Abroad, give up-dates to friends or totally disconnect from normal life?

Well, I guess that's harmless enough. We tell our kids and relatives, and neighbors, and friends we will be gone and for how long. We give the county sheriff's department a note on how long we will be gone, who is authorized to be in the house, and details on property security such as the next door neighbor's shotgun. We leave our email address with all these people. We use an iPod Touch to communicate with ed persons by email throughout the trip. We stop the daily paper and tell the post office to collect our mail there. We live in a small town where all this is possible, and people look out for each other. There is an unofficial neighborhood watch that is very effective. Lots of people here leave their doors unlocked and woe be to the one that fools around in and unlawful manner.

"...the psychology of traveling:" What the heck does that mean? Based on this and your other post, it seems you may be spending a bit too much time thinking way too deeply about this stuff. Just go take your trip and have fun, okay? Yeah, I'll agree with others that people post way too much information online about who they are, who their family is, ages, marital status, genders, kids, where they live, when they'll be gone, when they're coming back, what they have, photos, etc., etc. A good crook would have a field day connecting the dots and cleaning up. I like the idea of a Rottweiler (or just a security system) to take care of any meth heads who may know you're on vacation.

I tell close family and a couple of friends I will be gone. No one else. One of reasons I travel is to TOTALLY disconnect from my normal life. Oh, I also tell my boss.....so I still have a job when I get back.

Just how "public" you are about your absence is certainly an important consideration for security. However, I think the question of "How To Prepare Your House To Be Gone For Xweeks" is really a different question than Pete intended. As I understand it, he's more interested in how connected people remain to their regular lives while they are away. He can make his own choice, obviously. But it is always interesting to hear others' perspectives. As for our security issues; Our best defense against mischief while we're away is to have retired neighbors 10' away from our house and to have virtually nothing of any real value in the house. How could we have much of value when we take long trips every summer! :)

Why do you want to know?

Obviously I tell my immediate family where I am and how to get in touch with me. As for extended family, I have found that some of them can't handle the truth. They ask silly questions or think I must have won lotto or something. They are on a "need to know" basis only. I wait till I'm back before sharing pics. I have travelled with friends who are posting details of the trip on Facebook every 10 minutes. That gets annoying after a while.

I let close friends and relatives, ones with whom I am in regularly contact, know I'm going, but I don't go out of my way to inform those with whom I have little contact. I think I have even posted it on this site, or at least sent some PMs. Rather than FB, I post my accounts, pictures, etc on my website. I guess Facebook would work equally well; I've just never gotten excited it.

1) I'm not sure what the point would be in keeping it a secret. What if someone really needed to contact you the day after you left and couldn't for a couple of weeks? Seems like it might inspire a call to the police to check your home for foul play. A simple group email saying something like "FYI we'll be out of town for a couple of weeks on our family vacation" would suffice and wouldn't sound like you were boasting or anything. 2) We do Facebook a little while we're away, but our main way of keeping others in the loop is to do a trip blog. This year will be our third year of blogging every day with some photos and (hopefully) interesting and/or amusing anecdotes. We have followers who are family, friends, co-workers, and even some other Helpline members here. If you would like to see what it looks like, send me a PM and I'll give you the link. This year's trip is 5 weeks in/near Italy in June/July.

There is some danger in announcing to the facebook world that you are out of town since that likely means your house in unoccupied. Unless you are very sure that only people you know not to be thieves have access to your status s, photos, etc (this is not the default setting however). I have seen many people "check-in" to their house and this have announced almost exactly where they they live.

I also just tell close friends, and immediate family members. Also give a few of them copies of our itineraries with hotel phone numbers in case of emergencies. We travel with a phone used only for emergencies - so usually off. We've always sent an email out to our immediate families every few days to let them know we're ok, and what we're up to. Won't post on Facebook while we're gone- way too public, but will probably post some pics when we get back. When I've been on the other side of the coin, and our eldest daughter has been traveling around Europe with her husband I have treasured those emails from her to know what they are up to, and where they are.

I let my family know I'm going...and my immediate neighbors whom I've long known, but that's it. If they need to reach me, they can call me, otherwise, I'll see everyone when I get back...it's my paid for private time and while it lasts, it's all mine.

Here are my own answers: 1. We give our immediate neighbors our contact info in case there is some problem with our house when we're gone. I'm not worried about thieves as we don't own much that's valuable. As for friends and relatives, it's some what personal for me... I grew up as a people pleaser. I know it's weird, but if we leave in secrecy there are less expectations on me and I feel I'll enjoy the trip more. 2. On our anniversary trip to Italy we were completely disconnected except except for a few calls to the kids. My wife and I needed distance from our normal boring lives. :) For our upcoming trip, I'm torn on this. I'm leaning towards Facebook "radio silence" as yet another facet of what my wife calls "vacating" our regular routine. Pete

We once went on a vacation to Seattle/Victoria/Vancouver for a week. Upon our return, we found our house had been burglarized. The burglars went through a basement window that was 3' from the end of a cable with a 120 pound rottweiler attached. We later found out that the perpetrators were some of my 22 year old daughter's acquaintances. Our daughter mentioned to someone that we were on vacation, and the word quickly got out. No, we do not get on any social media and broadcast any plans or pictures as we go along. There's time for that when we get home. Since then, the rottweiler has run loose, and he's a formidable guard dog. Our neighbors don't like him, either. Sorry, folks! I would suggest stopping your newspapers and mail as you leave. We leave on lights in the house. All of our windows have been chocked shut, and won't open. All doors but our front door are fully secured, and unable to be opened. Alarms are set. Garage door openers are disabled. We now have a major safe. My wife wears the expensive jewelry. Be proactive in your security.

I tell only immediate family and one or two friends where I'm going (usually alone). Of course, the folks where I work pretty much have to know, so I post one photo on FB (hey, here I am in front of Notre Dame de Paris!) and that's it. Then I turn my attention to blogging and publicize that I'm blogging about my trip so pretty much anyone who's interested (probably not that many people, actually) can follow my progress. BUT, I do not do my blogging principally for other people - it's really for myself - I've found that even months after I return from a trip I enjoy perusing my blogs to reminisce about my trips - a well-written blog with photos is much richer than just a simple photo album, in my opinion. One of my aims in traveling is to get away. So I make sure I'm not spending tons of time "reporting" everything to others - as I said, the blog is really for myself.

Of course I tell family and close friends,, if I/we just dissappeared they'd freak out,, thats weird and mean.I /we also let neigbhors know, my dad didn't once and came home to his house burgarilized,, the neighbors saw a truck pull up and load stuff, but they didn't know my dad well, and didn't know he was away, and merely assumed he was moving. No I don't facebook while travelling. I/we do disconnect unless there is a close family member we phone once or twice( like when my mom was alive but sick, of if I go kidless I phone every 5-6 days,, but not every freaking day like some people do, lol )

I am curious about what I see as a recent trend of poster asking broad questions and then coming back after a few responses and answering their own question. Not sure the purpose. But to answer this question - 1. Our immediate neighbors and some friends know we are going to be gone more for the purpose of watching the house. We never broadcast where we are going or have been. Not a secret but why is it important for them to know. 2. Who has time for that? And why would that be important to anyone? Looks like someone is bragging or just showing off. We do stay in connect with immediate family - two sons, one brother, and one cousin.

Frank, Pete has not answered his own question - he's in the process of working it out in part by finding out how other people have worked it out. If you don't like the question, don't answer. Pretty simple. I enjoy more thoughtful questions that lend themselves to subjective answers.

About every 2-3 days, or when we change our location, I send out an email to friends and family and title it "a post card from________", where I will type in a quick memo about where I have been and send it with 1-5 photos (iphone only allows 4-5 photos to be sent in an email). Everyone seems pleased to get these emailed postcards and some respond to my email, most do not. I had one friend whose tone in her response was a bit negative, stating that I was bragging and rubbing our trip in her face. I have dropped her from my email list since.

I find travel to be a pretty personal thing, so other than tell my immediate family so that they could look after the house, water plants, mooch a ride to the airport, etc., I don't tend to share with most people. If folks ask, "Going anywhere this year?", I will share, but don't usually come out with it on my own. Funny enough, the secretary at work always knows of my big trips because she takes care of the request for leave. When she sees that I have asked for 10+ days off, she'll ask what I'm up to. As for updates, I will call/email my immediate family maybe every few days, but no need to tell all about every minute of every day. No one wants to hear that (Edit: Unless they ask for it, then we will oblige). As others have noted, I don't tend to advertise our empty house.

Randy - check the 10:44 AM posting today. Sure looks like it is from Peter.

(1) I have an informal list of people who'd miss me depending how long I stay away and inform them according to my plans. A day off warrants only a talk with my girlfriend. A week off, a call to my parents and some close friends. A month off, more friends get informed. In a nutshell, I inform people that would probably miss a regular catch-up for the time I'm away. (2) It depends on my mood. Sometimes I update everything and keep even more online and connected than in regular schedule. In other occasions, I kept more to myself and don't update much if anything during the trip.

1) I don't keep it a secret, but it's really something that I only share with those on a need-to-know basis. I definitely do not yap about it endlessly for months and months leading up to the trip. That's just annoying and seems like bragging. 2) Absolutely not. I find it annoying when people on Facebook up date daily (in some instances, hourly up dates and "check-ins") when they are on vacation. Those are the people I don't hesitate to "un-friend" on Facebook. I don't even post my own travel photos on Facebook when I get home as I find looking at other people's travel photos about as interesting as watching paint dry. The photos I take are only interesting to me and I keep them in an album for me to look at every now and then. I once was invited to an acquaintance's house for dinner and was subjected to 3 hours of having to look at all 800 photos of this couple's trip to Australia (with running commentary by the husband). They thought I would be interested since I had traveled a large portion of Australia the year before. It was the longest dinner of my life having to sit through their slide show. Since your other question dealt with your concern that your kids are going to miss out on the full Euro experience with their noses pressed against the iPad watching movies or playing video games, I find it kind of ironic that you would consider posting daily up dates and uploading photos on Facebook... seems like that would definitely send mixed messages to your kids.

Peter, I always share my travels with a somewhat "selekt" group of family and friends. I send out one bulk E-mail a day or so prior to departure, with the general details and information on Blog or photo sharing sites that they can check if they're interested. Everyone that knows me is aware of how much I enjoy travelling in Europe, so I like to let them know. They're often interested in following the trip (some more than others). I try not to say too much to people that I don't know too well, as some can't afford to travel so it seems unkind to "flaunt it". That isn't the case with most of my family and friends - they CAN afford to travel, but choose a different style of travel. As I travel "solo" at least part of the time, I also keep in touch with a few specific family members every day or so via text messaging. I believe it's a good idea to let them know where I am and also that everything is OK so they don't worry. This is supplemented by occasional E-mails. That's my method at the moment, although this tends to evolve a bit every year.

Hello Peter. 1. If I said the name of a country or continent that I traveled to, I said it after I returned from the trip. I said it to people who asked the question "where did you go", if I think those persons will not be insanely (hatefully) envious of me when they know I travelled to Europe. 2. If people who know me need to communicate to me, while I am away, they can send E-mail to me. While I am at Europe, I try to read my E-mail once every four days. I do not send much information from Europe, via E-mail. No telephoning from Europe. When I am on a vacation trip, I wish to be on vacation from computers. I do not bring any computerised electronic item with me. Computers, for accessing the internet, are available to me at Europe. My use of computers at Europe (for E-mail only) is for minimal amounts of time. Before I travel to Europe, I give my complete itinerary of my trip (including the name and address and Telephone number and E-mail address of each Hotel and B & B that I will be at, and the dates when I intend to be at each Hotel and B & B) to one or two persons located in the United States of America.

Well, I guess I'm in the minority. I'll use Foursquare to post a picture or two per day while traveling, which my mom and mother-in-law are always VERY excited about. They miss us and it keeps them involved in our life while around the world. My friends from home also comment and "like" the stuff I post, so I assume it's not annoying to them. I also am interested in seeing and hearing about their travels on social media. But we're all mostly late 20s to mid 30 somethings from the Bay Area, California, where social media is just a very common way of how people maintain friendships. I do have all the social media that I use to post locked down or "private" so only friends can see, and stay up to date on Facebook's pesky privacy changes so I can adjust my settings appropriately. Also I do have a blog, it's more of a "life in europe" blog than a travel blog specifically, although i'm terrible about updating it. it was also mostly created for interested family and friends to keep up with us, and apparently even my mom's co-workers read it so I guess people find it interesting. I read plenty of blogs myself including travel and 'life in europe' blogs. I find them entertaining for the same reason I find this website entertaining: people sharing their experiences, advice, follies, etc.

"otherwise, I'll see everyone when I get back...it's my paid for private time and while it lasts, it's all mine." I like that answer the best. I realized long ago that most people, even close friends and relatives, only take a relatively mild interest in other's travels. Daily unsolicited briefings, at best, are usually ignored, and at worst, come off as bragging and narcissism. Let's be honest, most people at home aren't waiting on the edge of their seats to read about the fantastic dinner you had last night in Paris, or the great view you woke up to of the Lauterbrunnen Valley. Professional travel writers (like Mr. Steves, for example) can get away with this, because quite frankly, they're talented enough wordsmiths to make it interesting and to provide a unique perspective. Most of us, though... face it, we aren't skilled enough to appeal to a general audience. But to answer the questions... 1) If I'm going somewhere, I tell those who need to know. I won't keep it a secret if anyone else asks, but I don't announce it to the world, for many of the same reasons others have noted. 2) Before I moved here, I would send occassional emails to those I knew were actually interested, and for normal keep-in-touch types of communications. But nothing like daily up-dates. Since I moved here and now travel regularly with a laptop, I use Skype for the day-to-day types of communication, and email if I have any important information to share or request.

Tom: Excellent reply. Even very close friends and family who are genuinely interested in my life really aren't all that interested in the details of my travels, so I don't go there. I'll only discuss my travels with a very small set of friends that share my passion and values and want to talk about it. This made me think about blogging about your travels. I understand it fulfills a need to journal one's thoughts, experiences, etc., which is great, but does anyone else really care? Maybe they do...I don't know...I'm not a blogger, and I don't read blogs. Aside from journaling, what other need does it fulfill? Just curious from a non-blogger.

A travel blog, or even a flickr/Picasaweb album set - whose link is only available to people you give it or via Facebook - is a good way to allow friends/relatives looking at your pics, commenting on them if they want, without being "forced" to do so. When I travel I Facebook often, but I groups of f.b. friends to share the s with, a rather small one, so I don't flood others' boxes.

@Michael - I'm not a blogger, but I read some blogs written my people who share interests similar to my own. I also look for local bloggers when I am planning a trip; they often report info that would not be in the guidebooks (e.g. local restaurant reviews, events, etc.) With regard to travel, I think that blogs are a pretty non-obtrusive way to keep a journal and share info about your trip. People who are interested can read and comment and others who don't care can ignore. It is far better than being forced to watch someone's slide show or look through a picture album.

Just a brief comment from the other side of the story. My one sibling and I are in our 60s. We are in regular touch via email, with a phone call every few weeks. (We live 2000 miles apart, and share very few interests, but are close, if that makes any sense) All recent emails to her had gone unanswered. No return phone calls either. After a bit of sleuthing, I determined that her entire family (adult children and grands) had gone to Europe for 2 weeks. I sure would have liked to know. She is due back in a few days, and I will probably express my opinion.

Maybe you could write to Miss Manners and ask if it's appropriate to express your opinion about your sister not notifying you or otherwise getting your approval in advance of her family's trip.

Having read the complete Miss Manners: Q. Where is it appropriate to wear an ankle bracelet. A. Under sweat socks.

Gillie, I am totally with you , that was very inconsiderate of your sister. Not answering the phone or emails for days would cause me tremendus worry if I was regularily in contact with someone.
And frankly once we get to a certain age you never know if someone is lying on the floor sick or hurt. She didn't have to give you a big run down, but a simple " I am going out of town with my kids for a few weeks" would have been considerate. Its not her asking for your permission its her letting you know not to worry!! Michael,, I have been in the hospital and witnessed the outcome for an elderly gentleman who fell in his home, and no one came to check on him for 4 days,, he almost died... luckily someone eventually clued in that he had been out of touch for more then the usual day or two. And by elderly I do not mean 90 + it can be anyone who lives alone and may be at higher risk for an accident or sudden health event.

Of course, the people who need to know I'm going away are told. But as for the rest, I neither brag nor hide my trips. Traveling is a priority and huge part of my life and I won't apologize for it. While away I don't go out of my way to email anybody, but if we end up in a Wifi zone I'll use the iPod to email my parents, and some very close friends who do care to hear from me. I don't go on and on about the details or send photos. Just a quick email to say hello and we're OK. We don't mention being away on Facebook ever. Hubby posts one picture of himself somewhere interesting after we return. The disconnect is WONDERFUL!!!!!!

I disconnect as much as possible... that is why I am going...to live in my little fantasy world with my rose-colored glasses and I want as little of reality as I can have. I do carry my cell phone so family can reach me, in case of emergency ,but as for posting on facebook what I am doing...never. I will sometimes post a photo or two or link to my slideshow a few weeks or month after I am home. It is my time for escape, renewing my creativity and just simply being. I also do not want to spend any of my precious time on anything but enjoying my travel. I do write in a journal, but that is personal. No one else would care.
(and I also tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the emotional experience or psychology of travel...it is as much a part of the experience as the sites I see....it has a lot to do with travel style or philosophy of travel)

Pat: If you're suggesting it's good practice (for a variety of reasons) and even considerate to notify those closest to you that you'll be out of pocket for a period of time, I agree with you. But, frankly, we don't know Gillie, her sister, or anything about their relationship other than what Gillie posted. Thus, how would anyone here know whether or not it was inconsiderate of the sister to not mention her trip beforehand? Maybe the sister had her own good reasons for not doing so. I was merely pointing out that Gillie might breach proper etiquette by proactively offering her unsolicited opinion and might want to check with a manners expert first.

I disconnect as much as I can. Some friends know we are travelling, and others hear about it from FB when I feel in the mood to and share where we are. Family: Some members I don't keep in contact with much, so they find out during the boring Christmas letter. Mother and close relatives find out a few weeks before we leave. I barely check email or FB because quite frankly, I don't care what's happening back here. Can't do a thing about it. Last year was different. I was in Europe with my daughter for two months because she was graduating in December, and we wanted a "mother/daughter" trip. I had to keep in touch with hubby and son, and decided to make it easy for everyone else by posting notes on FB so people could follow our trip. They loved it. We only posted when we got free internet though :-) Sometimes I would post a photo. It's still being disconnected as far as I am concerned because I don't feel pressured to find every McDs to use WiFi.

@Eli: You say you don't check Facebook much when you are in Europe because you don't really care what's happening back home in the US. So using that logic, how are you so certain people really "loved it" when you sent updates to Facebook so people could follow your trip while you were gone? Perhaps in an effort to be polite, they are feigning the same "interest" in your postings as I had to display when I was trapped at a dinner table looking at someone else's endless slide show of vacation photos. And why send a "boring Christmas Letter" to update relatives you rarely speak to the rest of the year? If you don't care enough about them the other 51 weeks a year, why waste the stamp giving them a summary of how you spent the rest of the year? Just trying to understand the "psychology" of the admittedly dull Holiday Letter...

I guess you missed my humour. Christmas letters are generally referred by many as "boring" because they sort of highlight a year's worth of news and the majority of folks I know generally say this about these letters. I f you go back and read why I posted on FB, you will "get it." Hope this is satisfactory. If you need anything else explained, do not hesitate to ask.

So here is my ...............sister called from Europe this morning. She is coming home tomorrow, and had minutes to burn on her rented cell. She also had no idea that she had not told me about the trip!!

Computer ate the word u p d a t e in previous note.

I don't really get the comparison between showing someone physically next to you boring vacation photos and posting your photos to facebook as you go. I am also wondering if this is generational? What's the point of Facebook if not to share that information (aside from playing Farmville, I guess!) The nice thing about the Internet is that you don't have to pay rapt attention to everything, most of my time on FB (which is little - I'm not a huge fan but it's the most convenient way to stay in touch with a majority of people I know) is scrolling through boring s from people I barely know. I don't begrudge what they post, I'm just not interested so I scroll right past. Isn't that how it works for everyone?

For us, a combination of Facebook and blogging (the two are linked) resolves the question of whether or not to inflict our trip information/photos on others directly. I put the information out there for people we know to access if they wish. They know it's out there. They never have to ask "how was your trip" because we both know if they really wanted to know, all they had to do was look. We don't feel bursting to talk about the trip when we get home because we feel like we already did. The beauty of Facebook and blogs (as Sarah suggests) is that they are easy to ignore. It's completely non-intrusive. And as others have already mentioned, it's a great way for US to remember the trip. We used to take notes in a notebook. That was quaint. But the blog is so much more attractive - even if it's just us that ever looks at it. The bonus is that I know for a fact that it isn't just us...

I had to take a few years off from traveling and when friends and family took off on adventures abroad, I was always delighted when they kept blogs, so that I could live vicariously and "share" in their adventures. I especially enjoyed reading their entries about places I had visited myself, and hearing their perspectives. Some people love to read travel blogs. You might really inspire someone by sharing your adventures online! I'm starting to travel again, but my mother, who usually travels with me, is in poor health and unable to accompany me anymore. Now it is my turn to author a travel blog, which I'll be writing mostly for my mother's enjoyment, but any other friends and neighbors who want to read it can, as well. I won't be posting to Facebook. I think a blog is better because people can choose to go there if they are interested in you, rather than being overwhelmed by short, frequent posts on Facebook from all their friends who are having vacations at the same time. If you decide to blog, don't expect to update it daily. Don't make it a chore. Keep a travel diary as you normally do, and share your highlights and a few photos whenever an internet connection and some waiting time presents itself. Your friends and family back home who love and miss you might really enjoy the updates. Bon Voyage!

Randy and Heather, I agree with you both. It's an age thing for some as well which is fine. My daughter would upload a pic or short status on FB whenever we got free WiFi so no expense to do this. Her would read "Amsterdam - 6 days." then she would add a photo because her close friends want to know and see. I would either send my husband an email with a short description of our day, or add a few photos on FB for him to check out. Took us all of five minutes to do. Am more about quick, convenient because I want to see/do things where I am. Clearly some give major reports and others don't, which is all fine because we are different. There is no right or wrong, and no one should be judging. Whatever works and makes one happy :-)

I'm really not one to keep in touch. People will know I'm going on vacation and generally where to, any more than that and I feel like I'm bragging (which I'm convinced always leads to something bad). My wife will probably post on facebook during our trip. I'm more likely to keep an eye on my email in case an emergency arises.