Philosophical Question - getting separated from group

I usually make sure everyone in the group knows the entire itinerary for the day. They know the tours we might take, which trains we might use and what other sites we will be seeing. If someone gets separated they just meet up at the next site. For example, if they oversleep and know we have a 10:30 tour they will meet us after the tour at the next site we plan to visit. If they miss a train connection they look to see what the next site is after they get off the train, so depending on the time they will see which site we should be at next. If all of that fails, we just meet them at the hotel that night. I have never been the type to cancel plans for something like this. If everyone is an adult they can make it through the day, or part of it, on their own and catch up with the group as soon as they can. Donna

You may be over-worrying just a bit :) I take it you are not all staying at the same place? (If you are, then I don't see how oversleeping would cause you to be separated.) Or, you are not all going to be doing the same activities, but rather will split up during the day? What I would do is simply make sure everyone has a slip of paper with the two phone numbers on them at all times. Everyone in Italy has a cell phone, and if SOMEHOW someone gets separated off from the rest, I am SURE that some sympathetic stranger will let them call the cell # so that you can figure out how to meet up again. Apart from that, I think it's just a matter of trying to get folks to stick together. If the family will be separating off to different sightseeing activities during the day, try to keep it down to two different "tracks", so that one group can have one cell phone and one group have another. Otherwise, just watch out for each other. If the train is really packed (as often happens with the subway), and it looks like everyone might not get on, then watching out for each other step back and wait for the next one. (Also, move towards the end of the platform, it tends to be more crowded in the middle of the train.) Same with buses; city buses can be very packed; if it seems like you're not all going to get on, then that means that everyone needs to wait for the next one - unless you have the route planned out well, and you can tell them "Get off at such-and-such a stop, and the rest of us will be there on the next bus". But on the whole I don't think you should have anything to worry about, as long as everyone is paying attention and sticking together.

Amy, using the "catch up at the next site" can put a straggler in a constant position of being one step behind. It might be better to plan to meet somewhere for meals in advance (doesn't have to be a specific restaurant, but a site with a time). That way the person who is left behind doesn't feel it necessary to rush to catch up if he/she/they know to meet up at, say, the Colosseum Metro stop at 1pm. Each person in the group should have a marked tourist map (usually available from the tourist information office when you arrive in a city, or from your hotel front desk). You can draw the route for the day on the map.

When we traveled with our two sons, we simply had pre-arranged meeting points. We will be at A at noon, C at 3pm and D at 6 pm. Obviously, the base hotel at night. And we set a time limit - 30 mins. If you don't hit that window, then it is the next meeting point. Never was much of a problem because we did not have much unplanned separation.

That's exactly what we did. It worked out very well for us. We only had one incident where someone wanted to sleep in and missed two sites we were visiting in the morning. She caught up with us right before lunch without a problem. It pays to have a plan just in case. Donna

Amy how young is the teenager and how mobile is your senior? Are there habitual "stragglers" in your group? We've had to deal with this issue several times when travelling with students. Make sure that each member of your party has the complete itinerary for the day. Five should be a fairly easy party to keep together. With five the cost differential between public transit and taxies might make taxi travel a good option for you. Use the buddy system split into at two and three when the needs arises to split and make sure that one of your two cellphones is with each group. Basically you need to impress on each member their responsiblity to the group, to be on time, and stay together.

In my money belt I carry an abbreviated itinerary of my months travel - transportation, hotels, etc. just in case of such a happening. I always take a business card from wherever I am staying just in case I get lost or need to call them to leave a message while I am out an about. I also carry all of my transportation tickets in there. I like the idea to set, say, 3 meeting places every day just incase. My wife and I have only been separated once and that was in Amsterdam and we both headed to the train station where we met up by accident while waiting to return to Haarlem.
Better be prepared as it can happen to anyone.

Thanks, all, for your thoughtful replies. I am perhaps over worrying, but the dynamics of our group make me a little nervious. They are very happy to let me do all the planning while they blissfully ... blindly, I might add ... follow along. We do have stragglers and our history suggests someone will become separated/lost. I made copies of the calendar with the hotel contact info for everyone. Once we arrive, I will do as many of you suggested and make sure everyone knows the daily itinerary and has a local map. Maggie raises a good point: In the end, everyone has to take responsibility to know where we're going, to be on time, and to stay together.

If you are running the show, then you get to set expectation. Do it and mean it. Stragglers generally do so out of passive/aggressive behavior. (Physical problems are an exception). On one of my faculty evaluation years ago, a female student wrote, "He makes a big deal about starting on time when it would be more convenient if he waited five minutes till everyone was there." I think she thought it was a negative evaluation but I thought it was great. Reward your group members who are on time and ready to go. When you reward the straggler, you are saying they are more important than the group.

I find Italy an easy place to split up and reconnect, because the hours are more rigid and predictable than some other places. In many places in Italy (particularly smaller towns, and more rigidly observed the further south you go), lunch is from 1-3ish, and dinner from 8-10ish. Restaurants often don't open before these start times, and many things are closed during meal times. So, if you have everyone agree to meet back at the hotel at 7:30 PM, that should cover even the stragglers. When I went with a friend, we would often split up for the day in a town (getting lunch on our own), then meet up this way for dinner. This had the further advantage that if one of us was tired, we would return to the hotel early and rest. If you're all at the same hotel, you can use the in-room phone to call each other and hook up. If everyone in your party has a card with the hotel address and phone (and they all should), and if you impress upon them the need to take a cab to the hotel if they're running late, this should work fine. I also like the idea of splitting up the cell phones. For trains and the like, I would have the responsible person (and it sounds like that's you) give a wake-up call to everyone, so that no one misses something non-refundable. Depending on the circumstance, you may have to have tell the stragglers that they will be responsible for the price of any new tickets, etc. Frank and Maggie are right on - YOU set the tone, and enforce it. That said if you have reason to worry, I'd also minimize the number and cost of non-refundable items. If a pre-booked tour is going to cause stress, skip it.

I agree with what others have said. We do have a plan if we end up not all getting on the metro because of crowding. If someone is left behind, they get on the next train and meet the others at the next stop. I have had this happen a couple of times. Last year my friend made it onto the metro in Paris and the doors closed before I could get on. I was the 'leader' and had made all our plans. I was yelling at her to get off in 2 stops. I met her there and she was petrified. She had no phone and no idea where our apartment was, even though I had given her a detailed itinerary with lodging info. She didn't have it with her. You can bet she started carrying it with her after that! Make sure everyone knows the address of where you are staying.

I want to also reinforce Charlie's excellent idea, which I also follow: I have a copy of my itinerary in my money belt, as well as one in my wallet. Everyone in your party should as well. That way, even if they are robbed and lose their purse or wallet, they will still have the cell phone numbers, know how to contact the hotel, and know where they're supposed to be next.

I've often found that hotels, restaurants have business cards so if the hotel has them make sure everyone in your party has one and carries it with them at all times!!! At the end of the day at least they'll know how to get back.