Being asked to switch Seats

Usually the flight attendants ask for volunteers. Putting you on the spot with a guilt trip seems rather uncouth. I realize it's becoming harder and harder for families to reserve seats together without paying an additional surcharge for pre-assigned seats, I think you can decline politely and just say that you have personal or health reasons for selecting this seat (you don't need to get into any further details). I think if you are nice, empathetic, and yet firm, it will work.

Switching seats...well I've been on both sides of the matter. The circumstances help either initiating a request or responding to a request. Nothing definitive.

I'm assuming that swap wasn't "fair trade" (aisle seat in another row). It's pretty nervy to make the demand in the first place if you're offering up a window or middle for the aisle.

I would politely tell him what you said above- Sorry but I need to get up and stretch often. And if the guy is rude I'd probably add that the swap wasn't convenient! After all, what problems are you avoiding by swapping seats- the hostility of a stranger who is making an unreasonable demand?

If it were to the same type of seat, I might consider it, but if I paid to select a seat (which I do) on the aisle then I will not consider sitting in the middle, ever.

I also wonder why people feel so entitled, and why they can't be apart for a few hours. If, for example, it's a party of 2 parents and a child, I expect one of the parents can sit with the child, one in another row, and everyone will be just fine.

I would be much LESS likely to switch if someone was glaring, attempting to "guilt", or demanding than if I was asked nicely. I have changed a few times if the request was polite and the change was equivalent.
Otherwise, No.
Just say No, works well all the time.
I select my seats very carefully, sometimes will pay extra for a certain seat. I honestly do not understand why someone would change if they did not want to.

I select carefully and often pay extra for my seat choice. I generally say no unless it's an equal seat. I would, of course, be kind in a true emergency or compelling situation. I'm comfortable saying no and sorry and leaving it at that.

If it is so a parent can sit with a child (I've seen parents and children all assigned very separate seats), I'd swap. But if it was so both parents could sit with a child, might or might not. Also agree- if it is aisle for aisle, then why not. Rudeness also would make me more reluctant to change.

If I reserved the seat weeks, or months, in advance, I might say so by way of explanation. When there is a glare, however, ask the flight attendant to deal with it.

I switched once with a lady so her husband could sit beside her - luckily, it scored me a window seat. For some reason, hubby and I couldn't or didn't check in until we got to Heathrow, so we ended up seated apart from each other. I didn't care. I just spent 3 solid weeks with him, it won't kill me to sit away from him for 6 hours. The only glitch was when they were going to serve me the special meal that the other lady's husband ordered...considering what I ate, maybe I should have scored his special meal ;)

A diff flight home my mom and another lady swapped seats so a family could sit together. That plane ride was fun because they had three diff families they were trying to accommodate. My mom wasn't seated beside me and hubby, and she was OK with it as long as it was an aisle seat since she makes multi bathroom trips.

My way of thinking - if you are a family and you want to guarantee seats together, pay the extra $25 for a seat assignment - you prob just paid $600 each for the tix, so just cough up the rest. If you really can't bear to sit apart from your spouse, then pay the extra for assigned seats (I honestly don't care on a 6 hr or less flight - a longer flight - like if we ever get to Australia - well, then I'd pony up the extra to sit together).

If I specifically paid extra for a seat that I wanted, I wouldn't switch. On the flip side - I don't travel alone, so if it was me and hubby seated together, for sure I'm not going to switch. But people don't need to get grouchy with you - you are doing them the favour and I'd most likely tell them no if that was their attitude.

In this day and age when a premium seat (aisle, window, "extra leg room", front of the plane, exit row, with actual seat cushions, etc.) comes with a premium fee on top of the base fare, I general (politely) say "no." Why? Because I spent extra money for that seat, either at the time of booking or by paying for the privilege picking a seat assignment in advance. That's just how it is these days - you get a crappy (middle, 30 inch seat pitch and behind the wing) seat if you don't.

I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for families that try to save a few bucks by booking the cheapest fare possible. Especially now that each legacy airline has implemented or announced a new fare category that doesn't allow for advance seat assignments OR the ability to upgrade your seat at any time. They end up with fares that assign seat at check-in or they waited so long for fares to drop, they couldn't find seats together on nearly full flights.

Before you think I'm totally devoid of empathy, I do make exceptions. I can usually spot the stressed-out family who is trying to recover from a missed connection or a cancelled flight or are going to/coming home from a family emergency. (And flight attendants usually indicate these reasons as well.) However, when I overhear people exhibiting "frequent flyer envy" in the boarding area prior to getting on the plane, I don't feel too sorry... And they person who tries to bully me out of my seat isn't going to get ANYWERE.

On the last leg of my most recent trip (domestic leg after an international), a woman and her child came on who had apparently been booked in seats one row apart, but directly in line with each other. When the woman discovered this, she let out an audible, irritated sigh and said, "OK, then somebody needs to switch with me." I was one of the people she was attempting to coerce and I just ignored her. She didn't even have the courtesy to ask me to move, just made a general announcement. When neither I nor the lady in the other row responded, she said, "Fine. Then one of you gets to sit with my screaming four year old." I really needed the aisle seat because of a recent knee replacement, but the other woman eventually caved and came up to the window seat in my row. The rude woman continued to make snarky remarks to her child about "people who didn't want to let us sit together", but the child was beautifully behaved the whole time. What a great example she was setting for her child!

I'm like most of you, I like the seat I prefer and usually don't volunteer to switch to another seat. I was on one flight where a family was separated and they asked if a man would switch so that their 4 year old son didn't have to sit between strangers (both men). When both men refused, a large number of us volunteered to switch. I got lucky and got to sit next to the dad who was in Africa studying elephants! The trip went so fast as he showed me pictures of their time in Africa on his laptop. Amazing stuff. I also got a nice gift certificate from the airlines. The two men got booed, so I sure came off the winner even if I had to sit in a middle seat. Several other folks moved to accommodate the family and they got bottles of wine from the airlines.

It is hard for me to imagine a circumstance when I comply with such a request. If you can't sit apart then book far enough in advance to get seats together. If it's special circumstances such as illness in the family and you are flying at short notice, work through the flight attendant. If I were encountered any hostility such as glaring I would very calmy report this to the staff as threatening behavior. The only way I would comply would be if the flight attendant invoked their right to compel me After I expressed my preference not to (which it's hard to imagine that happening). Or if it was unequivocally a better seat, but even then you don't know until you switch weather your new seat mates are someone you really don't was to sit next to, such as body odor, extra fidgety, careless with elbows, etc. Once you switch you're stuck.

I am very introverted, and sitting beside strangers is stressful for me. I mean, I can handle it, but I find it exhausting. On overnight flights, I want to try to sleep a little but would find this impossible next to a stranger. Yes, I'd survive, but at a cost to my sightseeing time the next day.

On our recent, overnight, 8 1/2-hour flight to Europe, I had reserved seats in advance for my husband and I. (There was no charge for this, but I would have paid for it, had there been a charge.) We checked in online 24 hours in advance. Our flight was delayed, due to a mechanical problem, and a different plane with a different seating configuration was substituted. As we boarded the plane, I went through the gate ahead of my husband, after which he was issued a new boarding pass, moving him to a different seat, while a stranger was assigned to sit beside me. Fortunately, the man was willing to switch, as it was an "aisle for an aisle," a few rows apart. I just don't understand the airline's reasoning in this. Why would they switch my husband to a different seat, instead of simply assigning the other person to that seat?

Yes, we could sit apart for a few hours. No, I don't want to, and I don't think I should have to.

However, I would never considering being rude in making the request. WTH?

On the opposite side;
Dad, teenage son and I book seats on the same plane to Italy. Dad wants aisle, son wants aisle, I want window. On check in, we discover that airline has reassigned us to the same row. Trying to get agent to understand that this is not what we requested. Agent ( nice Italian man ) says in his lovely accent " but you are a family - dont you want to sit together?" Simultaneously we all said "NO". We all laughed , seats rearranged and a happy flight.

I agree with many of the comments so far and tend to follow the same guidelines. I'm not asked to change seats often, but have been asked by Flight Attendants on occasion to accommodate the "special needs" of a passenger, and I usually agree to those requests.

I did encounter that type of situation on my flight back from Europe a few months ago. The seating configuration on this particular flight was 2-4-2 and I was seated on the right window seat. When I arrived at my seat, the guy in the aisle asked if I would be willing to switch so that he and his wife could sit together. She was seated in the middle of the "4" section in the same row, only a few feet away and within talking distance. Aside from wanting to sit together, there didn't seem to be a pressing reason for the change, so I just said "I'd prefer not to change" and left it at that. I don't know if he was annoyed or not, but these are some of the reasons I declined the change....

• I booked well ahead and may have paid extra for seat selection. I was so looking forward to having a window seat for a change, and wasn't too keen on the alternative. As it turned out, it was one of the nicest flights I've ever had and I got some good pictures.
• Being seated in the centre of a 4-seat section would have been an unbearably miserable experience. I also like to get up to stretch my legs at regular intervals and of course visit the WC, and that would have been very awkward for me.
• I've had complaints in the past about my shoulders encroaching into the next seat, and that's when I've only had someone on one side of me. I'm sure it would be more acute with people on both sides. I can't change the width of my shoulders, and it's not like I can take them off and store them in the overhead bin!

It would have been a miserable flight for me to be stuck in the middle section, so I declined the request (although I did feel a bit guilty). I always try to be polite and accommodating, but without a compelling reason for the change I wasn't about to endure that type of misery for nine hours. As the old saying goes, "bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part".

I try to base my decision to change on the circumstances at the time. If the Flight Attendant asks, there's usually a good reason for the change. If passengers ask for the change and it's mostly just for their convenience, my answer would be that they should have planned better and paid for seat selection.

So, I'm curious- don't these people know ahead of time where their seats are? Did they take it up with the gate agent ahead of time? Are gate agents telling people, "we can't help you; see if someone will change with you."? The potential for uncomfortable exchanges between passengers is huge. I will, if schedule permits, switch to a flight where I can get a better seat and then I'd be disappointed if someone wanted me to change.

Are gate agents telling people, "we can't help you; see if someone will change with you."?

Yes, because by that point, seats have already been assigned and mostly everyone is already holding their boarding pass. So the only option is to work it out among themselves once already boarded. I remember a time long ago when airlines weren't at all packed and you can walk up prior to boarding and ask to be reassigned. Now almost every seat is taken so, you are right, there are sometimes awkward exchanges between passengers. In my experience, most requestors do involve the flight attendants as it is less confrontational and increases compliance.

Ken - in that case, he should have offered to switch his seat for the interior position on the aisle next to his wife - that would have been the fairer trade. I don't understand the lack of common sense exhibited by some people. Maybe it's not as common as I think. =)

A lot of great and reasonable responses here. I also usually pay extra to sit in a certain seat, and would be reluctant to change for a less attractive seat. Part of deciding on a flight and airline depends on the seat location. There are rare instances when if someone was really polite and under some kind of duress, I would acquisce. However, if some hot head tried to intimidate and bully me, I'd simply say, "I cannot change my seat." No explanation, no prolonged eye contact. Might be doing his family a big favor.

On our way to a RS Greece tour we had to rearrange flights because of an air France strike. In rebooking the agent was able to get me a window seat, but between booking my seat and my husbands next to me the aisle seat got booked. Luckily the man next to me was fine switching aisle for aisle.

Flying to the US from Germany a couple years ago, I was asked if I'd be willing to switch seats with an elderly gentleman who seemed to speak neither German or English. I think he wanted to sit near someone in his family -- it wasn't next to me, but I think somewhere in the general area. I didn't pay extra for my aisle seat, I just booked well in advance and prefer the aisle so I can stretch my leg due to a mild knee condition. The flight attendant asked politely, and even though the man didn't speak English, smiled and seemed to be grateful. I ended up stuck in the middle of a 4-seat row, but ended up next to a couple from a city a few hours away from us, so the conversation made for a faster flight. I'm usually a believer in good karma too, so I didn't mind giving up the seat that time.

I think a reasonable request is fine when asked politely
not demanded of a person. Yes if I paid I should not
be obliged to change seats not fair. should I say okay I will change
if you want to pay me the $25 bucks I paid for seat ?

I've accommodated people several times and said no a few times. My response is influenced by the following:

1. Did they board last-minute after we're all settled, and it's obvious they received the middle cheap seats?
2. What's their attitude? Friendly will have me moving if it's an aisle seat; bad attitude, and there's no chance I'm moving.
3. Is it to help young kids or just adults? Just adults - nope. Kids - absolutely.
4. How long's the flight? I book international flights more than 6 months ahead to have the best option in the Economy seats, so I wouldn't switch on those flights.

How can you politely refuse? Smile, and say that you want to keep your original seat. If that's difficult, have a book or magazine handy and go back to reading after you say it. Also, if it's the late adults boarding, and I anticipate the issue happening, I have just closed my eyes - hard to get a sleeping person to move. : )

My policy is pretty much in line with the others. If the seat is an equivalent or better then I usually wouldn't have an issue (I do fly alone a lot). But if it means moving from an aisle or window to an interior seat, it would have to be a very compelling reason or a pretty short flight. And if I paid extra for the seat then no way.

I do think some people use excuses to change as a way to avoid a bad seat.

And a rude "request" would be met with a rude response by me.

I always preselect my seats; the vast majority of the time paying to do so - so I would be unlikely to change. But I also dislike conflict with strangers so would feel pressured in a similar way as the OP.

For me, it isn"t because I must sit beside DH for the company. He puts his headphones on and that's the end of all conversation. It may sound macabre, but I just want to be able to be with him if the plane goes down!

celeste,

Good point, I hadn't thought of that. I'm sure one of the people in the inside section wouldn't have minded moving to an aisle seat near the window.

On another occasion, I had to ask the Flight Attendant to initiate a seat change when I found an older woman sitting in my reserved seat on a flight departing Paris. As it turned out, she didn't speak a word of English so I wasn't able to communicate with her at all. Fortunately most Canadian Flight Attendants can also speak French, so the matter was sorted very quickly. During the flight I noticed that she was using a huge magnifying glass to read her book and it occurred to me that if her vision was that bad, it was amazing that she was able to travel on her own.

I don't switch unless someone clearly has a need that is greater than my own. Early on I gave into pressure and ended taking care of a woman's children the entire flight while she had a good seat. I learned it was okay to say no.

Rude request gets met with a smile and "I'm sorry, but I am not going to do that" (If you are lucky they will really act out and provide entertainment for the entire plane!)

Basically, you don't have to justify anything. Just say "no" and smile. If the requestor gets out of line hit the FA call button.

I will switch under certain circumstances but it has to be a seat that's as good or better than mine.

I find that now families are buying the "el cheapo" tickets with no seat selection and then assuming "we can depend on the airline or strangers to let us all sit together" Uh NO! So you need to learn to just say "No I am fine with this seat, Thanks" (If you have headphones you can then put them in and go back to reading your book :) )

I travel alone quite often. I always pay the extra for advance seat assignment in order to get an aisle seat close to the front of the plane. I am often asked to change seats and, if it isn't me being asked to move, it's someone around me. As a former flight attendant myself, I would like to add one more consideration before you give up your seat. Often times folks boarding at the last minute with seats apart are traveling on "stand by" using their airline employee passes. They are often traveling with their children and they have an expectation that people will move around to accommodate them. Do not assume that those boarding at the last minute have had a late connection or some other problem. I rarely give up my carefully selected expensive seat. If I do give it up, it is only after I get a flight attendant involved and get a true understanding as to the reasons why. If the requesting party is an airline employee traveling on a free pass then the answer is NO Thanks! If it is a fellow traveller that did everything right but ended up in a bad situation I will always help out.

This thread seems to have really hit a nerve! I too have noticed that being asked to switch seats has become pretty common place. I am in the "need to get up and stretch for medical reasons" camp. While I do understand wanting to sit near traveling companions, I resent being made to feel inconsiderate if I politely decline a request to switch seats. Like I said it is a medical issue for me and I pay extra in order to choose my seating assignment.

I want to preface this with saying that I consider myself to be kind and rather unagressive; but,especially as airlines have gotten into charging for seat reservations, I have no patience for people who expect to get what they want without planning or paying for it. Example: A few years ago, we had bulkhead seats (premium economy price) for a transatlantic flight. We were asked by the attendant to relinquish them to a couple traveling with a baby, who needed the crib attachment. My answer was only if we could have other premium economy seats. We didn't hear anything further. It sounds hard-hearted, but those people knew they had a baby and should have reserved what they needed.

Another time, also transatlantic, I had an aisle seat, and a man across the way in a center seat asked me to change, because he had knee problems. Well, so do I. I didn't even bother with an explanation. I just refused. A little later we heard him try to talk the attendant into putting him into business class. Lotsa luck with that! He did survive somehow.

I often travel from Seattle to Amsterdam. (10 hours). I am fond of the aisle bulkhead seat in the middle section. I pay extra for this seat. I know I run the risk of being bumped by families. Twice I have been bumped, once by a woman that was traveling with a man and a mentally challenged child. The father and child were seated in seats A&B. She took my seat in C across the aisle. Not once during the entire flight did she ever interact with the father or the child. The second time was by a "family" who turned out to be a bunch of co workers.

The most abusive episode I witnessed was, when once again I was seated in C bulkhead, when a young couple came giggling down the aisle and plunked themselves in E&F. Soon after their arrival, an older lady, perhaps, late 70s arrived and said to the young lady, now seated in the aisle seat, "you are sitting in my seat". The couple explained that they really, really, really wanted to sit together and refused to move. The woman looked confused and said "I have to have an aisle seat". The couple continued to giggle and refused to move. Then a young woman standing behind the older woman spoke up and accused the couple of bullying the older lady. I thought a fight was going to break out. The flight attendants were no where to be seen. Finally, a nice gentleman, a couple of rows back, gave up his aisle seat to the older lady. He probably got stuck in some middle seat in the back. I really think the attendants should have stepped in. Bad behavior should not be rewarded.

Perhaps the airlines should inform the public that they can ask for someone to switch seats, but if given a negative answer, move on. And be polite about it.

We just returned from a flight and my husband was asked to change his aisle seat for another aisle seat. As long as we both kept our aisle seats, we didn't mind helping the family that requested the change in order for them to sit together. On flights with 3 by 3 seating, we always try to to get aisle seats across from one another, but it's not crucial for us to be right next to each other. I would, however, hesitate if asked to give up an aisle for a middle seat.

Unless I am separating a mother from her small child I would never switch seats. My standard answer is "I reserved this seat x number of months ago, no thank you". People are just too pushy. Then they bring everything they own on the airplane and try to stuff it in. Also, I am totally annoyed by large people who spill over into my seat. I recently confused myself. Paid for a preferred seat when I thought I was purchasing Delta Comfort. It got me five hours of sitting next to a large person who hogged the seat armrests and spilled over into my space. Anyway, stay put unless you asked to change apples to apples. I doubled check my next flight, Delta Comfort from Atlanta to Amsterdam.

If you really think the Flight Attendants should step in, hit the button! Seriously , they can't see everything or they will ignore if not summoned. The call button is there for a reason. If someone is in my seat I do not even start the conversation I just go find a FA
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And years ago I got to fly on Airline passes. If they are asking you to move they are violating the terms on some airlines and are in the wrong. The pass rules are "take the seat" not "get on the plane and ask everyone to move around so you can sit together" On Delta that can get you thrown right back off the plane. So "non rev" is NOT an exucse to expect us all to move for you. If you and your family can't be separated don't fly that way!

It is not always people who didn't plan ahead who get separated. I am a huge planner and on my last TWO trips to and from Europe there have been travel disruptions on the part of the airline/airport/weather - you name it, it happened - that caused me to lose all of my carefully pre-booked seats and be stuck separated with the worst middle seats in the very back of the plane. Fortunately, my kids are big now, so it's only an aggravation, but if a family with young kids is separated, I wouldn't just assume they were lazy or cheap and I would probably switch. Oh, and yes, the airline staff will certainly tell you, there are no other seats on this flight, maybe someone will switch with you. My seat was so bad that I would not have had the nerve to ask anyone to take it - no one on that plane had a worse seat and would have considered mine an upgrade!

If you are someone that wants to switch, the polite solution is to offer the person a better seat if at all possible - closer to the front or take their middle and give them your aisle so that your family can sit together.

If you don't want to switch, just say "No, I would prefer not to move."

I did have one interesting situation where my husband and I booked separately (his paid, mine on FF miles) and they separated us to put a father and school-aged son together. We learned of this via print out as we boarded, so I guess they had just done it, and there were no other seats on the plane. I have since learned to call the airline and link our reservations when they are not made under one reservation number. Just reserving seats side by side and having the same last name is not enough.

Years ago part of my job was booking flights for executives. One guy asked me to put his wife in first class and asked me to put him in the worst seat on the plane. Then of course he got to the airport and blamed me for putting him in a lousy seat!! Weaseled his way into first class.

When I preselect my seats I do it for a reason, and I don't give them up. If others want a specific seat or they want to sit together then pay for seat selection, or pay for upgrade, or take a different flight. It's that simple. Sorry, but lack of planning on your part (or even flight disruptions) doesn't mean I have to accommodate you in any way. I've been stuck in miserable seats myself and never felt the need to try to boot somebody else out of their seat. And yes, I've encountered some of the most ridiculously rude people when it comes to seats. One lady was in my seat when I boarded and she told me she was sure I wouldn't mind giving her my seat. I just said "no" and she THREW her fully loaded backpack across the aisle of the plane because she was so mad. What the heck, people?

I would only give up my seat (typically aisle because I'm tall) if it made sense to me. As others have pointed out, when it concerns a small child who needs to sit near a family member or if it's a short flight.

I experienced a flight attendant make a "What the Dickens?" decision on the last American flight I took that inwardly ticked me off. It was only a 1.5 hour flight so I put up with it, but if it had been a longer flight I would've said something. I'd reserved an aisle seat mid-cabin, but when I boarded two rows (including mine) had broken seats. The alternative? Very last row right next to the WC door. I would never choose that location on purpose, and I know that people who bought tickets after me had better seats that flight. The flight attendant--who became more and more of a Mr. Comedian Wish He Worked for Southwest goofball as the flight went on seemed to care less.

There are some real jerks out there and people who work the system. On the opposite end of the spectrum are those of us who should probably speak up and complain a little more often--when we are truly being wronged.

I'm waiting for the opportunity to respond to one of these requests with, 'Sure. So long as you buy all my booze. How many hours are we flying today?'

Actually I usually switch when asked. I'm pretty low maintenance. But I have had the experience where the airline shuttled everyone around at the last moment, issuing new boarding passes at the gate to accommodate getting a group together on the plane. So suddenly the airplane has bumped me off the seat I booked weeks in advance and I'm the one wandering around trying to get a switch. Don't assume that people who request a switch are poor planners ;-)

To the OP, I how the person you helped out at least helped you move your things!

I one time messed up and failed to get seats for the 4 of us together (mom, dad, 6 year old girl and 9 year old boy). We were able to at least have 2 and 2, except for the very last leg of the trip. Daughter was a row behind me. I asked (very nicely) if a guy would switch (it was window to middle) and offered to buy him a drink. He agreed and then ended up with the only empty seat on the plane next to him (so he got window AND extra space). I still offered to buy the drink, but he declined.

MrsEB. No, I have not had a non-rev ask me to move. I was responding to this post earlier in the thread

Often times folks boarding at the last minute with seats apart are traveling on "stand by" using their airline employee passes. They are often traveling with their children and they have an expectation that people will move around to accommodate them. Do not assume that those boarding at the last minute have had a late connection or some other problem

Basically the people using stand by on employee passes should NOT be asking you to move. If they do they are violating the pass terms and if employees can be in trouble. If they are friends/family of the employee they are getting that person in trouble.