We will be in Rome for 5 days the beginning of July. My teenagers (19,16,16) really want to see Pompeii. I'm looking at a tour that picks us up in Rome then we do Pompeii for 2.5 hours then we head to Positano for a visit before driving back to Rome. The total trip is 13 hours. Do you think this is too much?? After reading so many threads about how people try to do to much, I'm leaning towards just hanging out in Rome for our last day. Thanks for any thoughts.
If Pompeii is a priority for them, I say go for it! I have mixed feelings about the extra drive to Positano though. How much time would you have to actually walk around the city? If that part of the tour is mostly driving, and you wouldn't get to spend much time off the bus, I say head back to Rome and enjoy a nice dinner.
Are you able to extend your trip a couple of days? If so, you could stay in Positano for a couple of nights or stay in Sorrento and do day trips from there.
You're right that packing in too much makes for too much quantity and not enough quantity. Less is usually more. However, if your kids really want to see Pompeii I would try and make the effort for a day trip. Who knows when you will ever get to return as a family. I would suggest to try a tour that just visits Pompeii, skip the extra leg to Positano. As beautiful as it is, it would be too much and you wouldn't get to enjoy Pompeii. I would highly recommend that you tour the site at Pompeii and then visit the archeological museum in Naples for the full Pompeii experience.
Five days in Rome is enough time to see a lot there and still have time for a Pompeii/Naples side trip. I wouldn't call that doing too much. If you make the trip by train, Rome-Naples fast trains take one hour and Naples-Pompeii connections take 40 minutes each way on the local commuter line. Rick's Rome or Italy books include enough info to do it yourself. Or Ostia Antica can be a less stressful daytrip, covering less distance, not navigating another big city (for the Naples Archological Museum), and less crowded.
The train from Rome to Naples takes about an hour and fifteen minutes. You could take the Circumvesuviana from the platform downstairs at Napoli Centrale, get off at Pompeii Scavi, and hire an official guide onsite. Or take the tour but don't go all the way to Positano. Then, as suggested, go to the archeological museum in Naples.
If you do it yourselves, visit the archeological museum first, then after Pompeii you can go as far as Sorrento before heading back to Naples and then to Rome (Circumvesuviana to Naploi Centrale, train back to Rome).