being a local in france

Over the years we've found that the best way to have a bit of a local experience is to stay at bed and breakfasts ("chambres d'hotes"). The owners are typically interesting locals themselves and can often steer you to off-the-beaten-path shops, places to eat, etc. At B&B's you usually meet other interesting guests who sometimes have great tips to give you. Of course it will help tremendously if you speak a little French.

A friend and I stayed in a small town (St Chamas) a little north of Marseilles last year. The first week we explored the bar/cafe scene. Like Goldilocks, none seemed to fit until lunch on day three. While eating, a woman came up to us and asked us in English where we were from. We had a brief conversation. We went there the next day and she was there again, and again we talked. She told us if we had any questions, look for her in Le Petite Cafe and she would help us. By the end of the third week she, the owner, his wife, and a couple of regulars were greeting us by name. She was the icebreaker, no doubt. We tried to order in French, put up with the the mocking of our accents, and went back. I boil that down to find a local place, frequent it often, try to speak as much French as you can and maybe you'll have the same type of experience. I think, my own personal opinion, is that many French people can speak some English but they are afraid to because they don't want to make a mistake and be laughed at. If you try, are genuine, and persevere, you might be surprised.

Jen, I have french family, and friends.. but I have to tell you, i hope you get lucky and meet a lady like the previous poster described, you may, but frankly, do not count on it. The French are not overly eager to make friends,, friendships normally proceed slowly. Over long long times, and even then you may not progress to the level of "come to my house for dinner" for years. Most of my relative barely know who their own neighbors ,, in places they have lived for years and years. They do nod to each other, and perhaps a "good morning" is exchanged, but that is often the extent. That said, do not be too discouraged, I did once meet a lovely lady in a small town where I was staying with my aunt. She even invited to me to her home,, and I barely spoke any french, but , it turned out she was actually a long time resident, but an immigrant from Egypt,, still it was interesting to meet her and be invited into her home. She was in fact a "local" but ... Returning to the same cafe or bakery will get you some points though, eventualy they will smile when they greet you and even chat. This may take at a week or two at least. And there is always a chatty waiter somewhere who wants to practice his english! PS when they correct your pronunication they are not being mean, they think they are helping you, so don't let it discourage you.

Do you speak French? If not, you may indeed find it difficult to break the ice in smaller towns or cities that are off the beaten tourist tracks. Hopefully you speak at least some French. I find your characterization of French people to be quite wrong. The French are wonderful people and it would not be hard to find those willing to be friendly if you stick around and visit the same places regularly for a few weeks. But the French are not as outgoing as others, and are more reserved. But in a small town, if you visit the same restaurant, cafe, boulangerie or patiserrie on a regular basis, you'll find the shopkeeper or waiter open up to you. But you also will not be a local, so don't expect that (whatever that means).

If you really want to meet locals, you might want to consider couchsurfing. I haven't done it personally - might in the future - but you're already one up on meeting locals since you're staying in a local's home! Another option would be to spend a week or two working for locals through one of the work in exchange for room & board type websites. There are a lot options, typically at farms or working as a nanny, in France. Thirdly, try to search maybe for english speaking ex-pat meetups in the area you're staying in. It sounds counter intuitive, as you want to meet locals, but in my experience, expat meetups will attract people from the country you're in, but maybe new to that particular area, and sometimes even locals. All the Germans and Europeans I'm friends with I met through expat meetups. A lot of people just want to practice their english, and since they're actively seeking out english-speaking expats, they're going to be friendly (and fun!) Only major cities or college towns are likely to have these sorts of meetups, however.

Sorry to pop the bubble, jen, but there is absolutely no way you can be "a local" anywhere in France. Just think: would it be possible for any French person be ever "a local" in Seattle staying there on vacation for 3 weeks? I don't want to be rude, just trying to point that this expectation of "becoming a local" is vastly overrated and unreal because, even if you spoke the language perfectly and knew your way around, you'd still be a person on vacation, you are not working, and it is not possible to get familiar with a place in 3 weeks. Just my 2 cents...

"The French are wonderful people and it would not be hard to find those willing to be friendly if you stick around and visit the same places regularly for a few weeks." The same can be said about ANY ethnicity in the world, so is it a valid argument? Exactly! The OP seemed to imply that the French were somehow less inclined to be friendly, which I was trying to show isn't the case.

Alas, I agree with Andre L. - it really isn't possible to be a true "local" in 3 weeks! You can feel like you live there (if, say, you rent an apartment and shop at the local shops and say "Hi" to shopkeepers), but you cannot actually be a local. That being said, I agree completely with Sarah from Stuttgart about finding other ex-pats to hang out with. In Paris we always stop in at The Highlander - a Scottish pub just off the Pont Neuf - the moment we can, and start up a conversation. We've gotten great recommendations for places that tourists don't frequent and made friends who have steered us places where tourists don't go. Best example - a French friend of the night manager was opening a wine shop in the Marais, and we got invited to the private "family and friends" opening. We also like to find a cafe where we can grab a coffee every morning and a glass of wine every evening. As others have mentioned, it is often possible to strike up a conversation with another "regular." As for French people being easy or hard to talk to... people are people. Some are shy and reserved, others are not. There are some generalizations to be made about the tendencies of one country vs. another, but in my experience you can always find exceptions. Another note - my husband and I find it harder to meet people when we are a bolted-together-at-the-hip unit, and will often separate - even turning away from one another when sitting at a bar helps - so we optimaize our chances of someone striking up a conversation. Finally - we get a lot of "meeting the locals" mileage out of sports. Watching a match on TV is an instant conversation starter. So is going to a local sporting event. We love football, and I recommend it highly as an "in" to conversations with actual French people!

One thing you can check in to is "On Va Sortir" (google it) and see if anything is planned in the area you will be staying in. In some parts of France, this is a very good way to meet others with similar interests. In other parts, it's a good way to meet people with less than honorable intentions (at least according to some reviews I've seen). Even better - post a "let's talk English" event and agree to host something like an aperitif at your apartment. The biggest hurdle is that you're going in summer which is vacation season. Depending on where you are, you may find a few local bars, restaurants and/or a bakery shut down for a month. (Assuming you are going for a smaller town and not a normal touristy town). And don't be discouraged if you don't meet "locals." I lived here for over 6 months before one of my neighbors even started saying "Bonjour" to me. People live here for years without learning their neighbors first name. True friendships are supposed to develop over time. (But if you say "We" meaning yourself and another female, you've always got the possibility of having a fling as a way to meet a local LOL)