“Are you traveling all alone?………

Ha, I sometimes get those questions as well, Carol, although usually people ask me first if I'm on a tour. I always say, "No" and then explain that I'm traveling by myself. It's sort of funny sometimes to see their eyes get a little bit rounder as they look at me. I have this vision of them going home or back to their hotel and talking about the odd woman who travels by herself.

Not everyone does, of course, and as you've noted, some people are friendly and interested and act like traveling solo is normal. Many people want to know what it's like and what I do when things go wrong (well, the same thing a couple or a group would do, of course). But I will say that in the almost 30 years I've been traveling solo, I have met so many interesting people that I guess I don't mind being looked at a little oddly. Most people want to ask questions and talk about where I've been or ask how I feel about the US and its politics (always a winning conversation).

In the long run, I enjoy meeting people from all over (even if they think I'm from outer space) and figure that one of the reasons they approach me is because I am by myself. Maybe they feel sorry for me (I hope not because I'm having a terrific time!) or figure I'm not "burdened" with another person, but usually the conversation flows. So hopefully they learn that solo travelers are just regular people who, like you said, are simply traveling and exploring the world.

It's funny how those phrases' you are so brave' and ' I could never do that' are so off putting when they are meant to be admiring or complimentary..I hope.

People would never ask a man this. Just sayin'.

It's the ones who ask me that question and then look at me like I'm some pitiful creature who has no friends to travel with her. These are usually people at home because I don't generally tell strangers that I am traveling alone. On the other hand, I love the people who immediately start telling about their wonderful solo travel adventures.

Ms. Jo took the words right out of my mouth.

Yep. I've been getting that question for 51 years. Not all that often, actually--maybe once a month or so. I've always assumed it's because I'm female, which is a bit odd, because I have the impression that there are more solo female leisure travelers than solo male leisure travelers. I could be wrong about that.

People would never ask a man this. Just sayin'.

I was wondering that as I read the post.

I'll admit, I've wanted to ask a question on this Forum for a long time about solo travellers but I've never been able to come up with the proper phrasing to make it not read like I'm staring at a monkey in the zoo. I'm naturally curious and always want to find out what makes people tick, but I can also come across as blunt even when I think I'm not. So, sometimes I just keep my curiosity to myself.

Last year was my first solo trip. There were 6 solo’s on the RS tour. Surprisingly I got the “you’re so brave” comment from some of the other solo women travelers. I took the train from Paris to Chartres; they individually hired drivers. I spent 13 days traveling independently; they just did the tour.

Right now I’m on Berlin, Prague & Vienna tour, traveling independently pre- and post-tour. I am the only solo on the tour. Comments range from “I could never do that” to “you must be really organized.”

My answer to all: If I wait for hubby, family, friend to go with me, I’d be sitting at home. There aren’t enough years left to wait.

EDIT because I ran out of time: the least helpful most annoying comment was “a friend of a friend’s daughter was murdered in Paris. We’re concerned about you so you shouldn’t travel alone.”

As a solo male traveler, I can't remember anyone ever asking me any of those questions.

And yes, there are more single female travelers than male travelers. Or at least it seems that way.

I'm not complaining.

This reminds me that a number of years ago, cruise lines realized there were many more single women than men. They offered free cruises to single men who would socialize and dance with the women. Mostly over 50's.

I keep trying to encourage my mother to travel solo, but she won’t hear of it. So maybe there is something to the “Your so brave” comment. I do think you need to have a little “spunk” to do it. It’s definitely not something everyone would do. So I raise my glass🍷🍷to all the solo travelers ( myself included)!

I've travelled both on tours and solo for many years, and I don't recall anyone ever commenting on my travel style. I agree with previous comments that male solo travellers seem to be viewed differently. I tend to have a thick skin so if anyone had commented, I wouldn't have been too concerned.

I’m female and often travel solo, though I often meet up with a friend or two in the middle of a trip.
Yes, I get the “you’re so brave” comments too.
And:”what tour are you on?”
I sometimes feel people are a little envious and wish they could travel solo as well, and it’s usually other women that I get this impression from.
I don’t volunteer my status to strangers, but it might come up in conversation with someone sitting next to me on a plane.
People at home say they wish they could go by themselves and I have offered to help them with planning.
No takers so far….

I'm sorry you have to deal with this but you need to remember that there are many people who think it strange that people get on planes and travel to other countries, so a woman doing it alone IS an outer space creature to them.

I have experience traveling solo and also with another person. When someone asks if I’m traveling alone or gives me the common response of “being brave”, I light up with enthusiasm and tell them what I’ve seen recently. To me, traveling solo is not a downer at all, so I convey that it’s another fun method of travel. (Even traveling with my husband, we’ve had two days on this trip now where we each did separate activities so we could maximize our time in this country.)

One comment - I don’t like walking up to a restaurant and having the staff say something like, “Only one?” (Add a pity look or that outer space look - LOL!). It bugs me when I’m traveling and also when I traveled for work. So, I always memorize “Good evening! I would like a table for one, please.” in the language of the country to speak it with confidence as I approach them. I also like the “Is this good?” & motioning to the outdoor table I would like to be sitting in a piazza for lunch.

Another generally solo traveller here - Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, US.

I love the solo travel - I’ve met great people and become friends with some hotel staff when I’ve had multiple return visits. Travelers also have invited me to join them in dining. I’ve had some great conversations and pleasant meals.

I most often travel with a small carry-on, 21 inches with wheels. It looks smaller than it is. That tends to get more unwelcome comments than solo travel. “That’s all your luggage?” Is mild. In my opinion, “I couldn’t travel that way” or “Of course the rest of your bags are checked.” is pushing it from a stranger that I haven’t been conversing with prior to the commentary!

A few times when asked about my “status” , and I want to be left alone, I’ll say I’m on business travel. That seems to be accepted for a solo woman. Interesting dichotomy that pleasure solo travel is thought unusual.

I haven't ever done a tour. It’s a bit disheartening to hear that solos can be questioned by fellow tour mates. I’m a bit intrigued by the number of returnees to RS tours and have thought I might consider one. However, I frankly don’t want any extra attention as a solo. I hope those comments aren’t the norm on group tours throughout the trip, just people trying to be kind on initial intros.

People would never ask a man this. Just sayin'.

I've had this conversation many times. Maybe not as often as solo women, but many times, indeed. You know what they say about assumptions...

I have gotten the same comments. I’ve been abroad alone a few times now + a RS tour where I was the only solo in the group. Everyone was very kind but I did get a lot of questions/comments about traveling alone. It’s the same at home when I talk to people/friends/colleagues about my travels. Nearly every time their first question is, “who did you go with” and then shock that I dared to go alone.

Been there, it is irritating! I have a hard time coming up with an answer that doesn't sound snarky, similar to when I used to get questions from aunties and others weighing in on my single/childless life (they've stopped that thankfully). The only time I felt a bit uneasy was in SE Asia when I was asked many times by hired day trip guides asking a lot about the location of my husband. I just said my [imaginary] husband had to work or was sick at the hotel - no harm done.

For my part, if I see another solo traveler, I say hello and ask what cool thing they've seen that day. Or offer to take their photo in front of whatever thing we're standing in front of. I had a lovely lunch in Reykjavik when I shared a table in a very busy restaurant with a woman from Uruguay - we had the best chat about our travels. Same with chatting with a young guy from Kansas eating dinner in Vietnam, who told me stories of being propositioned at every turn by all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons (that was an eye opening discussion).

I have experience traveling solo and also with another person. When someone asks if I’m traveling alone or gives me the common response of “being brave”, I light up with enthusiasm and tell them what I’ve seen recently. ... One comment - I don’t like walking up to a restaurant and having the staff say something like, “Only one?” (Add a pity look or that outer space look - LOL!)

Jean, I agree - to be honest, I sort of look at it as an opportunity to educate people about solo travel. And yes, that is my pet peeve - eating in restaurants. Most hosts are friendly, but I occasionally get that pitying look or worse; the irritating look because they have to "waste" a whole table on me.

I think the worst experience was on my most recent trip in Scotland. I stopped at a small cafe on the island of Harris and Lewis (on the way back from Port Ness). I stood and waited to be seated, pursuant to the sign, and waited for at least 5 minutes while servers walked back and forth. It wasn't until a couple arrived and stood behind me that someone approached. She looked at me and said curtly "Can I help you?" Well, duh - yes. I told her I wanted a table. She said, "You're all by yourself"? Sigh. Yes. She pointed in the direction of a tiny table way off to the side away from where most people were sitting, and said, "You can sit there."

I almost walked out at this point, but I was hungry so sat down. I waited for a server to approach. And waited. And waited. The final straw came when I had been sitting there for almost 10 minutes, and saw that the couple who came in 5 minutes after me, had already ordered and were getting their drinks. At that point, I got up and walked out, although I did stop to tell the manager what had happened. What was so odd is that it happened in Scotland, which has the friendliest and most helpful people I have ever met in my travels. It must have just been an odd place, I guess.

While I have never been questioned about traveling alone, I do get strange looks when I tell people I travel for months at a time with just a carry on size wheeled bag and a backpack.

Restaurants can be hit or miss. I've called some places for a reservation and have been turned down because its only for one. Some who will take them give me a lousy location.

So, I stay away from the "guidebook" restaurants and find smaller, local places where they are happy to have me. These are recommended by my hotels and the food is good. I usually find cafes to be friendly and accommodating. The food is good as well.

My attitude is simple....if you don't want my business that's fine. I'm sure there is someone who does

I was once treated extremely bad by a pub in London. They actually said they didn't want my business. So I left and walked a block away to a pub I had been in before and had a nice lunch. After eating, about an hour later, I walked past the original pub and it was still empty. I left a good review for the pub I ate in and a very bad review for the original one on Trip Advisor.

Experienced most of the examples above(expect for tours which I don'tdo because it limits my freedom).
Never bothered me, I feel more sympathy than irritation.
Been doing solo 20 years at least. As I tell my friends,some who are still horrified, I can eat,sleep,walk when I want. If I want to change my itinerary I don't need to check with anyone.
I have found it sad when I see the infrequent solo woman traveler in a restaurant hiding behind a phone or book.
Last September in Meren ,Italy eating in a very nice restaurant, a woman in my view, barely acknowledged the wonderful wait staff, attention to her phone only. I, on the other hand was having delightful interactions, taking in the scene.
Sadly this appears to be the default.

In defense of the people who are curious about solo travellers, before I discovered this Forum 5ish years ago, except for business travel, it never occurred to me that solo travel was a thing.

I travel solo all the time, both on a tour, or just going my own way. I think the most frustrating thing about it is the reaction from restaurants. I have taken to just grabbing food on the go, and staying in places where I can make my own meals. I have experienced the same incredulous responses from people that can’t imagine a woman would travel alone, but I try to have a humorous response and tell them I have some weird habits or something. When other women question my wisdom of travelling alone I remind them that they likely do a lot of things alone when they are at home, so why not in another country? The risks are no different. I agree that men travelling solo would not be questioned. That just tells me that society still has a way to go towards equality.

Cafetista.bruja, your comment is an interesting one. I am one of those solo travelers who reads a book (or sometimes works a crossword puzzle) while I am enjoying a meal in a restaurant. In these situations I never consider myself "sad," and I do not appreciate that kind of pity from either another solo diner or a group/couple. I am introverted and, while I try to be polite and kind to the restaurant staff, one of the things I love most about solo travel is being comfortable in my own company. I can enjoy the food and drink that is served to me, the restaurant environment, and whatever I am reading without feeling forced to entertain another person.

I don't think it's unfair to note that some posters ask about solo travel as if:
1)They think it's an exception
2)They want confirmation that it's both safe and not mentally unhealthy
3)They want to feel better about their decision

I mean that list in a non-judgemental way. But it does add to the aura of presumed discomfort that this thread is ... lamenting. We've been married for 40 years, but my wife and I still occasionally travel independent of each other, after retirement. But I regularly read about (usually, younger) couples who have never been apart more than one night since they married. (I had some five-week business trips, and my wife used to go to Belgium for two weeks, five times a year. Luckily, I could sometimes go with her.)

The world is full of people who are unaware that what they consider to be innocuous comment can be taken as insults.

I agree that men travelling solo would not be questioned. That just tells me that society still has a way to go towards equality.

Maybe men traveling alone, are not often questioned, because they are already suspicious, and people don't want their interest to be misunderstood.

As someone who often travels as a couple, but has been to a few places in England and Rome alone, I hope people will describe on TripAdvisor the kind of experience Mardee had in Scotland so I can avoid such places.

I hope people will describe on TripAdvisor the kind of experience Mardee had in Scotland so I can avoid such places

I usually write my reviews on Google, and did so in this case. 😊

I’ll be putting this story in my trip report in a week or two, but I think it’s an illustration of the positive advantages that can happen from traveling solo. My husband had a couple of golf days on this trip, so I spent the day in Chester exploring by myself.

I stopped into a tiny place for a cappuccino and sat down in the small room adjacent to the walkway over the Eastgate Clock. If my husband had been with me, we would have been having a conversation with each other at the table. But, since I was alone, I spent the time looking around the room, plus it gives me a more general openness for opportunities to talk with others. The owner brought my cappuccino, and I asked him about the history of a particular feature in the room. Everyone in the room became interested and listening to the story! Suddenly, people were sharing whether they were local or traveling, and this tiny room became a little community of conversations during the span of a cup of coffee…..all because I was traveling solo that day.

Brave would be an apt description of my grandfather in Bastogne, or special operators in Afghanistan, but nowadays "hero" and "brave" are used so casually that even a cricket player can be referred to as a hero. All you can do is smile. During COVID anyone who worked outside the home was a hero, but it wasn't exactly storming Omaha Beach.

Regarding the comment about people eating alone in restaurants “hiding behind a book”– When I am eating alone, I nearly always have a book to read, whether I am in a restaurant, at work, or eating at home in my kitchen. I find reading while eating to be enjoyable and relaxing. I’m certainly not hiding behind my book!

Mardee - I had a similar experience in a restaurant on Chestnut Street in San Francisco right here in the USofA. I was working in San Francisco for about a year, and my husband flew out to see me every other weekend. On one of his weekends, we had an absolutely delightful experience at a restaurant - the food, wine, service - everything was outstanding.

A few days later, sans husband, I decided to eat at the same restaurant. Everything you describe happened to me - except I didn't leave - I wish I had.

Sorry if the word sad hurt your feelings,not my intention.
Female solo travelers should do whatever they want, how they want!
But I have had so many incredible experiences because I am so interested and open to people. In Lucca I started chatting with a couple at the next table, ending up invited to a dinner party with magnificent wine and cheese, talking about literature and cinema.
In Porto Venere a couple from Cannes at my B&B took me on a sunset sail in their boat, in Lisbon a couple at an B&B where we were both staying took me to a semi-private late night Fado. In Orvieto I spend some time talking and learning about a family olive oil they invited to their home and dinner in their olive groves. In Copenhagen I went to a big band performance and expressed how much I enjoyed it,the next night I returned to a sold out venue,but the gentleman had saved me a ticket.
There are many more...some people just took care of me,in Oaxaca I was chatting with a wonderful family group, when a drunk guy was obnoxious to me,they told me to move to the center of their group to show I was supported.
I value these interactions and experiences with people as much as any other aspect of my travels.

a woman in my view, barely acknowledged the wonderful wait staff, attention to her phone only.

As a server, I can tell you quite assuredly that this phenomenon is not exclusive to dining solo, traveling, or dining solo while traveling. The failure to be even moderately polite to the person serving one's food is depressingly common. (It's also a very good predictor of a pathetic tip.)

Carol I think it was brave of you to post all by your lonesome ;)

Traveling solo sucks. Why? Because the experience is exclusively your own. You have no one else to later savor the experience of a shared experience. Its just in YOUR head. The be your own best friend, movement from the 70's was a load of BS. I bought into it, and then found out that most of my experiences where meaningless, unless they were shared. You can climb a mountain, set up tent, and all that, and experience a spectacular sunrise. But its just you doing that. and later you can tell the story to others, of the perfect sun rise, but it is just you that is listening to your own story.

This response from Horsewoofie really hit home with me: "If I wait for hubby, family, friend to go with me, I’d be sitting at home. There aren’t enough years left to wait." As an oniy child, I learned that at a very early age and am glad I did.

At 77 I've gotten the "brave” kinds of comments too many times to count, but I, probably unkindly, tend to think the dramatic tones and responses are really shading criticism. The questions below (with my age when I got them) are examples which could be prefaced or followed by "aren't you afraid?" The "don't know anyone there" theme is particularly puzzling, but perhaps it's relevant to the time-frame, 1960-1982. Or maybe it's just a backdoor way of pointing out being alone. Not knowing someone where I was going has never been an issue for me.

So here are some of the questions:

You drive alone after dark (14)?

You're going to UTAustin and you don't know anyone there (17)?

You're taking the bus from San Antonio to New Hampshire alone (19)?

You have a job where you have to drive and stay in motels by yourself (21)?

You're moving to Cincinnati for a job and you don't know anyone there (29)?

You camp (or stay in motels) by yourself (29+)?

You're going to Europe for several months on your own (31)?

You're moving to Germany for a job and you don't know anyone there (36)?

It's disheartening to me that women are still getting these kinds of comments, as if traveling solo, or doing anything by oneself (like eating out alone), is exceedingly strange. I've been the step-mom to 4 daughters (age 44-54 this year) for 35 years. So far only the youngest one has done much of anything on her own. I hope that the 10 granddaughters (age 9-25 this year) won't have to deal with people second guessing them or trying to scare them out of doing what they have a passion to do, travel or anything else.

Now I'm going to tell a positive single woman dining alone in Europe story. When I lived in Nürnberg in the early 1980's I drove to Verdun for a weekend visit. I stayed in an old hotel whose rooms were not the greatest, but which had a very nice restaurant. I chose to eat dinner there on Saturday night. I arrived a bit early, but I wasn't the first person there. Within 30 minutes the place was packed.

I speak a little French and at first I was somewhat disappointed that I was being shown to a small table in a back corner of the beautiful room. That quickly changed when I realized that the banquette was very comfortable and that I could see the entire room from it. I was there for 2 delicious and delightful hours, eating very slowly and watching the other diners having a great time. My mouth still waters as I remember the amazing Crème Caramel that wasn't really caramel, but rather a light custard drenched in a tart green sauce that could have been rhubarb or gooseberry.

Perhaps I was totally oblivious to any bad vibes, but I perceived none from anyone. The wait staff was courteous bordering on friendly, even as busy as they were. And I don’t remember any of the other people there doing anything but smiling and having a great time. I don't remember hearing any English that evening either.

Traveling solo sucks. Why? Because the experience is exclusively your own. You have no one else to later savor the experience of a shared experience. Its just in YOUR head

All the reasons stated in your posting why you hate traveling aloneare the exact reasons why I love solo travel.

I have no need to share anything. Why? To get approval or validation? To justify what I did? What if the person you are with doesn't share the same feelings? Do you change how you think about the experience?

All my experiences are mine. I can like them or not like them completely on my own. I can have fond memories of my experience without any input from anyone. I don't need it. They're mine and mine alone. They're personal and have meaning to me. That's all that matters.

How do you feel about doing things on your own when not traveling? Eating out alone? Going to the movies? A Museum? An Event?

Lots of this made me laugh. I get many of the same comments “By yourself?” “You are so brave.” “I could never do that.” “Are you ever afraid?” I never get the comments or questions from men - only women.

Maybe my community is unique - but I never feel any negative or condescending undertones. They are just being honest. They DO think I am brave (and perhaps odd). If they fall within a circle that matters, I basically go ahead and tell them they actually could, if they wanted to. But most of them don’t have the desire. Women are able to do whatever they want - they just don’t all want the same things. They think about it and understand. And if I won’t ever see them again, I just smile and let it slide.

Eating alone? I guess I have been turned down a time or two at a restaurant because they were full; but I am fortunate to not have had a negative experience yet. Sometimes I have fun and wonderful conversations and sometimes I am tired and don’t want to talk. Every day is different. :) Every trip is different. :)

Excuse me, @Francis, but maybe traveling solo sucks FOR YOU, and you sound quite bitter about it too, but I LOVE traveling solo. I also love traveling with my husband and with my son, but that's a different kind of travel. I cherish my solo trips, where I get to do exactly what I want, when I want.

I don't have travel experiences just to tell someone about them. I have them FOR MYSELF. I am very introverted. One of the joys of solo travel FOR ME is that I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.

That's one of the things about Rick's commentary - and the comments of some of the people in this thread - that gets under my skin: "Extroverts have more fun!" and whatnot.

I'm not an extrovert. It is NOT more fun for me to have to talk to strangers. Maybe it's fun for you, and good for you if that enriches your travels. It doesn't enrich MY travels. Believe me, if I'm sitting alone in a restaurant with a book, or enjoying a view all by myself, I am having fun. So save your pity for the solo travelers, or this solo traveler, anyway.

There is a difference between not being able to travel alone and not wanting to. I don’t want to travel alone, therefore I don’t. If I didn’t have people I like to travel with and can travel with, I might feel differently. I also don’t like traveling in a group. Doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind some day. I like knowing there are options.

I highly prefer solo travel to being in a group

I enjoy being able to share all aspects of a trip with my wife; right from the planning, to the lively discussions in the evening as we talk about our day, and I think I would miss that with solo travel. However I can't imagine that same dynamic for longer than a few days if I travelled with anyone else, and may prefer solo travel if she wasn't around.

My first solo travel was 1976 at age 19. I grew up in a family of travelers (sometimes only armchair) and a reasonably gender equal household. Mom had her own tool box and Dad taught me carpentry. I had older siblings that traveled and set an example of independence. That makes a difference in your confidence. Therefore, I never wrankle when someone is surprised I am on my own. I may do an internal eye roll with the 'you are so brave' comment, but I am quite aware that is their problem and shows their confidence..or support from others.
The one comment that really left me speechless was a coworker who somewhat enviously said 'my community would never let me do that. I would be ostracized'. It shows despite all the improvements in women's equality over the past 50 years, there are pockets of society that is still controlled. It isn't just communities with ethnic commonality. It is also our families or friends who discourage independence...often due to fear and lack of education about where we plan to go. Some people find that too big a hurdle to jump and break away from. So they carry that same fear. Maybe the 'brave' isn't that you are going to somewhere 'away, but brave that you stood up to society and did it anyway.

cafetista.bruja, I adore my time in restaurants with a book. But books are heavy so when I travel I download ebooks to my phone. It doesn't interfere with my enjoyment of the food at all! Maybe it's the introvert in me, but I can't imagine spending a meal eavesdropping on the conversations nearby or staring at passersby.

To those who hate solo travel and think that solo travelers do this because it's our only option, you could not be more wrong. I've traveled with other people before but by far and away, my most enriching experiences were the solo trips. I can go places at random and do what I want, when I want to, without worrying about anyone but myself. I've got plenty of friends who travel and it wouldn't be difficult to find someone to travel with. But I don't want to. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and enjoy the time spent by myself.

Solo travel not a back-up plan; it's a choice. And for those of us who prefer solitary travel, we do it because there are benefits that you will never get when traveling with someone else.