Restaurant etiquette question

speak in English and know at least grazie ( thank you) and gabinetto (toilet)

I usually try to stumble thru in Italian (or French or German). Then ask afterward if I ordered correctly. They are usually very helpful with correcting wording or pronunciation. I smile and grazie a lot, lol!

Go ahead and try to order in Italian; I think people appreciate the effort. And if they switch to English, thank them (in either language), and feel free to continue in English. Or if you want to work on your Italian, do that too - but learn how to say "I want to learn to speak Italian."

If you try to speak in Italian, it's likely that they will continue in Italian and help you out.

On our first trip to Italy, we were in a restaurant in Rome that had an English menu, but our waitress REALLY wanted us to hear the daily specials, and her English was about as "good" as our Italian. But by some miracle I remembered that "vongole" meant clams and "espinoca" meant spinach; so we had a deliciious pasta with clam sauce and some spinach-filled cannelloni for dinner. The waitress was just as excited as I was that we did understand each other a tiny bit.

I guess the etiquette is just try to communicate as best you can. Most people appreciate and respond well to an honest effort. And it's a wonderful feeling when you connect.

I have finally settled into a hybrid approach. I have tried ordering in Italian (or French, German, or Spanish, all that I have some experience but by no means fluency) but the first response is usually a high speed response of which I can pick out about 3 words. So I usually greet in Italian, mix in a bit of English. If they bring an English menu, I usually ask for an Italian one, mainly because I recognize the dishes in Italian (Spaghetti Carbonara I know, "pasta with egg and pork fat" I am not sure) Then ordering is a mix of Italian and English. Maybe not the smoothest, but I think they appreciate me trying and we all are understanding each other. It does seem to work, I recall a few times I understood almost nothing they said, I doubt they understood me, but the meal I got was exactly what I wanted. If all else fails, throw in some Grazie's and Prego's, maybe a Molte Bene; and all will be good.

Practicing Italian is one of my favorite parts of traveling to Italy. My experience is always this: If I initiate the conversation in Italian, most people are patient with me to continue to converse in Italian. The key is to start the conversation. And for me, it's easy to get shy and lose my nerve. I just have to get over it and press on. If they switch to English, I switch to English because I assume I am not communicating well and since they are working, I don't want to hold them up. But even if you are speaking English, you can ask how to say certain things and work on your pronunciation since the dishes will be in Italian.

It will be very useful if you can at least read an Italian menu, and you will learn more if you order in Italian. I always make it a point (and did even early in my learning) to speak Italian until I hit a point of misunderstanding. So try try try! It will be appreciated and enhance your experience.

And toilet is gabinetto, or you can just say "Dovè il bagno per favore?"

Do learn some Italian but don't be hurt if the waiter switches to English. Sometimes it just easier for everyone. Polite phrases like please, thank you, excuse me, where is... are very useful.

Jim, I think you meant to type "gabinetto" : )

enjoy Italy!

We've found that restaurant and hotel staff are truly pleased when we do our best to speak in the language of the country. Our first trip to Italy, there was one staff member at the hotel desk to whom I always spoke in Italian, and he always answered in (impecable) English. And we did just fine. (My Italian is definitely "pecable.")

Restaurant servers seem to especially enjoy our efforts. Only twice have I had problems; once in Palermo when I was repeatedly using the wrong word for what I wanted (this was at a museum box office) and once leaving Spain when I and the security clerk had a mixup. I did understand what she told me "Go over to that table and wait." But I couldn't find the table, so I decided I had misunderstood her. DH was beginning to panic, saying "What? What? What did she say?" So I went and asked someone else, who gently led me to the table in question.

To correct Jim's spelling, an Italian word for toilet room is gabinetto not grabinetto with an r.

The grabinetto is probably the version used by president Trump when he needs to grab the...

Laurel and Roberto beat me to it; you can also ask for "toilette".

And this tip from an embarrassed tourist.... Tap water is acqua di rubinetto. My requests for "Acqua di gabinetto" resulted in several dropped jaws and protruding eyeballs before someone explained my error. Ain't travel fun?
Roberto! 😂

If I know what I am saying then I will say it and If I don't I will not try to stumble through. I point to the menu a lot because I know I will butcher their language. If I am greeted in Italian I will repeat the greeting back. I am actually making a list now of food I know I like and the Italian word for them, so thanks for the Clam and Spinach words! (Adding to my list).

there ... I fixed it

Julie, it's great that you are learning some basic Italian. Plentiful use of buon giorno, buona sera, grazie, per favore and a smile will get you far! Your guess that your servers will figure out that you are not a native speaker is certainly a good guess. And, depending on where you are and what kind of restaurant you are eating in, your server may very well be a lovely, multi-lingual Albanian, Romanian or Polish young lady. Start with your basic Italian, then ask "lei parla inglese?" Or even "do you speak English?" Then you'll both figure it out.
This thread reminds me of a time way back in my college years, when I spent a summer working and traveling in Europe, mostly in Italy. I spoke some Italian and French and did fine in those countries. Near the end I found myself in Berlin where I spoke no German at all. At a restaurant I was handed an all-German menu, and didn't understand a word beyond bratwurst and wasser. A couple of times, the waiter came for my order, only to hear my "eine moment". I was determined not be a brash "ugly American" and use my English, even though no doubt the waiter could speak at least basic restaurant English, even back then. Finally, I remember decades later, I flapped my arms and cawed like a bird, and the waiter brought my chicken.

A few minor points:

The Italian word for spinach is not "espinoca;" it's spinacio. (pronounced spee-NAH-tshoh)

Italians usually leave out personal pronouns when they can be deduced by context or by the verb conjugation. So to ask someone if they speak English, you would not say "Lei parla inglese?" but just "Parla inglese?"

If you want to say "Can we speak in Italian?" you can say "Possiamo parlare in italiano?" (pronounced like it looks).

If the waiter is in a hurry (insert joke here about slow Italian waiters), they might not have time to struggle with your attempts at Italian. Don't take it personally.

It has been my experience that a lot of restaurant workers want to practice their English as much as I want to practice my Italian - although my usual destinations are not the major tourist towns- On my last trip the waiter and I had a silent understanding - he only spoke English and I only spoke Italian. We understood each other perfectly and were both quite pleased with ourselves.

When we were in Italy I initiated every conversation with my admittedly poor Italian. Waiters, strangers on the street (me asking them for directions), etc. all knew that I was American and appreciated my attempt to speak their language. When they responded in Italian and I gave the blank stare, those that spoke English would switch to English. Those who didn't speak Italian would dumb it down so that I could at least grasp what they were saying.

Note that when you go into shops or to check in at your hotel, you'll be greeted with buon giorno, buona sera, etc. Be prepared to respond in kind.

I went to one very small restaurant and placed my order in carefully rehearsed Italian. The waitress answered me in English. I said to her "I want to practice my Italian" and she responded "But I want to practice my English".

Julie, you won't annoy anyone with your poor Italian. Listen to some lessons on YouTube to get some practice with pronunciation. Have fun with it!

Denny, I heard worse.

Once in Florence, an American woman who apparently preferred the freshest organic foods, wanted to make sure that what she was about to buy had no preservativi, thinking that would be the correct translation for "preservatives". Unfortunately the proper translation for 'preservatives' is conservanti. The Italian word preservativi means condoms.

Denny...that is hilarious!!! 😂😂😂 best story!

Larry, you got me with your last line!

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies. I'm looking forward to trying our Italian and exploring Italy!