This is a true story. It may be a little "Un-PC", but no harm is meant.
My wife and I visited a little cheese shop in Paris off the Rue Cler that apparently is famous for supplying cheeses to high-up French mucky-mucks. Advertised in the doorway was the offer of “Sample 5 cheeses for 15 Euros”. Being cheesy guy that I am, I knew a good deal when I saw it!
So, I walked in and greeted the cheese monger with a hearty “Bonjour!”. Then she said something back in French. Uh-oh. Let’s see, how’d that go? “Parlez vous Anglais?” I asked. “Non,” was the reply. Then she vanished into the back and brought out this hulking man in his late 40s, broad as a barn door. Apparently, someone she keeps around to deal with schmucks like me who don’t have the decency to learn some French.
I pointed to the sign, hoping that soon I’d be feasting on the finest cheese in all of Paris. “Fromage, see-voo-play?” I asked in my best polite French. My only polite French.
This huge guy looked at the sign, then looked at me; he inhaled deeply and in the best puffed-up French-accented English informed me, “It is not time for ze cheese now.”
He stared at me. I looked sheepishly back at this guy who is a cross between Gérard Depardieu and Hulk Hogan.
“Uh, when will it be time for the cheese?” I asked hesitantly.
He huffed and said, “In an hour it will be time for the cheese”.
They were CLOSED in an hour.
Thus the legend of The Cheese Nazi was born.
(‘tho a day later I returned and was able to negotiate the promised sample of 5 cheeses for 15 euros without The Cheese Nazi being there. And they were some damned fine cheeses, lemme tell ya! Only, there was a lot of cheese. Like, a LOT of cheese. I couldn’t eat it all! I was worried the cheese monger would be offended, so I kept on shoving du fromage in my pie-hole until I was groaning. Then I gave up, covered the remainder up with a napkin, and quickly slipped inside. ‘Tre Bien — tre bien’ I said repeatedly, intersperced with lots of Mercis, as I handed her the plate. She smiled and I beat feet before she saw how much of her wonderful cheese I left on the plate and called The Cheese Nazi on me!)