An uncertain future but a wonderful past

In other words our best days are behind us? That's uplifting. It's like a march to The End.

BMWBGV, this isn't about your future. Read the context, not just the title.

Douglas, please accept my condolences. I know you have dreaded renewing your travels without you best travel companion. Take your time to grieve. It is harder at this time when there is a more overriding feeling of grief and uncertainty.
We have talked about it and offered advice on how to take the next phase of travel, but only you will know if and when that time is right.
After the dark, light will come. How you use it is up to you.

I am so sorry for your loss! I’m so glad you were so close and were able to relive some wonderful experiences his last few days. What a wonderful son!

When you are ready for travel again and don’t have a travel buddy, a tour like RS might be a good option.
Give yourself time.

An old German saying tells us that sometimes you need to close a book, so you become ready to read new ones.
I like to assume for you that you will find a new or different way to enjoy or experience travelling without forgetting the old one. Beloved ones will always be with you.

Do you allow the question if your father and you had unvisited destinations on his bucket list?

All the best for you - and greetings from Germany.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear father. But how lovely that you were able to share such special memories of your travels in his last days. I hope that brings you some comfort.

I know from your posts that travel has been an important part of your life. Now it will take on a new character, possibly with new travel companions. I remember a thread last year where you were considering doing just that with your sister. Is that still as possibility? Might you consider a small group tour like Rick's, if it's companionship that's important? When you are ready, you'll know it. I hope you can look forward to it as a whole new chapter in your life.

Douglas, I am very sorry that you have lost your father and travel companion. How wonderful that you were able to spend his last days reliving the trips you have taken. I’m sure you will always remember looking at these photos with him.

I extend my deepest sympathies, douglas. As tragic as the loss of your father must be, the ability to share travel memories with him, and the element of joy that brought him is hopefully some consolation for you. He must’ve tremendously enjoyed the trips with you, as you’ve made clear you enjoyed with him.

We took several trips with my mother-in-law, and Dorothy’s companionship on those trips, her participation, and the immense pleasure in sharing new experiences and discoveries were priceless. She died 9 years ago this month, at 81. We miss her, but have continued to take trips, and find new discoveries. I know that’s what she’d want us to do, I’m positive of that.

While a future trip without your dad will undoubtedly require some adjustments on your part, would he have been pleased to know that you’d be able to continue what the 2 of you started? Might you be able to reflect on future trips, in your final days, as he was able to do with you, some cherished final memories? I do sincerely wish that you will have brighter days ahead, and, again, am so sorry about your father’s passing.

Douglas,

I am so sorry.
Some of those memories you have shared with us have bern beautiful. I hope you keep posting.

Bets

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Douglas -- may his memory be for a blessing.

I've heard it said that there are two kinds of tears we shed - one kind evaporates off our cheeks and disappears, but the other kind falls to the soil and helps to nurture the next season's growth. Our tears can be productive, can help bring about another round of living that in some ways is a tribute to those we've lost.

You can take your travel experiences with your father and build on them.

Best wishes in this difficult moment!

I will add my condolences, Douglas. I am very sorry to hear of your dad's passing. Your previous (and current) writings about him clearly show how much you love and treasure him. I'm glad the photos of the time you spent together in Europe brought him some joy in his final days. It sounds like you have been a good son and honored your father well.

Douglas, my deepest sympathies on the death of your father. Your posts reflect what a loving, respectful and kind son and travel companion you have been. I hope you will continue to participate in this forum as I have enjoyed your comments and advice.

douglas,

I would also like to extend my sincere condolences on the loss of your father. You will always have your memories and the pictures of your travels together.

I have the same suggestion as several others have mentioned in this thread, in that you may enjoy a small group tour such as those offered by RS. That would provide you with a group to travel with and share the experience with, although it's not the same as having a personal travel companion.

I've travelled both solo and with groups (typically both on the same trip) and each way has advantages and disadvantages. When traveling on my own, I sometimes really miss having a travel companion to share wonderful moments with.

Douglas, I am sending sincere condolences to you. Your parents must have been very special that you all enjoyed traveling together so much. Those travel photos will be treasured memories for you, too, to relive the happy moments with your dad.

I am married, but I have traveled many different ways: with a RS tour with my husband, on our own itinerary together, with a RS tour without my husband, as a solo traveler on my own itinerary, and a combo of a solo trip and meeting up with my husband in Europe for the final week. I can easily say that all of those methods were a lot of fun. Each has its positives and usually the negatives can be mitigated. For instance, when I traveled solo on my own itinerary, I reserved an event - a cooking class or city bike tour every three days where I would be with English-speaking people. Give yourself plenty of time & grace to later see what appeals to you.

Douglas, As so many others - I am sad to hear of your father's passing. I know you will miss him - and your travels together. Hopefully, in a while, travel will beckon again. When it does - be assured - you will have many "conversations" with your father about the new sights you will see and memories that you relive.

Douglas,

First, please allow me to add my condolences for the loss of your father. My heart goes out to you.

Although our stories are somewhat different, I can certainly understand your feelings at this time. After my Dad passed away, I became my Mom's travel partner. In fact, it was through this that I was bitten by the travel bug. She still wanted to travel, and I was divorced, kids grown, so I was the one able to travel with her. We made several trips to Europe before Alzheimer's set in and made it impossible for her to travel anymore.

Like you, I wondered what I would do. Other members of my family either couldn't travel or weren't interested. I have since taken several solo trips. Yes, you do lose that sense of sharing the experience with someone. However, I try to work around this just a bit by carrying some small pebbles with me. When I am somewhere that I knew my Mom liked or would like--a beautiful church, a great sunrise/sunset spot, things like that--I find an out-of-the-way and inconspicuous location to place one of those pebbles as a tangible reminder that she is there with me in spirit. I know it's not close to the same thing, but I have found it helpful for me.

I add my sympathy on your loss, Douglas.

I have had to reinvent my life, including travel, after the death of my husband. I hope you can find a way, too.

I also want to offer my condolences to you on the the loss of your father. Take time to grieve and please post if you need to “talk”. You will figure this out, it just might take some time.

My condolences to you for the loss of your father. I hope you can take comfort in the memories you have of the time you spent with him. You are fortunate to have had the opportunity to share your travel adventures. My mother passed away before being able to travel, due to family circumstances. Her dream was to go to China, and had gotten her first passport just months before her death. It wasn’t even signed. I have been fortunate to travel in a way she couldn’t, and I carry her passport with me when I do. It makes me feel like I’m sharing my experiences with her. Wherever your travels take you, I hope you find a way to embrace the experiences you have and know that he’s still there with you in your heart.

Douglas, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please accept my sincerest condolences.

I echo Andrea’s suggestion that when you travel again, and you will, take something of your dad’s with you so he can enjoy the journey. On our first road trip after my brother passed away from cancer, I took the sock monkey I had carried during the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk. “Biker Bill” enjoyed the trip viewed from the van’s dash and walking along his favorite beach in Oregon. The two events helped me have closure and move forward.

My thoughts are with you. Remember the good times and eventually you will make new memories.

Douglas - I am so sorry for your loss. Like many others, I have enjoyed following your adventures on this Forum.

I am fond of saying that I stopped missing my mother (who died in 1996) when I realized that I had turned into her. This is said only half in jest.

Their essence, the best of them, lives on in you.

I found your post very uplifting in a manner consistent with how all of us should recognize how fortunate it is we have been able to travel. We take it for granted because of the prosperity we our granted. I am sure your memories of your parents will be so vivid with the simple photos you store. Peace to you and your parents family and friends.

Oh dear, Douglas, I am so very sorry for your loss. You had so dreaded this moment, with good reason. Thank you for letting us know so that we may express our condolences and try to lift you up in your time of sorrow.

I am so so sorry for your loss and so grateful for all the memories you were able to make with your father, and that revisiting those memories through photos brought him some peace (and remembrance of how much you had LIVED together) at the end.

Thinking of you.

Douglas, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your father. It sounds like you and your father had a very wonderful relationship and I know that you will treasure the memories. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I’m so sorry for your loss. How wonderful that you and your father got to travel together so much. What wonderful memories. What a blessing that you got along so well and had the kind of relationship where you could do that. That’s not something everyone has and what a great thing to treasure.

I join in others' sorrow for your loss. I've appreciated your posts about travels with your father, I'm sure he appreciated your concern for his safety and well-being, not to mention the companionship you provided each other. You were both fortunate to have such a good relationship for so long. Even if it takes awhile for you to resume traveling, solo or with others, I'm sure you'll find enjoyment and satisfaction in it, as we all do. I like the "pebble" idea, maybe it will help.

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your father. I have three travel companions and would miss them dearly. I’m glad you shared the photographic memories of all your great travels with your father and when you are ready I hope you find another travel partner to discover new adventures.

Douglas,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but happy to hear that your shared experiences with your father were enjoyable for both of you even up until the end of his life. I know that your father has been such a big part of your life.

My situation is slightly different as a widow, but I know what it is like to lose the person that you were used to traveling and sharing experiences with. For me, it was an "aha" moment when I recognized that although my life was never going to be the same or how I had envisioned it, it didn't mean that it still couldn't be good.

Traveling won't be the same without your father, but that doesn't mean it still can't be good. I have found new ways to share experiences, even when I travel solo. I send pictures and emails daily to my kids when I travel by myself. It makes them feel a little better and I enjoy the shared experience part of it. If you don't have a ready-made audience, post here on the forum. We all love hear about travel experiences. I also started traveling with my sister sometimes. We get along and I enjoy sharing with her. The final way that I expanded my travel was to go on 2 Rick Steves tours. This is a great way to share experiences with others and meet some very interesting people.

Douglas, my sincere condolences and when you are ready to proceed, life and travel can still be good.

Douglas, I am so sorry about your father. We are just never ready.

I loved you sharing how you spent your last days together looking at photos of your shared trips. That is why I also spend my money now on travel and not things - for the memories.

What lies ahead? Well, none of us know that. Whatever you do will be the right thing for you. If we are honest with ourselves, we all have an uncertain future. But the truly fortunate are able to say they have a wonderful past. You are one of the fortunates.

Thank you for all the kind words at the rough time. I not only lost my father and traveling companion but I have just had my first birthday without him and tomorrow we will bury him... it has been a very strange and stressful week.
But I will always treasure the memories of our trips together. And I know the photos brought joy to him as he remembered the trips during his final days.
We had actually been planing two trips when he was diagnosed with his illness (a bone marrow issue) one was in the US out to Montana and Back, and the other was a trip to Italy for 3 weeks.
Ultimately I hope to make the trip to Italy but the circumstances of my fathers illness and passing mean that I have to spend some time repairing the damage to finances that a long term illness can cause.

So it will be a while before I can contemplate a trip to Europe (and of course we have Covid issues)
That being said I am seriously considering taking a week or so and heading into the mountains to just get away from everything and just be myself and clean out my head.

The take away from this is that while I am truly heart broken my father went as well as anyone could hope for, at home, with no pain and surrounded by his loved ones, and I like to think that the slideshow of the photos from our last trips to Europe brought back happy thoughts and memories to him in his last days. I know he relaxed a bit once I put them on the big TV in front of him.

At first we talked a bit about the trips but eventually we just sat holding hands.

Over the years we have had many occasions when we would watch the photos and reminisce about our travels and I confess that while I expected that I would come yo hold the memories of these trips dear to me I never expected to have that one final chance to sit quietly and just remember the trips we had taken as the photos scroll past. It was an unexpected benefit that they brought some small joy to my father in what was a sad moment.

When someone has lived a good life, we should celebrate that life more than mourn the loss. Take solace and joy in the wonderful memories you made together and that you will have to the end of your days. Then look forward to new travel experiences.

Yes but that future is very hard to see right now

Douglas, thank you for the heartfelt and honest insight into your circumstance. Its nice to hear your Dad enjoyed the memories of your past trips, and I'm sure that will bring you some comfort if not now, then eventually.

I think taking some time away sounds like a great idea at this moment.

That being said I am seriously considering taking a week or so and heading into the mountains to just get away from everything and just be myself and clean out my head.

Douglas, that sounds perfect. I am so sorry for your loss; I lost my dad just a few weeks ago. We didn't travel together, but we had worked together for many years, so I can at least begin to understand your loss.

And Chani's wonderful words ring true:

When someone has lived a good life, we should celebrate that life more than mourn the loss. Take solace and joy in the wonderful memories you made together and that you will have to the end of your days. Then look forward to new travel experiences.

Bless you, Douglas, and thank you for the wonderful stories you have shared with us of your travels with your dad.

Douglas, my deepest condolences on your loss. It was brave of you to post and to remind us all that our travels have often been our best times, with our best selves showing, in the best of company. My late mother replied once, "yes, life is a solo journey, but I have been lucky to spend mine in the company of many wonderful friends." As, clearly, have you. Rick once wrote that travel is a political act, and I agree, East Berlin and Sarajevo and Jerusalem in own life, and also an act of love. My father is in a far country and in steep decline, remembering happier years. We used to go to Brittany together and eat with his old Free French friend Michel. We used to sail in Croatia together and enjoy the respect he received from young and old - "ah, one of the last gentlemen!" And we watched him softly swap war stories with Doctor Ivo, reported dead by his Partisan group. So naturally he told everyone he could never die, as he was already officially dead. Sadly he was too optimistic. But Douglas, travel will always be worthwhile. You might even enjoy an organized tour with RS once the world spins back into the sunlight on the piazza. Where memory lives on. Fare forward, voyager.

The unexpected (at least by me) part of the travel was how much enjoyment watching the photos of the trips gave my dad in in last days. Even when he was not able to truly talk about the trips anymore we would just sit and watch the slide show.

My father loved to travel, my mother, not so much. So we mostly traveled in a trailer in the US basically allowing my mother to take her home with her. Once she passed Dad and I began traveling more and did two trips to Europe in two years with the third trip canceled because he became ill, So we just meshed well on what we liked to do.

As for future travel.... that is a distant future that is hard to see. Between Covid, the economic effect of Covid, and digging out from two years of medical expenses and lost income from taking care of my father...l. The future is very foggy.

But I still have my concern that without a travel companion to share with a large part of the fun will fade. And being more then a bit shy and socially awkward I don’t feel comfortable at all in groups of people I don’t know but am forced to spend time with. A travel group is my worst nightmare. A group I don’t know.... but can’t get away from for a week. I promise I will be hiding in the corner and gibbering before day 3.

I either need to know the people I am with and sorta trust them or I need to know that I can walk away and never see them again. Otherwise I don’t feel comfortable. Yes this is a personal issue but still very much a real issue.

So I expect that future travel means slo travel for me. And sometimes that is fine. Like my planed trip into the mountains to get away and think. But sometimes I like to share the enjoyment of seeing someplace new.
That “OMG, we are In LONDON}. Moments I had with my father after decades of talking about going but never making it there for example.

But sometimes I like to share the enjoyment of seeing someplace new.
That “OMG, we are In LONDON}. Moments I had with my father after
decades of talking about going but never making it there for example.

I'm grateful to have my wife as a travelling companion and it's because of her that I can understand your enjoyment of having someone to share those travels and discoveries with. We're all different, but as an introvert I have an understanding of your discomfort with the thought of group travel. But the thing I appreciated about our one and only RS tour was the freedom to disappear when I'd had enough. And I wasn't the only one. There was a small group of us that could easily slip away after meals and go explore on our own with no judgment.

There are ways to suss out travel companions, but even friends may be great friends and horrible travel companions, so you may be worse off with a bad chosen companion, than as part of a group. I think there are a lot of other priorities for you in the near future, and then when those are settled, perhaps your social life will have changed as well to allow you to look at travel with new eyes. Give yourself some time, and perhaps some more aging will allow you to be more used to being on your own and enjoying your own company enough to see it as 'travel as self fulfillment', rather than 'travel - alone'. Right now, you are measuring it to something recent and sweet. As you get through this loss and readjust your day to day, you may find pleasure in your own company and walking the path for yourself that you choose.

You will be welcomed on any RS tour. I’ve taken 7 tours and have great experiences with the friendly people who take tours with RS. You are free to do things on your own, of course, but if you want company, your fellow travelers will be accommodating. Just like any workplace or school situation, each tour group has a different personality and you will figure out how you want to fit in or not. The result is new travel experiences! Take a 7 day tour that RS offers: London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul or any of his shorter tours such as 8 Days Heart of Ireland, etc. Depending on your particular interests.

Condolences. It's great that the two of you made so many wonderful memories together that will always be with you. Although it's certainly not the same, you will still be able to share your experiences with the people on this forum.

Douglas, I wonder if you might possibly consider a tour of some kind when you are able to financially do it and emotionally ready to experience more in your life. Since you say you are uncomfortable with people you may not know, I believe most tour groups are made up of really nice, friendly people that you could become comfortable with after a few days and then it would enhance the enjoyment of the travel experience for you.

It is funny (as in odd) how some things that you take for granted when posting are not always obvious.
A few observations, I am in my 50s I doubt I will change personality wise at this point. And I lived on my own for 20+ years until building my current house with my folks about 15 years ago.
I did tend to take all my vacations with my parents. In part because my father loved to travel (as do I) but my mother was not so fond of it. Then in later years because I could help pay for trips that they could not afford to take on their fixed income.
Plus it was easier to travel in a trailer with a cat then get a cat sitter.
As for solo travel I have done more then many have it has just been mostly for business So single travel is not new to me. On more then a few of those trips I could sneeak in a day or two of site seeing if I was some place if interest,
And I have traveled with other folks. It just was most common for me to go with my dad.

As for group tours.... I highly doubt that I will ever try them. It is nothing against RS tours, they look interesting. It is simply that under no circumstance would I be comfortable around a group of complete strangers that I have to see every day for the next week or two. That is just about the absolute definition of my single biggest nightmare.
A day trip after which I never see them again... ok I can handle that (I would rather not but I can) But multiple days? Ummm no. And frankly I doubt that they would fill the hole for someone to share that sense of wonder and discovery. That taking joy from my fathers enjoyment. So I would be facing what I dread and not getting a true replacement for what I lost.
Once again this is nothing against the tours it is just a personality trait that I don’t think I will lose this late in life.
Thus why I have discussed elsewhere the idea of solo travel. For while I know folks that travel our ideas of a good trip radically differ, I am contemplating a short trip (about a week) driving around to some places I want to see just to get out of the house for a while. And I will probably do that trip solo. As what I want to see is mostly of no interest to my friends and family,

But this trip is not like going to Europe. It is mostly in areas I have traveled before. So this has a totally different dynamic.
Well we will have to see.

I do know that the memories of our trips together gave my father some small amount of enjoyment in his final days and that was a benefit of travel that I had never considered. Oddly enough considering that on our last two trips I tried to get my siblings to go as I knew we were approaching the end of our fathers travels and thought that they would enjoy getting a last chance to spend time with him on a trip. Something he so loved to do. Sadly for them, they didn’t join us, And now will never get that chance again,

I hope you have good experiences in the future, douglas, wherever you go, and with whomever ... or not! But you mentioned going in a trailer, with a cat. Is this feline around now? Pretty much every cat is far better than any person, so you’d hardly have a better travel companion than a kitty, if you had that option.