I think you're venting more than asking for real answers.
Nobody here can tell you anything other than general guidelines, and your experience can (and will) vary. Connecting at major European airports takes some time. If all goes well, you make a tight connection. If it doesn't you may miss it. Some airports are a bit better or a bit worse (more/less efficient. more/less prone to delays) but that doesn't change the fact that it's always a roll of the dice.
On my last trip (US citizens), our inbound flight had a somewhat tight connection through AMS (an airport that's generally quite efficient). Turns out, it didn't matter how fast we got through customs/etc,. because our (Delta) flight departed Seattle 2 hours late. They had a tailwind and they tried to make up time, but we arrived in AMS over an hour late. We practically flew through passport control (carry-on only so no wait for checked bags) and made a beeline for our gate, but we missed our connection.
On our return, we had a perfectly reasonable connection (over 90 minutes) through Frankfurt. Our inbound flight was on time. But we came within a few minutes of missing our connection, because the airport was jammed, passport controls were chaotic (airline reps came out and yelled to waiting crowds, "follow me to faster passport control!", 200 people followed the agent as she popped through previously closed doors, up back stairways, down corridors, only to arrive at a small immigration desk whose computers all crashed; hundreds of passengers were stuck there with nobody moving for 20 minutes while their IT staff tried to troubleshoot; 30 minutes later they started slowly processing people one at a time). We made our connection, but just barely.
The point is: stuff happens sometimes. To a large degree it is beyond your control. You won't know until you're in the thick of it.
I prefer to build in a lot of time for critical connections, and that greatly reduces stress. Lately I find myself building in more and more of it, as I'd rather have time to kill at the airport than be stressed over the "are we gonna make it?"