Best 'no-travel' tips

I don't understand the first one about water, could you explain it?

Dario, 'gas or no gas' ...'sparkling or still', like they ask in restaurants in Europe for bottled water.

I like it.

best giggle of the day!

Ask to be shown the room when greeted at the door.

Find some one who does not speak English, but simply double down by continuing to speak English VERY LOUDLY

We were mistaken for Italians one morning in Rome simply for responding in kind to"Buon Giorno" from locals on their way to work. It was two American couples, and they needed directions to a since-forgotten attraction.

They seemed to think that English spoken very SLOWLY and very, very LOUDLY would conquer the language barrier? The look on their faces when we said, "No idea. We're from Minnesota" was priceless.

Kathy, I participated in a survey monkey for ancillary medical staff to access our comfort for dealing with patients with aphasia (inability to speak) , on a multiple choice question to " how would you do an assessment?" I chose "See if there are family members who can assist or use hand signs"

one of the potential answers was "repeat questions again LOUDLY "

Draw a map of your house, pretend to buy it at the “train station”, and consult it wherever you go. Living room to kitchen? No problem! (My washing machine doesn’t work, so I’ve already got the underwear thing down anyway.)

You just got to love this exercise!!

Save any leftover wine or bread from dinner and put it beside your bed for later.

Find a museum in your (or a nearby) city and visit it, even if you have no interest. Rent the audio-guide, too.

Great topic! This will date me: instead of making coffee in your preferred manner, drop one of those heating coils into a bathroom glass (you will need an adapter for this) and make instant coffee. Second idea: grab your pocket knife, buy what passes for a baguette in your town, some cheese, maybe a tomato and sit on a convenient (or inconvenient) flight of steps and eat. Save any plastic bags for dirty laundry later.

Kathy that had me laughing! We had many similar encounters living there and it gave me great joy when asked s-l-o-w-l-y “Do you speak English?” to say “Quite well, actually.”

Once, in Paris (1998, my first visit), I was asked for directions in German (which I took in high school and at Uni) by some tourists. Amazingly, I was able to show them on their map and tell them in stilted Deutsch what they need to know. How random.

Love the creativity of those giving “no tip, tips!”

Put beer in each room of the house and go on a pub crawl.

Enjoying this thread, I think it needs a ‘like’ button!

Oh, Andrea! Can I join you, please? How about if I bring some fantastic California wine for each room so we have choices of beer or wine? (Can you tell I not only miss Europe but I miss California too?)

Make morning coffee. Pour into a small cup. Stand at kitchen counter, throw back the coffee and leave kitchen with a 'ciao'.

Tip your spouse every time they do something for you.

Comment on the architecture of the buildings as you walk down the street.

Eat cheese and chocolate for breakfast. (Maybe adopt this habit as a permanent lifestyle change.)

In-house Pub Crawls have become popular during these COVID quarantine days!

Create ZTL zone in front of your house. Park there. Come to this forum and post a rant about getting a ticket and ask how you can pay it.

Before you can get up from your table, you have to get someone’s attention, and ask for the check/l’addition/der rechnung/il conto.

Leaving a few coins is optional. After a few days of this, you might have accumulated a lot of change on your dining room or patio table, if the service has been good!

Be prepared to pay to use your bathroom. And carry your own toilet paper, in case there isn’t any.

At least you’ll probably already know how to flush yours, so you won’t have to look for a lever or panel or chain.

And yours probably is actually the kind that flushes, where if you were really traveling, that might not be the case!

@Darcy, I actually don't like beer but thought a wine crawl didn't sound right. I'd welcome either with you!!

Remove the toilet seat so only porcelain to sit on.

Suggestions for the bonus round....
Laura B, enter those museums with a large piece of hand luggage. Alternate between being indignant that you are required to check it, or all grumpy that they won't take it off your hands. Mutter about this for a solid hour. Yr traveling companions will love this. Don't ask me how i know.

CYN, when you get your hand full of coins, complain that you don't know how much they are worth, and that they dont look like real money at all.

Take the city bus downtown, to the beach, or just to loop around town. Better yet, pack a bag and go to the airport on the bus or Uber. Go in and get a coffee. See who’s flying, then return home. We don’t have a car in cities in Europe.
Thanks for great memories abroad. Loved the idea to pack my carry on bag and wear those clothes for the next month. 2 weeks is not long enough. Oh, no ice in your drinks.

If you are full-figured use your bra and panties as a sail for a canoe.

Find one of those Turkish toilets and see if you can aim correctly without any splashing or toilet paper.

Find no toilet, like in Paris, and see how long you can hold it walking around town. Go into a cafeteria to use the toilet and get busted and doing the loser's walk back out the door. Ask yourself why your town can't have a public toilet.

Go to a real foreign restaurant, not Applebees, and show off your language skills.

Pretend your house is a museum or art gallery. Randomly and without warning close off rooms in your house and forbid entrance (including the bathroom).

Take someone with you to the ATM, and have them stand facing outward, scowling at anyone getting too close to you.
Put all your daily lotions and potions into the tiniest bottles and containers, and see how long they last...two week trip? three week trip?
If it rains, whip out a plastic poncho to put over your clothing.

S J, Ottawa has flash thunder storms - crazy downpours, so I keep one of those ponchos in my work bag as I (non-covid days) commute by bus. Too windy for umbrellas, but the poncho helps. It is too warm to get cold, but well, you know, wet underwear is just not pleasant; nor are transparent clothes. There is no hope for the shoes or clothing exposed below the poncho length.

Maria, you have set off the most fun thread!!! Thanks to all for your witty contributions!!

It’s recommended that everyone still keep their belts buckled while seated, because turbulence continues, and it will be a bumpy ride for a while longer.

As a wise man once said, "Wherever you go, there you are."

nancy, not the bathroom closures again. This brings back painful memories from Paris after I killed a bottle of water like a college freshman at his first party.

Nothing about money belts in the Schengen area? #sad

Push the envelope! Go to a restaurant and pretend you don't speak much English. See how they respond. Ask them to explain everything on the menu, ask for water with gas and a serviette, follow them when they take your credit card (using multiple expressive hand gestures), and don't leave a tip.

A fun thread....thanks for posting.

Install a bidet and learn what's it's for.
(Hint: not for washing your feet, undies or small children.)

Do some research and make a Rick-like travel guide of your home city, region or state. Include an 'At a Glance' overview and assign Good, Better, and Best labels to the various sites and activities.

Then, map out and follow a plan and suggest itinerary. Or, hit the sites and activities in your free time or over a weekend.

Fill a suitcase with heavy books. Have someone else do the same. Then you walk upstairs and he/she walks downstairs and try to pass each other.

A bidet is great because a guy can just pee into it, and actually it's fine for bathing an infant. Do not poop in one as a visiting friend did in Heidelberg.

Continuing on the bathroom theme, modify your shower setup. Remove your shower curtain. If you have a glassed-in shower with a door, take it off, or at best, leave the door slid halfway open. Expect wet floors.

Bonus points if you’re using a tiny tab of soap, or squeezing out shower gel from a tiny bottle!

Expect that many others in the community might be bathing less often than you. You’d know for sure, if you could get onboard a metro or tram car, with hot, sweaty, odorous passengers.

This is a great thread!! My only suggestion for now, which somebody probably already said above and I missed it...

Pull out those tiny travel bottles that you fill with shampoo or other travel essentials. Use them instead of the normal products you have in the shower/bath.

Go to an authentic German, French, or Italian restaurant, etc. where the workers are able to speak their native language.

Practice for a few days and then go in there and butcher said language. If all else fails just point to what you want on the menu.

Gather all the little toys and trinkets in your house. Follow your housemates around showing off each toy while shouting “One euro one euro one euro!”

Just saw a Rick Steves You Tube copying this post. The one I remembered-set up a table by the bathroom and charge admission 25cents. Gracias, merci, etc. He had fun with several European customs.

racquet588, ...about 2 minutes long? Him looking like some back woodsman who hasn't seen a mirror or razor in 4 months? I saw that too, and then he Tweeted on it, and there were a list that founds its way to a travel Facebook page that gave me the idea to ask about it here. I certainly can't take credit for coming up with the exercise, but it had many humourous replies and I knew you folks would enjoy it.

THANKS for this! I love to laugh out loud!

Take your dog to a any restaurant and insist they CAN sit under the table even indoors - if they can do it France why not here!

Wear one of the dresses you bought for your next trip to France for dinner at home or to the grocery store :(

Pack and unpack your undie drawer until you're to one bra and maybe two pairs of ex-officios and wonder what you'll do with all the extra drawer space.

Feeling peckish? Want to simulate being in Spain? Have dinner at 10 PM or later.

Virtual Belgium? Serve fries with everything, including pasta dishes.

England-style breakfast? Make toast, but let it cool completely before it can be served. And make sure you have baked beans on your plate . . . breakfast of champions!

Greek breakfast? Include tomatoes and a lot of yogurt.

Italian pizza? Don’t even think about putting pineapple and ham on it!

French imitations? Sorry, but don’t even try. You can’t even come close - you have to be in France. Maybe have French’s mustard? Nope. Baguette or croissant made with American flour? Really nope. Maybe have a Coca-Cola, but only drink 93% of the can, since they’re smaller over there, and drink it at a table outside.

And forget the ice cream - it’s gotta be gelato.

Great thread, everybody! Thanks for all the grins (& fish, all you Hitchhikers), & best-of-forum award to MariaF.

Stewart&Vicki - hitchhikers! And the answer.....

Thanks for all the grins (& fish, all you Hitchhikers)

42!!!! And don't forget your (quick-drying) towel!

Kudos to our Maria for one of the funniest threads in a long time! 🏆 Nice to see that while so many of you are mourning lost travel opportunities, you haven't misplaced a sense of humor! 🤣

Along the lines of Donna's wear a travel dress comment.
Did you have a trip cancelled or one on the books for next year? If so, think about how you would 'dress like a local' for that country and then wear that around your home town.

Guys, I dare you to wear Italian men's capri pants to your local watering hole. (the ones half way up your calf and baggy hem - not the slim ones that are just above the ankle...those are too mainstream for the young North American fashion types).

In the weeks before a trip, I gradually adjust my sleep and meal schedule to get myself 5 hours closer to Italy time. Once, I was way too aggressive doing this and gave myself jet-lag at home. So you could definitely do that for a "first days in Europe" feeling!

Thanks Nancy, another. Idea for folks who are working from home or retired and really missing travel

just keep adjusting your time all the way around the clock the entire 24-hours
should take you what, 24 days?
how exciting!!!!

Oh wait .... my husband does wear his Italian scarf around town! I forgot about that. No capris though I refuse to let him.
Nancy - that made me laugh out loud!!!! Jet lag :(

On our daily walks around our neighborhood I like to think of my dog as my tour guide. He is not very good at history or architecture but he is a rockstar at pointing out good smells, squirrels, and "snacks!"

Martha, are any of the snacks OK for people?

nancy--nice

Mike, truthfully, he gobbles down any "snack" before I can identify it. But I am very glad he does not try to share it with me....

How about this one. Just heard it on NPR here in Seattle.

Apparently one can order airline meals from the Israeli airline. The reporter ordered his meal, picked it up (he was in Israel) and chose a chair at the littlest window in his apartment for his seat. Yep, the dish took him right there on his imaginary flight to Paris.

I like the English breakfast with baked beans. Keeps things moving if you know what I mean.

And what's up with the cold toast? C'mon.

Martha, at one point I was certain my rescue greyhound was almost human, until I saw him eat poop!

I like dogs and cats, but at least cats show some appreciation by bringing you "food" once in awhile. Dogs are just moochers. Plus, dogs have no ethical standards. We lost a dozen cookies from the counter a few months ago, followed by a dog with GI problems that kept me awake most of the night letting him out. Later, I gave him a good talking to.

Set your smallest chair up at the back of your place. Then set up a more comfortable chair closer to the front. Squeeze into the first one, then consider going for an upgrade the next time. Note that you will be prevented from moving to the front until your place has come to a complete halt, and “deplacing” has commenced.

Find a way to earn frequent sitter points at your place; maybe use them to get upgraded in the future.

If exercise is more your thing, try running around with your arms outstretched, making jet sounds. Careful if there’s any turbulence!

Wear a moneybelt all the time.

Go to sleep in your clothes wearing a face mask sitting almost upright in your recliner. Listen to a RS interview on your I-phone earplugs. Arrive in play- like European city of choice when wake up in the morning.

Eat only microwaved "chicken" or "fish" for 10-12 hrs.
Berate the cook if there is no vegetarian option.
Make sure to use only plastic cutlery, and keep your seatbelt on while eating.
Wear a white t-shirt and order red wine.

Hold your bedroom curtains in place with bulldog clips.

Take your selfie stick everywhere you go.

SJ,
White t shirt, red wine AND chocolate gelato on a hot, melty sort of day

" White t shirt, red wine AND chocolate gelato on a hot, melty sort of day."

Absolutely. :))

With no way of getting back to change clothes, for a few hours.

Sj, another indignity for the white shirt after gelato, pay to pose w the st bernard ,pony or burro of a local. Said animal thinks yr shirt smells interesting and leaves a big snotty smear on it while the local says "oh, he LIKES you, he won't get that close to just anybody "

If yr town has strict zoning laws. You can substitute a human toddler, but you still must tip the "handler"

This only applies to No-Travel to countries where traffic drives on the left side of the road: Just for the heck of it, when you’re about to cross a street on foot, first look right, then look left at the crosswalk.

Just look right again, in order to make certain there’s no oncoming traffic, before you cross. In actual right-side driving countries, looking left last might catch you by surprise half way across!

Keep your earbuds in so your table mates won't talk to you at mealtimes.
Keep your passport on you at all times for at least two to three weeks.

For those of you who enjoyed this thread, note that Rick has come up with his own list of No-travel tips, perhaps inspired by this thread: no-travel tips

The other way around...on July 17th Rick Steves shared a short video on Facebook of his "no-travel" trips and asked for input from others. From that, the RSE team asked for input to help choose favorites, from which (with some small edits) was created the Top 20.

Put half your dirty clothes in the washer (because that’s all you can wash at one time) and set it to run on the longest cycle, preferably several hours long.

Then move your wet clothes to the dryer, set it at the lowest possible temp, and run the dryer for.... a little while. Run it again. Pull out your still-damp clothes and drape them all over your living room until they’re dry.

DebVT - You made me cry - That's exactly what I did at our AirB&B in Venice... Combo washer dryer. Guess I should really wear my glasses when I try "new" appliances. Dripped water all over the gorgeous floors and took 2 days to dry on the rack.. My travel buddy did hers the next day - and they came out dry as a bone. Told her it wasn't my fault - DH does the laundry at home.

We usually drink a lot on vacation; a half-liter of wine for lunch, something for dinner. Been doing that during the shutdown.

oh such a sneaky little bot/boy/girl/woman/man our nasty cecil has been, ever so naughty

cecil's spam has been reported as have the others by them

don't follow the link - it is dangerous

I smiled at remembering laundromat experiences in Europe. Guys at a bar across the street in Montmartre in Paris had to help me with instructions. It was 9 o’clock in the morning 😀Guess it was 5 o’clock somewhere. Clothes got cleaned.