Apologizing for Travel

Thanks for listening to your friend Ernie…..he was just excited to share his wonderful trip!
When I was working I worked lots of overtime to put money in my travel account.
People would say “Oh, you’re always going to Europe, I can’t afford that”.
Yes, because they were going on a couple of trips to Hawaii or Mexico every year, and buying new cars and boats every couple of years, eating out and going to the big Broadway shows regularly.
We are retired now, though husband still doing some consulting work.
I still drive the same car, that is now 19, and save in many other ways so that every trip….once a year to Europe…is completely paid off before I leave for the airport.

I don’t tell people about my trip unless they ask…but I do write an online “diary” as I go and people seem to like to read that.

Travel is my hobby. I love researching as well as the actual traveling. I also spend a lot of time on travel forums, both here and Trip Advisor. I do post my trips on my FB page. If someone doesn't know me well enough to understand I'm not bragging but sharing fun, enjoyable parts of my life, then they are no friend of mine.

I'm sorry Ernie is not comfortable enough with travel to just have enjoyed his trip and enjoyed the re-telling and remembering.

I did a lot of travel in the 80's in a previous lifetime and did get a few comments then from people at work. I fluffed it off by saying we saved for trips and didn't eat out which was true. Now I'm retired so don't come in to contact with people who will question or judge my choices.

People either make travel a priority in their lives or they don't go. The people who don't travel just don't understand the drive to go, to see, to learn, to experience. No need to apologize to those who have a different set of goals for their lives.

I'm selective on who I share my trips with. Money is tight for us, and many of our friends know that so I can see some judgement when we choose to take a trip.

But, I travel cheap, choosing my destinations on price and travel basic economy. Food is from a grocery store and I'm not above staying at a hostel. I used to think I couldn't afford to travel to Europe, just thought of it as a dream that some day I would win the lottery and can see some of those places I've read about. Until one slow day at work, I was shown how to travel on the cheap and learned you can go places internationally cheaper then domestically. By the way, I also drive an old car and rarely eat out.

S J, I like the online diary idea. That contextualizes things a bit as opposed to posting "look at me" only pictures.

In fairness to Ernie I found his experiences interesting and I wasn't just being polite by listening to him. It's just that after being on these boards for awhile it was a pretty much by the book trip, and that's perfectly fine.

Nick, I don't know man. Maybe someone else is better suited to answering your question, which is an interesting one. Where I live in West Virginia it seems de rigueur to go to the same place every every year, usually Myrtle Beach, Virginia Beach, or the Outer Banks. The joke is that Myrtle Beach is West Virginia South. Unfortunately we know a few couples where one of them would like to travel but the other one is perfectly happy going to the same place every year, and the idea of traveling without their spouse is for whatever reason a non-starter.

I don’t apologize for travel. People who buy expensive cars or houses don’t apologize for their purchases. I don’t think people should apologize for choices on how they spend their own money. I recall a co-worker commenting on the perceived expense of my annual vacation abroad. I bit my tongue rather than point out that I was driving a 10-year old Honda and she had a brand new Mercedes.

People either enjoy travel or they don’t. While I have no qualms in saying to someone that I just got back from a month-long vacation in (insert location), unless they ask follow-up questions, I generally don’t go into further details. Instead, I discuss travel with my friends who are also interested in and enjoy travel.

"Until one slow day at work, I was shown how to travel on the cheap and learned you can go places internationally cheaper then domestically."

@Lynn...I'm curious and you can ignore me if you want but was it a work-mate who got you interested?

I'll add that my roommate after I graduated college signed us up for an American Express tour to Madrid, Paris and London in 1973. It was $600. After that my Dad was posted to Brussels so that was a natural to visit him and Mom, then an Aunt worked for TIME magazine and was posted to London so I had a place to stay there.

It can be every bit as boastful to talk about how you travel on the cheap as it is to talk about traveling in high style.

If you just share what you love and what you learn when you travel, anyone who is bothered by this is only betraying their own jealousy. It's not on you.

It's no one else's business what I spend on my travel, and I don't talk about that at all. I share freely about my travel experiences because it's my passion. Anyone who doesn't want to listen doesn't have to.

@Pam. Yes. It was a recent graduate the same age as my daughters. She pulled out a computer and planned my first trip to Italy. Another worker in the area jumped in and added some more pointers. Within a year, I was on my first adventure (Dec 2019).

To be honest Ernie didn't formally apologize but was a bit sheepish about his new "world traveler" label lol. We were kidding him a bit in a good natured way. I meant this as more of a lighthearted topic but very much appreciate everyone's thoughts. Also didn't anticipate political answers but that's fine--love and peace.

Laura, you have more self-discipline that I do. Kudos to you.

@Lynn - bless that gal and kudos to you for listening to her/them, lol!! It was a good day at work!

I don't apologize for traveling and I've never been made to feel like I should by my friends. I do share my trips online and I know a lot of my friends and family enjoy the blog (at least, that's what they tell me, lol!). But as Pam said, that's my hobby. I spend money on travel. Some people spend a fortune going to Disney World each year. That would bore me to death but I would never dream of judging them for that decision.

We all have the luxury of spending our money how we like, and if it's for something we really enjoy, why should anyone care?

Btw, gregbrady1879, aren't you also Big Mike from West Virginia? I remember you saying once you had a nom de plume and I'm pretty sure it was gregbrady. :-) Not that there's anything wrong with that. :-)

Greg, there is no reason to apologize for your travel or your lifestyle. It's really no one's business how you afford to travel, where you travel or why you travel. I don't use social media so the only trip report I post is on the forum. I don't "brag" about travel, but friends often ask me if and where I am traveling. Some people live vicariously through other's experience or just want to learn about traveling outside of the US.

Ernie's comment about "big shot world traveler" is out of the 1960's when travel was more of a luxury. It's commonplace now; look at all the overcrowding, over-touristed threads on the forum. But to him it sounds like travel was a new adventure.

My husband and I live frugally, always have. But as a result we have no debt and are able to live off of our Social Security without touching our savings except for annual insurance and tax bills. We're not rich by any estimation. Our newest car is way older than yours, 2004 Ford van. I drive a 1989 GMC pickup. Our hobbies are our largest expenses; my husband's 1938 Studebaker car collection and previously my horse but now my one month somewhere in Europe each year.
Why am I telling you all that? Just to let you know that financially you are not alone in setting your priorities for what is important to you.

Enjoy your golf and your travels!
Kathy

There are people who "get" travel, and those who don't. And the large part in the middle that don't think about it or you nearly as much as you might think.

I dont tell people much about our trips, unless I have made a judgment that they are really interested in knowing something about it beyond, "it was great".

I too do not apologize for traveling. We just got rid of our SUV that had 240k miles on it. I would have kept it, but it was needed a new engine. Got rid of that and bought a brand new SUV and paid cash, so no payments. Another Honda, so nothing high end. We rarely go out to eat etc. Travel is our hobby.

I remember when we had just come back from Italy and my FIL commented that they would like to travel but "it costs a lot of dough" (cringe!!!!!), yet they ate out about 5 nights a week. I kept my mouth shut. This past summer my husband sailed from Iceland to Greenland and back, and he never told his dad. He knew better, but I felt bad for my husband that he could not share his joy with his own father.

I had one friend comment that why would we want to keep going back to Iceland, yet she goes to Mexico several times a year every year for many years. I ignored, and yes, basically she is not a friend anymore.

My friends are one that we support each other in our passions. Some are travel, and some are other things. I get excited for others when they get to travel and I love to hear about their trips.

To each their own, it is said. I don't apologize for living a life that prioritizes travel overseas. I also keep a blog and share it with friends and people who express an interest, and post a few photos on social media after I come home but not a massive amount. If someone seems genuinely interested in my travels I'm happy to give more details. When I was working, I didn't get comments on the cost, but more questions about why I would go to some of the places I chose to visit when I could take a perfectly fine (equally costly) trip to the land of Mickey Mouse. Anyway, it's nice Ernie shared about his trip and though "by the book" he took his son up on a generous offer to extend his comfort boundaries, good for him. That doesn't merit an apology, either.

FWIW, this relatively recent thread offers a lot of ways a person can choose to save funds and allocate them the way they want to - for many in this group, it's to spend on travel but it works for any other priority one might choose, too. https://community.ricksteves.com/travel-forum/budget-tips/how-to-pay-for-travel-lifestyle

My wife gets two large unsweetened ice teas from Dunkin most days for $7. While I do the math in my head I'm way too smart to say anything about it. We recently ate at Chick-fil-A (and no I don't own stock in the company) and got one salad, two sandwiches, and you guessed it two unsweetened iced teas. Cost was $30. So imagine eating at a sit down restaurant with a drink or two a couple times per week and I'll bet it really adds up. To each their own.

Mardee, you are correct. I have two laptops and I'm not exactly college material, so I can't figure out how to use Greg or Mike on anything other than one of the laptops. Don't tell anyone it's embarrassing.

Anyway, what the heck...

I think the people who criticize your travel are just truly jealous. The only negative comments I have had came from co workers. " How can you afford to travel" etc. Actually it is none of their business. How I save money and how I spend it is just for me to know and my true friends and family support me on this issue. That said back to my lunch of butter on bread with a glass of water.

I once took my 3 sons and bride on a 3-1/2 week trip to Denmark, Germany and Italy and told coworkers I stayed home and did house projects. I couldn’t stand their rolled eyes in judgement over ANOTHER family trip to Europe.

I think this is an American problem.

I've had many similar experiences to those mentioned above, people with flash cars, big houses and cottages on the lake, asking me how I can afford to travel. My Dodge Caravan is on 225K, probably my last one, then I'll share my wife's cute little Kia (it's really a Grand Caravan that I drive, but I don't want to give the impression that I have an expensive vehicle).

Then there's the other crowd.

"Can you recommend a nice, cheap hotel in London?"

"Oh, we always stay at the Ritz. Highly recommended."

I have no problem with others being very wealthy, as long as the wealth is gained honestly. I'd love to be a philanthropist.

Toby, I was reading this thread out of interest and I think I agree with you about it being an American problem, or at least not an attitude common here in the UK.

People here take holidays really quite seriously. Many consumer surveys show that it’s the one thing that people are very reluctant to cut back on. At work travel plans are a common topic of conversation and people take all kinds of trips - mainly within Europe as you’d expect but we’ve also had Sri Lanka, Costa Rica, Thailand and Hawaii recently. I work with about 45 people and we’re not in a high paying sector but we do get a lot of annual leave - 6 weeks paid.

I think it boils down to "know your audience." And, that applies to whether it is about travel, how many rental properties you might own, your job title, your annual bonus, which private schools your children might attend, country club memberships, and on and on. If someone is in the same social strada, you could casually mention you just returned from thus and such, or ask if they have ever been to such and such, as you are planning a trip. But, if the interest appears low or zilch from the other person, change the topic........just as someone likely would if they told me they sat in such in such place at The Masters, and I indicated I knew (sort of)what the Masters is, and that sounds very special. But, if they started talking about individual players and what happened, I would politely listen but would be relatively clueless. I would never comment/judge about the cost....that is their choice....I would likely just comment "life is short, so it is important to do those special things when you have the chance."

Key thing for happiness in life: Do not compare yourself to others, and try not to let others compare themselves to you. If someone comments re: their perception of my spending on travel, I would comment, "but how very blessed you are with those dear grandchildren.........they are lifetime gifts." (Even if you do not mean it, it puts the blessing back on them...taking the focus off you.....and sometimes that is the best thing to do. Perceptions are hard to change...so just change the focus.

For some audiences, I would NEVER even think about mentioning where (muchless "how") we have traveled. But, with people who are in the same social strada (key: with similar interests), oh sure, go for it compare notes, and likely they will really be interested with maybe even have some granular follow-up questions.

People often blurt what is in their minds...........just overlook those comments that seem like judgements.....they likely could not think quickly enough for something more gracious to come out, since they were initially thinking? How do I relate to what this person just did?....financially or interest-wise........they cannot....and it showed. Give them grace.

P.S. I will add that I do not necessarily think it is good to then mention how you have skimped or saved, not buying such in such or driving an old car.........that could come across as judgemental to the listener vs. providing "logic" for how you did it. You know how you did it......you earned that right to take that trip (which was important to you)...but others might now make the same tradeoffs......and maybe they should not. We cannot judge and we do not need to justify, unless someone really digs deep into the HOW did you do that (and really it is not their business).

Everything in life is a tradeoff..........you know that.....not everyone is going to make that same tradeoff, nor will they understand why someone else did.

Not necessary to apologize for your travel. Not necessary to even bring it up. Most people who don’t travel don’t care about your stories anyway. Perhaps a sentence or two. Then move on.

Just a couple days ago my wife was chatting at the grocery store with the wife of one of my close friends. They were chatting about the weather and family and other stuff, then my wife mentioned we were travelling soon to Italy. The comment she got back was "WHAT???...didn't you just get back from a trip?" (We were in London for a David Gilmour concert mid October 2024 and added a week in Barcelona). The body language apparently displayed a barely discernable level of disgust. My friend and his wife each have newer vehicles with payments likely totaling somewhere around $2500 a month.

We weren't sure what was behind this woman's performance but I like Lanes comment about this kind of behaviour likely betraying jealousy.

Maggie's comment about knowing your audience is a good one too. I've been able to have frank conversations with no problem about the cost of our trips and our style of travel with others who travel in a similar fashion as us. There's no baggage. (Ok, we do check baggage, but in this case I mean there's no underlying weird meta communication :) ). I have coffee fairly regularly with some folks that simply can't afford any travel and although I do discuss our trip plans in a general sense I never get into the cost or details.

Aside to Helen: I think this actual exchange in my previous office is illustrative. A guy at least 50 years old had never left the country, so I asked him where he would like to go. He said he wanted to go to Paris for a week, but he said he didn’t have money. I asked him what he thought it would cost, he said $25,000.

Why should we apologize for the fruits of working hard(my 71 yr old husband still works full time) and managing our money carefully? If people judge us for that and/or make snide remarks, that is their problem, not ours. However, we live in places where European travel is fairly common. I don't put much about my trips on social media and I don't tell people about my trips unless I know they're interested.

gregbrady, I'm glad to say that I've been to England, Italy and France more times than I've been to Myrtle Beach. Myrtle Beach is itself the joke. I was careful to raise my daughter to never have been to Myrtle Beach, but in her 20's she insisted on going so she could "participate in the joke". BTW, what is "unsweetened iced tea"? Never heard of it.

I don't apologise for traveling in Europe, especially in the last decade or so.

Knowing your interlocutor is key, if he's not interested, fair enough. I have my areas be it geo, or whatever, "they" may have theirs, an important individual decision regardless of the way that was arrived at.

There are one of two on this Forum that post A LOT that have stated in the past that "nobody cares about your vacation photos." It's a dismissive attitude that some people have while others enjoy it. My wife and I post our daily photos on Facebook that friends and family are free to enjoy or scroll by. Same with Trip Reports on this Forum. Personally, I love TR's and enjoy stories and photos of others. When it comes to face to face contact I try to read the room and determine if I have an interested audience or a captive audience. But I can tell you that I'll always enjoy vacation stories of others with no judgement.... well, maybe some envy if they've done something that I haven't yet.

I love this topic! We have experienced all the things mentioned above with various people we know. Our family ( kids and in-laws) love to travel so we set up a photo album online to post daily pictures. With most others we will answer if questioned but mostly just reply that we had great time and enjoyed the most appropriate answer ( art, ancient ruins, gardens,beach) The only time I was completely thrown was when one cousin said “ I would never go to xxxxx ( Italy, England etc) when everything I want is here in yyyy( a small town in Texas) That was eye opening to me. But then so is the go to the same place every year group of people. I just don’t get it. But to each their own.
We are in the live well within our retirement means financial category and spend our hobby money on travel. So I don’t ever feel the need to justify. Most people we know are aware of our frugality ( especially when younger) so that question doesn’t come up. While they had the latest cars and huge houses we just had older and smaller. But that’s ok because now we can splurge on upgraded travel or treating our grandchildren.

First of all, it is a privilege to be able to travel. I’m thankful for the opportunities I have to do so. I think that there is no reason to be ashamed of traveling, but there is also room to be sensitive to those who, for whatever reason, aren’t able to travel at this time. A balance needs to be struck.

I use Polarsteps to record my trip in real time with access links given to friends and family that are interested. Otherwise I try not to talk things up beyond a sentence or two unless someone genuinely seems interested. Most of the time they are not.

What a great thead with thoughtful replies! THIS is why I've joined the East Bay travel forum! Hang out with the people who GET it and enjoy the fun and fascination of travel. Huh, I've never been asked / challenged (which let's face it some of this thread is challenging how DARE we do something outside the norm.). And yes, likely a combination of envy, regret for over spending, and fear is a biggie too.

Usually it's a younger person who asks how I've traveled & lived overseas so many years, they seem genuinely interested. I tell them that whenever I got enough $$ for a car payment, I bought an airplane ticket. They really get that! (I bought my first car when I was 50, rode bikes in major cities or took public transport.)

PS, A friend told me her aunt said there's no need to go to Paris, there's an Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas! (Scream emoji.)

I love hearing and seeing people that are excited to share their travels, at any level. It’s fun to envision those scenarios that are either extravagant or creatively frugal. As a nation we don’t embrace the need to take time off and just do what replenishes our spirits. We are now at that stage physically where we consider the next international trip could be our last, so I am always thrilled when I get to listen to someone who is doing it now. I know we both wish we’d gotten off the “wheel” earlier and done more travel.

Apologies for travel are not needed but flaunting travel is perhaps a bit crass. Ultimately other than a small circle of friends/family what we do is not shared.

Think how you sound before “sharing” your travel.

Reading a lot of these responses makes me really appreciate my friends and circle of acquaintances.

Travel is what I “do” now. Most of my friends are old enough that they also have their hobbies - even if it’s something like spending money on their grandkids instead of anything else. When I am home and in gatherings, I will usually be asked about my latest trip. If they ask a question that has much depth to it, I am happy to talk. If I feel like they are just being thoughtful, I try to do the same and keep my answer short. I DO post trip photos on FB so anyone who wants to can follow along. And if they aren’t interested, they don’t.

Sometimes I do get questions that feel like they have a bit of the “it costs a lot” undercurrent and I am ready with a couple of concrete examples (if it comes from people I know COULD afford what I do). They have always indicated it makes sense, even if travel isn’t something that really interests them. Hasn’t happened in a long time. Sometimes it is someone like Lynne who really wants to know - and it’s fun to share how it can be done economically. Everyone I know knows that travel is what I do.

What I DO still occasionally get is the whole “Oh, you are so brave - I could never do that! ” business. I have my stock 2 sentences for that as well and share them with a smile. (“People are good all over the world and it’s really been special to me to be able to experience that.” Or “I really enjoy people and I have met so many nice people from so many countries - and it’s just harder to do that when you travel with someone else.”)

P.S. I will add that I do not necessarily think it is good to then mention how you have skimped or saved, not buying such in such or driving an old car.........that could come across as judgemental to the listener vs. providing "logic" for how you did it.

Commonly known as "virtue signaling". Not a good look...

Coming to this forum and detailing your trips, more or less anonymously (unless like some you out yourself), with an audience of like-minded people who share the passion for travel, is perfectly fine to me. But what I don't understand is why do so many of you carry the same conversation with co-workers, neighbors, people you run into at the grocery store, etc?

My philosophy is to not share details of how I spend my money with people in my circle of friends, neighbors. I don't really understand the motivation to "share" such things about my life with others. For those of you who do share openly, how self aware are you RE your motivation for sharing? Is it ego? Or the chance to "virtue signal" (How do I afford it? I drive old cars, but I can't help but notice you eat out 5 times a week...). I don't know, maybe it is just me, the less people know about me, how I spend my time and money, the better.

Veteran Traveler and I park in the same garage, I see:

Apologies for travel are not needed but flaunting travel is perhaps a bit crass. Ultimately other than a small circle of friends/family what we do is not shared.
Think how you sound before “sharing” your travel.

I think this sort of apology is not necessary, but of course one also wants to use discretion in sharing. Sharing an exciting life event and a transformative experience like travel is natural and a good thing between friends and coworkers. I also share my vacation photos online, but that's because it's an easy way to share with those who care while those who don't can keep scrolling. Now, if the entire time Ernie were quoting prices or telling people "you should really do X expensive thing, it's the only way to travel", that might be different. But "we went to the Colosseum and it was really cool" is simply sharing. It's nobody's business what I spent (I'm happy to privately answer questions for someone's planning purposes), but I also shouldn't feel guilty for making choices that allow me to travel. Respectful exchange is the goal, and being happy for a friend's ability to afford something is a mark of friendship. Reassuring him of this is another mark of friendship.

Incidentally, I also blame the rise of travel influencers for some of this. The Instagram travel is all about the photo, the "this is the only way to do it" mentality, she humble brag. After all, the goal is to influence others, especially strangers. Those people are bragging, and they make the rest of us feel like we are bragging if we share.

Great topic. I have definitely evolved in how exuberant I am about post travel discussion depending on my audience. I do enjoy talking it up with youth and their parents especially those that have never traveled abroad. I have stopped expressing opinions that you can only get good (insert indulgence) in (insert place) as its always strikes me as uppity when I hear it. I have also gotten much more sensitive to the reality that beyond economics, there are many people with health, anxiety, caregiver responsibilities who would like nothing more that to travel but cant or don't think they can. So sneaking up on their level of interest is a good practice. Kind of related, I have the pleasure of volunteering with folks dealing with Dementia. We have their histories and some have traveled extensively in their lives but have little recollection if any. Sad, I know, travel while you can if you can. .. I was at recent conference on dementia care and one of the instructors who has a theater background suggested an exercise either group or one on one where you ask if you could travel anywhere you wanted where would it be. Paris huh, how would you get to Paris? A Balloon? What color of Balloon? Red? What would the weather be like for Balloon Ride? Blue skies! Who would captain the Balloon? Ann? Ok Ann you are the captain! And so the journey goes................

I certainly wouldn't explain how I am able to afford travel. I wouldn't apologize for travel. That being said, I try to read my audience, sometimes unsuccessfully as I can be tone deaf on occasion, before I mention upcoming plans. I have very few friends who travel like I do...the few who do, we take notes from each other. As I travel solo these days, my family wants at least one photo per day so they know what I'm up to. LOL Although something might show up on my Facebook page during a trip, I put more of my travel photos on my instagram account. I figure Instagram is a choice to look at the photos, more than a perceived flaunt, as FB is sometimes perceived. That being said, I love following friends on their travels on FB.

I try to emphasize how inexpensive it can be. I love telling stories about reasonably priced hotels right in the city centers. In the US, there are very few nice owner operated hotels anymore compared to Europe. I talk about meals and how inexpensive meals can be if you just drop into a grocery store, hit a food stand, picnic or find a small local restaurant. Entry fees to museums are really low IMO. I really hit home about the great public transportation systems which is such a time and cost saver. In the US we drive almost everywhere. Many people ask, "you didn't rent a car?"

Most people only think of guided tours when thinking about European travel. So when people look at the price of any tour per person and add in airfare per person, it is really expensive. Many of us know that tours are 40% higher than what you can spend by planning on your own and being your own tour operator.

So, when people hear you went to Europe for 3 weeks or longer, their guided tour math is much higher than what you may have actually spent. Try emphasizing the inexpensive and you may be surprised how many people might become interested in your trip when they hear it might not be as much as a 3 week vacation in the US. I have converted a few friends.

I try to emphasize how inexpensive it can be.

How inexpensive it is "to you" is what you mean, right? It is how you justify, or rationalize, the cost of the trips that "you" take. Do you really think other people care about what you think is inexpensive, or worth the cost, of anything you do with your money (or the cars you buy, etc?).

dootle--Thank you for sharing that exercise. My dad has dementia and I am going to try that with him on my upcoming visit. It can be hard to engage him now, so I am curious how this will go and who knows, maybe we will have a wonderful memory from him.

Threadwear--That is very true that people think travel has to cost more than it has to. We do not do tours, and our favorite place is Iceland which is known to be expensive. However, it can be done on the cheap without sacrificing anything. We had one trip that was $$$ but we had the 3 adult kids with us and we did not hold back on dining out, excursions etc. Another trip my husband and I went for almost 3 weeks and spent less than half of that trip, and had a couple of special excursions. A friend went with me in the fall and she was amazed at how we were able to have a great trip and not spend all that much.

How inexpensive it is "to you" is what you mean, right? It is how you justify, or rationalize, the cost of the trips that "you" take. Do you really think other people care about what you think is inexpensive, or worth the cost, of anything you do with your money (or the cars you buy, etc?).

Sorry JoJo you misread my post. My point was to explain to "interested people" that the cost of hotels, food, sites, etc. are not as expensive as people may think who have never been to Europe. A nice, clean hotel does not have to be $300+, a good meal of local cuisine does not have to cost an arm and a leg and that public transportation is very reasonably priced and can be very reliable. I just looked at a flight from Chicago to Chattanooga which is about the same distance as Paris to Nice. The flight is $334 one way and you can get a train ticket from Paris to Nice for $136 or less on the same day. These are the things to explain to people close to you who don't realize how little it cost to travel in Europe. Just an education to those who are interested, not preaching to strangers.

dootie,
Like Miklish, I too have had relatives go through the stages of dementia (Alzheimers- dad and sister), and I loved the exercise you explained. I spent my times with them reminiscing about "the old days" to brighten up the current ones, but I wish I had been aware of something like what you did. Some of the elderly people in my church that I visit will now have the benefit of conversations like the one you mentioned. Thank you!

Threadwear; I think what Jojorabbit was trying to say is that there is no set definition of inexpensive. You might feel a $136 train ticket from Paris to Nice is inexpensive when you compare it to the cost of a domestic flight within the USA, that doesn’t mean everyone else shares that sentiment. Someone else could for instance compare your $136 train ticket to the price of a Paris-Nice bus ticket, €39, and consider your train ticket to be very expensive. Your “inexpensive” might be another person’s “too costly”.

I always post about my trips on FB, and discuss them with the people who are truly interested; amount of detail shared depends on their level of interest. Fellow travelers want to know every last detail and expense (and likewise share with me) and others get a highlight or two. I don't downplay any aspect of what I do, and if people want to assume I am wealthy, that's not my problem--those who know me know my life situation and my priorities. My FB posts are actually for my benefit, happy reminders of trips I've taken that meant a lot to me--even more so now that I cannot travel for the time being due to my elderly parents.

Threadwear; I think what Jojorabbit was trying to say is that there is no set definition of inexpensive. You might feel a $136 train ticket from Paris to Nice is inexpensive when you compare it to the cost of a domestic flight within the USA, that doesn’t mean everyone else shares that sentiment. Someone else could for instance compare your $136 train ticket to the price of a Paris-Nice bus ticket, €39, and consider your train ticket to be very expensive. Your “inexpensive” might be another person’s “too costly”.

Thank you, Dutch Traveler. You got my point exactly.

I don't assume anything about anyone's values or budget with respect to, in this case, the affordability of travel, what they deem expensive or cheap. In general, I personally find travel to be very expensive, by far the single most costly "discretionary" category in my budget. And the cost of travel has gone up significantly since 2019, since pre pandemic, particularly the cost of travel to Europe. Prices across the board are up: airfares, lodging, food.

Furthermore, anyone who is contemplating travel can discover how much it costs through the internet. There are plenty of resources available to ballpark the cost, and then decide if it is worth it to them. What I think of the costs is of little help to others.

I’m on both sides of the travel spectrum, I do take off for Europe with surprising (to some people I know) regularity but my husband and I go to the same 2 Texas lakes every summer with the same boat, travel trailer and the same dog very happily! We frequently even get the same campsite. We do also do different travels with our trailer and our Lab, Bailey. Right now we are thinking about doing another Presidential Libraries road trip in May.

We came from homes where our parents were all frugal and savers and we were the same, so no one who knows us would wonder about how we can afford something or not. I used to do a photo share of my trips for friends and family but it gradually seemed that it really wasn’t that important to anyone but me so I decided to discontinue it. But it’s all chill to me. Ask me about my travels or not, it makes no difference to my supreme enjoyment of the journey.

Although I do travel relatively inexpensively because of my preferred public transportation, less expensive cities, some cheaper meals, etc., the only time I mention cost is in a trip report - never to friends, etc. Similar to not sharing the charities I support; those are personal financial choices.

Our local RS Coeur d’Alene/Spokane meet up group has joked that we are the best audience for each other! We understand each other’s enthusiasm of anticipating a trip, and we want to hear about it afterwards. No one is questioning each other’s expenses & financial decisions since that’s personal.

I always like to apologize. To Mother Nature. Honestly, gladly, wholeheartedly.

Re: it's expensive to travel in Europe. My view, it depends when it deals with accommodations..

In Paris my hotel rooms in 2 star hotel run from 85 to 110 Euro as they were pre-pandemic. Of course, I could stay in a hostel, where I've seen numerous guests in 1/2 my age at the oldest, among whom are a few Americans too but mostly international tourists. Likewise in Berlin and Vienna.

I spend a week or more in a city, I take the average of the 7-8 night stay. If that falls between 90 to 115 Euro, I'm staying Last summer in Paris Nord at a 2 star hotel staying 10 nights, I paid 100 Euro per night. Of course, I told the clerk my total payment would be in cash, giving him an incentive to give me this lower rate. He did.

I have not experienced increased expenses re: hotel accommodations between pre- and post-pandemic in Germany, France and Austria. Stay outside of Paris the drops to 60-75 Euro, say in Metz, Arras, Amiens, Maubeuge, or Grenoble.

I always like to apologize. To Mother Nature.

Fully respected.

Because of your private travel, because of 1,148 US nuclear tests (of 2,161 globally) or everything human kind did and still does?

Curious, do you think people talk less about their travels than in the past? It was pretty common, at least for me, when someone came back from a trip, we would look at their pictures and hear their stories. Now, I feel that people are more quiet about their trips, at most just saying a couple of sentences. I wonder if this apologizing thing is relatively new.

Lynn, you may have a point. I first heard of "Travel Shaming" during the pandemic but I'm assuming it became a thing as soon as social media was born. Perhaps it's the unease brought on by that that is keeping people quiet.

Curious, do you think people talk less about their travels than in the past? It was pretty common, at least for me, when someone came back from a trip, we would look at their pictures and hear their stories. Now, I feel that people are more quiet about their trips, at most just saying a couple of sentences. I wonder if this apologizing thing is relatively new.

I have always been circumspect about revealing details of my life, especially money related details. I call my habit "keeping a low profile", don't draw unwanted attention to myself. But I could also be persuaded to believe that the pandemic years changed behavior for many people, like how we interact with others, what we reveal about ourselves. And travel boasts and humble brags seem to be an irritant or trigger for some, oddly even on a travel forum like this one, so I can only imagine how a broader audience might react to this kind of info on Facebook or Instagram.

If you have never seen it, there are forums on reddit devoted to extravagant luxury travel - one I found is r/FATtravel - and I actually enjoy reading posts there where people unabashedly talk about the trips they take, how much money they spend on travel. The amount of travel some of these people do blows my mind...but they can actually be very insightful on different places to visit, and that is why I read the posts, for the good tidbits.

First, my wife and I are very fortunate. We live in a golf community that most people would describe as expensive. But we also bought at an incredibly perfect time in the housing market, and unlike most of our friends here we don't have a second home. We own our (older) cars outright, and we didn't spend megabucks renovating our home before moving in.

We try to spend 4 to 5 months in Europe every summer. And our friends (most of whom have net worth 10x of ours) marvel at this and assume we're much more well off than we are. Bottom line: people seem to assign an assumed cost to travel that is way out of proportion to reality. If one shops carefully for lodging, refrains from eating at expensive restaurants and takes full advantage of the bargains available most places in Europe, one can get by for much less than the average American assumes such travel would cost.

What a great thead with thoughtful replies!

Absolutely! This website and the folks who populate it are just more things to be grateful for, and to thank Mr. Rick Steves for.

First, I'm going to admit not reading through the responders because there are so many of them, and really your question just doesn't include travel. Do not feel you have to apologize for travel or ANY other area in which you spend YOUR income! As a society, we do not get the right to say how people spend their money, ever, and you shouldn't be made to feel like you have to apologize. Having said all that, I completely understand the question. How about, when you share, it's just the basics-and for those that want more details-give them. When you get the inevitable question/comment such as, "wow! you must be made of money!", just smile and move on. It's all a matter of priorities and yours are yours, not anyone else's.

The direct answer to gregbrady1879 is no apologies necessary for your position in life you have earned. There is bragging and then there is just living.

I see the point of your wife. If you post publicly your trips, yes some people will considerate it bragging. Your close friends probably will not because they know that is your pleasure to travel, just like others who choose second homes on a lake, country club memberships, expensive cars, boats, motorcycles, or fine dining every week.

I assume you and your wife got into this position from saving and hard work. Live your life your way, no apologies necessary. You can come here to this forum and trip report anytime. It isn't bragging here. It's sharing.

There is perception by many that foreign travel is more expensive than it is, that you must be spending a fortune for each trip, especially if you are away for several weeks, though most of us do spend a good bit because of the time away.

But dollars aside, there is also the question of why aren't you traveling in the US with the underlying suspicion that you don't like America as much as you should.

Any trip that begins with a $1000 plane ticket vs 20 gallons of gas, IS expensive.

I apologize to my children for my holidays. First, I am spending their inheritance and second, as my carbon footprint because of my annual travels exceeds the carbon foot print created in one year by the average world citizen I know that I am trashing their future lives.

I tell them this, then I order more caviar and wine.

Good point. In my case, I use Delta Sky Miles to fly, so I don't consider the cost of flying (though I should because I am spending something of value).

though I should because I am spending something of value

Well said. People forget, the only thing free in life is death.

Please invite Ernie to check out the RS Forum, perhaps come to an on-line meeting of his choice. Or as a friend of mine says about his hobby, 'Stick with the people who GET you'.

MarkK; You get it.

People forget, the only thing free in life is death

Maybe for the dead guy. Based on what I spent on burial and funeral expenses for my Mom I've told my kids when I go to dump me off on the side of the road and drive away ;).
.

I have not read all of the responses but I think your friend is more worried about what people think of him than anything else.

I don't apologize for things I do unless I mistakenly wrong someone. Why should I apologize for doing something I enjoy doing as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

Let's leave the existential stuff out of it.

I have sincerely enjoyed reading all of the responses, which remind me once again I'm a long ways down the list of the smartest person in the room. I will reiterate that Ernie did not really apologize and regret that hyperbole. He is a very good, modest man who was more sheepish about going to Italy if you know what I mean, and I understood where he was coming from. Ernie is the type of guy who helps out without being asked and is a true gem. Again, thank you for the replies and keep them coming if you wish.

I'm excited to be visiting Yellowstone National Park and Wales this year! See you in the air and on the road.

Maybe it's a Midwest thing, or common among certain cultures, but many people grow up learning to "talk poor". It's the opposite of bragging, which many more people do. It's an ingrained way of maintaining privacy and modesty.

It may be more a generational thing. Yes, there may be a reluctance to boast and draw attention to one's self, but the bigger story might be protecting one's privacy. It is amazing what people post on social media.

If the interlocutor begins to talk about his trips or travel experiences, I do the courtesy of listening, if bragging is included that depends but I'll listen since I might learn something. Not interested in any social media influences on his travels, or apologies, other opinions and so on. They're immaterial.

Hey greg (Big Mike?!?), you actually do strike me as one of the sharper people in the room. If you’re being modest about that, that’s certainly OK, but don’t denigrate yourself. If the subject actually came up, you certainly wouldn’t have to question your intelligence, just as your friend had no need to question whether taking his trip was at all unreasonable. Glad that Ernie got to make his trip. Travel is a worthwhile experience, and he doesn’t owe a justification to anyone else who didn’t get to do the same.

It says more negative things about anyone who would criticize his trip, than about him for choosing to go to Italy for his vacation.

I friend and colleague at work, Ernie, returned from two weeks in
Italy and regaled a few of us with his trip adventures. In reality it
was a rather pro forma trip report and a bit generic, but still
enjoyable to hear him share his experiences. My wife is now hesitant
to share our trips online because she senses it really doesn't go over
as intended but more like showing off or bragging. She's just not
comfortable doing it any more, or at least does so on a much more
limited basis.

First, dont judge the qulity of Earnie's report. He's been your friend for 25 years, the first thing on your mind should be happiness that he got to enjoy himself.

More importantly, you said you enjoyed the report, so I guess you are saying that your wife is wrong. Well, there’s your first mistake. Need we go into detail? We both know not.

I guess some folks think we're rich to be able to go to Europe … 2011
Kia Optima with 150,000 miles … 2009 Toyota Camry … no debts but we're
not rich … hardly ever eat out and our activities are generally cheap
or free l … big luxury is paying $520 per year total for a par 3 golf
… We're both 64.

Its not important that anyone know any of this. It is important that you believe in yourself and your goodness. You have nothing to explain (PERIOD) Well, except to your wife for not agreeing with her.

So as Ernie was telling us about his trip he couldn't help but to
apologize a bit and tell us his son paid for it and ….

I have know Ernie for years. I would have cut him off faster than your wife does when you disagree with her. I would have told him, “Man, I have known you for 25 years, don’t explain to me what good people you are. We wouldn’t be friends if it were any different. So Earnie, how do you get out of trouble when you disagree with your wife?”

ANd say hey to Ernie for me.

I travel cheap too . as indicated, and since early retirement in 2008 I have been going back starting 2009 every summer minus the pandemic years, any where from 10 days to 12 weeks consecutively. No matter how taxing, uncomfortable (sometimes that turns out indeed to be the case) I always fly Basic Economy, most restrictive , to get over to Paris or Frankfurt from SFO taking the overnight flight.

I look for hotel deals averaging no more than 115 Euro per night even in Paris and Vienna. I hardly splurge in Europe, no alcohol or desserts (never was into that anyway).

All vacations outside of CA are spent over there now with the end of the pandemic. Traveling cheap takes effort , ie research, travel style, abolishing certain luxuries, discipline, , etc.