Pass the Story --- A cooperative DIY Trip Report

We landed in London after a long overnight flight, and managed to navigate Heathrow without too much trouble. We had several hours to pass before we could check in to our hotel, and I was really looking forward to some fish-and- chips and a pint in a real London pub, and then a walk in a quaint neighborhood while we waited for check-in. We grabbed out luggage from the baggage claim carousel and, thanks to the advice here, headed to the Tube stop to ride the Piccadilly line to our hotel in . . . .

Cockfosters. What a bargain - only £29 per week for the four of us – and it’s direct from Heathrow so no changes on the Underground. We also thought it sounded great. The room was cosy - who needs a window, natural light is so overrated!

We decide to explore the neighbourhood like a local. But on second thoughts headed into central London where we settled into an Aberdeen Angus Steak House. After much gnashing of teeth, we eventually got through our steaks. We didn’t leave a tip. We were feeling like locals already!

Buzzing a bit from the excellent lager we headed out. At the next intersection we looked left, stepped off the curb and...

walked over the Abbey Road zebra crossing. All the traffic stopped and the friendly cabbies gave us all a wave....

Feeling lucky after our mistake looking the wrong way to cross ( we survived only because it was a zebra crossing), we were then dismayed to learn the obligatory photo was not taken. Back across Abbey Road twice more, to get the iconic photo walking in the correct direction. Then . . .

Back to the hotel to rest. Big day tomorrow. Tower of London, changing of the guards, 1/2 day trip to Windsor castle and then a show at the Globe theater. Will need all of our strength.

I'm not sure whether or not i've planned to do too much! Maybe if there is time, I will take an evening boat ride down the Thames to Greenwich. Meanwhile, a quick stop in the nearest pub for a pint....

And some fish and chips in an olde worlde pub.

While we were eating our fish 'n chips, you won't believe who walked into the pub.....

….but Prince Charles and Camilla, who had briefly escaped their security minders to have a wee tipple down the pub.
She ordered....

A 12 year old Red Breast Irish whiskey and a pint of Guinness, which she knocked back in...

a matter of minutes. Turns out Meagan isn't the only one finding royal life difficult. Prince Charles invited us to Kensington Palace for a nightcap. We could not believe...

...... the Queen was there to remind Charles he had once again failed to be home by curfew and had forgotten to take out the trash and recycle bin that morning. Camilla then reached for a bottle of....

Aspirin to help her get a sound nights sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a big day and she needed to be and look her best. It was the opening night of The Crown, the Play. Dame Helen Mirren was to play her......

banjo at the afterparty. Unfortunately, her understudy had mistakenly packed...

...Dame Helen’s selfie stick instead! We know because the afterparty photos were the top story on the BBC News the next morning (it was a slow news day.) After turning off the telly, we walked down to the hotel’s breakfast room where...

we ate beans on toast

Black pudding, streaky bacon, one fried egg, and tomatoes. It was good, but we only got one cup of coffee and it wasn’t anything like what we get at Starbucks. They have a lot to learn here about coffee. Now to go and have a look at Big Ben and . . .

Uh oh, the beans. Oh well was a time I coughed to cover a fart now I fart to cover a cough.

Oh damn, Big Ben was covered in scaffolding. It's such a drag when we come so many miles to see these sights and they are under wraps or scaffolding. Quite a disappointment.

Oh well, we will enjoy our ride on the London Eye and then to the hotel for beddie-bye. Tomorrow we pick up our rental car and embark on our adventure - learning to drive on the wrong side of the road. We're heading for Edinburgh but tomorrow our first stop will be ......

... the Yorkshire Dales, where we will visit many sites mentioned in James Herriot’s ‘All Creatures Great and Small series.

Driving along, suddenly our big breakfast caught up with us, in a hurry. We stopped along the road, looking for a secluded spot to take care of business. Sadly, we realized we had nary a loo roll in the car with us.

Luck was with us, we found a Rest Stop on the M1 just in time. We wouldn't have made it if we had to wait til our lunch stop in Nottingham.

I think my tummy issue is caused by my hubby not doing well driving on the “ wrong” side of the road. I’m stressed out

After taking care of our tummies and the other GI issues we realized that now we were a little hungry. We decided since we were at a rest stop that we might as well have a nice, soothing cup of tea. Then we spied some scones as well, but, would they be good purchased at a rest stop......trying to decide.....

We had the classic discussion, which goes on the scone first, the clotted cream or the jam? Of course there is only one correct answer.

Back into the car and heading north as we approached Nottingham we went looking for historical figures in Sherwood Forest. And we saw, just near the old stone bridge...

a big black dog. Bigger than any dog we’d ever seen. It’s ears pricked up as it turned to look at us. Lips curling, jaw opening wide, it let out an awful, terrifying howl from the depths of its soul (do dogs have souls?).

It began running towards us. Our dream trip to Ye Olde England was turning into a nightmare. Quickly realising the danger we turned and fled, our white sneakers quickly turning a muddy grey. Our lungs were bursting as we reached a clearing in the forest.

There’s a pub! We sprinted towards it, past the quaint Range Rovers and Audi A4s. We rushed through the door to be greeted by a surprised landlord. “Aye lad, what’ll thee have?” he said in a foreign tongue. Welcome to Yorkshire. OMG…

Next morning we had an amazing breakfast. Plate was full of baked beans, fried tomatoes,.....

,,,, just then we heard the roar of jet engines which startled us. We awoke and realized we had fallen asleep while the plane was taxiing for take off------We hadn't left yet!

Happily the beans at breakfast was just a bad dream
As the plane rushed down the the runway there was a ........

an announcement from the cabin crew. "Owing to the increased traffic at Heathrow, we have been informed that we will be diverted to ...."

Dublin with a 24 hour layover. Oh well, we could have a stroll down Grafton street and have tea at Bewleys and maybe....

Might have have quick pint at the Guinness Store House, if we don't get into Trinity College to view the Book of Kells!

We decided on the Guinness Storehouse and ended up on the top floor for our pints. Everything was great, except I couldn't understand a word anyone said. I had spent hours studying British on Rosetta Stone, but now I am lost. My partner has a better ear, but we still got into trouble when he misunderstood....

Aww, I woke up and it was all a dream, I’m still in London. I was excited, it was Saturday morning and I was taking the train up to Manchester, I’m going to take a tour of Coronation Street, I was the first person there, then I saw Chris Gascoyne, since I was the only visitor there Chris came up and talked to me and.........

suddenly a huge black dog came running up to me! Bigger than any dog I'd ever seen. It’s ears pricked up as it turned to look at me. Lips curling, jaw opening wide, it let out an awful, terrifying howl from the depths of its being. It was... it was...

The Hound of the Baskervilles! Or was it?

we were really unlucky as this was the second time we’d been chased by a dog. 😕😱

But perhaps it's the same dog! Perhaps there's something eerie going on here! Perhaps...

... it was the smell of the 'steaky bacon' on my breathe from breakfast that lured it to me hoping for a treat, but then I realized.....

....then I realized... we were still at the pub in Yorkshire, and had fallen asleep in a booth by the fireplace. It had all been a dream! We had had too many pints, and had nodded off by the fire.

We noticed a five-pointed star on the wall, but when we asked about it, the locals in the pub stopped talking and became hostile. We decided to leave, although the pub landlady insisted that the others should stop us.

The local pub-goers warned us to keep to the road, stay clear of the moors and beware of the full moon. As we left the Slaughtered Lamb, we regretted hanging out with the locals at the pub as Rick Steves had told us to do.

We ended up wandering off the road onto the moors, where we heard mysterious howls in the distance, which seemed to be getting closer. We began to run, and heard footsteps getting closer behind us, and turned to see that we were being followed by.........Camilla, who said.......

Oh hello - I've been trying to catch up with you for ages. Charles is putting on some tea right now and we're going to......

...."leave now and you MUST come with me. I have something verrrry special to share with you but NOT tea". We stumbled across the mucky moors under a dark, cloudy sky for what seemed like miles. Until we abruptly came to a........

ruined monastery, its blackened shell and desolate arches looming over us.
"Very special? An abbey? But this doesn't look a thing like Downton," I stammered, trying to keep my voice from shaking as the cold crept into my bones. I regretted leaving my Eddie Bauer trench in the car with all of our other luggage.

The ruins of the Abbey overlooked the sea and far below we could see the town's inhabitants going about their daily business. We were in Whitby a picture-perfect seaside town. But far below something stirred. Was it a large dog?

It began to climb the 199 steps up to the abbey. A feeling of dread came upon us as the large snarling beast approached through the mist. This was no back door vacation - it was turning into a full-blown gothic horror novel. We turned to our local guide Dr A’cula for help. We felt safe now, what could possibly go wrong?

The snarling beast coming toward us was another black dog! We needed to get out of there fast. We hopped on the Hop-On-Hop-Off East Coast bus, and away we went. I had no idea whether we were traveling north or south, but was glad to get out of there.

my relief was short lived when I observed the bus driver was wearing what looked like a hockey goalie's face protector.... and why were there no other people on the bus?

Just then the driver announced the next stop...

which was Robin Hood’s Bay. Turns out there was some kind of community festival and people were arriving in costume, which explained the driver’s strange garb. But we were glad to be away from the eerie Goth-ic feeling that overcame us in Whitby. But how to get back to our car and luggage?

But for the time being, The bus seemed to be trapped in a roundabout
....Big Ben, kids!! Parliament!!

Off we trudged across the purple, heather topped moors, fanny packs bouncing in the cooling breeze. We crossed a small babbling brook. Thank goodness we were all wearing shorts. Sheep stared, cows ruminated (see what I did there?), farmers gawped. As the sun shone brightly, our guide had mysteriously disappeared.

“I can’t go on,” said my elderly Mom tossing her CPAP aside. “This sure ain’t Kansas.”

On the horizon, we could see….

Broadway Tower, we know that we only have a couple more miles to walk until we reach the village of Broadway, it’s been so hot today, we are ready to get to The Swan Pub to have a pint......

Expertly drawn for us by Harry, formerly known as "Prince". He had recommended the Cotswold Gold, and it was delicious. Thirsty, we all hurried to a nearby corner table and ............

Came to the conclusion we had not made much headway towards Scotland. Came up with a firm plan to make Pately Bridge by the end of the Day. Maybe the oldest sweet shop will still be open when we arrive. If not their is a cricket match on the green and The Crown will be open for a hearty meal! The Yorkshire Dale's will be beautiful.

After a brief rest, we resumed our lovely walk. It was sunny and bright, but soon became cloudy and began to rain. As we walked into town, the clouds suddenly cleared, and it was once again sunny. We came upon a pub and decided to go in for a sandwich and a pint. As we sat on the back terrace enjoying our food..........

...a lovely little robin redbreast landed on our table. Such a sweet little bird. It really loved our offerings of breadcrumbs. Little did we know that this was the pub's mascot. Our very helpful bar-keep told us the story of how this happened.....

and it was a touching story. Then we met a couple of American tourists. They began talking about how they had to speed up their tour by car of the countryside, because they wanted to be on to Sherwood Forest and then to York by nightfall.

They graciously offered to give us a lift to Sherwood Forest. But warned us that they had just flown into Heathrow that very morning on a very early flight, rented a car, felt very jet lagged, and had been driving on roads that they weren’t familiar with ever since. Desperate to get back to our car with our luggage and belongings in it, we accepted their kind offer. As we all got in their car, and this fellow began driving, we began to have second thoughts about this journey. He was all over the road!

Would we ever see Sherwood Forest and our car again?
Or would we soon be upside down in a hedgerow?

The drive north was as random as our trip report.

“Goddam Limeys and their tiny cars” exclaimed Hank. “Why is everyone driving on the wrong side of the road and what am I meant to do with this stick shift?”

We sped up the M1 in second gear reaching speeds of 23mph, no wonder Google maps gets its times wrong. Just in the nick of time, we found our car as nightfall approached. That burning smell from the engine was getting kind of worrying.

We all fell fast asleep in the back seat, huddled together for warmth. After all, tomorrow is another day.

The next morning a police constable rapped on the car window. “Why are you sleeping in your car?” he asked. We explained our predicament.
He shook his head. “No wonder! You’re going about this all wrong. If you’d started your England trip in Bath, NONE of this would’ve happened. You always take the bus to Bath first
THEN you head to York!”

Aching and hungry we drove off towards York and quickly found a parking bay opposite the Minster marked ‘Reserved’. Such great customer service, they sure know how to care for visitors.

We needed breakfast and sought out the sign of the golden arches. It was mostly traditional fare and ordered pancakes and syrup, triple chocolate cookies and Oreo McFlurrys. Hubby thought it lacked sweetness compared to what we have at home.

We hadn’t seen Mom since she began ordering shots with those rugby players in the Cotswolds. They looked kinda worried, but the old girl sure knows about tequila. This trip was becoming a bit of a shambles; never mind, we set out to explore York.

York was wonderful as expected. But, when we went back to collect the car . . .

It was gone, we were so frustrated that we got a cab to take us to The Wensleydale Heifer to book a room and have a good meal.....

..we thought we saw the waiter approaching our table , but this person said to us: said "Hi, I'm Rick Steves…..I'm gathering data for the food section of my next guide: "Great Meals You Will Love While you Keep on Travelin'....".....

...and I would like to sit down with you and ask you a few questions". He promptly took the chair across from me and ordered a pint. And then......to my surprise, the first question he asked was "...........

Where have I seen you before? Let me think..... you are very familiar to me.

Then he asked what is one thing that I recommend that you don’t care for.....we all said, to start your trip in Bath....

That is when Rick said "you all have been misreading the advice; after 12-15 hours of travel, you need to take a bath, not go to Bath".

He then asked the bartender for a yard of ale, happily noting some things have not gone metric. He then had the aha moment and remembered why I looked so familiar. It was the encounter at.....

Last year at Marienbad . Or maybe it was when I worked the phones at a PBS fund-raiser and we shared a glass of wine afterwards ... until Steve Smith showed up, at mealtime as usual.

Rick suggested that we all share a plate of the local specialty ...

Beans on toast, with a side of black pudding...

And I responded, "no thanks; been there done that!" And ordered a chip butty instead.

It was at this point that I realized our trip to GB was almost half over and we haven't gotten anywhere near Edinburgh yet. Tomorrow we just have to get going in the right direction, so our first stop will be . . .

Afterwards, as we were leaving we saw Rick S. being thrown out of the pub by an irate landlord. "I've warned you before about coming in here, bothering my customers. You're barred", the publican shouted.

We got in our car and drove off to our next destination - Edinburgh, via Wick for a quick stop and Skye in the afternoon.

It is a very good thing that it is such a small country.

..as we drove over the hill and
crossed into Bonnie Scotland, we heard the faint sound of....

...a creaky inn sign swinging back and forth in the strong wind. So much for thinking it would be bagpipes! On the sign was painted a big black dog underneath gilt letters reading “The Hunkered Hound”—and they had rooms available. What luck! Finally, Scotland!!

The proprietor was a tall, lean man with spiky grey hair. He looked at us over the top of his round glasses and said.....

"Fàilte gu Alba". To which we replied "huh?"

"Wait, wait. Where's my Rick Steves phrasebook? Now, sir, would you repeat that very slowly please? Fail to goo what?" Rats, google translate isn't working. Now what? Doesn't anyone here speak English?

…"Aye, Laddie; we do...but here in Scotland (God's own Country) we speak the King's English"......."Now, what about a nice bowl of porridge to warm your...."

. . . stomach and I watched in fascination as he poured a shot of whisky over the porridge. Ah, well, welcome to Scotland! And then I recalled a phrase I saw in Ireland many times—-Céad míle Fáilte, which means “100 thousand welcomes”, or so they say. OK, so maybe Fàilte means “welcome” in Scotland as well, but where the heck is “Alba”?

Forget Alba! Where the heck is Mom?

After we had sped away from the pub in the Cotswolds leaving her behind, Mom had followed the rugby players out of the pub. She had said they were such charming young men.
Luckily she had a Vodafone SIM in her phone so we could call on her UK number to check on her. The rugby players, after finishing their scrum, had helped her get to the train station and buy a ticket to Edinburgh where she was waiting for us. On the train to Edinburgh she had met the head of the queen's household staff and he had put her up at Balmoral until we could get her.
Since Mom was in good hands, we decided to ...

We drove to St, Andrews and played a round of golf on the Old Course, then we had a great meal at the Old Course Hotel

And after sampling several whisky's after dinner, driving back to our hotel on the left side of the road did not seem as awkward as driving earlier in the trip had been..... uhh, whats that flashing light...

It's a traveling caravan of indigenous musicians .... we stared at their kilts
While they were surprised by our shorts, white shoes and black socks.....

.

We always wondered if it was true that men do not wear anything under their kilts, so we asked. They offered to show us, but my mother told them it wasn’t necessary to show us that your word. Was good enough.

One of them showed us what was in his sporran. We saw.........

….that he had a blue book in there!...…

No wait, it's yellow, it's Dealing with Tourists for Dummies. I've never been so outraged, but before I could give him a piece of my mind I needed to pull out my selfie stick and photograph the moment for Instagram, as I pushed through the group to get a better angle for the shot my selfie stick smacked him...

Oops! To the ground he fell! We escaped...

Let’s move on, I think it would be fun to drive to Holmfirth, we can have tea in the cafe that they used in Last oh the Summer Wine....

While travelling we watched a little television in the evening and came across the early episodes of Last of the Summer Wine. We are so lucky that one of the free to air stations is broadcasting every episode of the 35 year long show. They just finished the final episode and they have looped around and are in the first year again now.
We find that Holmfirth is just the way it is in the series and can find Ivy and Sid’s café and where Nora lived next to Compo and where Howard and Clegg lived. We can spend weeks and weeks in this area, the Dales are so beautiful.

((Nigel, I learned this yr that my grandmother's people came from The Dales))

And look! Compo's house is a museum! I wonder if I can buy some green wellies.

Those wellies will be useful as we intend on....

Racing down a steep hill in a hastily and badly adapted bath tub.....

and just hope to heck this bathtub will float. There's a rather forbidding looking lake at the bottom of the hill! Hmmmm....maybe we ought to rethink this plan and make a new one? So, we came up with this alternative idea : we will........

buy some bicycles from Auntie Wainright and pedal around to sightsee. Perhaps we will see Howard and Marina hiding behind a stone wall, as a car full of ladies rides by, with Glenda, Howard's wife, Pearl, and Nora Batty on their way to the church bazaar. We pedaled around for about an hour, did not see any of the aforementioned characters. Oh well, I guess they are long gone. Then we became hungry and began looking for a pub where we could get a pint and some good food. We came upon......

The White Horse Pub, we went in ordered our lunch and got a pint. There were some blokes playing darts, they invited us to play a game. We played and we won!! We took our pints outside to wait for our lunch. After we ate we walked up to the graveyard to see Compo’s grave. Then we.........

...decided to camp out for the night - as it was such a lovely and welcoming graveyard - in the hopes of sighting some fine old Scottish spirits (ie ghosts). We hunkered down in our makeshift campsite for the night, keeping some fine old Scottish spirits (ie whisky) close at hand of course. As the last of the sunlight faded into the purple night, there was a sudden....

... flash of light and a loud noise. My goodness, it was.......

… the Barghest.

We quickly crossed a nearby stream, for safety, then got in our car and made a dash for our next destination, Saltaire.

So, wait a minute. That big black dog we've been seeing along the way was actually the Barghest? What other dangers await us? What more can happen? What... what is that in the middle of the road ahead...

In the middle of the road ahead was a roundabout, so round we went, crossing our fingers and closing our eyes.
We drove on, to Saltaire, parked our car, and walked around enjoying the Victorian buildings and neat stone houses built for workers. We found ourselves at the boathouse, on the Leeds and Liverpool Canal. We struck up a conversation with a man and a woman onboard a narrowboat. They began telling us the story of how they retired from their jobs, sold their house, and bought the narrowboat. They had two small dogs with them and tons of potted flowers decorating the boat.
After hearing our trip report of how our vacation had gone so far, they took pity on us, and invited us to grab our suitcases and travel with them aboard the narrowboat for a couple of days. We thanked them and jumped onboard. They cast off and the narrowboat was underway! This would be quite an adventure!

Oh my! Our feet are getting wet. Where is the water coming from?

Obviously we’d opened the lower lock sluices too early and water was pouring in over the bows. Hastily backing up - but not far because the gates behind were shut - the water went into the lock lifting us up. Made mental note not to get too close to the front again and wait until the water covered the lower sluices before opening them. After all, we’d the rest of the Bingley Five Rise to climb and beyond there....

..a lovely lunch at the Five Rise Locks Cafe. I was really looking forward to tucking into....

A Sunday roast. Yorkshire Pudding, roast beef (too dry), turkey (too dry), gammon (too salty), Yorkshire Pudding, stuffing balls, roasties (too dry), cauliflower cheese (too dry), peas, Yorkshire Pudding, A partridge in a pear tree, and Yorkshire Pudding.

Not the best Sunday roast you can get but we are not at home and this is after all a pub. But we were glad to have it and…

((No slur intended to the Five Rise Locks Cafe. I’ve never eaten there and this is after all a fictional story.))

... happy to see that the hospital was only 3 blocks away, so when the coronary attack struck after consuming all that salt and lard, we had at least a 50/50 chance of survival.

However feeling lucky we then went out to....

...McDonald's for that healthy taste of home.

Afterwards ....

We continued our journey on the canal past the bucolic countryside that unfolded before us. Rabbits scattered in the fields, squirrels were running up and down the trees overhead of us, and swans kept swimming up to the boat looking for handouts. We never would have anticipated that........

We would encounter some people in the act of “swan upping”, even though we were not on the Thames.

https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2017/07/swan-upping-on-the-thames/533877/

Curiouser and curiouser.

Swan upping is just wrong, we thought at first. Then we relaxed when we realized it wasn’t like cow tipping at all. It would be okay.

But we were beginning to feel lost. We hadn’t looked at the map since Bingley, and the boat was lovely, but we’d outstayed our welcome.

We said a fond farewell to the boat owners and traveled back to pick up the car in Saltaire. Off we drove and stopped in Skipton to view the castle. Those wellies I bought were giving me blisters, so .....

I broke down and went back to my white sneakers - tourist shame be damned.

Now, we're ready to continue our drive to Edinburgh. I was beginning to think we would never get there. Our next stop on our route will be . . .

Newcastle upon Tyne. We want to catch a view on the winking bridge. Didn’t expect such friendly locals.

A local couple invited us back to their home for tea, which was very good. While there we got to meet their Airedale Terrier.......

they lived in Whitley Bay and said, "would you like to stroke our pet, pet?"

(Bumping for anyone who missed this earlier.)

So we of course pulled out photos of our long-haired Chihuahua, as sent by the dogsitter. Doggie compliments all around. We asked their advice on the best way to get to our next destination, which was...

Gretna Green.

It was an uneventful journey.

We need to see who has run away to get married. Since it is the blacksmith that does the ceremony it can be quite creative and interesting to watch. After a nice day here followed by a delicious tea and then a pleasant dinner we get all tucked up in our lovely bedroom making plans for tomorrow.

I think we will head north.

We will aim to get as far as .....