Coaxing, a teenager into taking a cross Atlantic flight

If you are truly dealing with a phobia, then he will need some professional help. Is he willing to do that? It it a general fear of flying or flying over water? In major cities the airline will often make recommendations for overcoming flight fears. This can be a serious concern so spend sometime talking with him to understand his perspective.

"Teenager" covers 13-19.

Depending where in the range he is would make a difference in how to approach the situation.

Is he okay with flights over land?

An adult member of my extended family is terrified of flying and will not travel over water. "Coaxing" makes it worse. I would suggest professional help and lots of patience. What you and I may think is reasonable is irrelevant.

I will also suggest some therapeutic help also! Being terrified is awful! I have experienced flying phobia and panic attacks while flying…..started as a teen. And yet travel is my passion! So many variables involved with this….it is irrational yet very real! Encourage him w/o coaxing….to see a counselor. They will offer various coping techniques.

Depending on where you are located, some airlines offer a Fear of Flying program run by a therapist and a pilot.

I think assuring him that you have done this before - possibly many times, and you are not afraid, would go a long way. You could bring lots of good snacks and some sort of activity for him on the flight.

Lots of good advice here.

One thing that might be helpful is to find the flight path from where you are to where you're going for the airline you're likely to take.

I greatly prefer flying from Seattle, Salt Lake or Los Angeles to Europe over from Tucson to Atlanta or any other Delta hub and on East. Why? The flight path in the summer doesn't go through the inevitable band of bad weather from the Gulf of Mexico to the upper midwest. Although the flight path goes over some water, going over Canada and Greenland is far more preferable to me than spending over half the time in the air over the North Atlantic like you do from Atlanta or the other hubs.

I don’t know about other airlines but Delta has a website where you can check the flight paths for Europe, including those of its partner airlines if the box under Sort & Filter is checked. Here's the link: https://www.delta.com/us/en/travel-planning-center/find-your-destination/route-map

I hope things work out for your trip with your great nephew.

His fear may just be an easy response to a bigger issue. He just may not be that wild about taking a trip, or is concerned about being away from home or parents.

Have to admit we really were excited to take our ~14 year old Daughter with us after two of our own trips to Europe. Amsterdam (she was into Van Gogh), Belgium, Paris (what girl would not love Paris) London (Harry Potter), and other places. She seemed excited, seemed interested, but after a week, she was begging us to just fly her home. In the end, it turned out OK, but we really had to adjust our pace and itinerary, despite what we thought was good planning that she was involved in.

Basically, our expectations and her expectations were way mismatched.

I would focus first on "if" he would like to go, and if the flight were not a problem, what interests him and what types of things and places would he like to see. If he gets excited, and wants to go, then address the fear factor. If he sees a big benefit, then the flying issue may be much easier to address.

Have you considered a trans-Atlantic cruise? Cunard runs a weekly crossing that takes 7 days.

Our son took his two older daughters on a blitz trip to Paris one year. They were 10 and 12 at the time. The 10-year old was very involved in the planning. The 12-year old could not have cared less.

Guess who was the most engaged on the trip and had the most fun and who, well, whined for much of their short time there? Guess who still remembers the trip fondly and who never mentions it?

You don't say how old your grand nephew is or where in Europe you were thinking of taking him. Does he know anything about Europe? Does he have any interests that a European destination might create a WOW moment for him?

And perhaps the harder question, is this your dream and not his?

I have friends and family who have absolutely no interest in traveling anywhere, not even out of their own states, and it has nothing to do with money. It's very hard for me to understand because I can't remember a time when I didn't want to go someplace different than where I lived.

If flying over water specifically is the issue, there are plenty of amazing places to travel in the US. If your goal is to make great memories, just pick a different destination. He may or may not get over this fear. But what could be a traumatic experience at the beginning of the trip could color the whole trip as he dreads the return flight. How about Yosemite instead?

The last paragraph of Paul's response seems to be the real key. Focus first on whether he has a strong desire to go, then address his fears afterwards.

I can really sympathize with your great nephew. I have traveled to Europe many times. Each flight is a real struggle for me because I am a very fearful flier. However my desire to go is so strong that I do it anyway and just accept that being miserable on the flight is the price I have to pay. Absent that strong motivation, I would never willingly get on that plane.

I use various techniques to help myself get through it, but adults have the advantage of a lot more life experience and coping skills. If your teen does really want to go, he may need professional help or additional maturity to cope with these fears.

I've always wanted to do the Canard line, to and back from England. But we only get two weeks off in the US.
My Mom, who didn't get to fly that much, compared to me, said something very important, cause I use to be afraid of flying. She said, "You have to let the fear flow though you, and not be in you." I remember these words on every takeoff and landing. And on every take off and landing now, I reach for my wife's hand. If this goes bad, at least we are holding hands. Sometimes on a solo flight the passenger next, has anxiety, sometimes extreme, you can sense it. I offer that I've landed/taken off, in worst conditions than this. The pilots know what they are doing. Here is my hand if you want it. We will get through this. And they then calm down. :)

How old is the great nephew? Have you travelled with him before? If not, perhaps do a shorter trip within the US, by train if not by plane. Good luck.

Linda and Francis, in the past 9 years, I've known(or close friends have known) 5 people who died in car wrecks. 3 of them were in the 17-25 age group. None involved drunk drivers; 3 were single car collisions and the driver was the only one in the car. There was no evidence of cell phone use at the time of the crash. Guess how many people I've known who died in commercial plane crashes? That's the only statistic I need to not be afraid of flying.

Terrified sounds like more than coaxing is needed. His parents need to have him referred for professional help with his phobia. If my child had a serious issue, I would not want him or her to feel pressure about it from others.
As a gift, you could start a fund for him to use for travel, hopefully with you, if and when he feels ready to fly over water.

Thank you so much for your comments! They have been really helpful for me. He Is about 15. And honestly? It is more likely my dream rather than his. I will drop back and punt!

Perhaps wait till he is a little older, and wants to fly without coaxing.
What if he had a meltdown mid flight?

I hate to say it, but you probably missed your window of opportunity for traveling with him by about 4-5 years. Teens typically don’t want to spend time with their parents at that age, let alone a great aunt. Once they get a bit of independence (job, girlfriend, friends with cars), it gets even harder.

Maybe there is something closer that he would be interested in. My oldest (19) is really into airplanes and my youngest (16) is into cars. We find things that interest them: airshows, car shows, etc.

When I was a teen, I would have been overjoyed with the prospect of flying to Europe.

Perhaps you can pull some research on how safe air travel is compared to driving in the USA.

Every time that I take a long auto trip and have to drive on an Interstate highway, which has a speed limit of 70mph and most traffic is exceeding 80, I realize that flying is much safer.

https://www.lifesavvy.com/12075/is-flying-really-safer-than-driving/

The International Air Transport Association reports that there was just one major accident for every 5.4 million flights in 2018. This means your odds of being in a plane crash are ridiculously low. And as years go by, plane travel is getting even safer. New regulations, higher training standards, and better technology are all contributing to improved flight safety.
Still, your odds of dying in a car crash are 1 in 114, while your odds of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 9,821. For another perspective, that’s 1 fatal accident per 16 million flights.

Also, the vast majority of airplane-related deaths are from private planes, not commercial flights. That’s because private pilots don’t have to meet such strict safety standards, and private planes aren’t as equipped for safety. And even with that in mind, flying by private plane is still safer than driving

Cunard runs a weekly crossing that takes 7 days.

Cunard only have one ship, the Queen Mary, which does the crossing and does other cruises in between. So at best it is around fortnightly, at other times there can be quite big service intervals.

Perhaps better for a teenager would be the Spring eastbound or Fall westbound transatlantic repositioning cruises of the major American lines. Some go to New York, but most to ports in Florida, sometimes even to California via Panama, after Florida.

I don't think a teen thinks in probabilities. I know I didn't. Maybe take the teen to a big airport. The AB 380's are so huge, they instill confidence. I do have to say that the twin jet, Boeing 767, 787, over the ocean planes, on 8 hour flights still gives me the willies. But they have worked it out, that even with an engine failure, they can get it to the destination or an emergency landing in Iceland. And the last trans Atlantic fight to fail was Flight 236, in 2001, and they landed safely on the Azores after total loss of jet power. Its been set up that at 30,000 feet, these planes always have a glide ratio to get to an airport even with total loss of jet power.