Do you travel well with other people? If so tips for doing so?

I've traveled with plenty of friends, family and most notably a week with my ex. (It was for one of our kids, so we nobly cooperated on it.) My thoughts are that the best group travel experiences take a lot of preplanning and managing of the travel expectations. Leaving big things to spontaneous decision-making is a recipe for disaster.

1. Make sure everyone is in agreement about the basic destinations and budget. No surprises.
2. Know where you are staying and how you are getting there. Are you taxi people, walkers, public transportation?
3. Have basic but flexible plans for days. Nothing is worse than waking up and trying to decide what you will all do that day. It's easier to say, we can go here or there...
4. Think about timing. Some people like to start early, others need to sleep in or take a lot of time to prep for the day. Some like to club or sightsee at night. Personally, I get frustrated with waiting for someone to get out their but-t out the door.
   
5. Stay in lodgings that facilitate cooperation. I book large, very nice hotel rooms for my sister and I to share. History has shown that we don't bicker when we have dependable hot water, good internet, a tasty breakfast and more space. Maybe booking two rooms in a cheaper place would work, too.
   
6. Think about meals. Some people like a big lunch and little dinner. Others are opposite. Do you want fine dining and expensive experiences? How much will you eat and when? Some people can subsist on a muffin and happy hour. Where's the sweet spot for people?
7. Touristing around: How much stuff do you want to see. Sometimes, having city passes help because you can pop in to different things without worrying what the cost is.
8. Put your common costs on one credit card and split it when you get home. I have one credit card that I use just for travel with my sister. Everything is booked with it. Any points we get from this trip, go to the next trip!
9. Travel weariness is cumulative. Problems often start at the end of a trip when everyone is tired. Plan a really nice lodging for your last stop and a great activity for the last day. I usually plan an AirBnb in the middle of a trip so we can spread out, cook and lounge.
   1. A good travel buddy is GOLDEN but you don't have to do everything together!

Wow that's a gold mine of a list of practical tips! Above and beyond. Thanks very much

The tip about accommodating different people's eating and sleeping schedules and styles is interesting. People get crabby when they are hungry and tired ....

I have wonderful friends but there are several I would never travel with. I went to Greece with two good friends and one ( a friend of one of the friends, the third one other than me) turned into an absolute jerk. All three of them sat around on their phones until early afternoon and none of them ate until three or four PM. One took a shower, styled her hair, and put on makeup ( it took her two hours) only to sit by the pool, swim and sweat while expecting me to save pool chairs. I found myself eating alone for breakfast and then having to deal with them not ever having relatively consistent dinner times.
The “ jerk” thought she was Mario Andretti and drove very fast, sped up on curves ( we were on an island) and almost drove us over an embankment more than once. I asked her to slow down but that just made her more of a jerk. So, I will decline any trip if the “ jerk” has any interest in going. The other two are much different when I’m with only them.
I travel yearly with friends and the Greece trip was the only trip where I had a miserable time.
My friend Susan is fun to talk to, laugh with and shop with, but she becomes a dictator when traveling.
Christine spends hours getting ready for the day and has not a care in the world where she goes so it’s up to me to do all the planning. I always plan some guided tours so she has to be on some type of schedule. I learned that trick with her early on and she is totally unaware of my strategy.
Elizabeth is a wonderful friend but is up at 4 AM and wants to be in bed by 8. So, I don’t travel with Susan or Elizabeth.
If the Greece trip had been a guided tour, I don’t think the “jerk” and ridiculous dining habits would have been an issue. Maybe I could travel with Susan or Elizabeth on a guided tour?

Hubby and I have “ couple friends” we travel with and enjoy. We all agree on a set of ground rules where anyone can opt in our out of the daily plan. That includes eating at different restaurants and not always being obligated to spend the entire day together at the same sites.
As a group, set ground rules and expectations before booking.

My wife and I have a very close set of other couples that we're friends with, but none will be invited on holiday with us. The travel styles and interests are too different. I'll admit that I'm selfish on holiday, I have an agenda that I've paid good money for and I don't want to compromise; with the exception of my wife who is a perfect travel buddy for me.

One the other hand, I'm perfectly happy being alone or with just with my wife while she is a social butterfly and loves groups and people. We found our one and only RS tour so far a good traveI style, because I could disappear to explore after she'd had enough and she could socialize with her 27 new friends.

I find this idea of a guided tour or otherwise fixed itinerary as a way to avoid discord interesting. Thinking back to the potentially more difficult people with whom I've traveled, those trips have had more structure. In retrospect was probably a good idea.

I love the previous responses to this excellent question. My one addition: agree up front that there will be no complaining. By agreeing that everything will be an Adventure, even the setbacks, you and your travel companions will get along much better.

I think my problem with traveling with other people is that I want it to be perfect for them. For me, it doesn't matter as much but if I travel with someone not as experienced, I put on a control hat and try to arrange things so that nothing goes wrong. And when it does, I get annoyed/upset, etc.

Yes, I know this is illogical and I also know that the people I am with couldn't care less if things go wrong. It's just me. I'm getting much better at it but it's hard sometimes.

Relative to Diane's experience, I would refuse to travel with someone I didn't know well. If that friend wants to travel with her other friend, she can do it without me. There are too many moving parts on a trip to have to deal with an unknown person.

My one addition: agree up front that there will be no complaining. By
agreeing that everything will be an Adventure, even the setbacks, you
and your travel companions will get along much better.

It occurs to me that I totally do this KC. For me in the form of retelling what might be a bastardization of Rick Steves' all-time greatest short bit of travel advice:

Revel in the pits!

Travel is unpredictable, and things are going to go wrong. You can't stop it, you can only choose to give it the opportunity to turn into serendipity or not.

I've had generally good experiences traveling with others. There are some that I know from the start that when we travel together, we get along wonderfully and have no issues. There are others that I know we can travel well together for a couple of days and then we start getting on each other's nerves.

It helps is to make sure that you have similar budgets. My husband and I are friends with another couple and their style is much more "high end" than ours (hotels, dining, transportation, etc.) and we would never consider traveling with them as we are much more middle of the road with our hotel budget and are not foodies. Another thing that helps when I am traveling with others is to tell them that if there is something that either of us wants to do that the other doesn't, it is okay to split up for a while so that we both get what we want.

I'm very fortunate that I have close two friends who are great travel buddies. We have been going on trips together since 2001 to Europe, Asia & Australia. We currently have another trip planned to Europe in the fall and possibly another one in the works for Spring, 2024, and hopefully more.

I think my problem with traveling with other people is that I want it to be perfect for them. For me, it doesn't matter as much but if I travel with someone not as experienced, I put on a control hat and try to arrange things so that nothing goes wrong. And when it does, I get annoyed/upset, etc.

I could've written this myself. I do 99% of the planning and put so much pressure on myself to get everything "right" - make the best use of time, find the best places to eat, group activities together to maximize efficiency, etc. Last year when my husband agreed to travel, primarily for me, I felt like I had to show him the best possible time so that he'd like travelling and want to do it more. Now that we've gone on 2 trips together I know I don't need to sell it to him anymore and I've eased up on worrying about every little thing.

Compatibility and flexibility when traveling in the following: travel style, shared or overlapping interests, philosophy, requirements, and, most importantly, values.

We rarely travel with others, sometimes it seems that there is enough conflict between the two of us to risk adding another set of personalities in. But when we have, and even between the two of us, there are a couple things we do:

1. Have a plan for the day, and preferably fixed for only part of the day on an activity all agree on.
2. Schedule individual time, where everybody can do there own thing.
3. Set basic ground rules. when to get up, when meal times are, meeting points and times, etc.

I think one problem is that many think traveling together means being joined at the hip 24/7, but you just need to have a few things each day, even doing some meals on your own.

I would also add, do not become the "planner"; the one that sets the schedule, finds places to go, and runs the show. Others have to provide input, otherwise it will all be your fault. The words I dread most are "I don't care"

Flexibility is important with regard to where to eat, when to eat, where to go, etc. it needs to be determined ahead of time how entrances and meals will be paid when fees cannot be divided/split. For some, who owes who what only needs to be a ballpark figure while others want it calculated down to the €/£. Mobility issues need to be addressed when planning is taking place. For us, destination and activity will be a determinant as to whether we’ll travel with others, I.e., staying in one place, moving frequently, doing lots of walking, etc.

Traveling with others is a good plan if it is within the context of a tour. Whereby the schedule is more regimented and most of all, everything is done by a company outside of the group traveling. That way everyone knows the rules beforehand.
Otherwise YOU are it. And expectations are dashed and resentment flows, all kinds of ways.

In my professional life I am extremely generous. In my personal life I am extremely generous with a chosen few and selfish otherwise. When it comes to traveling, I am the most selfish. Travel is my personal passion which means it is particularly important, so I am the most selfish in this area. I am a friendly introvert so traveling solo on a group tour works out great for me. I have enjoyable company with folks that share the interest of travel and are generally of similar political outlook. There are shared times, but it is easy to get in experiences on my own.

I discovered that one of my sons is a terrific travel companion. I invited him to go on a RSE tour with me and now we are getting ready to go on our third independent trip together. It works out well because he is also a friendly introvert. I am an extreme planner and he avoids all planning. He gives me a list of must dos and a list of general likes. I match his list with my own and design the trip. We get along well on the trip and at the end he is very grateful. Because he is in my inner circle, it is easier for me to be generous as I get pleasure from his pleasure.

We are now planning a trip for the 2 of us and are adding my other son and his partner. My other son is delightful, but less easy to do things with because he has no sense of time. So, we have already set down some ground rules. We have been communicating via group emails. I have asked for a list of desires. They have asked me then to create the itinerary. We have agreed that there will be scheduled activities and free time. So, I am designing the trip similar to a RSE tour. There will be timed events with paid guides and free time. There will be scheduled group meals and meals on your own. Again, as we are all in each others inner circle, it will be easier to compromise.

No way that I am traveling with a friend (second layer out from the inner circle) unless it is a very brief, targeted trip like going to NYC for 3 days to visit the MMA and catch a show. I have received requests for travel with friends and I just tell them sorry, but NO. I don't have enough time or money to be generous (meaning compromise) when I travel.

I echo some of Allan’s thoughts.

I traveled with a couple of friends for a weekend trip that was just an hour from my home. They had traveled together previously. When we arrived, I thought we were going to have a nice lunch together, do some browsing/shopping in the cute town with some fun conversations, etc. Instead, we arrived and had a quick lunch and headed to the lodging where they both proceeded to pull out a book and start reading all afternoon. We couldn’t have been more different in our expectations!

That trip was so valuable for me to experience! Verbal & unspoken expectations are so important to bring out before deciding to travel together. And if I was inviting a friend to travel to Europe together, I would definitely do a weekend trip together before conveying the Europe invitation.

Last year I invited my oldest adult daughter to Europe with me. We met several times to talk about everything:

• Finances. The Splitwise app worked great! (I paid for our hotels. Otherwise everything split in half.)
• Itinerary. Without mentioning cities, I asked her what experiences she wanted. Then I came up with nine different itineraries and let her pick her favorite.
• Sleeping. I asked if she wanted 1-2 places with our own rooms. She just wanted to share, and that worked great. I did book a suite at one place to stretch out a bit. If I was traveling with another couple, I would stress that each couple books their own hotels and meets up for activities. That avoids the negative comments about not liking the hotel, allows each couple to get ready & have breakfast by themselves, and you’re also set up to choose how much of the day you’re sharing together.
• Activities. Since I’ve been to Italy several times, I let her pick what sounded fun from a lot of options.
• Alone time. I mentioned it beforehand and also several times during the trip. She wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all to want some alone time. We actually got along so well that the only time we separated was one morning when she went out to take photos before the crowds arrived in Venice.
• Tired & cranky. We laughed that having an afternoon gelato each day avoided any crankiness - LOL! I purposely book lodging in the historical center of the city, so it’s nice to go back to our room for 30 minutes sometime in the afternoon to cool off, rest our feet, recharge our phones, go to the bathroom and reenergize for the rest of the day.

Roubrat, I am so glad to know I’m not the only one like that. You’re probably better than I am now. It’s been a while since I’ve traveled with anyone, but I would like to try it again and see how things go. I think I could be more laid-back now.

Why mess with success? Like Allan, my DH is my perfect travel partner. We enjoy independent travel and loved our one RS tour. We may travel again with our kids someday, but they are not ready now. Too young and too poor.
We do have a river rafting trip next month in Grand Canyon with 19 of our friends. But, we are with a company and schedule is dictated by them and there is no where else to go but hike, camp, sleep, eat and raft the river!

Travel brings out the best and worst in people. And while it would be great to be able to choose companions you know well, sometimes, like with family, you dont get to choose. I think the best tip is to know yourself well. That is, you know going in what your limitations are, and what is going to make you unhappy. And yes, dont make it your responsibility for other peoples happiness.

If you are the one expected to do all the planning and logistics, and you're OK with that, then make sure the terms and conditions are clear. They might blame you anyway for being bossy or unbending, but keep your conscience clear. If someone is inexperienced, they might think it's just like a trip to Disneyland, so unreasonable expectations must be discussed in advance.

Problems I've had:
- early risers versus late sleepers
- partiers versus early to bed sober
- people who linger at meals versus people who dont like to waste time
- shoppers versus sight-see'rs
- people who dont do any research and expect to be entertained
- people who expect everything to be like at home, like bacon & eggs at breakfast, ice, and English-speakers only
- people who dont want to understand transportation, like the train systems.

All things worth talking about before the trip. If you have prepared yourself, it is better than traveling alone. And I agree with Allan that sometimes an organized tour relieves you of the responsibility. Then any grumpy travelers can see that they are the outliers.
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Stan, those are additional great tips!👍🏻👍🏻

We have friends who we travel with very successfully. The key to our success is that we actually met them while on a 10-day tour in Scotland. We hit it off right away with both of them, and while travelling got to see their travel style, their likes and dislikes, and how they interact with others. Since then we've taken three international trips with them and are about to embark on an African safari.

The best part is that I like to do a lot of the planning and they like to have someone else do it. I start off by finding out what they are interested in doing and they do some of the research themselves, and then I put that all together and find lodging, transportation, details on visiting sites, etc. The wife of the couple is the one in charge of finding a good wine for us to share in the evening :-)

Lots of good comments here. I'll keep mine simple:

1) Flexibility is key

2) Banish any hard expectations about anything

3) Agree that taking a morning or day apart is going to be fine and no reflection on anyone

I've long thought that the acid test for any relationship is to take at least a week-long trip together. It should be a prerequisite to being issued a marriage license.

In my professional life I am extremely generous. In my personal life I am extremely generous with a chosen few and selfish otherwise. When it comes to traveling, I am the most selfish. Travel is my personal passion which means it is particularly important, so I am the most selfish in this area. I am a friendly introvert so traveling solo on a group tour works out great for me. I have enjoyable company with folks that share the interest of travel and are generally of similar political outlook. There are shared times, but it is easy to get in experiences on my own.

I love this, vandabrud! And so glad that you have found that you and your son travel well together. What a treat! Hope it goes well including the second son and his partner.

We have two very close friends and we sometimes travel with them. We do the planning together. There’s no room for complaining because we agree on things beforehand. We’re also flexible. We stay in airbnb’s, so we have enough space to not get on one another’s nerves. If we decide to do things separately, no one gets offended. We’ve been friends for so long that even if we annoy each other, we get over it quickly.

The idea of either bringing people into planning, or letting them know they have no basis to complain if they don't seems wise.

I do most of the pkanning for my family, but its remarkable how much more hapoy everyone is if they have also done some planning. Not just skin in the game, but also their minds are pre-activated about the trip.

This summer my group will visit the Kroller-Muller museum. The two 14 year olds will need to figure out the 5 can't miss artworks in that museum, and why.

I'm looking forward to talking to my daughter next weekend. She, her boyfriend and the boyfriend's brother and Mother are wrapping up a whirlwind tour of London, York, Edinburgh, Belfast and Dublin. Like me, my daughter is a planner and she was frustrated that she and potential future Mother-in-Law id all the planning. The only input from boyfriend and brother was the Guinness factory in Dublin. Then on Saturday the boyfriend was upset because tickets for Edinburgh Castle were sold out. Apparently he had his heart set on seeing some cannons, but he never expressed this during the planning stages. As a result my daughter didn't prioritize buying tickets for the castle in advance. Live and learn I guess. I suspect, no matter who how much you discuss and plan, you won't truly know what works and what doesn't until you've experienced it.

Hank

The idea of either bringing people into planning, or letting them know they have no basis to complain if they don't seems wise.

Dont be afraid to get into the details, they could reveal something. We were talking to a couple about a possible trip to Italy, when one of them mentioned being allergic to garlic but would be fine with pasta alfredo or spaghetti and meatballs every day. It reminded me not to assume that everyone has the same basic understanding, even if they agree to the terms you lay out. Fortunately that trip fizzled out.

Fettucine Alfredo was "invented" by an Italian for an Italian. I'd call that Italian. Via Forbes:

Fettuccine all’Alfredo was created in 1914 by Alfredo Di Lelio, who
had four years earlier opened a restaurant in Rome, Italy, under his
first name on the Via della Scrofa. At the time Alfredo’s wife had
given birth to their son Armando but was left without an appetite.
Alfredo tried everything, until he made a plate of fresh fettuccine
and swirled it in a pan with Parmigiano and butter. One bite and his
wife’s appetite came roaring back, and Alfredo knew he was on to
something.

And outside of that opportunistic late-stage naming, all over Italy pasta al burro has been a staple for hundreds of years, identical to "fettucine alfredo" in its cleverly-marketed Roman form. If you think about it, of course everyday Italians are going to eat what's around: pasta, butter, hard cheese = lunch on a day when you didn't go to the butcher or pick greens.

You probably won't find the sticky bottled goop you can find in the USA though (thankfully!). But a picky eater who wants pasta, butter and hard cheese isn't going hungry in Italy :)

I don't think I travel well with most people. As someone mentioned above, they are "selfish" about their trips. That describes me exactly, and it is how all of us should be. Its a big chunk of change and it should be exactly what each of us wants.

We have traveled very well with one couple who aren't near as physically able as us, but are quite happy to do their own thing and then catch up later. As they say, they'll happily "hold the coats".

We traveled dismally with another couple. This is the warning for all - none of us have good self awareness. We had multiple talks with them about travel style, budget, activity level, time alone - all those things mentioned above. We were in complete agreement, but on the road it was different. They were much cheaper, weren't physically up to it, and stuck to us like glue. It took years for the friendship to repair. We always remind ourselves that they were as exasperated by our behaviour as we were theirs. So don't assume having frank talks beforehand will yield results.

We were talking to a couple about a possible trip to Italy, when one of them mentioned being allergic to garlic...fortunately that trip fizzled out.

My Italian husband is also allergic to garlic, and he eats quite well all over Italy. He is still fun to travel and to eat with.

Thats right Kim - a compound misperception. I didnt want to explain such things to them.

As someone who lost a 25+ year friendship after a trip, I’ve thought long and hard about this!

Upon reflection, I think we both were unyielding on the trip in question, but ultimately it came down to fundamental travel styles being wildly out of sync.

When you don’t live with someone, you have no idea how long it takes them to get ready, and I was shocked with a 2 hour toilette every morning, followed by a one hour bedtime routine, and way more luggage than she could handle. Sad to say I did not have the patience for all that!

I’ve had another friend ask me repeatedly to go on vacations with her, but she’s not in great shape, and I know she couldn’t keep up with my pace. I don’t want to jeopardize the friendship.

So: budget, early bird vs. night owl/ food routines/ packing style/ fitness level/ willingness to compromise all play a big part.

Be careful with foods that cause gas, as that can absolutely ruin a trip.

Truth is you just don't know until you're around someone nearly 24/7. It's sort of like marriage in that everyone is at their best when dating, but being together all of the time is hard to discern.

Communication. It's important to have a plan that tries to provide a bit of something for everyone.
Compromise. You always need to be willing to step back from your plan and go with the flow.
And when all else fails, embrace the suck.
A good set of handcuffs is also very useful.

Thank you Mardee for articulating that so well. That’s exactly me too. We took 4 adult children and spouses to Italy last summer. At home if they “complain” I laugh it off, in Italy it hurt my feelings and upset me. I just wanted them to love every bit of it as much as I do.

“I think my problem with traveling with other people is that I want it to be perfect for them. For me, it doesn't matter as much but if I travel with someone not as experienced, I put on a control hat and try to arrange things so that nothing goes wrong. And when it does, I get annoyed/upset, etc.”

Thanks everyone, SO interesting! I've traveled very well with people, and not so well. The articulating travel style & budget didn't seem to help sometimes, so I appreciate others telling the same tale. What part of, "I don't want to splurge on hotels, is that alright with you?" didn't they understand when they suddenly thought it was a good idea to upgrade to a $500 a night castle?! Just no.

1. H & I travel well together, but it's not the typical reason - He dislikes the planning, I love it. "OK how about Rome but I really don't want to go to the Vatican, inside Forum, or Coliseum, is that alright with you?". Yes, okay done.
2. If anything, we needed even more free time with less scheduling than we'd (minimally) planned. Rushing around to more timed monument entries would have ruined the trip for both of us.
3. Time to put our feet up in the afternoon before venturing out again, we both needed it.
4. How far do we REALLY want to walk? H said he absolutely wanted to take taxis in London, I'm really comfy with the tube, but so what, he paid for taxis because it was important to him. Lesson learned - If one of you wants to splurge for BOTH of you, why not?
5. I invited a very old friend on a week business trip to Tokyo, hotel was paid. She'd never been, I sent her heaps of ideas & she chose a few things to do when I was busy. We'd never traveled together before, but we had a great trip. Sending maps / ideas if you know the place well?
6. High / medium or low maintenance? My GF came to visit in Singapore & needed an hour to get ready, she hated all the photos because she couldn't bring HER hair dryer & borrowed my obviously inferior one.... HA.

1. Scheduled longer stays not requiring mandatory sightseeing every day just to cover the basics.

This one's interesting - having some time to decompress and breath where everything's not on a schedule seems like a good way to keep attitudes positive.