Destination help. Travel ideas to Europe with an 87 year old

England with a focus on the countryside and Cotswold villages might be a good choice. You could incorporate Ireland or Wales or Scotland. And a few days in London. Does she have any heritage that would call her to visit a certain area? Also Germany and Austria would make a good pair. Lots of great destinations, so if you keep in mind her age (although it sounds like she's not!) pick some areas that might not be too taxing. Could only hope to be so adventuresome at her age!

Thanks Terry. She recently lost her husband after a long illness. He was a very intense guy that was pretty controlling and didn't allow her to do much unless he was right there with her.

He was very "tight" financially and handled virtually every aspect of their life, from driving to banking. She hasn't driven in 15 years and couldn't even tell me where they banked!

Luckily, despite all his faults, he left her in a comfortable financial position if she is wise with it and a month after he passed we "made" her go on a cruise to get away from the stress of dealing with everything and to get over her grief. She came back from the trip energized and eager to "live" the rest of her life. Great lady and I am going to help her do just that if I can.

People don't "get over" their grief. They work their way through it. Everyone does this in his/her own way on an individual time table. For many, this is a daily process covering years.

I am so happy that your relative has you to support her and to help her move forward in her life.

Starting at 87, she won't see all that Europe has to offer, but she can have great experiences almost anywhere. You can show her "world-class cities" on a route like Berlin-Dresden-Prague-Vienna (but not all in 10 days), and vary the experience with a smaller town near each one.

let me clarify. It doesn't have to be limited to 10 days. I would personally prefer more but that's just a start. She'll be paying for the airline and lodging (mostly) so that will impact how long we stay somewhat.

Well... however she decides to work through this time that she has, I can tell you, I would rather be making memories in Europe! And it is great that she has people like you to make her time as enjoyable as possible. You might just have her take out a map and stick a pin somewhere and branch out from there.

Even if you did end up going to the same places with her, it would be a different trip... or maybe you could branch out and go somewhere different in a few years. Often times people do not have the opportunity to do the things they wanted to with a controlling spouse... she is lucky she does! Have a wonderful time and keep us posted.

First-you're an angel and I agree, she's lucky to have you in her life. Second- what about watching some of the Rick Steves travel shows together and see what countries/cities she's most interested in visiting? She sounds like quite an amazing woman! A zip line, huh? Good for her!

Well while travelling on the Glacier Express route (using regional trains) last week I bumped into an 82 year old man from Japan who was travelling alone in Switzerland for 32 days! He was staying in Youth Hostels each night for the company and he said he never met so many interesting young people nor had so many insightful conversations. His only regret was that he had not done it 30 years ago!

One thing he did say was that using regional trains was better than the official express trains, because there were less people and he could stretch out on a few seats when he felt like it.

Well, I am not sure I could call myself an angel. I mean, I am going to be getting some travel that will mostly be free!

But she has to have a travel companion and I can't think of anybody better to "help out" with her travels!

In all seriousness while this will certainly be an excellent perk, I've put in hundreds of hours in going through their finances and helping her figure out what and where they have things. So I guess I can look at it as a bit of compensation for my time.

Vick,
You didn't say 'when' you all plan to travel, but I'm guessing it is within the next few months or by early next year.

If this year, I'd suggest doing a 7-night cruise from Athens to Istanbul on one of the smaller ship cruise lines (like Silversea or Seabourn) You could add a day at the front/end to see a bit more, or to just get over jet lag on the front end. Late summer is a great time to do that, and there are still some specials available.

Another suggestion is to look at Tauck Tours. They are good with all ages, but especially good for more senior travelers, and they stay in very, very nice hotels and are very pampering, not to mention deeper enrichment experiences (like after-hours private tours of the Vatican Museum, etc. or a visit to a professor's private villa overlooking the sea to hear her perspective on contemporary Italian life. They get a lot of repeat travelers, so you know they are a class act. We've been on two of their tours and will likely do more. We met several people who have been on 15-20+ of their tours. It's sort of like the Rick Steves' tour version for folks who want a bit more pampering (luggage handling, even nicer hotels, even richer experiences). But, if a group tour is not for you, still looking at their tour itineraries would give you some ideas of where to go and how much time to allocate. Maybe have them send you a full brochure, as it might be easier than having your elderly relative click on line and easier than you having to print off gobs of itineraries. Lots of pretty photos of places to see. Same thing with the Rick Steves' catalog.....lots of good itineraries and ideas.

I like the idea posted about maybe tying the trip to her heritage, if she has European roots. Maybe you could find an old homestead, etc., if she knows from which town/village the ancestors immigrated. Two years ago, I located a distant cousin in Ireland and our trip as magical, seeing the cottage where my grandmother grew up, and just meeting the distant relative. If she has any information about names and villages, it is amazing how one can actually find relatives nowadays.

The idea of viewing the RS travel videos for inspiration is also a good idea.

If you will be traveling next year (or if you all travel so well, she decides to treat you to get another trip), consider a river cruise thru Belgium and Holland during tulip season. That's a lovely and 'easy' trip. We traveled on Tauck, but many brands offer similar journeys.

Ireland is an easy country to visit. If she loves the Royals, maybe England (no language issues).

And, if she really has an adventurous spirit and wants to go 'all out,' take a trip to Antarctica with National Geographic. We had several 80+ people on our journey, some who did the polar plunge, too (swimming in Antarctica). I have a trip report posted on this site, but send me a private message if you'd like more info. It was the all-time BEST trip we've ever taken, and we've traveled a lot. She (and you) would be the envy of all her friends. (Note: But a doctor's statement that one is fit to travel there is required in order to go with National Georgraphic/Lindblad. But, a doctor is on board the ship the whole time, too.)

Love hearing about people who 'live every ounce of life,' and she sure sounds like she is doing that now........and you might as well enjoy it with her and follow her example.

Let us all know what you and yours decide.

Vick,
Re: your helping her, you have likely 'earned' the travel treat many times over. To have someone look after one in their elderly years, especially someone who was so previously excluded from some basic operating knowledge of her finances and made to be 'dependent,' you are giving her a true gift. Especially with so much information that must be accessed on line nowadays, an otherwise previously excluded 87 year old would be totally clueless on how to begin to navigate it all. I remember a cousin telling us how his 93 year old mother's insurance was terminated from the employer where she worked for years and years.....the retired employees were given some information, but it basically involved hours and hours on his part, reviewing all the network options to make sure her doctors were included, then figuring out the best RX plan, too. There is no way she could have figured all that out. You've likely had different, but just as complicated or more complicated issues to help her with.

I don't know if you personally have children (I don't), but one of my favorite sayings is, 'The next generation is watching.' Children learn so much more by what you do and how you treat the generation before you than what you try to 'tell' them........no guarantees, but likely they will remember what they are seeing you do now, when you are that age, too.

I think Margaret ( above) had a good suggestion. A cruise is ideal for a person of advanced age. In each port an easy excursion can be booked, or if she is feeling less than energetic on a particular port call, she can stay on board and see a film.

What a wonderful blessing that you helped her work through everything she's going through, and that you'll be able to travel together.

A friend just returned from taking her husband on a European river cruise. He is much younger than your relative, but he suffers from a degenerative disease. That river cruise worked really well for them, and she said the passengers were mostly in their 70s and 80s. She said returning to the same cabin every night really helped conserve his energy. I think the cruise they did left from Nuremberg. You may want to look into some of those cruises.

Otherwise, an area that short on cobblestones and that has good transportation options would probably be the best bet. Maybe London and some of the British countryside?

She's cruised and liked it, but now she wants a new experience. London, and perhaps a day or two in York, might be a splendid introduction to the rest of the world. She sounds like a hot ticket, with the zip-lining, and I would think she wouldn't want to fall into the rut of just cruises. My favorite aunt celebrated her 85th birthday hot-air ballooning in TURKEY a few years ago. That might be kind of a stretch now, but I bet she gets there.

Anyway, London. Flights aren't as long as other spots in Europe; English is spoken everywhere, transportation within the city by bus or cab is excellent, there are enough show stoppers to keep her interested, along with lovely Thames cruises, great restaurants, and theater. York is a different experience but an easy 2 hour train, stay a night or two and take the train back. And York also has loads to offer.

You are a great guy to take her and I think you will both have a lot of fun. Maybe get a couple of smallish books at the library....like London for dummies or the 10 best things to do in Paris.....for 5 or 6 great cities and let her spend some time looking to see what calls her. And I do believe something will call her and then you can start from there.

Best of luck....and let us know where you end up going.

Thanks for the kind words and the great advice. Certainly appreciated.

We will be sitting down soon to start researching where to go. I am guessing we will be looking to go in the fall if we can.

Keep the suggestions coming, love the help

If you're looking to go in the fall and looking to go to places that you won't see on your future France/Italy trip, I like Laura's suggestion of central European places like Berlin, Budapest, Prague, and Vienna (and all the smaller cities and towns you can see as day trips from these). Not only are they great in themselves, but for your relative, many of them have the allure of being "Eastern Europe" and therefore more exotic. In ten days, you can only see two or three of these cities, but they're all very different, so you won't lack for variety.

I agree that to get ideas, watching videos is a great idea. Rick's are here: http://www.ricksteves.com/watch-read-listen/video/tv-show

I wouldn't worry about seeing some of the great cities twice. Take her to Paris and Rome.

Your relative lived through the great and terrible events of the Second World War. She might be interested in some of the landmarks that she heard about during the conflict. It could be as simple as Churchill's war room in London, or as demanding as a full day trip to the Normandy beaches. At her age, guided day tours could certainly ease the exertion and access challenges.

I think the idea of a tour sounds perfect. Not only will it give you the freedom to talk/interact with other, it will also give her the option to say she wants to rest and let allow you to go off with the group... or vice versa. I am typically not a tour person but for a few reasons I ended up take a couple of tour by GoAhead Tours... There are a number of last minute deals... optional excursions as well as a variety of ages on the tours. I did the Barcelona, So. France and Italian Riviera as a last minute... it was a lot of travel, but comfortable and well thought out. I think being with a group would be really a bonus in your case.

Belgium/Netherlands may be a good choice for a first trip to Europe. If this trip does overlap your future plans, you'll still have plenty to do in those cities in Two years, so if she gets hooked on seeing Paris or Roma, go for it.

Not to hijack my own thread but I have a question.

My mother is 70 and says she wants to go instead of me. Well, one of the reasons I was going with my aunt was because I don't feel those 2 could go alone for several reasons.

My mom has some health issues that IMO would slow them down and could require some serious down time. She is very disorganized, can't even drive to my house without getting lost sometimes and has no money of her own to help pay for her own personal expenses such as food and misc spending money.

I think it could be a disaster in many ways.

Unfortunately, my mother is very domineering and outspoken and this could get a bit ugly as she will not allow anyone to critique her or her finances in any way without WWIII breaking out. Frankly, she is a huge PITA and I also feel it would be really taking advantage of my aunt as she would pay nearly all of both their total expenses. I can't imagine my mother being able to contribute more than a couple hundred dollars, max.

I simply cannot imagine these 2 traipsing around Europe alone.

Thoughts?

I'm not sure there is much you can do. If your mother is determined and your aunt goes with her, they are both adults, so you can't stop them. And the finances, similarly, are between the two of them.

I do understand your feeling that your aunt is being "exploited" (for lack of a gentler term). But your aunt may or may not see it that way.

One thing you can do is talk independently with your aunt, and try to ascertain if she wants to go with your mother or is feeling pressured. If the latter, you could say to your mother that this trip is already set and your mother is free to go with your aunt on another trip. At least, you can try that.

If your mother and aunt are indeed taking a trip and your mother has the issues you mention, an escorted tour or cruise is a good idea, since this sidesteps many of the organization issues.

I am sorry to hear about the challenge with your mother… It sounds like you could be in a "no good deed goes unpunished" situation. It also sounds like the questions have become how to preserve relationships, and how to keep people safe. I've traveled with an elderly parent and a handicapped sibling, and your concerns are well taken.

If your aunt would prefer not going with your mother, could you get a little creative about claiming too much is already booked to make a change? If they end up going together, a river cruise might be the safest idea. Someone I know who is handicapped and elderly just returned from one, and he found the "easy" walking tours from the cruise (Viking, I believe) to be too slow for him (and he has significant mobility and balance problems).

Regardless of how the travel companion issue works out, do look carefully at their health insurance. Medicare doesn't cover care outside of the US, although I believe some supplements do. When I traveled with my mother and brother, both of whom had health issues, I got them very good medical evacuation insurance – just in case. I have a year-round policy through MedJet Assist, and it offers much better evacuation coverage then you get with standard travel insurance. I got that same insurance for my relatives, signing them up for a short-term policy.

Poor Vicky! What a rock and hard place to find yourself between! I'm so sorry.

The first scenario that comes to mind is of your mom having a health crisis and your elderly aunt having to manage herself and your mom all by herself. In a foreign country. That could also happen the other way around, with your mom having to manage herself and your aunt. This is a very valid concern with the only rational solution of the younger, more travel-saavy individual (you) taking the chaperone's role. As difficult as it may be, both you and your aunt may have to firmly tell her that neither of them (aunt and mother) are up to that sort of challenge, and your aunt needs the healthy, more experienced companion able to deftly manage in a tight spot.

"Tight spots" can also apply to train strikes, air strikes, lost luggage and any number of snags which can occur when traveling abroad.

You could also be just a little devious for everyone's good. Has your mother ever traveled abroad? Does she have the first clue about what it involves? If not, you could use the excuse that her specific health issues would exclude her from being able to obtain necessary travel insurance. She probably COULD get it - with riders - but she probably doesn't know that.

Cost can also figure in the argument. In addition to already determining you must be the Crisis Manager, just tell her that your aunt simply cannot afford the hotel and airline fees for all three of you even if you know, financially, she probably could?

Seems like your mother has hijacked this trip before the plane has even gotten into the air. On retrospect it seems you should have planned it in private, and from what you describe it does sound like a recipe for disaster. It is however your aunt's trip and she is the one who should be making the decisions, especially if she is in control of the purse strings.

I also like the idea of central Europe - 4 nights in Berlin, 3 nights in Prague, 3 nights in Vienna.
Or the UK - 5 nights in London, 2 nights in York, 3 nights in Edinburgh.