Might have to cancel

Based on an experience we had, I would go ahead with your plans to travel.

About three weeks before we went to Scoltand my father-in-law had a massive stroke and it wasn't certain he would recover. A week later our daughter's two week old baby daughter passed away from an undiagnosed heart defect. Our household was really the center of guidance and help in both events.

Our daughter and son-in-law came to live with us for two weeks and my mother-in-law told us to go ahead with our travel plans. Daughter left to go back home one day and the next day we left for Scotland.

When we arrived on Islay we were so relieved to be away from the phone calls and the grief we just relaxed and enjoyed our two weeks in Scotland. After we upacked at the hotel we walked down to the quay and I said, "We will be back here" We went back five more times.

I'm certain you will have a fine journey. Keep in touch with your relatives using email through WiFi.

Lulu, I am so sorry to hear this news. I know how long you have been dreaming and planning for this trip, but it pales against the upcoming loss of your father. This is a situation where only you can make the call. You will get lots of advice either way, but in the end the only thing that matters is that you make a choice that you can live with in the long term. Everyone grieves differently, every family operates differently. Determine what works for your particular situation and then proceed. Don't let money be too big of a factor. Decide what is best for you and your family, then don't second guess yourself.

I am praying for you and your family.

Oh my dear, I am so sorry for you, your Dad and your family. I also encourage you to wait a bit for a decision as you need some time to process the shocking news.

I know you have worked hard on your arrangements but is there any way you can move your trip up? This might not be possible due to work etc, but throwing it out there for consideration.

I am also not sure if this is possible since you live a distance from your Dad, but it would be good to go to an appointment with him to hear for yourself what the Dr says and recommends and also how the disease is expected to progress.

Hoping things work out as best they can for you and Dad.

Lulu,
So very sorry for the bad news your family received. Life has a way of throwing curve balls.

But, I want to share some encouraging thoughts:

My father-in-law was given similar news about 5 years ago (lung cancer....occupational hazard). We thought that would be his last Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday, etc. He had considered pallative care, but remarkably without receiving treatment, the cancer has not spread and his quality of life is remarkable. He's active in his community and he's even traveled a bit. He feels great....better than before receiving the diagnosis. He does not look sick at all; looks like an incredibly fit, healthy, happy 86 year old. Likely he will someday die WITH the cancer rather than FROM the cancer.......but likely not anytime soon!

So, maybe your family will be as fortunate.

I would encourage you to not change the plans for your trip. If everything but your airline can be canceled without penalty, there is no reason to cancel anything now. The airline penalties will be the same if you make a change now or if you do it the day before. Wait...see how it goes. And, if by freeing up the seats on a otherwise packed plane helps the airline, who knows, they may let you make a change without a penalty (so they can sell the seats for higher fares). Or there may be a huge hurricane that happens the day before your travel, and the airline may be waiving the change penalties anyway. Or, the airline may notify you in a few weeks about a change in your itinerary (that happens a lot), and then YOU will be in a position to negotiate a change. Things have a way of working out in life sometimes.

From which company did you purchase your travel insurance? Usually, if you have to file a claim, you can sign a waiver with the travel insurance company (basically saying you won't use the tickets) and you can get a full refund under your policy. Also, usually the illness/but definitely death of a family member is a covered cause, should you need to cancel.

But, worst case scenario, you will be out the change fee for the airlines, and you can then rebook the trip for a later date typically within a year by receiving a credit voucher from the airline.

See how your father is doing closer to your travel dates, and make the decision then.

It may seem a little strange, but I even heard of a family in our neighborhood who told the funeral home "to put grandpa on ice" until they returned from their big annual family ski trip. But, if your mother is still alive, she'd likely need some comfort/help/reassurance immediately after his death.

I wish your father comfort, strength for your family, and many happy times ahead.

And, if arrangements are not pre-done, might be helpful to predetermine details for when that difficult time comes. Preparing readings for the memorial, selecting songs, photos for a celebration of life, writing the obit, etc. Sometimes it's like taking an umbrella, if one is all prepared, the storm just does not come!!!

And, if your father is aware of your trip, and he if whispers: "Go...enjoy." that would be a lovely gift :)

Delta....

Without actually knowing your ticket here's what I expect will happen. As long as you cancel BEFORE the first flight takes off you will have a credit to use to buy a new ticket. The credit will be the value of your ticket LESS the "exchange fee" which is generally around $400 to $500 on an international flight. But.. the real kicker is you have to use that credit within one year of the date you purchased the ticket. This is from the Full Fare Rules on a discount ticket to London for example

"IF EXCHANGING A WHOLLY UNUSED TICKET BEFORE DEPARTURE OF OUTBOUND FLIGHT -VALUE OF TICKET LESS THE CHANGE FEE MAY BE APPLIED TOWARDS PURCHASE OF NEW TICKET PRICED AT CURRENT FARES UNDER THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS- -IF SAME BOOKING CLASS/SAME RULE - NEW FARE MAY BE LOWER / EQUAL / HIGHER THAN ORIGINAL FARE AND- A.MUST COMPLY WITH ALL PROVISIONS OF NEW FARE. B.RESERVATION FOR NEW ITINERARY MUST BE MADE AND TICKETS ISSUED NO LATER THAN 1YEAR FROM ISSUE DATE OF TICKET BEING EXCHANGED."

I think the part you are reading about way home is actually if you want to just change part of the ticket. Often you can't change a return until AFTER you flight the outbound flight and then you can change it for the fee and any fare class difference. (I know it's confusing especially when you are stressed!)

If you family member was to pass within 30 days of the flight you might be entitled to a refund
https://pro.delta.com/content/deltapro/en_US/policy-library/reservations-and-ticketing/cancellation-and-revisions-fee-policy.html

Having been in this situation I agree with your husband. Just wait a while and see what happens as he gets home and gets dealt with. They gave my Grandfather 6 months he lived 8 so.. it's not always the "best case" . I did have a family member die while I was in Europe once. As I was escorting a Girl Scout group. This one was out of the blue and there was nothing I could do.

I am sorry to hear this and wish you the best as you deal with it!

Lulu, I am so sorry to hear this. I will pray for your father, you, and your family.

In my experience, it has been best to delay decisions until the shock has worn off and I've dealt with immediate necessities. If you decide to cancel, it is worth talking to the airline, rather than relying on written policies. When I needed emergency surgery two days before leaving on one trip, Delta was amazing – no cancellation fee, and a full credit I could rebook after I was well. The airlines are certainly in the state of flux, but you may have more latitude than you expect.

Also, in my experience, medical crystal balls are often not too precise. I get the impression that the physicians I've dealt with would rather give a conservative prediction and have better outcome, instead of giving an optimistic prediction and having something worse happen. And the logic of that approach certainly makes sense.

Regardless of your decision, I hope the coming months are a time of peace for your family.

One other thing...

Did you buy that Delta ticket directly from Delta or via someone else (Expedia, Travelocity etc..)?

If you did not buy via Delta then unfortunately you have to communicate via your travel agent (Expedia, Travelocity, etc..) which is going to add to the complexity and frustration! If you bought from Delta then you just call them.

Oh my gosh, you guys. I'm a little teary writing this. I can't thank you so much for all of your kind words, support, advice and information. I also felt so guilty about even considering going ahead with my plans, but you have made me feel NOT guilty and that it is okay to just wait and not rush into anything. If he is on his deathbed when we are to leave, then that's a no brainer. But so is leaving if he is doing well, too.

He just had his kidney taken out the end of May, said the cancer was contained. He has been recuperating well. then he thought he was having a heart attack Tuesday, so the ambulance took him to the hospital. They thought they would be putting in a stent, but when they did catscans, or whatever, they noticed things in his lungs and other kidneys. 1.5 days later, the 3 docs come in and tell him they aren't going to do anything to him because the cancer is all over and then gave him his 6 month to live. I spoke with him this morning and he sounds like my old Dad..already making plans, being in control. He's coming home for a week or less to see me and my brother, then leaving for South America (that is where is he from and my Mom and him have a condo) to say goodbye to his family (sob) for a couple weeks and then back to Florida to back up and move back home.

Thank you for all of your stories. I had a beloved uncle who passed away 15 years ago, and we did have a vacation all planned with my DH's family. I ended up leaving the day of his funeral after it was over, and felt SO BAD to be doing that. That week on the beach was very therapeutic...more so than I would have imagined.

The travel insurance is with Travel Guard. I purchased my ticket directly with Delta...thankfully.

Anyway, thanks again. You are all the best. The best laid plans....

Dear Lulu, I too am so sorry to hear this. I am married to a doctor who often has to make this kind of call, and all I can say is that there is a lot of uncertainty in the estimate. He has more stories of people who outlasted the estimate than ones who did not, but of course you cannot count on that.

It sounds like you all have a great attitude about this. Do not cancel your trip yet, and do not feel guilty about that choice. Hopefully he will still be doing well two months from now and you can enjoy your trip, without too much worry.

But if not---I am thinking that your last-minute cancellation would fall under the "serious illness of an immediate family member" provision, rather than the "cancel for any reason." Most policies have that provision---I always make sure they do as we have had to use it once, and we got a full refund.

So check you policy and see what it says. If it applies, you should get a full refund of your airfare. Note that there are potential complications with the "pre-existing condition" rules but I do not know if they apply to family members as they do to the actual policy holders. If you have questions you could call Travel Guard. But you do not need to do that now; spend your time focusing on your family and supporting your parents' plans for the months to come.

Lulu,
You'll be in my thoughts in the coming months. But, it sounds like your dad is accepting the fate and being very rational about making plans. All any one of us could wish for is comfort and happiness in our final months. Being able to go to South America is wonderful for him.....and it will, no doubt, mean a lot to his family there.

Call Travel Guard today (just so your mind can be put to rest). We only buy TravelGuard trip insurance, and I will be shocked if you policy is not exactly like ours have been when it comes to the airline. Our experience with them is that they will give one a choice: to keep the rebooking credit from the airline and be reimbursed under the trip insurance policy for the cancellation fees OR to sign a waiver/affidavit thing that says you will not use the remaining funds on the tickets (which will show up on the airlines' site under your booking number until they are no longer good)...and if you sign the waiver thing, you get reimbursed for the ENTIRE cost of the tickets. The time we had to do a claim, I signed the waiver and got the full reimbursement, because one never knows if they will actually travel within the year and, if so, if that airline would offer the best booking, etc.

And, when you call TravelGuard, they can confirm that your dad being sick or passing is definitely a covered claim. What I can't remember (without pulling one of my old policies) is how the reimbursement levels might be different if you have to cut your trip short (once you have begun your travel), which is called travel interruption. But, they can tell you.

Then once you have all your answers from TravelGuard, I'd suggest doing NOTHING until such time you have to make a decision. At that time, you will know what decision you want to make, based on information you will have at that time.

His situation is much different than my father-in-law's that I wrote about in an earlier post. But, take it a day at a time and try to find as much joy as you all can find in the day-to-days. That his life is coming to a close will naturally be in your thoughts daily, but finding even tiny little ways to continue to enjoy life is important for all of you in your family, including most importantly him. And, when doctors advise, reach out to your local hospice center......which will likely be helpful not only to him, your mom, but your entire family.....hospice centers have staff who are used to helping a family find more comfort and acceptance of the process of death, which is something we all will experience eventually.

Again, I am so very sorry you and your family have received this sad news. Please keep us all posted in the coming months....we really do care!!!!

Lulu,

No advice just my prayers and sympathy.

Lulu
So sorry, but you will get through it. My thoughts and prayers as well.

As a 70 yr old dad of 3, I doubt that your dad would want you to change any of your plans at this time. Six months might turn out to be 8 months or longer. Everyone reacts different. Sounds like your dad is a fighter and so just take it a day at a time. Sure he knows of your travel plans so I would talk to him about it after all the shock wears off. If it was me, I would tell my family to keep on the positive side and I will do the same. Way too early to decide to cancel. Good luck and prayers to you and the family.

Tony

Lulu,

I'm very sorry to hear about your father's situation. It's difficult to know what to suggest, as know one knows the situation better than you do. However, if at all possible it would be good to take the trip. As you mentioned, your brother could handle things while you're away. You'll probably have to "play it by ear" for the next month or so to see how the situation evolves. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

You all just keep continually making me cry with your compassion. I am just so roller coaster distraught right now. I will definitely give Travel Guard a call next week to find out what to expect if it comes to that. Thank you all so very much for your kindness and advice.

Hugs to you Lulu and sending positive vibes and prayers for your whole family. No one can really advise you what to do, only support your decision whatever it may be. Lots of good information and caring from your forum mates. I do think the idea of wait and see is a good one. I lost my father last July 17. My sister called me frantic in April saying he was on his deathbed yet he bucked up and hung on. I know if I had been scheduled to take a big trip he would have urged me to go. I wasn't though, and I got to spend several weeks visiting with him before he died. I would not trade that time with him for anything. I know what a time you are going through right now and my heart hurts for you. Keeping you and your daddy in my thoughts tonight Lulu and praying for peace of heart for both of you.

Lulu, my heart breaks for you. So many of us have enjoyed your posts in the planning phase and share in sorrow over this tragic news. And, many of us have been in similar situations. It has been the #1 reason we buy trip insurance. Once you make the decision that brings you peace, don't second-guess yourself. Other posters have given you lots of sound advice, so I will add nothing but thoughts and hugs.

And, if you get the chance, will you let us know how it goes?

Lulu, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I have you and your family in my prayers.

I'm not sure if you read my somewhat similar post a few weeks ago. I took my dad to the hospital the Friday before our trip was to depart and we found out he had throat cancer a few days later. My head was spinning and I didn't know what to do. I got so many well-wishes and thoughts from this group it was incredible. And most people said my dad would not want me to cancel.

I did all the prep work in case I needed to cancel so I'd know what to do. But after the diagnosis and meeting the oncologist, and having a few days for everything to soak in, I asked my dad to tell me if he wanted me to stay. If he did, I told him I'd cancel without hesitation.

He told me NOT to cancel and that he would be upset if I did. I was still torn but talked with my sisters and mom and we all worked out the details to make it work.

I bought the biggest international phone package I could so I could call home and not worry about the cost. I called my dad from almost every country we were in, including on Father's Day from Switzerland. He loved it.

Another way I think I helped him and me, was to post a lot of pictures of where we were on a family FaceBook page I created. If your parents use FaceBook, that might be something you can do. It was very easy to set up a private group and just add close friends and family.

My dad loved every picture and it gave him a nice distraction while he was in the hospital, then at home waiting for treatments to start, and during his first week of treatments.

Once I got home, I took over the treatment transport schedule to relieve my sister, and our youngest sister left for her 2-week trip. She is now keeping us updated with pictures and my dad is loving it.

I know you still have a few months to go to see how things progress. I would wait and see how your dad is doing and also have a chance to talk to him and your mom and brother about your plans.

One last thought, when we were traveling and visiting so many beautiful churches, we would light candles and say prayers for our family. That also provided me with some peace while we were gone.

Sending hugs your way.
Jacque

Lulu I am so sorry to hear about this. You have already received good advice. I will just add I am thinking about you and your family.

Lulu, thoughts of support and prayers. Whatever you decide will be the right thing.

Again, my thanks to everyone who has responded. I think I've read this thread over about 3 times! Advocatecare...I absolutley remember your current situation, and I appreciate you giving me more details about what transpired. I'm positive if my Dad was feeling fine, he would want me to go forward with our plans and I do like how you set up FB. My parents don't even have a PC, but depending where they are when they are leaving they can use my IPAD and I can take my mini. I can upload pics to my FB page and they can see it there. I will just have to teach them how.

I'm also going to get ahold of Delta and Travel Guard next week to find out what exactly to expect if the worst happens. I think that will give me peace of mind. I can't tell you how much i appreciate everyone's stories and support!

Lulu, if you loan your parents your iPad and you take the mini, you can FaceTime for free wherever you and they have a good wifi connection. I keep in touch with family that way when we are in Italy.

My sympathies as well, Lulu. There's no right answer but what feels right for YOU but you've gotten some thoughtful advice.

I lost my own father years ago while on a trip to London, although it was near the end of the holiday, and so my family decided not to tell me until I got home. He was also suffering from a terminal illness, and had hung on for quite awhile so while definitely not in great shape, there wasn't any clear indication that the inevitable would happen when it did.

Both of my parents knew that the cancellation question was weighing heavily on my mind, and both of them said, "GO!" Being passionate travelers themselves, they were enthusiastic and supportive for what would be my DH's first adventure "across the pond". One of the last conversations I had with my Dad was about all the things he wanted to me to be SURE to see in a city that was a personal favorite of his. And I did them all. While I beat myself up some for not being there - even though I'm told he wouldn't have been aware of that - I sometimes think (hope?) that maybe he was smiling from wherever he was at his daughter faithfully following in his footsteps, and marveling over the same pieces of history he'd found so fascinating himself.

@Kathy, what a touching story and yes I believe he knew what you were doing and wanted you to be doing that when he departed.

Thanks Kathy, and big hugs to you and thank you so much for sharing your story. It has crossed my mind something happening while on the trip, but I know we can't live with "what ifs". That was very kind of your family to let you finish the rest of your vacation with peace and I know your Father was indeed watching you. My parents got in last night and we really haven't discussed much and I'm at work right now. We will have one of several heart to heart truthful discussions tonight.

Lulu,

In the same situation and deciding whether to cancel or not, I might ask myself the question, "will my being here change anything or make things easier for my father". Your father may not want you to cancel?

Ken...good point and question to ask myself. He even said last night, "when are you leaving for your trip?" as to try to figure out his schedule. Never any indication that it was something that I would be cancelling or expected to cancel. He has been quite the traveler all his life, so I think understand the pull to do that. They were in Spain for 2 weeks last year...I think city called Malaga or something like that.

Lulu - Just another word to add to those expressing our shock and sadness at your situation. I'm especially grateful for fellow Helpliners ("Forum respondents" or whatever we are now) who have some concrete ideas/experience to help you face this difficult situation. So sorry you and your family are going through this.

Well, Dad died Tuesday. His diagnosis was 6 months. They come up for 5 days, then back to Florida. He caught pneumonia and never recovered. He was gone in less than 3 weeks after his diagnosis, can you believe that? Hospice was wonderful, but I never imagined how hard we would work ourselves. We slept in his room, thankfully he passed peacefully. I'm exhausted.

Our trip is still on. I'm hoping that since its 6 weeks away, we will actually enjoy it and I will find it therapeutic. Dads death is sad enough, but all the family drama surrounding it has been the most stressful.

I do have to say I used my RS bag, rolled my clothes, packed stuff...not as much as I will be taking by far, but I came in at 16 lbs.

Lulu, I'm so sorry to hear this! But glad that you were there and that it was peaceful. I hope your trip is wonderful therapy for the stress and sadness of the past few weeks.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss - what a shock. I'm glad you were able to be there for him at the end. I hope your trip gives you a bit of time to recover from your grief - I'm sure your dad would have wanted you to go.

Lulu,
I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, but it is a blessing for him that he did not linger and it sounds like he had little pain (also a blessing), and to be surrounded by the ones he loves, that is a gift.

Was he able to take his good-bye trip to South America first? I sure hope so.

May his spirit remain close, and I wish your mom extra strength as she goes about life without him.

Your trip will be the perfect prescription for some "Lulu time."

Hugs to you.

Oh my dear, I am so very sorry for your loss. You can now go and enjoy your trip totally without worry that something catastrophic will happen while you are gone. You had said your Dad was a traveler so raise a toast in every new place to a life well-lived.

Lulu,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Dad was comforted by the fact that he had his loving and caring family with him. May you all find peace and comfort in the days ahead.

So sorry Lulu. We are dealing with this right now. Supposed to leave 8/25 to England and Sweden. But, my almost 92 year old mother (who lives in Arizona and we live in California) seems to be slipping - she lives alone and refuses assisted living, coming here or any help. I'm the only child. So, doctors have not said she only has a limited amount of time to live, but I worry about being gone - then again, she could live a lot longer (hopefully), so do we never take a trip until she is gone? This is such a hard one.

Lulu, words are always inadequate at a time like this. God bless you and your family.

I, too, am sorry for your loss. As upsetting as it is, your dad did not linger and suffer. Hospice is wonderful, it provides such a helpful service to the patient and especially to the family. I hope your trip will help to ease you through your grieving.

So very sorry about your Dad, Lulu.
Your trip will be a welcome respite after a difficult time so I do hope you look forward to with with all the excitement you had before.

Sorry to hear of your loss, Lulu. You already know you can count on the community here for support.

Lulu I am sorry about your Dad. Hugs and prayers.

Lulu, I am so sorry for your rather sudden loss.

Your trip can be therapy for you, but I think you will also feel your father's accompaniment on your journey, since he loved travel and taught you well. I agree, raise a toast often.

Oh Lulu - I am sorry to read of your daddy's death. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that the family drama is at an end so your heart and mind can start healing from your loss. I agree that your trip may be just what you need at this time. Sending internet hugs....

Lulu,

So sorry to hear about your dad's passing...

Cherish all the memories you shared with your dad & continue making memories with
your loved ones.

Lulu, I am sorry for the loss of your dad and can appreciate all you have been through having lost my dad on Memorial Day to lung cancer. My siblings and I never left him alone for the week he was in hospice and were all there when he passed. It is so emotionally draining and that transfers to being physically exhausted as well. I am glad your decision has been made for you and that you can go on your trip. Go, relax, celebrate his life on every day of your trip.

Lulu -- I'm so sorry for your father's passing and for the shock this has all been in such a short time. Others have said it more eloquently, but our thoughts are with you and hope you have some comfort from being with him during his time of need.

Lulu, I am so sorry for all you have been through. I went through a similar experience with my mom about 15 years ago only she made it six months which was two months after a trip that was mostly paid for. I am sure you are still reeling after going through so much in such a short time. I hope you are able to enjoy your trip; I think it might be helpful for you to get away. I wish you the best.

Ah, Lulu, I just checked back on this thread...I'm so sorry. Eleven years ago my father also received a 6-month estimate after a cancer diagnosis, and made it about 3 weeks (stroke). But my family saved the drama for after my mother's death 2 years ago. That IS truly more distressing than the actual death, so I completely understand that. It just takes one person to cause so much pain and turmoil...And it's amazing just how hard you can work while 'merely sitting' with someone in a hospital room ;-) I've ended up a perspirey mess with back spasms while 'sitting'...but it's good that all of you were together.

I hope you can take your trip with no reservations about it. No guilt allowed! It's OK to enjoy yourself. There's a season for everything...right now you mourn and comfort each other, then in a while you take the trip you've planned for so long. Then you return home and deal with whatever you will need to deal with at that time...

Take care.