Italians friendliness

Most of the locals the average tourist encounters are employed in the tourist service industry: hotel clerks, etc. They are paid to be pleasant, or at least not unpleasant, to tourists.
Except in Paris, where the customer is always wrong.

Kent, Kent, Kent. Don't be mean about France!

Not at all. We have found Italians to be particularly friendly in Milan, Venice, and the Dolomites. But then we speak a bit of Italian, enough to "get by."

I still smile when I think of the gorgeous young man in ponytail and business suit who picked up my bag and carried it over a bridge in Venice for me. I am old enough to be his mother,so there was no ulterior motive but chivalry. I thanked him and he rushed off, too busy for more chat.

In über-touristy places like Cinque Terre you may get a curt answer or service, but it is not rude, just rushed or stressed. Don't expect busy people to be your best friend, but a smile and "buongiorno" are always appropriate, Long with "grazie."

We haven't been to Rome yet and it may be different there.

I've been to Italy 4 times and will be going back in May. I have not really encountered rudeness or anyone being particularly unfriendly in my trips. There are always rude people wherever you go (human nature) and I guess it really depends on your expectations. I don't expect them to be super-friendly, so it doesn't bother me if they are a little cool. I always start with Italian and then ask if they speak English. If they don't, I try more Italian and then I start pointing at things!

Oh---and according to what I have read, civil servants are curt with everyone, including Italians. Don't take it personally.

Hi Norma,
I assure you that my favorite city is Paris, and my favorite country is France, in all of Europe.
The French are worth the trouble.
Although I can understand what the Englishman meant who said (something like): Paris is a wonderful city, too bad all those Parisians live there.

Alas, as anglais, we will never be able to attain the glories that being Parisian is. But on occasional visits, for a week or two, we can bask in their reflected glory.
Or if not, then we can at least sit at a sidewalk cafe and enjoy fromage, vin, and pain (the kind you can eat).

Civil servants world over are curt. They take curtness lessons.

Thanks for all of your repsonse. Paris was very helpful to me when I needed assistant. So, they are #1 on my list. :) That is our plan, try to speak the language, unfortunately, don't know much, and smile. Please and thank you can help a lot.

I found that almost everyone in Italy was wonderful - except for one hotel clerk, that almost 20 years later, remains memorable for how much he went out of his way to be rude and jerky. One bad apple in seven trips is hardly a significant problem. If you have not had problems in England, France, and Spain, you are not likely to have problems in Italy (unless my rude hotel clerk is still around).

I wonder if your friends broke rules unwittingly. While it wasn't "rudeness," I have been spoken to somewhat sharply for ordering a takeout beverage or gelato and then sitting down. That's a big no-no - the seating section in a cafe or gelateria is for waiter service only and has higher prices. If you order at the counter, you stand while consuming. Once I learned this, no more problems at cafes and gelaterie. Like in any country, these kind of innocent misunderstandings can cause problems for visitors, and lead to them feeling mistreated.

As a tourist your encounter with the locals will be mostly limited to hotel and restaurant workers and maybe some shop clerks. Therefore your chances of interacting with Italians are very slim to none.

I go to Italy every year and I find Italians working in those establishments very rare. In Florence for example at the hotel La Scaletta in Florence (one of the recommended by Rick Steves) the only Italians are the owners. Same is true at other hotels in Florence I know. Nobody is Italian except for the owner who may or may not be there.

Finding Italians working in restaurants or bars or gelaterias, especially in the historical centers, is even rarer. Generally it's only the owner (the one behind the cash register). For example I don't even remember the last time I was served an ice-cream in Florence by a true Italian. 99% are immigrants primarily from Eastern Europe. At the San Lorenzo market in Florence, the people manning those barrocci (carts) are 99% foreigners. The owner of the cart is probably Italian, but the workers are all immigrants. Last year I was at a hotel (Milan Speranza au Lac) in Stresa. There were Ukranian, Romanian, Albanian workers, but very few Italians. I wanted some advice from a local, so the Romanian waiter called the restaurant manager. He came and told me "I'm the only local here". I immediately detected a Calabrese accent, so I asked him the schedule of the Ferry from Stresa to Reggio Calabria. We both laughed. A few years ago we ate at a very big pizzeria in Venice. The entire staff was made up of Brazilians, including the cooks. I asked if there were any non Brazilian on staff, they told me, no except for the owner sitting behind the cash register.

The same is true practically in every major tourist destination.

Of course unless you are an Italian native speaker like me, you won't be able to tell, because their language skills are very good therefore you would not be able to detect their very slight foreign accent and Eastern Europeans look like any other European, including the Italians, so you wouldn't be able to tell from their ethnic features.

So if you have a rude encounter with a local, don't necessarily assume you had it with an Italian. Chances are you didn't.

The only locals who are 99% likely to be Italians are:
- The owners of the establishment (restaurant, hotel, apartment, shop, bar, gelateria) but not the staff who is likely 99% foreign.
- Bank employees (100% Italian)
- Store clerks in expensive stores (but not all) or department stores (they get paid more and have good benefits).
- Government employees, incl. Police and Carabinieri (100% Italian)
- Taxi drivers (100% Italian)
- City Bus drivers (sort of Government employees since they are municipal companies)
- Managers of anything, especially upper management
- Professionals of any type (doctors, lawyers, CPAs, etc.)
- Old/Retired people (often accompanied by a Romanian care giver)

And it's the same in Paris, except many of the cab drivers are immigrants. Many people working with tourists in establishments owned by corporations are Eastern European: for example the large bateaux mouches, or Angelina cafe. You would need to be very familiar with the language and culture to distinguish who is an Eastern European immigrant and who is a native French speaker.

Let me add that it's ridiculous to attach a label to a whole population of people as if they were all the same. Referring to all Italians, or all French, or even all Parisians is a short-cut that leads to offensive stereotypes. Your friend needs to parse her speech better and admit that she had a few encounters and not that a whole population is rude.

We took a Mediterranean cruise a couple years ago which started and ended in Italy. While we enjoyed brief visits to France and Spain, it was heartwarming to see the Port of Naples come into view! It was the people that made us feel so welcomed and we are counting the days for our return trip to Italy in just a month.

Sometimes you just don't get the answer you want, like the surprising number of Italian cashiers who don't have change for the type of bill you want to give them. Do hang onto coins and smaller bills as you go. For instance, if a charge is €15, I'll always try to pay with a 20 to get a 5, and they might not take a 50. (That's even if I did have exactly €15 available.) (Long ago, at the Baths of Caracalla, I insisted that I would go in without a ticket while the cashier went to the bank, and then it turned out that the friend he was chatting with was able to make change.)

Sometimes you can stand your ground but usually you must try to understand and follow the rules. For instance, not activating a regional train ticket before boarding or not getting fast-train reservations and filling in dates properly on rail passes will earn you a fine that you can't talk your way out of.

The people who speak the least English (such as an old lady renting out a room in her home) will often make the most creative efforts to communicate. Unfortunately, I've had greater communication issues in Spain than in Italy.

I always liked Rick's statement that "postal clerks in xx are every bit as speedy, cheery, and multi-lingual as those in the USA."

Roberto's post is important enough to be read twice:
"As a tourist your encounter with the locals will be mostly limited to hotel and restaurant workers and maybe some shop clerks. Therefore your chances of interacting with Italians are very slim to none."

His observation helps us understand what we are, and are not, encountering when we travel.

We have not encountered any rude people while traveling in Italy.

I agree with Stephen... that you may encounter rude people all over the world.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt because we all tend to have bad days now & then...

Years ago, I did encounter a rude bank teller in the south of France when I entered the bank 5 minutes before closing & she refused to change my dollars to francs, as she insisted that she was 'ferme!', (closed)... I explained that I did not have any francs to pay for the hotel as I had just arrived on the train from Spain & all I had was Spanish pesetas. Her superior heard her loud exclamations & he calmly asked her to assist me by changing my dollars to francs... I thanked them both & went on my merry way ;-)

I forgot one more group of very likely Italians: Museum workers (but I guess you can include those in the Government employees' category).

If you want to experience rudeness from an Italian, you need to stick to the groups I gave you.

So when you pay your restaurant bill, don't ask for the check from the Albanian waiter or the Egyptian Pizza maker. Walk to the guy at the cash register and tell him the food was awful.
When you are scammed by a taxi driver in Rome who takes you around the longer way, or when a policeman pulls you over to give you a speeding ticket, cherish those moments. They might be your only chance to be treated badly by an Italian.

Enjoying your sense of humor, Roberto!
Interesting: many of us think we're encountering a local and don't have enough knowledge about the language and situation to realize that we're actually not even interacting with a local.

The first time I traveled to Italy was about 5 to 6 years ago, and I remember going through immigration when we arrived and I was watching the people in front of me being served by the gentleman in the booth. Every person (all from U.S.) had their passport thrown at them, with no hello, no thank you, no nothing. I was mortified and I thought "welcome to Italy." We were with a group from Boston and everyone who went through that line thought he was so rude and very non-welcoming.....a really bad first impression. On that trip, I did not encounter anyone from there on who was rude, except one woman in a shop. I actually was going to purchase a very expensive sweater, and decided to walk out. So...they are out there, but 99.9 percent of your encounters will always be pleasant. But, with that said.....I'll always remember that first impression. I've been back once since the, and I'm going back in late September for two weeks. I'll be wary of running into that sour man again....as I'm flying into Rome, but I can't stay away, as I love it there ! Lesson learned is to always treat visitors to our country in a respectful, friendly manner, because if you don't they will always remember their bad encounter.

Well Susan. He was a Policeman from the Polizia di Frontiera (Border Police), a division of the Italian State Police. If your job is just to look at thousands of passports every day and placing a stamp on them, you are not going to be too cheerful. If had that job I would probably be an alcoholic. Most USCBP agents are not too cheerful either.

However, you may have noticed that most Italian policemen look and act much less threateningly than their American counterparts. If you get pulled over by the Carabinieri, you can actually reach for the glove compartment without being shot and I've never heard of Italian policemen killing anybody on a choke hold for selling contraband cigarettes (otherwise half of the Neapolitan residents would be dead by now)

Wow. We've never found Italians we've encountered to be rude at all. It's helpful to remember that, outside of the hospitality industry, people are busy. They are going to work; raising kids; running errands; doing all the things we all do on a normal day. They don't have time to just chat a tourist up, and it's not their job to do so.

Honestly, if my own city was as overrun with tourists as what some of these people have to put up with, I might be a little short with them myself. Sometimes visitors treat the locals them like tourist attractions. That gets old in a hurry, as does having cameras shoved into you or your grandparent's or your kid's face.

But we've been out in the early mornings and been greeted with the quick buongiorno by people on their way to the office, the shop, school or whatever. Great moments, those. Have we run into the occasional brusque waiter? Sure but it's the exception and not the rule.

We've been to Italy 5 times, to many parts of the country. In all that time, I remember one rude waiter. I just figured he was having a bad day. Otherwise, people have been wonderful, kind, and helpful--even when we communicated with English when they only spoke Italian, which only happened a few times. We know a handful of words in Italian, like please and thank you. We found people in France and Spain friendly as well. I like what Rick Steves said about the French--that they don't want to appear foolish by speaking English, but if we appear foolish first with our bad attempts at French, they open up to you. I think that's true in all of the countries we have visited. I found the French a little more hesitant but still kind and friendly. I agree with others who said that if you've found the people friendly in other countries, you will in Italy as well, because you sound like a kind and friendly person yourself.

My last trip to Italy I got a parking ticket in Volterra and carried it around for 2 weeks, trying to figure out how to pay it. Finally, the owner of the apartment we rented in Rome told me it had to be paid at the post office. I was waiting at 7:15 am, along with 6 other people for the post office to open (since I had been surprised it closed at 2 pm when I tried the day before). It was the day we flew home to the states, and if I wasn't back in the apartment at 8:15 for the cab to the airport, my husband was going to lose his mind. My Italian is limited (buongiorno, per piachere, grazie) but a very kind woman who spoke no English looked at my parking ticket, and pointed out which of the three different post office tickets I had to obtain. Then I waited until my number appeared on the board, and the postal clerk, who also spoke no English, wrote down how much I owed, gave me a receipt and promised the ticket was paid properly. We were both incredibly pleased with ourselves and the interaction (and I was back at 8 am!). I think a good attitude (and as other's have pointed out, knowing the customs as best as possible) goes a really long way to making interpersonal relations smooth.

Hello again photobykenna,

Susan just reminded me of something when she posted the following:

On that trip, I did not encounter anyone from there on who was rude, except one woman in a shop. I actually was going to purchase a very expensive sweater, and decided to walk out.

My mom & I wanted to see an expensive scarf that she liked on a window display & when we walked into this specific shop, the saleslady or owner, warned us not to touch the merchandise. (as though we were going to mess it up somehow)
The lady was not rude but firm & we figured this was her way of keeping her shop neat or whatever, but she was happy to show it to us along with others that were not on display.

We've really enjoyed all of our trips to Italy. Are they rude? Well, if you equate people waiting patiently in an organized line to being kind, then yes you will get that impression that they're rude. We think of it as part of the entertainment and go with the flow.

We use the local transportation in each town and trains in between and pick at least one non-touristy location, so we do get the chance to get away from those catering to tourists. We've found the Italians to be very nice to us on the buses and smaller towns. I read a story once that people are as kind as you are, and I think generally that's very true.

Enjoy your time in Italy!

I agree with Jean. We've not had any issues with rude "Italians" (whatever the nationality), but try to be friendly and kind. We try and speak the language (however badly) and also understand that a friendly smile goes a long way.

Be understanding, polite, and patient (as if that foreign person was in your town) and you'll be fine.

I love Kathy's line *Honestly, if my own city was as overrun with tourists as what some of these people have to put up with, I might be a little short with them myself. *

In a big city like Roma, in the high-traffic tourist areas, in high season, I am certain everyone gets tired of the stranieri that clog the streets. I agree with Roberto: If I had to look at passports all day, take tickets at a museum, or any number of repetitive task jobs I'd end up killing someone. If we expect to encounter a "Walmart Greeter" personality, well it's not going to happen. There is a certain brusqueness especially in Roma: people fighting their way onto buses and trains including young men pushing in front of old ladies like myself; groups taking up the entire sidewalk oblivious of people trying to pass; swarms rather than lines at most shops or entrances of any type. But if you smile, if you say buongiorno and grazie, and if you are patient and not (too) demanding, you will be treated decently and find people helpful.

I have to say I liked that in Paris those waiting at bus stops and Metro stations allowed others to descend before charging on. How refreshing!

In Italy, if you pay attention to how others act (I'm thinking of the scarf story), you'll be fine. You don't pick up or handle produce at the markets, and don't touch merchandise in the stores. Point to what you want in a store and the salesperson will hand it to you. At markets, point to the produce, say how much you want, and the vendor will most likely pick up a piece and show it to you with a big smile before bagging your order.

As for the lack of queuing up in most places, think geometrical rather than linear. A group of people will merge into whatever configuration has openings that fit, and then it's "tutti avanti".

There is an old thread in General Europe about the kindness of strangers, those experiences are much more common, I think.

Every Italian I met in Italy was very formal. Perhaps to some Americans that formality may seem rude?

My Italian instructor told me that Italians view formality as politeness. For example you should not walk up and say say "Ciao" to an Italian unless you are already friends. "Buongiorno" or "Salve" is much more appropriate for a first meeting. If you are too informal with them they may feel you are being impolite--and this may factor into the relative warmth you get in response. This simple example is just one of many where unsuspecting tourists are "rude" without knowing it.

When we traveled in Italy I followed Rick's golden rules to always speak Italian first, and went out of my way to use formal greetings and formal language. I never made assumptions about what I should or should not do (not picking up fruit at the market as someone brought up earlier). More often than not, the second time I met a shopkeeper or hotelier they would greet me with less formality and a smile the next time...this is a baby step to breaking through that cultural barrier and making an Italian friend!

I think to experience the greatest warmth and friendship of Italians though you kind of have to strike up a conversation when they're not working...no one is at their best when they're tired from helping out all of us tourists!

Had a wide variety of experiences with locals on our recent 17-day trip to Paris, Lucerne, Florence & Salerno.

Parisiens were formal but nice overall. I speak a little French, do not wear white tennis shoes, but I was absolutely amazed at how I was sized up as a tourist before even uttering a word. At times I could sense waiters dialing up the caricature & clichés, like they assumed that it's what we wanted, which couldn't be farther from the truth. They seemed to be amused at my fracturing of the language as well, although that didn't bother me too much. Mostly they were pretty cool. Had a nasty one the last night near the Lux Gardens when all we wanted to do was have a caffe & rest our feet. But maybe he was having a bad day.

In Lucerne, the Swiss service people were as warm as could be, but still in a formal manner. Very engaging, they didn't expect us to speak German, and they couldn't do enough for you. As good as Vegas in that regard, and you didn't even have to tip them like you do in LV! But at a minimum wage of the equivalent of $24/hour in Switzerland, I'd be that way too! Loved the Swiss.

Florence. I love Florence. I just do not like a lot of the people that visit Florence, which makes some of the Florentians act the way they do. At one of the touristed-out restaurants that surround Piazza della Signoria, I witnessed a group of six sixty-something Americans cackling like hyenas at an over-the-top waiter doing his best 'bellissimo' and 'piacere', with the grand hand gestures. It was like a bad play, embarrassing. The people I dealt with, however, at the markets and at the apartment at which we resided, were fine folk, more business-like than I expected, but I had no problem with that.

It was in Salerno and the small surrounding hilltown of Sant' Arsenio (my ancestral home that we visited for a day) that I found the real Italy, the real Italians. Ironically, the less English they spoke, the warmer they were to us, and the more passionate they were about the their town, their food, their everything. You were family, immediately. It was total immersion at times, and I could tell they appreciated me speaking my limited Italian, which was less limited than my French, but still not good. And the owners of the B&B at which we stayed, they spoke virtually no English and we got along famously. Great stuff.

Thanks to everyone who gave excellent feedback to my question. We are looking forward to our trip in Italy and reading your comments make us wish it was tomorrow. Thanks again.

I think in general when we say people from X country are rude, we mean one of two things:

-we ran into a few rude people, as happens anywhere.

-we are expecting politeness to be defined "our way", not realizing local customs. In Rome, lines are...rare and people will push ahead of you. Seems rude, until you realize it's not personal, just how it's done. Storekeeper being annoyed that you're touching the merchandise? Not rude given that you're not allowed to do that and it's seen as damaging to the merchandise. The passport example? I think it's a bit much to expect a security officer to be polite and say please. He's doing an important, but probably boring job, he's not the tourist bureau. Sometimes people are polite enough but not "friendly" because they have work to do and don't want to hold up others waiting or just not get things done. So if you're from a culture where there's an abundance of smiles and chit-chat with strangers, this may seem rude. But it's not rude, it's normal interaction with customers.

Of course there are genuinely rude people everywhere, but I don't think we can say any particular nationality is more rude than others.

In all of Europe -- you start by saying "please" in Their language when you have a question. Say Good Morning, or afternoon when you enter a shop. Even if you don't buy anything, say thank you when you leave!

DO NOT TOUCH merchandise in European Shops! This is a Big Cultural Difference! Americans are 'touchy-feely' but this isn't Macy''s you're in, who have 50 of the same item in all sizes, etc. They do not want their items soiled or wrinkled. If you are interested, ask for help, and they will show you to a dressing room.

This isn't rude -- it's just different.

I usually rent apartments and tend to stay in one place for a minimum of five days before moving on, and because of that I've had opportunities to actually meet locals. Some have remained friends (Sicily for sure).

It's not rudeness, it's indifference.

Italian merchants do Not like being questioned nor their products commented upon. I just never returned to a Bar that insisted on giving me cold caffe' latte, even after I said "molto caldo." I hate cold coffee anything, especially early in the morning.

And I never returned to the Bar that gave me a shot of caffe' that just covered the bottom of a big cup and dribbled only to the end of the rim when I attempted to drink it. I didn't get one drop at that Bar that morning. Oh well, time to move on.

And I found another Bar when the caffe' kept coming to me all foam.

And don't think you can comment out loud in English either. They are on to that. They know what you are doing. Even if they don't understand you, or even if they do, you will get a volley of choice Italian back right there in front of other customers. It's Not worth it.

The beauty of Italy is that there are many shops and merchants elsewhere who know how to please you and enjoy giving you pleasure and seeing you happy. I found the shops that wanted my company, loved seeing me, loved serving me, loved how I enjoyed their products, just loved me period. I was family to them and they gave me warm and happy memories that accompany me everywhere and for all time.

We found most Italians we met to be wonderful. On the back lanes in Assisi an Italian lady gave us directions back to the Main Street. No words spoken, just friendly gestures and grazie! However... Shall we talk about taxi drivers in Rome? Our first encounter was with a taxi driver who did the fast move and flipped the money to show I only handed him two fives. When I had actually given him a tweny and a five. I handed him twenty more and left with my first memory of Rome as very negative. But as Rick Steves says, some of the negative experiences become lasting moments. As our days progressed we met many wonderful Italians. Don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch😍!

We are planning our third trip that includes Italy. We have loved the experience and always try to learn a little more Italian before our next trip. It helps so much. However, we have chuckled many times saying the Italians will "tell you anything" when asking for directions, but always pleasant and convincing. After our second trip, my son had the opportunity to travel to France, Luxembourg and Italy as training and I asked him if he had a favorite (thinking because we were older we perhaps enjoyed the slower pace). He said he actually enjoyed Italy the most because they seemed to have a friendly "buon giorno" for everyone. So I think you will enjoy Italy. My husband always insists we include a week in there every time we go to Europe.

when the 4 o f us traveled by train thru Italy, we often ended up sitting in pairs or singles on crowded trains with what we thought were locals, and we exchanged limited pleasantries. some were obviously German tourists, but some (esp. on the Milan to Varenna stretch) seemed to be real Italians on their way home from work....

I must tell you that I do my research, with help from the people on this forum, and try to know ahead of time things like not touching merchandise, always getting people politely, etc. In the case of the airport person, there was absolutely no question in all of our minds that day that this gentleman was rude. We did not expect a marching band to greet us, but we did not expect passports to be thrown at us either. No excuses for bad behavior in any country in that type of job-- when you are the first person to represent your country. 99.9% of people you meet will be kind and helpful...

I find it curious how often people can remember the one or two rude people they encountered on a trip years ago:)
I try to get rid of that bad energy as quickly as I can, but I could also recall the very few upsetting experiences with not so friendly people. It seems to have more of an impact when we are traveling because I am sure I encountered a few rude people today at the hotel I stayed at in Orlando (they overcharged me) or the people taking up the whole walkway in Downtown Disney...(maybe it's just the tourist thing in general):( People are people and there are idiots everywhere...I just try to not let them ruin my day!

I always thought of Italians as the friendliest people... except when I am driving too slow for them:)

I always just think . . how friendly is that postal clerk to me back home??? Well that same person in another country (with whom I'm likely to have an interaction) is probably not the most enthusiastic greeter either.

Roberto - found your post(s?) fascinating. That illustrates another facet of the "italians" (or whoever) are rude" viewpoint . . .

The farther you are from the "tourist trap" (but wonderful) cities like Florence the kinder the people will be to you. I find it funny that you consider the French the kindest -- my first "French" experience was being chided by an Air France flight attendant because I didn't correct pronounce the French request for a glass of water, whereas, in Italy, virtually everyone I encountered was kind and helpful. Rick's rule is KEY. And learn a few Italian phrases -- at least in Italy, they love you even if you don't pronounce them correctly.