Parma with a car

Our B&B host in Modena highly recommends this acetaia, and we have booked a tour in late August.
https://visit.acetaiagambiglianizoccoli.com/en/65a67ea600ade6156e853283?lang=en
I'm, editing to add: I know you're planning visiting on your own, but we are doing a private tour of all three on your list with a local guide I found through lots of research on the forum. We meet at 8:30 a.m. in front of Reggio Emilia Centrale and end around 3. If this is something that interests you, let me know.

Giangilberto from Milan here — you've picked my favorite corner of Italy to eat in, and yes, the independent version is absolutely doable by car. But there's one golden rule nobody tells you, and your whole plan hangs on it: parmigiano is made once a day, at dawn. The milk arrives early, the cheesemaker works the copper vats in the morning, and by 11 it's over until tomorrow. So a "visit on your own" means booking directly with a small family dairy (caseificio) a few days ahead and showing up around 8:30 — which is exactly the intimate, no-tour-bus experience you're after. The Parmigiano Reggiano consortium keeps a list of dairies open to visitors; pick one, email, done.
And here's the upgrade most visitors never hear about: Vacche Rosse — parmigiano made only with milk from the ancient red-cow breed, the one the monks started with centuries ago. For my money it's the single best parmigiano on earth, not really comparable to the standard one — richer, sweeter, older-style. The red-cow consortium has its dairy just outside Reggio Emilia, they welcome visitors with booking, and leaving with a vacuum-packed wedge of 30-month is the best souvenir this region sells.
Balsamic means crossing to the Modena side, and know what you're looking for: the real Aceto Balsamico Tradizionale DOP — aged minimum 12 or 25 years in attics full of wooden barrel batteries — is a different universe from the supermarket stuff. The historic acetaie around Modena do guided visits with tastings (book ahead; they're free or nearly). Fair warning for your dates: those attics are HOT in August — that's not a flaw, the summer heat is literally what works the vinegar. Spilamberto also has a lovely little museum run by the balsamic brotherhood.
Ham: the valley you want is Langhirano, half an hour south of Parma — that's where Prosciutto di Parma is cured, hillsides of curing houses. Visits to producers need booking; the ham museum there plus a proper tasting is the easy fallback. (Full disclosure from a northerner: my heart belongs to San Daniele, the Friulian rival — but that's another region and another argument; in YOUR valley, Parma ham at the source is a beautiful thing.)
With your Bologna base, shape it as two day trips: one going west — dawn at the dairy near Reggio, lunch in Parma, Langhirano in the afternoon; one for Modena — acetaia in the morning, Spilamberto after. Distances are short, autostrada is easy. Three practical notes for late July/August: book everything NOW, because some producers close for holidays around mid-August; do the cheese mornings anyway, for the heat; and leave the car outside the old town walls in Parma and Modena — the historic centers are camera-controlled ZTL zones, and that fine follows Americans home months later.
Which exact dates are you there? The closer to mid-August, the more the booking point matters.

You don't need to go to Parma. You can see visit a cheese farm and balsamic vinegar in Castelvetro in the province of Modena. As mentioned, cheese you need to be there around 8:30 am (Castelvetro is closer than Parma from Modena also). I have a friend that does private tours- I use her for my friends and her tours are not group tours. She's on Instagram if you want to check her our or message her... alyandiamo. I live nearby half the year so welcome to my world!