The tour was incredibly smooth. Frictionless. Every time we stopped, the hotels were ready with our room assignments and keys, and the “comfort stops” invariably had been freshly cleaned minutes before our arrival. It was a magic carpet. Our guide, Erol, used the time on the bus to be in touch with the people on the ground at each stop and make sure everything was as it should be, explain to us what we were going to do and see, where to be at what time, how to prepare, what to bring, and followed it all up with a written summary of the day ahead, posted to both our group’s WhatsApp and printed and posted in the hotel.

The machinery that makes this work is connection. Erol is deeply networked with colleagues, vendors and restauranteurs, particularly in Istanbul, and maintains those relationships on his off time. It is clear that those relationships result in a better experience for the tour participants. Everywhere we went, anyone who had something to sell was paying close attention to him, greeting him fondly, etc. He was diplomatic with guidance. If we were interested in a shop that had a lot of junk, he would say something like, be careful about the price and quality of anything you are considering buying. On the flip side, if something was authentic and a good value, he would tell us. It looked like there were a lot of layers to his work, and a lot of diplomacy. He was finalizing the next day’s plans, coordinating with people at every stop, providing details on where to be at what time, discussing logistics with the driver, managing medical emergencies, and not missing a beat in educating us. The education came in lots of layers depending on what was pertinent: history, geology, culture, geography, personal stories, etc. He was thorough and personable, and made good use of teachable moments.

A couple of fellow travelers struggled to understand what they were seeing when it came to the interactions between the guide and the vendors and theorized out loud that the guide must be getting some personal benefit depending on what he was recommending to us for shopping or eating. I heard it several times, and each time I said, no, it is his job to make sure we are having a great experience, and he takes this job seriously. The vendors and restauranteurs know this, and understand that he is managing our time, and can potentially bring lots of people their way, so they go out of their way to be friendly with him and helpful to us. They all know the more positive our experience is, the more business they will get in the future.

Americans are steeped in a transactional culture. It benefits the powerful for us to see our relationships with one another in this simplistic and inaccurate light. But in reality, all of our fates are tied. When we go to Turkey and see a relational culture, where interpersonal connections are indispensable and transformative, it is unfamiliar and confusing to us. I can see that Rick Steves wants people to absorb this distinction and alludes to it in written materials and videos. I think the most powerful way to communicate this would be to intentionally weave these concepts into the curriculum of the tour itself, so people can connect the dots in real time, which is infinitely deeper and richer than a theoretical explanation. This way we will continue to benefit from it well after the trip and be a part of building a better future for all of us.