Thoughts on changing travel mindset as I age - commenting before later Trip Report, Italy

Welcome to the world of traveling the way you want.

I rarely, in fact never, write trip reports. That's because I travel the way I want, stay where I want, do what I want, and not really care what anyone else thinks. That way would also meet with disapproval from some who insist we all travel their way.

I've said for a long time...."It's your time, it's your money. Do whatever you want. Otherwise, it's not your trip but someone else's."

And never feel guilty, or worry about what someone else will think, if you do things your way. Do you really need approval from some anonymous person on a travel forum? If you get scolded, or insulted, by some person on a travel forum because they don't "approve" of what you did or they believe their way is best, is it your problem or theirs?

Frank II, I’ve always been an independent thinker - not looking for approval. Just musings after three days of mellow travel. : ). Maybe the tone of my intended laughter was missing from my words about staying at two places very close to each other. I admit it; I laugh a little inside each time I read on the forum that moving locations wastes at least half a day vs. day trips. It’s more like costing me 10 minutes but receiving much more time saved by not making the return trip.

I rarely, in fact never, write trip reports. That's because I travel the way I want, stay where I want, do what I want, and not really care what anyone else thinks. That way would also meet with disapproval from some who insist we all travel their way.

I have never written a trip report either. Never really thought about why I haven't, but this statement above comes pretty close to how I feel about it.

While I do read some trip reports here, for the most part I skip them. Most are too heavy on bucket list "look at me" virtue signaling for my tastes.

I enjoy reading others' trip reports, and if there has been criticism by others, I've never noticed that nor any attempts at calling attention to themselves. They help me revisit experiences that I've had or introduce me to ones that I haven't.
Per your focus, Jean, my husband and I are visiting Paris in two weeks for our 10th time. We have nothing planned for two weeks! Actually, the "plan" is to just BE. I envision being outside and just enjoying breakfast, lunch and dinner, walking or a park bench. Perhaps if there is a change of "age mindset" the variable of "Is it my first time or my tenth?" applies. If it's my first time, I want to have planned more and have secured more entry tickets to X, Y and Z, but there is such a level of peace for me in the just being.
Your "hop on the train and go elsewhere" is inspiring. Keep on hopping, Jean!

Lindy, your Paris plans or lack of plans sound wonderful! Paris is the perfect place for “just being”! It’s one of the reasons I took the RS 1-week Paris tour several years ago. Being my third time to Paris & taking the RS tour, I learned so much about Paris during the guides’ with us in the morning. Yet, with afternoons free, I had the chance to savor Paris. : )

I don't think a trip report is necessary if you don't want to write one. I write them but it's mostly because I enjoy writing. It's pleasurable for me to sit down after a long day and write about the day. Plus (and it's a big "plus"), it helps me remember the trip details years later.

That said, I don't think writing a trip report means you are concerned about what others think. If I did, I wouldn't write about all the goofy things I do and mistakes I make when traveling. :-)

Technically, every response we give here is sort of like a mini trip report. Any time we respond to a question on the forum, we are sharing our experiences, our mistakes, our knowledge and giving back. Trip reports don't have to be long essays to be useful. They can be as simple as a paragraph about a wonderful restaurant near your hotel. It's all relative. :-)

Jean--I love all that you wrote. There is no wrong way to travel as we all have different styles, and thinking about it, ours has changed. I still like fast paced, but we also don't have a set plan oftentimes. I am thinking of our trip that we just got back from. One day we had an entire peninsula to wander. I had a few stops jotted down that we might stop at, but the entire day was just drive and stop where we want. Another day was the same, minus one place we had a timed ticket. Even in Greenland, things were very relaxed and they don't really run on a clock, so you very quickly adapt to a leisurely feel there. I find some of the best moments are those unplanned events.

Lindy--"They help me revisit experiences that I've had or introduce me to ones that I haven't." This is why I love reading trip reports, especially of places that have not been on my radar.

Mardee--I too write trip reports more for myself so I too can remember all the details of past trips. One that I reread on occasion was our first trip to the Alaskan bush and I enjoy going back and reading my thoughts on temporarily living a very different life and what all it entails. We have been back many times, but that first trip really changed me.

Hi Jean,

I wonder if it's a bit aging and a bit being such an experienced traveller. As a much less experienced traveller, I still have a part of me that wants to see everything I haven't seen. I am trying to hit a balance, on my next trip, between being "greedy" and just "being".

In regards to trip reports: I love reading trip reports. I never experience them as showing off or caring what others think. I just love being able to go along for the ride. I'm interested in how other people travel, similar or different to me. I get ideas, get inspired and enjoy other traveller's enjoyment. Also, some of the trip reports are just plain, excellent writing and a joy to read. Some are so honest and revealing that I feel honored to read them. Sometimes, I think "wow, I would never do that", in a wondering way not a judgmental way. If folks aren't into writing trip reports, don't do it but know that I would find them interesting.

One of my dear friends always said "run your own race" and I think that applies to travel as well as marathons.

I do enjoy trip reports. I write mine to share with my parents, mostly, and so I can remember some things.

Isola Bella is so pretty. I'm glad you're having a nice vacation.

I feel like I'm at a weird place because I'm in my early 40s but had unexpected knee problems this last year that really does scare me for what travel could look like in my 60s though I've been on tours with some really spry 80 year olds, too. And I've lost too many people younger than 60 to take for granted that I'll be alive then, either.

On moving around. You have a system that most people don't have. You pack incredibly light and do not travel far. I think the standard advice of how much time it takes to relocate is true generally. And it is usually addressed to less experienced travelers who may not have thought it all through. But we all find our own way and decide what works for us which may be different depending on where we are traveling.

When I was planning to visit Crete, I actually got a lot of advice to not day trip but to move. People told me how they regretted having to drive back. So we stayed in in 6 places for 11 nights. It worked well but it wasn't my usual style. It did make me think differently about one or two night stays and when they make sense.

I can not read every trip report word for word but I enjoy looking most of them over.

I really enjoy writing them and sharing with others. I have not even gone to Japan yet but I am already thinking of my trip report.

I always hope to learn something from reading trip reports and I always hope that someone will learn something from my trip reports.

Because I did not have the opportunity to travel much when young or younger, I only know what it is like to travel as an older and now much older woman.

I have traveled on a very tight budget but now my budget is loosening up as I come into what is now the last years of my traveling due to health and age. It is possible that I might still have a few more trips left but ......

I am beginning to splurge a little bit more. On my upcoming trip to Japan, I will be taking either Lyft or Uber to the airport. Up until now, it was always public transportation.

I have been taking one cruise a year but I might add a second vacation within the 12 month calendar going somewhere Spring 2026.

What I have learned from some trip reports is that things do not always go as planned for others. it is not just me! and that has proved a little bit comforting.

Age and health dictates how I live which includes how I travel. And throw in budget. I may not travel much but I savor the moment. I feel no need to rush and see it all. I try to focus on what I did see rather than what I missed.

there’s definitely an unhurried feel and a “light on agenda/heavy on spontaneous exploring” change to my travel.
It’s become a relaxing mindset, of enjoying the moments whatever they may be for the day.

Jean, this sounds wonderful! Yes, we are definitely slowing down when traveling--on purpose--giving ourselves time to enjoy each place instead of racing on to the next destination.

Do you feel more rushed as you age to do everything you wanted, or do you have this mellowing of just enjoying wherever the day leads?

We build in "rest stops" along the way, staying in one place 3 to 5 nights. This gives us that unhurried feel you mentioned....and it's wonderful! We still have an itinerary that moves us through the UK, seeing some key places/castles/museums but that might be for 5 days; then it's time to settle into one place and explore, just enjoying a long breakfast, a long walk, and the town or village.
A big part of our plan is choosing just the right hotel for that stay, just as you have done. Your hotels sound lovely! And perfect for that relaxing "rest stop" on a trip!

I honestly don't think there is a big majority among those on the forum that have a travel style that encourages long stays and many daytrips. Its just that people that don't travel that way, that pack so that they can gather their things and move out of their accommodation in a short time, feel like they're are minority and don't talk about it much. Also when folks talk about the length of time to move to another location and include the travel time to get there are not considering that folks that go to the same place as a day trip are making that travel to get to the place and then need to backtrack to their accommodation.

Our family over the years has done many "road" trips in the U.S. Basically, when we travel in Europe, it is a road trip, regardless of whether we use cars or trains. The amount of time we spend in a spot depends on what there is to do whether that is in the particular city or day trips. Some times we stay 1 day, sometimes 5 days or so. What I am very careful about, is making sure that we actually see and experience each place we visit.

People that take many day trips, are missing the enjoyment of spending quieter times in a city before or after the day trippers leave.

People that take many day trips, are missing the enjoyment of spending quieter times in a city before or after the day trippers leave.

I totally agree.

"run your own race"

This covers it, thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jean. I find it interesting to read about other travel styles, even if they're not my thing. BTW, my most recent trip was with a very busy 20 year old and boy am I tired, your trip sounds wonderful.

I laugh a little inside each time I read on the forum that moving
locations wastes at least half a day vs. day trips. It’s more like
costing me 10 minutes but receiving much more time saved by not making
the return trip.

The only time I comment on time changing locations is when people are going long distances (e.g., London to Rome) or involving time consuming travel plans, especially new travelers. Not what you're doing on your Italy trip.

Jean, I wouldn't say our travel style has changed that much, except that we do take more short breaks during the day and I deliberately schedule time here and there to be flexible. Part of that is due to the fact that we had many years when most of our vacations involved visiting family in the U.S., so we haven't traveled as extensively in Europe as many on the forum, and we want to see certain sights that have always appealed to us. Another thing that has happened is that we need to plan our days more than on our earlier trips because so many sights now require advance and timed ticket purchases. We used to plan the next day the evening before based on the weather, our priority list, and how we felt at the time. That's harder to do now. Regarding how fast we move from one location to another--I have scheduled stops as short as 1 night and as long as 9 nights depending on the location and what we want to see. I will continue to do that, although my preference is at least 3 nights in one location and at least a full week my first time in a major city like London, Paris, or Rome. That gives us time to see major sights and to spend time wandering around. I'm not able or willing to pack as light as you do, but I can see how well it could work for moving about efficiently.

I'm looking forward to your trip report. I skim nearly all trip reports and read some carefully. I've never been put off by a sense the writer was boasting or showing off. (Or maybe I just said oh well and moved along.) I assume they are written in the hopes they will help someone else, and as others have said as a record of the trip. I enjoy reflecting and writing about my trips--the trip report supplements the photo book I make after each trip. I enjoy trip reports about places that I have no plan to visit or about travel styles very different than mine--they are still interesting, especially when the writer's personality, likes, and dislikes come through.

Enjoy the rest of your trip. I'll be looking for your report.

I honestly don't think there is a big majority among those on the forum that have a travel style that encourages long stays and many daytrips.

I just went through this "debate" myself.

My original plan was 5 locations over 20 days, including two that required flights and a lot of train time on top of that. These were all places my wife and I wanted to see, but then I started doing the math: minus our arrival and departure days, it was only 18 days. Then days with flights were basically days lost. That left about 3 nights per locale. In my mind, that wasn't enough to really experience the places were planned to go.

Instead, I scaled back our plans to 14 days and limited our travel to three locations in the same country accessible by train rides of 3 hours or less. I also chose less traveled locations (sans our departure city) and planned day trips from those. This had a lot of unexpected advantages: it forced us to really consider what it was we wanted to see and experience and it also halved our expected expenses. It also saved us from the "If This Is Tuesday It Must Be Belgium" experience where it would have been a lot of rushing around on limited time to see and do what we wanted to.

Were there places we really wanted to see, but we wouldn't be able to? Of course, but there's always next trip!

-- Mike Beebe

Nice post! Great responses too! I enjoyed everyone's thoughts.

Happy travels.

So many interesting thoughts on this thread! When I travel, I like to be out doing things. Sitting on a balcony relaxing for extended periods is not a good time for me. I find that I change how I travel depending on my purpose for the trip. If I am traveling with family that has limited vacation time, we are trying to optimize the experience with a balance of locations and experiences. If I am traveling solo, I am looking for the locations and experiences that interest me without worry about how long I'm some place.

Don't laugh at me, but I once spent just over 24 hours in New York City and was completely satisfied. My travel goals had been met. I managed to visit the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, do a hop on hop off tour, and see two Broadway shows. Did I miss a whole lot that NYC has to offer? Of course. Do I mind? Not at all.....

"Welcome to the world of traveling the way you want."

Frank, you sound like someone who knows what they want. Knows how they like to live.

Most people are working that out.

"Is that better?" "Do I need to do that?" Etc.

And the reasons (including virtue signaling) vary with the person.

Do you feel more rushed as you age to do everything you wanted

I've thought about this recently and have recognized that I have generally traveled as widely as I want, and now I'm enjoying going back to countries and cities to see more.

or do you have this mellowing of just enjoying wherever the day leads?

Not quite that yet. I still make morning plans, but I let my afternoons meander, perhaps before a planned dinner or show. I never would have had this luxury of time while I was working - when vacations were 3 day weekends tacked on to business trips. The idea of spending 7 or 8 nights in a city wasn't realistic.

Now that it is, I love having that extra time to get to know a place! And to do things that I never would have had time to do during a whirlwind visit.

I'll just copy and past what Mardee said;

I don't think a trip report is necessary if you don't want to write
one. I write them but it's mostly because I enjoy writing. It's
pleasurable for me to sit down after a long day and write about the
day. Plus (and it's a big "plus"), it helps me remember the trip
details years later.

That said, I don't think writing a trip report means you are concerned
about what others think. If I did, I wouldn't write about all the
goofy things I do and mistakes I make when traveling. :-)

I also like it when my friends post vacation photos on Facebook as it gives me ideas for my own travels or brings back memories if I went there, or I'm just happy for them. I feel bad for some of my friends who don't feel comfortable talking about their trips because they're concerned they're bragging due to occasional comments from the negative nellies.

Katiecem

I wonder if it's a bit aging and a bit being such an experienced traveller. As a much less experienced traveller, I still have a part of me that wants to see everything I haven't seen. I am trying to hit a balance, on my next trip, between being "greedy" and just "being".

I can identify with that. In our younger days we would tear around like our hair was on fire, trying to see and do as much as we could pack in a day, every day, because everything was so new to us. We've slowed down now, both out of demand from our old bones as well as desire to just enjoy being there. But every trip is different. Last fall we did a 2 week group tour of Scotland (not RS) that kept us busy every day, and it was glorious. But the week following we went at our own pace in York and London, with no real agenda, and it was lovely. One day DH was up and away early to visit the Air Museum. I had intended to visit the York Castle Museum, but was feeling lazy, so I blew it off and instead had a late leisurely breakfast and then took a coffee outside to a bench that overlooked the Minster. It was a beautiful fall day, perfect for soaking up the scenery and people watching. No regrets- I'll visit that museum the next time we go to York.

I enjoy reading a well written trip report; especially those that include their reflections on what they experienced. Those that merely consist of "we went here and saw this and then we saw this and then we saw that.".. blah blah blah. No, sorry, I'm not just interested in a daily itinerary. I dont post trip reports. But I do keep a daily journal when I'm on vacation. It includes a lot of personal musings and thoughts, so it's just for me. But it's wonderful to re read them in conjunction with my photos to bring back memories of previous trips.

Do you feel more rushed as you age to do everything you wanted, or do
you have this mellowing of just enjoying wherever the day leads?

I don't think I'm at the target audience age yet that you are asking the question to, so maybe my answer will change over time. I'm comfortable now with the RS suggestion to act like you'll be back. We leave for Belgium in 33 days and it's only a 11 day trip and our first concern when we started planning was that it's not nearly enough time, and one we took a deep dive into planning we realized that. No panic though, if we like what we see, we'll come back.

Enjoying all these thoughts. For the first time after 9 RSteves tours we are contemplating a DIY Norway/Sweden trip. I thoroughly love all trip reports and read the forum almost daily. You all have given me such valuable information. Keep seeing all the things or lingering over morning coffee or afternoon glass of wine. Whatever sounds the best :)

Jean, yes, my travels today are much more relaxed than in my younger years. Being has become more important than seeing.

I find your travel style encouraging. While I like to "plant" myself in certain destinations, some trips just flow better when you keep moving.

And I certainly don't write a trip report for approval or to show off. I write a trip report as both pay back to the forum community for their collective advice and wisdom and to help future posters searching for information.

”Another thing that has happened is that we need to plan our days more than on our earlier trips because so many sights now require advance and timed ticket purchases.”

Barbara N’s comment is certainly true for the main sites. My daughter & I have timed tickets for a few sites we will see in Venice, etc. On the other hand, I am finding as a solo traveler that for activity-type tickets (not museums), I am ahead if I wait to the last week or even looking for the next day. Many of the companies won’t let you sign up as a solo, but after they have other people signed up, it opens up to sign up as “1”. I did this in Lecce last year, at Monopoli this year, and I just did it for a City Bike tour in Torino for this week.

I just read an article, "Stealing Time; How to beat the clock without stopping it," and it's about slowing down and paying attention. I think in a world where people rush to the next "big" thing, it's a pleasant attitude to be able to take it easy and embrace the surroundings of wherever life finds you. I have traveled to many lovely places, but at times, I get a bit of burnout from trying to see it all. These days I try to thoughtfully build in days with no plans and just wander or take a rest. With that being said, there are still some trips I do with a group for the ease of not having to plan everything myself and to have the company of others. It's a balance; life goes by too fast, and yes, if you can slow it down by taking it easy and paying attention, then by all means do it!

Jean,
Such an interesting topic. We mostly travel with a cousin and her husband. They are 6 years older than us. We noticed on a trip in 2022 that they needed to stop for coffee more often and ended the day earlier than we usually would. After that trip I thought, oh we might have to start traveling alone, but not yet.
Then my husband and I had a long discussion about it and decided that maybe they were right and we were wrong. Maybe it was better to move slower, really see more, and RELAX.
We have since been on 4 trips all together and enjoyed every moment. We realized it was better to move slower, 3 night stay is our minimum, with them then quicker alone. We really do have so much fun and laughs together and that in itself is a gift.

Allan,
I’m looking forward to your Belgium trip report when you return home. It definitely is an often overlooked, or maybe just not reported on, country.

Jean,
Such an interesting topic! I have been traveling extensively for the last 12 years and I have come to the conclusion that I have seen everything I want to see. Not really, of course, because I haven't been to Spain or Portugal or Scotland. These are places I do want to see but my point is if I had to stop today, I am content with my travels. Don't misunderstand me, I am still traveling. I have a trip to Romania planned for the last part of September and next year, Scotland in August for the Military Tattoo and the Fringe Festival.
I don't have the sense of urgency I did when I first got the travel bug. I have several friends who I can visit in Italy, Germany and England so I will try planning those kinds of travels, too.

Don't you just hate it when those self-involved narcissists post overlong TRs with all those photos?!
God, I mean just enough already! We get it. You're Joe (or Josephina) Traveler - whaddya want, a medal?!
I am done. the end

https://www.fodors.com/community/europe/il-calabrese-a-photo-essay-inc-a-bit-of-rome-1732571/

That zebec does some excellent photography. Now I must visit Calabria.

Me too!!! Such pictures.

Merci tous. Y'all realize that I was joking above. 'Zebec' and I share the same wife, same bed, same Nikon, same same...
I am done. the two handles

Lindy wrote

Actually, the "plan" is to just BE

Increasingly, this is our style. Stay a good long while and be. Sure, I have lists of diversions and ideas, but it is all fluid.

Jean, below is a related quote. Lonely Planet's old poster (now mod for the newly resurrected LP Thorn Tree forum on Reddit) called 'lucapal' once stated:
"You've got your way to travel. And I've got mine."
He was responding to a smug and snarky poster on that same old forum.

Great topic idea here - thank you.
cheers
I am done. the different approaches

I’m currently in Europe on the 2nd full day of our 11 week trip. This is my 15th time to Europe in 19 years. Have my trips evolved over time and while we have aged? Yes. If I had known at the beginning how often I would be fortunate enough to travel I might have done things differently, but I never expected to be able to travel this much and wanted to be sure I saw everything! Now I’m much more relaxed and while I still want to see things and have ideas of what I want to do I am not inclined to buy tickets ahead of time, with a few exceptions. I try to plan our trips to eliminate traveling too far between places. That didn’t happen this year for a variety of reasons and while we will have to take flights between places twice, so what? I do appreciate that we have the luxury of time that many people don’t have. Someone mentioned going to Paris and having no plans. That applies to us as well. We will be there for a month celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. It will be my 9th time there. Have I seen everything in Paris? Of course not. I plan to see things, but don’t want to be tied down to a schedule so I have bought memberships to the Louvre and Monuments pass. I’m considering buying one for d’Orsay/Orangerie. We can then come and go as we wish. We will also do some day trips to places within a reasonable distance that we have not been to yet. In between sights we will wander, sit at sidewalk cafes, stroll through parks and just enjoy being there. We will also meet up with friends here and there throughout the trip, which we really enjoy as well. Some of our destinations on the trip are new to us. Will we exhaust ourselves trying to see everything knowing we may never return? Nope, we can’t see it all so we will see what we can and savor the experiences we do have. There is no right way or wrong way to travel. To each their own.

My husband is kind of a fast food guy, so Paris 2008 his preference (to our adult daughter’s dismay) was to grab a baguette sandwich and eat on the go. Fast forward to Paris 2025 - “ can we sit and have a coffee? Shall we do that restaurant for lunch?”

I have next to nothing planned for Pavia

Jean, I swoon at this!

I love this thread! (And while I normally love side conversations, this time I actually found myself trying to will everyone to stop talking pro- and anti-trip report opinions just because I wanted to hear more about everyone's responses to Jean's question!)

We took our first real trip when we were in our mid-20s (one week in NYC, a gift to myself for finishing grad school!) and there's a lot, looking back, that I laugh at and would do differently now. But there were also a few real clues in there, pointing in the direction we've since headed on subsequent domestic trips (including a return to NYC): 1) we (mostly) organized our day by neighborhood, giving plenty of time for exploring each area, 2) we had, I believe, only one timed place/event, leaving the rest to be entirely unscheduled (this has become even more increasingly important to me over time, as my career is incredibly clock oriented), and 3) we went to see a movie lol (talk about slow travel and just being in a place!).

That said, as we embark on European travels, I know I'm going to have to actively resist the temptation to pack it all in, to see as much as possible, to go-go-go. I'm going to have to remind myself over and over again that we like to move slowly, to be rather than to do, to spend enough time in a single place to really get to know it (as much as possible given our constraints anyway).

I absolutely love that Andrea mentioned above getting memberships to certain museums specifically in order to have the freedom of visiting them without needing timed-entry tickets. I'd actually had that thought recently, that that would be SO ideal, given my clock-averse self on vacation, and I'm letting myself be inspired that you made that a reality, Andrea!

Hannah, I’m so happy that you found inspiration in my lack of committing to plans! Lol! Seriously, I don’t know if my plan would be feasible, or at least not financially the best option, for people who will only be in Paris for a short time and who feel they will never return. If money is no object it would be very worth it though.