Flight Attendent:Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir.May I see your ticket?
Passenger:Sure.
F/A: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
F/A: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
F/A: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's our new policy.
Passenger: That's unbelievable. I won't pay it.
F/A: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, OK, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
F/A: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
F/A: The $10 please.
Passenger: No way!
F/A:Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal and you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
F/A: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.
F/A: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
F/A: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
F/A: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
F/A: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.
F/A: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
F/A: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
Posted by
Frankfurt am Main, Germany
2779 posts
Very good. Actually I've heard that some of the low cost carriers are already investigating the legal ramafications for charging for bathroom usage. They say they expect that that way less people would use is and therefore they can save weight by having to carry less water. Also I heard that the Asian low cost carrier Air Asia makes (!) people go to the bathroom before entering the plane as empty bladders weigh less than full ones.
Posted by
Portland, OR, USA
805 posts
Airlines will never charge for things like bathrooms because the negative publicity would be huge. Its one thing to charge for food/drinks and even bags but to charge for basic necessities is beyond the pale.
Posted by
Vernon, Canada
32212 posts
David, many railway stations in Europe charge for bathroom use. Let's hope the airlines don't get any ideas from that!
Posted by
Lakewood, Colorado
19099 posts
Just look at what has happened in the hotel industry, the banking industry, the phone industry. The "free" market fantasy is that competition makes the prices lower. In reality, all it does is make the suppliers use surreptitious means to shroud their prices and mislead their customers. You can expect more and more of that in the airline industry in the future.
Posted by
Florida, USA
12172 posts
Good job, this is cleverly written.
Personally, I don't care what they charge as long as I know what the charges are. The thing that gets me is hidden charges. As long as I know ahead of time what the charges are I can either choose to purchase what they are selling, buy from a competitior, or choose to do without.
When I board a plane, all I really want is a ride to my destination. I make my purchasing decision based a lot on price and a lot on whether I believe they will reliably get me there on time. There is some room in my decision for services, but it's more like a tie-breaker when two airlines have similar prices and reliability.
I'm actually glad they are charging for checked bags. Finally, light travelers like me don't have to subsidize the added costs of transporting heavy luggage through my ticket price. While some see it as charging a fee for something that should be free, I see it as freeing up the airlines to compete more aggressively on the price of basic transportation, which is what I'm buying.
Posted by
San Diego, CA
638 posts
Could you imagine if every business was like the airlines. You go to Macys, you find some shoes you like, the clerk assists you with the purchase then asks, do you want the shoes today? If so, the cost will be $100.00, but if you make the purchase today but don't take them home for 2 months the price will be $50.00. The barista at Starbucks rings you up, that Grande is $2.00 for immediate consumption but we have a "hot deal", the coffee is $1.75 if you make the purchase here but brew it yourself at home.