Seat selection etiquette

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't reserve the seat you want to reserve. In fact, with your system, you might find the middle seat remains open. When I pick my seat, I always pick an aisle seat in a row where the window seat has already been taken, but the middle seat is free. Very often, the middle seat remains free...unless the flight is absolutely full...which I haven't found to be the case for my last 2 trips to Europe.

I agree, there's nothing wrong with what you propose to do as long as you don't frequently talk across the person in the middle seat.

I've read lots of reports on other websites where couples deliberately book the two end seats and hope nobody takes the middle seat between them. You won't be the first couple to do this!

And I think as long as you're not going to hand food over the center person, not going to prevent him/her from reaching the aisle to go to the restroom (I had that issue on one flight while stuck in the center seat), or planning to ask them to swap seats, you're good to go!

You do run the risk of having someone (like me) assigned to the middle seat who would make all three (of us) miserable.

Surely the considerate thing to so is book the aisle seat for your husband (because he needs its ) and the middle seat for yourself. Why make things potentially uncomfortable for the piggy in the middle?

This seating strategy finally occurred to me on our last flight, a United with ridiculously cramped seating. Can't say I'm a fast learner. Since DW gets the window, I have taken the middle seat umpteen many times over the years. At 6 feet, I am not too tall for most middle seats (except on that United flight), but lately my knees have begun to ache after a while if I can't stretch the legs out occasionally. So we're going to try the window/aisle strategy.

Edit: BTW, if it is not inconsiderate for a single party to book an aisle seat (in a row where the window is already taken), leaving the middle seat for someone less fortunate, it it hard to see how it can be inconsiderate for one member of a couple to do so.

My hubby and I booked window/aisle on our recent flights to/from Hawaii. Both of us were comfortable as you can be in economy. Going over we were two aisles apart. But no big deal, 5 hours apart won't hurt us. Coming back we got lucky and no one sat in the middle seat.
So to answer your question: it's not rude, it's comfort. You're paying extra for those seats, go for it.

It’s not rude and is our game plan, but if a passenger is assigned the middle seat, we offer a switch to the window seat.

Pick what works best for you, then push that seat back as far as it will go and enjoy the trip. There should be no penalty or social smear because you booked early and have a preference.

Since the long haul is mostly a night flight I've started reserving the center 4 seat section. I look for a row where one end seat has already been reserved then i get the two at the other end. That leave one in the center that doesnt sell unless the entire plane sells. Gives us a place for our books, etc. during the flight. We dont have to climb over anyone to get our and no one has to climb over us to get out.

You can pick any seats on the plane you want. There is no penalty for traveling as a couple.

However, you are correct in thinking that passing things back and forth or engaging in conversation while seated with someone in between would be quite inappropriate.

You can do this. But, for long haul flights we tend to book two aisle seats across from each other. We each get the ability to stretch our legs, we can get up without disturbing others, and we can say ridiculous things to each other such as "aren't we there yet?"

I like to sit next to my husband because he makes a good pillow for overnight flights ;) But we got lucky enough this year to get a plane with a 2-3-2 configuration, so we paid early to get seats on the side. That way I can have the window I like and he can have the aisle he likes. I will definitely consider researching the planes that flights are scheduled on in the future before booking, although it can always change.

We have also booked and paid for the 2 seat aisle. It is far in the back of the plane but not having someone else in the row or getting stuck in the middle is worth the price.

I have heard of or thought that there was an special etiquette for seat selections. Pick what you prefer. We tend, not always, to book two aisle seats if we can not get the two seats together on the side in a xx-xxx-xx seating configuration. The one problem with leaving the middle seat open is that you have no idea who you gets that seat. The thing that would be rude is if you were constantly talking or passing stuff over the middle seat.

You don’t hold hands while you sleep, do you?

My husband and I used to do this along time ago. HOWEVER, if someone sat in the middle seat then we would offer them either the aisle or window seat whichever they preferred.

I think it's fine to choose whatever you want. Our more recent strategy is to book aisle seats across from each other. Picking the window and aisle, hoping no one chooses the middle, is a good idea.

When booking our long-haul flights to Europe for my husband and
myself, I chose window seats for myself and aisle for him. I like the
view and being able to lean against the fuselage. He is 6’4” and needs
the legroom of the aisle. This of course leaves us on either side of
the dreaded middle seat. We are not chatty, and would not be handing
stuff back and forth across another person. My question is, is it
horribly rude for a couple to take window and aisle, or is it okay to
choose our prefered seats, leaving that middle for someone else?

No rudeness whatsoever. You're fine!

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to share their thoughts. I have never posted to a forum before, and this has been a great experience. Ask a question, go to bed, get up and read a dozen kind and thoughtful replies. Wow.
So I guess I’ll proceed with my window/aisle plan, and hopefully everyone will be as comfortable as it is possible to be on aircraft these days.
Thank you all.

I am sorry, but "the considerate thing to do" LOL!

The considerate thing to do is take the seat you want and don't worry about it. It's not your job to worry about the other passengers. You are also under no obligation to move so the person in the middle seat won't have to sit between you. (Of course you will probably get the "would you mind moving for me so I can sit by my wife speech" when his wife has a middle seat too. LOL!)

For me I won't even book a flight if all that's left is middle seats!

I routinely book two aisle seats for both myself and my traveling companion. the only time I meet the bizarre "considerate" measurement is when I travel with my mother. Due to her hearing loss I do book the middle seat to sit next to her.

And as for the person in the center making you miserable? How? Armrests are DOWN and noise cancelling headphones are on. I am pretty much able to ignore anyone seated beside me LOL!

My thought is: the rules of etiquette don't kick in until you're on the plane. If you put this much thought into it, you and your husband are probably good row neighbors.

I think it is a personal responsibility to worry about other passengers. Or rather, to consider if our behaviors might negatively affect someone else. The OP seems very concerned about how her seating arrangement might affect the person "stuck" in the middle, so unless they indeed "hold hands" as they sleep (thanks, Larry!), this couple seem to be ideal seat mates.

So, the 300lb gorilla in this thread, pun intended: What if the person in the middle seat is morbidly obese. The arm rests don't protect you. The person on the aisle can shift their legs some but the window person is in airplane hell. I'd still favor the two aisle seats. Second choice would be aisle and center, taking a chance that the window seat person would be normal size. If not, you and husband could switch off periodically and share the misery. No right answer.

It's not rude at all. Go ahead and follow your strategy.

In fact, I would enjoy being in the seat between a couple, one on the aisle and one on the window. That way, I would get to meet each one. Not everyone is like that, but I am an extrovert when traveling. I like to meet people, hear their plans and get their travel tips.

When we've done this - booked window and aisle - we usually offer to let the other person, if there is one, take the window seat and one of us moves over to be together.

It is not rude or inconsiderate.. YOU book the seats you want in advance.. people who end up in middle seats have booked late or were on standby.

If I pay and book a seat months in advance why should I worry about someone who doesnt? Thats weird.

However ,on an airline I use they do not allow you to book that way online.. I book two aisle seats.

I agree with those who said to book what YOU and YOUR SPOUSE want, but do refrain from passing things/comments back and forth "over" or "in front of" the person between the two of you.

While it would be very kind to offer said middle person the choice of a window or aisle seat (if you have a middle person fill that seat, and it today's full-flight world, it is highly likely you would)...but again, if you make that offer it will not only be kind, but you would often be paying for a choice seat selection from which one of you would not benefit.

I don't know it is on most airlines, but seems the last few times I selected non-business class seats on overseas flights, the aisle and window choices cost more than the middle seat. So you would not only come across as very kind, but you would be also providing a nice subsidy to the middle person who then lucks up from your kindness.

When in coach, I LOVE the two seats on the side (when the plane offers that configuration); but don't be shocked if there is an equipment change to a plane that has three across instead (and then it can be potluck seating). It's happened to us, so keep a close eye on your flight's seat map in the weeks before your trip, so you can head off seat surprises at the last minute (by making a preferred change to your liking).

While window seats are a MUST for my spouse, I would personally prefer the aisle across from each other when faced with a three-seat configuration on the side. I tend to be the unlucky person in the middle seat, and it is not pleasant most of the time.

And, I agree with the posters who have said the potential surprise of a HUGE person in the seat between you and your spouse can be very unpleasant, especially if that person is a snorer and consumes the armrests by body size alone. Being seated next to someone with a really bad cold could be even worse. There are advantages to being immediately next to a loved one. especially for a L O N G flight without much sleep.

Definitely not giving it up if I had to pay for the seat selection.

There is an unwritten etiquette rule that the center seat gets the middle arm rests. Window person has full rights to the one next to the window and aisle person gets the one on the aisle.

I have more issues with people who spread their legs and end up taking the neighbor's legroom.

We use miles to fly business class on overseas flights, but fly in Economy on domestic flights. My husband is under 6 feet and I am petite, so we used to book window seat ( for me) and middle for him. But recently we had three flights in a row where the aisle seat was taken by someone huge, who encroached on his space, and in one case smacked my husband in the face simply by moving his arm. So we started booking the aisle and window seats, hoping the middle seat would remain empty. Which it does about 50% of the time. If not, my husband simply offers the third person his aisle seat, and moves over to take the middle. In each case the third person has been very happy with the solution.

But it turns out this is quite controversial. There are discussion on TripAdvisor, in the Air Travel forum, where several people insist they must take their assigned seat (the middle seat) and will not trade to allow a couple to sit together. They insist that the couple is being rude by booking aisle and window seats, hoping to leave the middle empty, and apparently must suffer the consequences. This is small majority, and I do not get it; why insist on the middle seat when they could have the aisle? Fortunately we have never encountered this in our travels. If we do in the future, we will shrug and occupy our chosen seats, and not talk to one another or pass things across. But it could be quite uncomfortable for all.

Jim Jefferies has been doing a routine about this for years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFx1Cpxpx1E

He's going from Los Angeles to Houston and etiquette issues ensue ...

You should book the best seats for each of you. No one likes a middle seat and my wife and I don't make any special effort to be in the same row. When we are sitting near each other people will offer to "let us sit together" by offering up their middle seat for one of our window/aisle seats. Yeah, right! We always book the best seats for each of us individually based upon our preferences. If we sat window and middle, one of us would be better off but the other would be worse off, so we just go our own way. Personally it annoys me when the person in the middle seat assumes they get the whole arm rest. Half the time they are also jutting their elbows into the space my side of the armrest too, which is even worse. I always think, someone who sits in a middle booked too late and they pay the price for that. Sometimes it's unavoidable and I have been bumped into a middle on a long flight due to change of aircraft or something, but for the most part if someone's in the middle it's their choice because they booked too late.

True, sitting in the middle seat is tedious on a transatlantic non-stop flight. I don't particularly like it. When I've had that seat, hopefully either the left or right arm rest is down. Some don't care or mind, others insist on having it up.

I always ask what they prefer: up or down. Ideally having it down is what I want since I'm in the middle. The next thing to do is to fall asleep and stay that way as long as possible. I know I'll sleep anyway, the only question is how long once the plane is airborne from SFO.

My husband & I usually book this way. Sometimes we are lucky & no one picks the middle. Sometimes we are not, since my husband & I do talk quite a bit, we just offer to let the person in the middle, chose if he/she wants the window/aisle and they are more than happy to accommodate us.

No, it’s not rude. You are paying to pick a seat and you should choose what works best for your party. When flying, we often do the same thing. Rarely have we had someone in the middle seat. When there is someone in the middle seat, we are sure to be respectful of their space and not talk across them or pass items back and forth.

Many years ago, when using a travel agent (remember those) to book my flights, he would just book my wife and I for window and aisle as a matter of routine, telling us that if we're lucky no one will be assigned the middle seat, but even if someone does, they'd probably be happy to switch out of the middle.

We do that all the time on Southwest. 2nd to the last row. The seat between us is always the last one taken, so if the flight is not completely full, it stays vacant!