else's must-see. I'll make return visits and throw in new locations as well. I'm also not expecting each trip to be a carbon copy of the previous. Each is unique and taken for different reason.

Not interested in this sort of pressure, as long as the health is normal, that it would dictate my itinerary in Europe. I chose the itinerary or the Mrs, likewise now. If I don't get to a place one year, regardless of reason, inadequate public transport or connections, the tedious weather factor, time or more time needed for a more substantial visit, or some other diversion, the aim is to get back to it the following year.

The trip is all a matter of setting priorities, reasonably, within one's travel style and accepted level of varied comfort.

I always plan our trips down to the minute details.
Since we are getting older, we now just take group tours.

I have lived overseas for 9 years in two foreign countries and traveled to 83 foreign countries.
Early on, I learned not to travel too fast, only staying in a place for a short time.

When we first moved overseas, my focus was on visiting historical site, particularly in Europe.

Then we started visiting places like Russia, China, Japan, Australia, NZ, India, Egypt and South America.
We do trips, tours or cruises for history and scenic places.
Places like Alaska, Norwegian fjords, Cruise around the horn of South America, Safari in E. Africa and more.
We have been to some countries several times, my favorite in Europe are Italy and Great Britain.
In Asia, Japan.
In South America, Peru, then Argentina and Chile.
Be optimistic, make a wish list of your top ten places/ countries that you want to see.
Before you go, do your research.

I think something to remember is "you can't go back". Of course you can, I don't mean that, but the feelings you get will never be exactly replicated, so treasure them and look forward to new.

Also, not every trip can be perfect, and accept that. I never really got that magic feeling in Ireland. It was great, I'm glad we went, but not enough magic moments to compare it to, say, France, or Poland. Or several others. Don't let one trip that falls a bit short of magic moments get you down. It will happen.

Thinking about your post some more today. It might be helpful for you to create a grid with each country you’re considering listed in the left column rows. Then add categories across the top, such as History, Food, etc. Do a quick matrix - doesn’t need to be overthought. A quick “Low, Medium, High” rating as a 1,2,3 marked in the cells. Then add the total of each row.

Okay, here comes the value of this exercise. Are you excited about the winner? Or is there a slight feeling of disappointment? This is where your gut feeling comes into play. Something intangible is telling you which destination is the one you really want. I’ve had this happen when I’ve been weighing new career positions and also a next trip. Hope that helps!

I did a trip report last Spring about my river cruise from Amsterdam to Basel and I declared that while we had a good time, we didn't get the value of of it we wanted. But at no time did we stress whether we'd do it or not. Call it a lesson learned with no regrets.

Jean, what an excellent idea! I don't have the need for such a thing at the moment, but I will tiuck it away for future deciusion-making needs. Merci beaucoup!

I don't feel pressure in choosing the right trip, but I do feel pressure around how much I see when on my trip. I feel I can't write a trip report - or report to my family on our WhatsApp group - unless I have been doing a lot. If I take some time just to rest for a couple of hours after a long half-day of walking, then that doesn't make for a very interesting report. I do feel pressure to keep sightseeing because I think this is what people would want to hear about. But when I travel, I do take days or half-days off here and there, or take out time for retail therapy (almost as good as a rest). Consequently I don't write all that many TRs. I do have one over on Fodors right now as I just came back from Konstanz, Amsterdam and Brussels (shameless plug), and I included my rest time as well as my sightseeing. Hopefully it doesn't sound like a gap in continuity - I thought it might give others permission to have some down time on their own trips.

Lavandula

Does the pressure to choose the “right” trip ever hold you back?

Never. We've always looked at every trip we've taken as the prelude to the next. And we've now pretty much arrived at the point where we've hit all our "must see" locations. Now it's a question of where we want to return to. We're extremely fortunate people.

“Pressure” for who? Why? I have always just picked up and gone. Decades ago I sort of thought I wanted to go to Australia from Japan. (Stationed in Japan). Got to Singapore, looked at airfares from there to Australia and sort of on a lark checked on fares to Germany. For whatever reason I continued west and after 28 days with stops in Penang, Bangkok, the bridge over the River Kwai, Abu Dhabi, Bucharest, Frankfurt, Philadelphia, Anchorage and back to my base in Japan.

Proud of the accomplishment and plenty of stories to tell. So, if travel causes stress I truly don’t understand the concept of pressure. This whole concept ought to be joy, adventure and seeing what’s next…..even if you don’t know.

Jean! I agree with Judy....What a great suggestion! Easier to "see" than to just going on the opinions of strangers although it seems you had a successful Budapest trip thanks to the information of another forum member.

BTW, you should see Jean's itinerary planning....she has cornered the market on colorful post-it notes for her planning process! It's a visual thrill to see!

I wish the OP...Jon? would pop back in to say if they've gotten any ideas for their trip. It looks like from prior posts they were possibly planning a mid-April trip and it would be fun to know if they've made a choice.

Don't think of your decision as "picking the right place," think of it as picking the place that draws you in, for whatever reason. You can use your pleasure from prior trips to help you decide what kind of things you like, there' s nothing wrong with that, and every trip and location is different and will create different and special memories, even if it's "another" place with deep history - it will be a different history!

Another way to deal with analysis paralysis, that works for me, is to point out to yourself that if you can't decide between A, B, or C, that means that any of them would be lovely and wonderful. That reassures me, and helps me move past the indecision. Or, let external factors help you decide. Flight costs or times, or weather at your travel time, things like that.

It has pretty much all been said above but what if you think of your last trip and think, let's do something completely different. Not only is it good to open the eyes further but it also means you won't be comparing it to your last holiday.

I can't compare Egypt to running with the bulls, or either those to sailing Croatia and many more.

There should never be any pressure for a holiday - the purpose of a holiday should be to release pressure and enjoy yourself. With the right mindset, you will enjoy wherever you are, because you're not at work.